King of Champions Chapter 4
Added 2022-08-30 00:16:58 +0000 UTCHey all, here is the next King of Champions! Ho
Comments
As always, fantastically enjoyable
Christian Jeffress
2022-12-14 10:53:40 +0000 UTCUse of names that reference places in our world that should only exist in our world like Asianic or Italian seems a bit odd considering it's another world. I think Mistrial is the cultural equivalent of these types places from our world in Remnant? Being able to figure out the Schnee's glyphs to cast runic magic should be intersting, especially if it can solve the problem of the amount of ammo they can carry around via something like a bag with an expansion and featherlight charm. Or strengthening their weapons to be unbreakable. Something that would come in useful if Cinder tries to melt one of their weapons like she melted Pyrrha's in canon. Though, something I wonder is if he could figure out potions? The gods removed most magic from humanity, but it still exists in the world itself, so would he be able to use the local plants and animals to figure out potions for various effects? Or at least he could replicate certain things that existed in his old world that may not have been discovered due to use of Dust? Like gun powder and gun powder weapons. Fire Dust existing may have prevented gun powder from being discovered since it acts in the same role as gun powder, but gun powder is probably something that's easier for the general public to get a hold of if there was a Dust shortage.
sandmanwake
2022-09-05 00:51:44 +0000 UTCGood chapter! I enjoyed the fight scenes, along with Harry demonstrating/learning more of his capabilities. I can't really agree with Ozpin's methodology. Yes, forcing his students into life-threatening situations may cause the most talented to rise further, but the humans/faunus can't really afford to do that during a war of attrition against an almost endless army. I would have enjoyed a scene at the end where Salem saw Harry during his fight and became curious. She did originally have 6 watchers on the academy. She lost one, so tasking one to watch Ozpin, another on Glynda, two to monitor the students/forest, and one to remain at the academy would make the most sense. You could also include that at the beginning of next chapter, hint, hint, but it really feels like it should have fit in here.
Beleriond
2022-09-04 07:45:46 +0000 UTCIt is strange that the existence of Grimm pools is not common knowledge and given their appearance I think they could form where the leylines meet the oil fields. When Harry ends Ozma's or Salem's immortality, surely the other will hope that he can do it again. AK AK AK!
GreedOnGreed
2022-09-02 16:29:16 +0000 UTCGOOD!
GreedOnGreed
2022-09-02 07:16:17 +0000 UTCHe was reincarnated to bring balance, yes, But that means replacing Ozpin and killing Salem - and not only that, but getting rid of the Grimm in total. There is no way I can see her turning away from her Grimm, sorry. You do however have hit Harry's long term personal goal on the nub. It will take a while, but issues will build up with Mistral in stages: one, various towns moving entirely into the protected zones, two, rumors of how many people are getting their Aura unlocked, three, lack of taxes from the now abandoned towns and Evig Laga itself. I doubt Mistral will ever get to the point where they will think about outright conquest. Atlas is militantly... they are tough to explain. There is Ironwood and the military, and then there is the bourgeoise. And yes, I use a french term with feeling. A revolution would do Mantle a lot of good. Vale has been largely untouched since the Colors War. They are fat and lazy, and stuck in their ways, but they aren't as corrupt or old money led as mantle would be without the military acting both like a bottle and a release valve. He doesn't need to be on RWBY's adventures, but he needs to be involved in the White Fang issue because htat leads directly to Cinder. There will be no Vytal festival here. Harry and co. will jump ship before that point I think, having forced Cinder out of hiding somehow I think and having broken off from Ozpin. - maybe with Arturia being the catalyst after having found a Grimm Pool? We will see.
vimesenthusiast
2022-09-01 23:42:04 +0000 UTCyes, I understand that glyphs are a bloodline but maybe the creation of golems could become the true semblance of Weiss? If the glyphs are indeed runic arrays perhaps the Schnees are squibs; Surely many have tried to copy them but they don't work without magic so Harry could learn them and he could enhance Weiss's by channeling his magic into them. I think you might ignore most of the canonical storyline as Harry was not reincarnated from Death to eliminate Salem but he is in this world to bring balance and it could mean starting humanity's expansion (it includes fauns). . I think Salem will become a hidden supporter of Harry because her children may be magical differently from those of the Maidens and Ozma-controlled bodies; they have magic but cannot pass it on without genes. Harry's goal is to build and grow a new kingdom and therefore the biggest challenges will be against other nations; it wouldn't surprise me if Evig Laga would overtake Mistral within 3-5 years thanks to Harry's powers, I think the neighboring towns could be happily absorbed into the new kingdom so the ultimate challenge could be a war against Mistral and Atlas; Ironwood is a military dictator and Mistral will feel threatened by the rapid loss of influence over other cities on their continent. I think Harry doesn't need to be on the RWBY team's extracurricular adventures but maybe you could use some time jump to get to the Vital Festival.
GreedOnGreed
2022-09-01 15:20:33 +0000 UTCHonestly, to the first point, I kinda figured you'd just deage Coco, Velvet and someone else. You've used that method with people like Shaak Ti and Aayla in other works, so it seemed like a logical jump. I'm not overly familiar with RWBY's original series though, so maybe they have a bigger part to play than I realized? They always largely seemed like bit characters, 'token seniors,' in the material I have consumed. And Coco would have actually made a decent leader for Tia. As I recall, she had a habit of analyzing people in detail, using her sunglasses to hide the scrutiny. So she'd have been a believable Tia translator. And Velvet would have been an excellent addition to Team Fanus, as it were. Including a way to vector on Blake's issues when she saw the Arcs, at least, treating her completely normally and shutting down anyone that didn't. It doesn't help that the two of the three people you introduced instead frankly came off as incompetent. They were struggling with freakin Ursa, because of poor weapon choices. And the only one that came off as competent (Mila) fills a overfilled roll. She's got no range, and she's weaker than Tia, Pyrrha, Harry, Nora, and Yang in the tank department. Even inside her own team, anything she can do Tia can do better. Save, perhaps, track...if she wasn't a city girl with no wilderness tracking ability. Regarding Tia. She wasn't AS bland in the previous chapter, because there were still people she actually cared to interact with around. She was still a little bit bland, but there were plenty of non-bland characters around to offset her. Ruby and Yang tend to liven up any scene they are in, for example. In this chapter...there just wasn't any of that. Yang, Harry and Pyrrha basically carried the entire load for personality through the chapter. And we saw less of them individually than of Tia, I think. Or maybe it just felt that way, since the parts with Tia were a slog. Honestly, I actually understand the long-term need for the Salem section. I think it could have been paired down. But it made long-term sense to show. It was boring, but didn't feel unnecessary the way a lot of the rest of the chapter did. Ozpin. Hmmm, how to better describe the issue here? It's not that Ozpin's thought process isn't potentially valuable to the story. Rather, it's that Ozpin's thought process is basically a mediocre stereotype/trope. The way he thinks is like a pale, washed out version of Danzo or Orichmaru from Naruto. Who in turn are pale, washed out versions of someone like Palpatine or Thrawn. He's...boring. Not because he isn't important, but because he's an incompetent version of a villian personality trying (and failing) to be a a good guy. He's a copycat of the stereotypical Manipulative Dumbledore from countless fanfictions...only without the endearing quirks or flamboyant crazy. There's nothing in his thought process that separates him from a thousand other characters (most of them villains). Which makes looking through his thoughts just sort of a yawn. Honestly, my advice with Ozpin would be to tell most of his segments from Goodwitch's perspective instead of his. She's a much more animated character, yet close enough to Ozpin to use as a way to show his inner thoughts. Even if it's just in arguing with him about those thoughts.
Novus
2022-09-01 05:49:22 +0000 UTCActually I don't think they even have TNT, not just C4 - they have DUST, hah. And Harry wouldn't know about it -recall this Harry didn't spend much time in the nonmagical world. Actually, I'm completely at sea about Yang joining. At this point she's just acting like Yang. I think looking at the three girls already in line to be with Harry, she is the loser. And yes, if i want Yang and RWBY to follow Harry back to Evig Laga, there are several ways. For one thing, the Branwen clan might start making trouble for the budding country. We Will See. Huh, Amber as Castoria - interesting. I could see her breaking off from Ozpin with relative ease, but her powers/personality are up in the air for now. Recall this story is relatively new and I haven't planned it out past the end of the second season of the original. The glyphs are a family semblance - Winter has much the same powers, and was able to train Weiss in an entirely new type - the creation of golems of a sort - based off Grimm or knights. As for Jax and the other characters, those characters have not appeared in the anime, so I don't know if I will be using them.
vimesenthusiast
2022-09-01 01:43:49 +0000 UTCI kind of agree this chapter was necessary filler. But there is a reason: the ONLY way I could get away without trying to introduce Tia's new teammates (yes they are from the anime Bleach, and yeah they can come off as bland. That's what happens when characters are only really defined by a, their looks, b, their powers in a fight, and c, the fact they argue all the time) would be if I removed one of the original RWBY girls. I thought about it. Having Weiss being injured so much her parents pulled her out, or having Blake just not be at Beacon at all. But I can't do that. They're both needed for the main plot. Blake is practically a plot device given how much of the plot of the first two seasons revolves around her angst. And Weiss is important due to her powers and the fact her father is in with Salem (playing for both sides). Oh, and yeah, that's pretty much their character - one curses a lot, one looks down her nose, the other taunts, teases and makes fun of both. Honestly speaking, I might discard or have these characters die... that is about it... They aren't important except in that they let Tia attend Beacon as part of a team instead of being told to wait for next year so she can have a partner/team. But if I had gone that way, Harry would leave. And thus Pyrrha, which would open up a lot of issues, not just in the story but in keeping the main plot going. Tia without translator being bland - did you find that in the previous chapter when Harry wasn't around? Or was it the fact that here she just wasn't interested in communicating at all due to her eagerness to be with Harry? Salem's section ... I was debating this, honestly. I wanted to show the fact she had Seers in place around Beacon, and then it kind of spiraled. I won't be doing that again. SHE IS EVIL and i don't need to show her having human sides or anything. The only bit I was happy about was the trophies segment. Ozpin. Huh. Okay. Got nothin' there. They had to be there, but really that was it. If you're not interested in his thought processes, i can see them as being boring.
vimesenthusiast
2022-09-01 01:12:35 +0000 UTCThe main battle scene are fine, the group came out closer and they recognized Harry as the undisputed leader of the three teams. Will there be C4 on Remnant? For the next time it would be better than a bunch of multiplied fire dust. Adding Yang to erri's girlfriends still doesn't convince me, it seems to me that you want to include her only because she hasn't been matched with Ranma in your other story and Yang is opposite to Tia; I think she would be better off in a couple or at most in an M / F / F; all her attitude of hers tries to attract attention caused by being abandoned by her mother of hers but Harry is the exact opposite as he hated being a celebrity; maybe you fear that when the Arc will leave Beacon bringing their teams, the RWBY team will not have enough reasons to follow them but there could be Kali in Harry's country; other points against Yang would be: she has too short a fuse, Harry would have too many blondes, many of his immigrants could be ex-victims of the Branwen tribe, the other girls are concentrated in short / medium range combat but it would be better to have a medium / medium range one. long range or support, it would be good if one of the future queens of the new kingdom were focused on management and development in addition to combat. I think if Amber were to wake up and there isn't much about her character it would be possible to give her the personality of Castoria because of their parallels and because Amber's Japanese voice is the same as Saber's. https://typemoon.fandom.com/wiki/Artoria_Avalon In RWBY several characters are inspired by fairy tale characters so because of these sentences in the previous link I thought that Amber could have been Dorothy: "If the Kingdom of the Fairies is a fairy tale depicted by Morgan, the pilgrimage journey is a fairy tale that describes The growth of Artoria. Although she appears to fill the same role as Dorothy - the protagonist of "The Wizard of Oz" - she actually has a weakness similar to an aggregation of the scarecrow who cannot walk properly (she cannot see her own feet, has no wit), the hollow-hearted woodcutter and the lion who doesn't want to show courage. " While these other phrases brought me to Amber's thoughts as she thought she was dying at the hands of Cinder: "Why did this Artoria manage to remain as the Daughter of Prophecy to the end? What was she fighting for? That answer becomes the end of her life. its history. " By surviving it, Amber may find the impetus to change and try to live without regrets. I believe that using the silver eyes requires the same thoughts as the Patronus so they should have similar effects on the Grimms. The semblance should be unique to everyone so I don't know that Schnee glyphs are a family semblance but it would make more sense if it were a genetic ability like silver eyes. Maybe their white hair could have silver highlights? It seems to me that Kali had a semblance linked to emotions so Harry with her help could create a helmet that protects against the empathic senses of the Grimm? It could also protect you from Jax's mind control. There is a likelihood that Gillian would become sane after being released from her brother's power. Since for many people in Mantle they suffer from Atlas floating above their heads, I find it odd that the terrorists did not target the island's anchorages hoping that it would fly elsewhere.
GreedOnGreed
2022-08-31 17:13:56 +0000 UTCUgh. I gotta admit...this is the very first time I've ever found any chapter of any of your works simply 'boring.' There's a few of your stories I don't read because I don't like one of the series it crosses over from/with. But I've never just...found a chapter boring before. The be blunt, there's just...nothing here. There's one very well done action sequence that takes up a good chunk of the writing (the main fight after they all meet up). But everything else felt like...filler. As they all 'fought' their way through the forest, with zero efforts spent or fucks given, the whole thing gave me flashbacks to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows where they were wandering mindlessly through the Forest of Dean. *shudder* Without a translator, Tia is...very bland. The OCs that came out of nowhere were even more bland. Or are the crossed over from another series? I didn't recognize them. Either way, the most personality any of them showed was 'I curse a lot and question people when I shouldn't.' Add in that Salem and Ozpin's sections were just...blah. And basically that one action sequence was the only meat in the chapter. Those two aren't really any fault of yours. Both of them are such non-entities as characters that's it's hard to give a burnt waffle about them.
Novus
2022-08-31 02:21:14 +0000 UTCVery nice. Loved the Harry/Pyrrha moments. The subtle interaction between Yang and Harry (Yang? Subtle? What?) And the animosity from Weiss. This is becoming an awesome story. Keep up the awesome.
Razgriz0x
2022-08-30 10:57:09 +0000 UTCHmmmm now the question is, how long 'til Ozpin learn about the ammo replication and stuff? A most excellent chapter!! I really like how you addressed the different fights, it was really fluid and easy to understand! One of the best parts imo, is just how Harry and Pyrrha were in their own little world while killing grimms and talking about dating. That was pure gold!! Thank you for the chapter!!
Reiter
2022-08-30 05:34:37 +0000 UTC
