Bhaalson Remodel #The Unlucky Number.
Added 2023-06-01 04:01:42 +0000 UTC...And it so is. I am sorry guys, this is not t
Comments
Yep.
vimesenthusiast
2023-07-25 02:21:33 +0000 UTCGetting out of what started as a nasty divine telling off and possible smiting and some how coming out of it with what would be in game/lore a minor blessing, the increases to limit of lay on hands, is quite possibly peak Potter Luck for this story
NerdLord2nd
2023-07-24 00:29:59 +0000 UTCI get it, trust me :-). There was a point in my life I moved, on average, once every year and a half. Moving is stressful and ALWAYS takes more time and energy than you thought it would, even if you already thought it was going to be rough. And as a writer myself, I'm aware that the mental exhaustion is almost worse than the physical side, since the mental drain crushes creativity. Worse, trying to FORCE creativity for writing is the best way to end up with subpar results. Please don't think I was purely trying to tear it all down. I mostly wanted to make sure you were aware that some of it doesn't make a lot of sense as it currently stands. Also, for what it's worth, you still have the solid core of a chapter here. If you just rip out the intervention completely, or alter it's nature, it won't actually damage the rest of the chapter much at all. Officer Vai would still have discovered Viconia's nature, which means your desire to lock them in place to level grind a bit is still 100% viable. And provides a vector for a bit of conflict, potentially without dialing that conflict to 11 by adding in the anger from the church. (Or keeping the anger and leaving the dial at 11. Whichever serves best). The Half-Ogre quest, the various party interactions, and so forth. Most of that wouldn't alter a lot even if every mention of the intervention was erased. You wouldn't lose all that much, as you actually didn't give it much impact on the rest of the chapter (which was odd in and of itself). There are also a couple of options regarding the intervention. You can simply remove it entirely. Honestly, finding himself increasingly confined and hemmed in by oaths can serve as just as good a reason for him to decide he wants to actively stop leaning on them. Particularly if his Party (and Imoen in particular) sit him down for an intervention and firmly tell him he needs to stop abusing it for everything before he gets them all smited with conflicting oaths. Or, for that matter, if they end up dealing with an unending chain of assassination attempts because the oath sticks them in place. That could serve as a smack on the nose in and of itself. If you feel you still need/want the cryptic bits for foreshadowing, remember that Eliminster made a personal appearance in BGI, even if it was mostly a cameo. He was even playing Cryptic Old Man when he did. Given his extremely direct connection to Mystra, he could easily play the oracle and provide the foreshadowing elements. Another option entirely is to change WHO is interfering. Both because of how they got to Toril and because of how their magic has interacted with the world...Mystra almost HAD to have been involved when they crossed over. Integrating their particular type of magic with the Weave pretty much had to be her doing, and SHE would be perfectly within her domain if she was irritated how he was using a piece of magic. That probably wouldn't be enough to get her to make a personal visit...but then you throw a cleric of Shar into the mix. All versions of Mystra are mortal enemies of Shar. So if you want to preserve the scene but remove the elements that make it problematic, you could easily replace the Triad with her. She'd have a serious reason to dislike him using the magic she'd allowed to work at all to help save a Shar worshiper. She's also more fluid then most of the Toril powers, though. Partly because she's Lawful Neutral, partly because the version of her at the time of the series is/was actually a former mortal (Midnight). And lastly because most versions of her have a propensity for deal making. "I'll allow X...but only if you do Y for me in exchange." That sort of thing. Third, similar to number two, is having it be a direct confrontation with Lathander. There are potential arguments Harry could have used in a confrontation directly with that particular deity. He's neutral good, rather than lawful, so perfectly willing to bend on his interpretations if given the right reasons. Specifically, Lathander has some very interesting sub-domains as part of his portfolio. For example...being the god of "Hope and New Beginnings." Pitched the right way, he could be EXTREMELY sympathetic to Viconia. Particularly given her strong desires for Self-Perfection (which is expressed by her as desiring to eliminate weaknesses). He might even enjoy the pure irony of getting a Drow to owe him good will or favor. Harry could even argue that, as Lathander's ideals actually match up rather strongly with Viconia's own mindset...that he'd be well served by actively trying to recruit her. After all, what better proof of the glory of the dawn than getting himself a DROW, one trying to make a new beginning after turning away from the darkness, as a cleric? It could even end up being the setup for an entertaining series of side events where Lathander keeps arranging little boons for Viconia, trying to recruit her, which she has entertainingly mixed feelings about. The fact that it's possible to convince her to change her alignment eventually could even play into things. I admit I would find it personally amusing in the extreme if Lathander eventually succeeded in getting her to convert ;-). That doesn't actually need to happen for him to approve of the IDEA of giving someone Hope and a New Beginning, though. As for the Item box issue. Here are a couple of ideas: 1) Tweak what it does. Make it so that the ability adds a small (but potentially expandable in relationship to his Leadership level?) ADDITIONAL Shared Item Box that the party can use. One that has the same shared-weight benefits and remote access options as the current version, without impacting their personal (and private) storage. This eliminates the primary story-based downside, while keeping the mechanical functions relatively the same. It also makes it a little bit stronger long-term and a little bit weaker short-term. The space is smaller (at the start) but it's ADDITIONAL space, beyond the normal limits of their number-of-stored-items. That makes it both immediately useful AND gives it potential for long-term growth. It could also lead to opening up another set of perks later, that if he levels up Leadership enough it turns from Dimensional Storage into Dimensional Space, which they can actually enter and furnish. Again with it's size being linked to his leadership level. This could even eventually tie into the Throne of Bhaal pocket plane (where you find and interact with Cespenar), as it could turn out that the space he was slowly gaining access to was actually small bits of that very same pocket plane. It could even mean an earlier interaction with Cespenar if the imp spots the portion of the plane being carved out and investigates. 2) If that idea doesn't appeal. You could try an alternate option that actually plays more directly to the Leadership aspect. One that would, in fact, play extremely well with your intention to have them stick in place and grind a bit. Not to mention with the idea they keep throwing around for improving themselves/their stats via training. Specifically, offer an option that allows Harry to give bonuses to people who are training, by making observations about how they could improve, or assigning tasks. An example being that, if he creates a exercise routine and personally guides Viconia through it, using Leadership as a teaching tool, she'd get X% more out of the training. With the % scaling off his Leadership level/ability. It could even serve as a surprise to Khalid and Jaheira that such training under him actually bypasses the curse, since it wasn't something the original caster could account for. Their gains would be minimal, since it would be scaling off their actual levels instead of effective levels. But actually seeing any stat or skill improvement AT ALL after so long would likely mean a heck of a lot to them, easing their annoyance at staying in place for so long. Though that's entirely an extra, rather than core to the idea. ---- Anyway, all of those are just off-the-cuff potential ideas if you want/need something to work with. Good luck with your move! Try not to stress out too much. Everyone (or everyone reasonable, at least) gets it. Life occasionally gets in the way and deadlines suffer for it. The world won't end because of it (Hopefully, I suppose there could be some Alien overlord that isn't invading Earth purely because he or she likes your fanfiction), and letting yourself breathe rather than burnout will be better for all your works in the long run anyway. :-)
Novus
2023-06-02 04:42:43 +0000 UTCyou basically outlined why I had hoped to send it off to a beta reader, and why this chapter is by far the weakest I've written in this story or any other (bar maybe Semblance of Hope). I honestly am uncertain if I will keep any aspect of that so-called intervention. the Shared Item Box too is something i am seriously iffy about. Give me a few days of stress free writing time, I swear I will do better. I... honestly if it wasn't for the fact that it would have meant only getting ATP out this past month I might not have posted this chapter at all. As for the color change charm... blame stress again. Viconia nixed the idea, too prideful, but since she's dead... then yeah... could have sidestepped the whole Keldath scene.
vimesenthusiast
2023-06-02 01:58:22 +0000 UTCOkay, I love this particular story. But this chapter has...issues. And I don't mean just the typo type (it hasn't been beta'd yet, so those are a given, I get that). 1) So...Helm, Torm, and Tyr just started another war among the gods of Toril? Magic is Mystra/Midnight's domain. If Lathander thought interfering in love would anger Sune, three gods of law/justice thinking they had ANY right to screw with magic would start an outright war with Mystra. Since Harry's Ergo Fideles is MAGIC, not divine, them trying to seal it would involve them actively attempting to control the weave in some fashion. Which historically, no version of Mystra has tolerated. At all. Ever. It's like 95% of the reason she and Shar are at war. Worse, their attempt is hilariously inept at best, since all Harry has to do is switch from using that specific spell to imagining a binding instead. The Geas spell exists on Toril, after all. So he and Imoen can duplicate it...AND they failed to restrict Imoen from using the spell. So she can just act as the binder for him and someone else. They just declared war on a greater deity and accomplished absolutely nothing in the process -_-. 2) They...actually shouldn't have been interfering anyway? Harry might be a Paladin, but those three don't have dominion over ALL Paladins. That's both Forgotten Realm canon (Sune has Paladins of her own, per official WoTC materials. The Order of the Ruby Rose. Mystra also officially has paladins among her followers. Those are just two I know of for certain.) and your own internal canon, as well. You established there being a lot of options when Harry was going through that book of deities before. Since Harry hasn't sworn to any of the Triad, they shouldn't be interfering with him so directly. Lathander, sure, since he was interfering with his priest. But the others? Why were they even there? It makes even less sense, since they can't have been the ones to initiate the 'experiment.' Not alone, at least. Since Harry was given a wide range of 'character' options to choose from. That means that if anyone is watching for the sake of the 'experiment,' it would likely be a much wider selection of gods/goddesses. 3) Apparently, Harry is an idiot. And so is Imoen. They thought about using a color change spell on Viconia once she was alive again. But he could have avoided the issue with the priest entirely by simply changing the skin color of her corpse before having her raised. The priest might have realized something was wrong mid-cast, depending on how you interpret the spell to work, but it would likely have been too late even if he did. And there's no indication in the spell description (so far as I know) that the cleric would know who they were raising or what alignment they were. It's more likely that, given he'd just raised a half-elf from the same party, the priest would never have realized at all. Still, this one can technically be marked down as simple idiocy on Harry and Imoen's parts, instead of an actual problem like the first two could be... 4) This one is another 'not really a problem per se, but I'm not sure you thought it through completely' like number 3. Specifically, regarding the Shared Item Box...I can't see most of the people in the party being okay with that. So far as I remember, he's never actually mentioned that he can access other people in the party's item boxes. And he currently has: 2 Harper Agents, a Paranoid Thayian Wizard with documents to hide, a Witch who might also have things to hide given her mission, and a Drow that doesn't really trust anyone but Harry himself, and him only sort of. Sure, Edwin and Dyheir aren't currently party members, but both of them are interested and would likely not have been quick to recommend something so inconvenient to them. Viconia in turn might not have cared as she didn't have anything in hers she cares about. But our two Harpers...giving the ENTIRE PARTY (including a Red Wizard and a Drow) access to their own item space? That sounds like something both of them would threaten to outright leave over. So at least four people very uncomfortable with the idea, another neutral at best. Only Harry and Imoen actually positive about it?
Novus
2023-06-01 23:27:25 +0000 UTC
