13p
Added 2021-11-05 16:40:05 +0000 UTCCriminal shark
Big thanks to Euphemural for Spanish translation!
Big thanks to Laviner for Chinese translation!
Comments
poor little guy
rubber.cosplay
2022-02-08 21:34:40 +0000 UTCThank you!
Qundium
2021-11-05 23:11:35 +0000 UTCFixed!
Qundium
2021-11-05 23:11:31 +0000 UTCThank you for feedback :>
Qundium
2021-11-05 23:11:25 +0000 UTCMy rewrite has a more domineering flow to it. For instance, instead of offering the 'but if you obey' as a bargain, he is saying 'and when you obey', which implies that he is stating that there is only one path he considers possible.
Menthe
2021-11-05 18:04:16 +0000 UTCRewrite of the flow/script for clarity and tone: "Is this because of what I've been doing? I will stop selling fake milk... and stop touching other people... I will be... nice..." "I don't care what you have done out there. I only care what you will do for me." "And when you are obedient, I will let you out." "Until then... you are mine."
Menthe
2021-11-05 18:01:21 +0000 UTCOne little fix could be "I will stop selling fake milk" Instead of "I will stop to selling fake milk"
No1isHere
2021-11-05 17:46:04 +0000 UTCEN Translation. "But if you stay obedient" Or "But if you'll be obedient"
Russell Benton
2021-11-05 16:59:11 +0000 UTC
