12. The Thing Is...
Added 2023-12-19 21:53:40 +0000 UTC0:00 Luiza opens up about being herself/overthinking your image
29:55 The Jonbenet Ramsay Case
47:13 Nick Crowley, Chills and Early Youtube
1:03:50 Vloggingand presenting with insincerity/How people treat 'lore' as the new narrative
Comments
Those Youtuber voices had me pissing my sides... hahaha.... why do successful Youtube creators have the weirdest fucking voices going?? Do they speak like that when talking to their mum on the phone or at the shops asking for a bag? Imagine it! >.<
hyperballadbrad
2024-01-02 15:36:16 +0000 UTCGood afternoon - hope you've had a great Christmastime, and HNY! Really enjoyed the opener about Luiza. I related so much to her - I am really opinionated, strong willed, and passionate. But I am also really worried about not coming across as authentic at all times, I struggle with rejection or fear of humiliation, I can be controlled by fear and inadequacy in all aspects of my life. I have actually recently deciphered that I have created an image of myself that other people see - someone small, a push over, something to be laughed at or pushed aside - but I am coming to realise that is not an image that other people see. I'm still getting my head around it. Especially around the idea that by protecting myself from people, or having learned to think I need to protect myself, I am not being myself and I am manipulating everyone around me... even the people I love the most. That has been a hard pill to swallow, least of all because manipulation, even unconsciously, seems like the antithesis of what I stand for! I engineer my surroundings to avoid making people feel uncomfortable, to avoid upsetting people just by my very existence, I have grown up to find ways of controlling everything around me and coping mechanisms because I am unable to receive and process negative emotions, anger, rejection and humiliation. What came to mind when listening to your experience was doing shares in Narcotics Anonymous. I think everyone in recovery has that internal monologue of what they are going to say or how they will come across. I think it's natural. I do the same thing - I put so much pressure on myself to say something that is not only truthful and sincere but of value for other people and something they can use. There is something really valuable in that, but it creates such a big pressure on myself to say, in those few moments, exactly what I am feeling. What follows is the fear of not being understood and saying something the wrong way. But I can't control that - I can only do my best and hope someone gets the message. If they don't, I have to work to let that go. As the moment is gone. The times I feel like I am less 'on script', ie in control/rehearsed, can be the times people actively approach me to say how powerful, touching or valuable my words have been. It always stands out to me because those moments are the days I feel that I made no sense! It's interesting..... and I am grateful I have the opportunity and channels to learn about myself and learn with others. Your podcast and opinions and passion are one of the cogs in my machine at the moment. That's very cool!
hyperballadbrad
2024-01-02 14:18:11 +0000 UTC
