Death's Avenger 7
Added 2023-12-15 23:59:30 +0000 UTChey All. This is an Alex Crate edited version
Comments
Not too sure how I like the last couple chapters. When the Unseen Path was mentioned to Harry, it was presented as some people he might work well with or enjoy working with. When he arrives though he's met with judgment and hostility. Once he calmly accepts their hostility they proceed to treat him like a supplicant, begging to join them. Maybe I'm reading the oaths wrong, but it really seems weird to me that Harry, who was abused and mistreated by practically every authority in his first life, is suddenly happy and eager to submit himself to these complete unknowns. Not to mention they want him to provide almost priceless magics, but aren't even willing to let him even look at some maps without him swearing permanent magically binding oaths. It just seems extremely OOC for Harry. Not to mention I don't really see how he can swear oaths to the UP while still remaining free enough to do the various things he has to do. They seem pretty controlling.
Vysirez
2023-12-21 19:40:27 +0000 UTCHarry is pushing Seventeen right now, but he looks both older -heavily tanned, even some sun-lines around the fast - and he is BUILT like a brick house at present. As for being creepy if he was younger... I am of two minds on this. I think there are a lot of historical precidence for younger, and I have my Wild Wolf story. Merry, yet there, there is historical precedent. But I recently tried to delve into something in the Ranma present this month (yes I'm trying for two we will see), and I was a bit uncomfortable with some of the scenes there. So I will not be going that direction for a while. Someone younger getting a crush on someone older (an elf, hint) fine. Doing more than hugging/kissing no. And yes and no to sharing the secret. First at present, who would they tell? Kaldorei, dislike/distrust arcana. Many live who have the scars to remind them of the War of the Ancients. the Tauren? IN danger of Taint, but societally very much against overuse of Arcana. No need to tell them. Quel'thalas? Wouldn't be listened to overmuch. Trolls? They wouldn't have a chance to tell them. Trolls attack on sight. Second, it isn't that they are keeping knowledge secret so much as the Order itself. If demons appear the Unseen Path will be there to share a lot of deadly info, but not so much.
vimesenthusiast
2023-12-18 22:59:47 +0000 UTCLoved it. Spreading bags of holding and instant communication to the Unseen Path will be invaluable. Great job! Arrow heads are still small but relatively flat. Could Harry come up with an extremely small array for them? They can even be made out of stone. Port keys would also be nice, but that may not be feasible without a mage figuring out how to make them with arcane magic. I do have to criticize the Unseen Path for their secrecy. You would think that with knowing that lies and betrayal are the greatest weapons of their enemy, they would be open with knowledge. It's like with any of those shows where they try to keep the public ignorant of threats to prevent a panic. Stargate: Goa'uld. Supernatural: Monsters. If they spread the knowledge of how to deal with those threats to everyone, they would be a lot less of a threat. You did make quite a few errors here, mostly with names. You called Harry Ranma a few times 3-4. Quincy should be changed to Quetzal. You also had trouble with Tauren, where once you replaced it with Vurg, another time with Taruen and so on. These are minor things that I'm guessing were caused by autocorrect. Just letting you know for when you post this somewhere else, eventually. To clarify, how old is Harry’s body here? I think it’s fine for him to sleep with a college age girl if he’s 18, or even 17 given the standards of wizards, but 16 or younger is getting a bit creepy.
Beleriond
2023-12-18 04:37:26 +0000 UTC
