ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: The Amazing Disappearing Cheddar Apple Scones

Amazing Disappearing Cheddar-Apple Scones

I make these whenever I throw a party. Remember parties? No, me neither. But they are spoken of in deep legend and tome, and one day, when need is great, they may return.

Scones might not seem like party finger-food, but these are usually utterly GONE within the first 45 minutes because they are amazing and delicious and people get REAL ANTSY about there only being six (or twelve, it doesn’t matter if you make two batches, social outcome will be the same) of them so they start to hoard as soon as they’ve had one bite. 

Honestly, I heard tell of the cheese + apple pie combo growing up, but it never made any sense to me as a child of the West Coast. It was a joke about the Midwest on sitcoms because ew why would you do that when ice cream is RIGHT THERE.

But actually if it’s a really sharp white cheddar the sweet and savory thing is pretty much aces, and this is the non-gooey bread version of that, all in one convenient hand-held package you will never get to taste because your guests will start treating it like toilet paper at the start of a pandemic.

Now, this is not originally my recipe. I got it off of Smitten Kitchen. But do I ever leave well enough alone. NO OBVIOUSLY DO YOU EVEN GO HERE. I started adding parmesan and a couple of spices on my second or third go-round, because they were just a teensy bit too bland for my taste otherwise, and I think that really makes it. The salty parmesan helps cut the sweetness of sugar sprinkled on top, and gives it some umami. I’m not sure that’s quite enough to call it my own, so I’m linking back to the OG here.

The dough will be one of the loosest, hardest to hold together goops you’ve ever dealt with. That’s ok, just pat it into shape. And whatever you do, do not overbake these, they need to be JUST done and no more to stay moist and let the cheese come through. I did it once and I nearly cried at my own cosmic failure. 

LET’S GO TO SCONETOWN.

Ingredients

2 large firm tart apples (granny smith or any of the other good pie apples, don’t fuck around with  any red delicious garbage fruit what’s wrong with you)
 1 1/2 cups (195g) all-purpose flour
 1/4 cup sugar plus 1 1/2 tablespoons for sprinkling (63g)
 1/2 tablespoon baking powder
 1/2 teaspoon salt plus additional for egg wash
 6 tablespoons butter, chilled and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
 1/2 cup (65g) extra sharp white cheddar (I use Old Croc), shredded 

1/8 cup shredded good quality parmesan (not out of a pre-packaged bag, you monsters)

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

1/4 cup heavy cream
 2 large eggs

Optional: 1/3 cup finely chopped and toasted pecans

DIRECTIONS TO SCONETOWN

OK, so, confession: this is kind of a pain in the ass, which is why I usually reserve them for parties. I do think you could do these with other fruits, but you’d have to go through the same two-step process to remove some of the liquid. Apricots would be amazing, I think. If you did dried apricots you could skip the fruit-baking step. Pears, obviously, maybe plums or nectarines!

ANYWAY.

Pre-heat oven to 375. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Peel and core apples, then chop up ye apples into small chunks. Original recipe says one sixteenths, but I usually go even smaller than that, about the size of your pointer fingernail. Arrange on baking sheet, then bake until they turn just a bit brown and are dry to the touch, about 20 minutes. Cool completely; stick them in the fridge to speed that up. 

Sift flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and spices together and set aside. Put butter in a bowl or the bowl of your electric mixer and add apples, cheese, cream, one egg, and nuts if you’re using them. Sprinkle dry ingredients mixture over the top and mix on low speed (or with your hands, but it’s much harder that way) until everything is just barely holding together. Don’t overmix, like I said, this is a super loose dough and it has DELICATE SENSIBILITIES so cannot abide much handling. Don’t talk politics around it, either.

Generously flour your work surface and put down your dough ball. Sprinkle a bit of flour on top, then use a rolling pin or your hands to gently flatten it into a circle about 6 inches wide and 1 1/4 inches thick. Cut the circle into six wedges. Carefully transfer to either a greased baking sheet (not recommended) or one lined with parchment paper (recommended, you don’t want any sticking accidents with the cheesiness quotient here). Leave at least two inches between scones to allow spreading. 

Beat the other egg in a small bowl or mug with a pinch of salt. Brush scones with the egg wash and sprinkle the reserved sugar on top. Bake until firm and golden, about 30 minutes, overbaking is BAD NEWS BEARS. Remove to plate or rack immediately and allow to cool for 10 minutes before serving. 

I’d say these are best eaten fresh but trust me, leftovers won’t be a problem.