Flexible Thinking for a Modern Life: Chapter 21
Added 2020-09-20 00:58:55 +0000 UTCSummary: A commission series for Alfalfa. Iris Fleurs, the stretchy daughter of a slime mother and a human father, tries to live her best life and feel comfortable in her own skin. Teenage rebellion ensues.
Flexible Thinking for a Modern Life
Chapter 21
While there was no shortage of excitement down in the commercial district, there was one man trying to stave off boredom just outside Horatio Watson High School.
"...Hm."
Sier drummed his fingers along the steering wheel, looking both ways. His eyes drifted to the walkway to the front door. If he recalled correctly, the kids should be out any second now. Then it's straight home for little Iris.
Aaaaany second now.
He whistled a little ditty, eyes drifting about curiously. His eyes fixated on the odd bug that was plastered to the window, an empathetic frown crossing his face. Better not to focus on the poor things too much.
"...Alright." Sier sighed. He turned on the radio to kill some time. The tinny, manufactured beats of a generic pop song filled the car, contributing to the general background noise. Sier adjusted his seat to lean back, settling his hands into his lap.
...He glanced out the window. Nobody yet. The music was getting droning.
"...Well the missus isn't here..." Sier muttered, adjusting the station.
"...and where is the money going? The mayor has a mandate to update the subway infrastructure, but the project stalled for months. What are they doing??" A pundit was ranting in a tinny voice over the airwaves. It wasn't much of an improvement over the generic pop music playing prior... but maybe the droning voice would put Sier to sleep. At the least, it'd be good for a laugh.
"Oh, we have a new bulletin, and it's a damning one at that." The pundit rattled off. "You've heard the experts clamoring for years that the domestic gas lines need an update! Just off the corner of Blair and Warren, an apartment highrise burst into flames!"
"Well that's a bit of a jump in logic..." Sier muttered. "Like this man has an agenda..."
"Thankfully, the damage was limited to one apartment, and, no thanks to our lib-iot leader, no one was grievously harmed. Eye witnesses claim that the appearance of a masked vigilante, with... 'superpowers', really? Josh, you wrote that right?"
Sier paused. What started out as conservative media propaganda had taken a strange turn. Sier blinked, focusing on the radio.
"And everyone else is reporting the same thing? Okay then..." The pundit muttered with bemused incredulity. "Witnesses claim that the vigilante arrived at the scene, ahead of our brave firefighters and our men in blue. She looked like a young woman, black hair, garbed in a skin-tight outfit, and she... grew ten feet tall? Like an elastic band..."
Sier's eyes widened. Now the broadcast had his full and undivided attention.
"...A few bystanders recounted their experience of... repurposing her into a makeshift trampoline?? JOSH! Come here, run this by me one more-"
Sier turned off the radio to collect his thoughts. He glanced outside the window. Students were trickling out of school now. He waited. And waited.
No sign of Iris. He leaned back, rubbing his head.
"Hoo... Iris, what're you doing?" Sier muttered to himself. He wasn't looking forward to reporting the news to his wife. He'd have to head over to the commercial district, and track Celes down...
He turned on the ignition, and placed his hands on the wheel. He wasn't looking forward to this; Sier understood better than anyone how slippery Iris could be when she put her mind to it.
"Gonna be late getting to the greenhouse tonight..."
---
"Hey, is it safe for us to be walking out in broad daylight like this?"
Iris walked beside Double Double through the back alleys, keeping an eye out for pedestrians. It seems Double Double was just as attentive, his eyes narrowing to slits as he surveyed their surroundings.
"Fret not, milady," Double Double reassured her. "I will not let any harm befall you."
"I'm, uh, not really worried about that." Iris shrugged. "I mean, demons getting found out just moseying around town would cause a panic, right?"
"No one will spot us. I will spot them before they spot us; in that singular moment, a window opens to endless possibilities."
"..." Iris opened her mouth to voice her concern, but then decided against it. "I-If you're sure, bud..."
"Y'know girly," Trouble spoke up with a gruff, candid look. "If you were really concerned 'bout getting spotted, why you parading around in a bright getup like that?"
"Yeah! Y'know that pink stuff you drink after pizza night? You look like you got slathered in that stuff!" Toil piped in with a laugh.
"It's not like I had time to get changed!" Iris blurted. "A-And I think the costume's only slightly less strange than the existence of demons! My teacher at Sunday school would have a conniption!"
"Ahhh, don't sweat it, babe!" Toil gestured to Double Double. "Just leave it all to Mister Cool and Mysterious over there."
"Yeah, he's so unremarkable, nobody ever pays him a passing glance!" Trouble added. "He really ain't popular with the girls neither..."
"Actually..." Double Double glanced behind him with a slight glare. "I'm paying attention to the flow and the movement of the ebony shadows. To weave between the cracks of sight and perception is a ninja's bread and butter."
"...Huh." Iris wasn't sure if she followed that explanation, but it sure sounded impressive. And the gargoyle was quite a step up in competence and level-headedness compared to the two chucklefucks loitering behind them.
"Hey, Double Double," Iris waved at him gingerly. "I was wondering, how'd you end up here?"
"Mm? Hm..." Double Double rubbed his chin. "Well, it was an arduous journey, but I was up to the challenge. I had to scale the gilded brothel about six blocks down, and leap from rooftop to rooftop to-"
"No no, not here, I mean... how'd you end up here, working for a succubus? And getting co-opted with these goofballs." Iris gestured behind her.
"...Ah. Well, context is important... and while a servant can occasionally choose the master they serve, they can't choose their peers." Double Double remarked.
"...If I didn't know better, I reckon he's sassin' us." Trouble leaned over and muttered in Toil's ear.
"Yeah. That's how you know he's a pro. He even disguises his passive aggression." Toil nodded, a glint of respect in his eyes.
"The Mistress and I have no shortage of history with one another." Double Double continued, lowering his head solemnly. "Actually, I owe her my freedom."
"...That's a bit of a surprise..." Iris coughed slightly.
"It all began in a faraway land, across the seas and off to the east..." Double Double began.
"Ah shit, you got him started." Toil folded his arms.
"We can barely go a month without the louse telling this old yarn, over and over and oooooverrr..." Trouble groaned in exasperation.
"For centuries, I served as a guardian of the Hinamori Clan. Through the cutting gales, weathering the sharpest typhoons, withstanding the piercing cold and the scorching heat. For a guardian must have a heart of stone: steadfast, unyielding, reliable..." Double Double lowered his head.
"Don't talk yourself up, old man!" Toil jeered.
"Yeah, it ain't hard standin' around like that when you're a statue!" Trouble laughed, nudging Toil with his elbow. Unperturbed, Double Double kept recounting his story.
"But one day, I was called into action! The high priestess beckoned me to her chambers..." Double continued on, ignoring the sniggering of the portly gargoyle duo. "...And charged me with the task of defending the clan from a foreign menace. A terrible fiend with ghastly eyes, gnarled fangs, savage claws, and a head woven with deadly serpents..."
Double Double flourished his wrist, pressing a hand against the hilt of his blade.
"Akasha, the Serpentine Queen of the Gorgons. Her foul gaze threatened the land, and chilled the native cherry blossoms to an unseemly state..."
"...Ooooh..." Double Double had Iris' full attention. "Did you win?"
"...In the days of my youth, perhaps I could have stared down into the den of evil, with the priestess' love behind me. But alas, in a confrontation with the foul queen herself, I was rendered to stone. Comatose for uncountable eons."
"Oh, no..." Iris covered her mouth. "Just, completely turned to stone? Can't move, can't blink... can't breathe??"
"Aw, he makes a big hubbub out of nothing. Gargoyles turn to stone all the time." Trouble spat.
"Yeah! It's a great way to save on your food budget! And on heating, air conditioning, electricity..." Toil counted it down on his fingers.
"E-Even then, I'd hate that. Just being stuck in one place forever, unable to move, or even scream..." Iris was chilled to the bone. "I didn't think stuff like that happened."
"The world of the mystical is a strange and vexing place, milady." Double Double explained. "But not all was lost. For I am here to recount this sordid tale, you must realize that a moment of serendipity brought me to the world of the living... all thanks to the Mistress herself."
"Kamika got you out of that?" Iris tilted her head.
"The one and only." Double Double nodded.
"Um, hello!? We dug you out of that dig site!" Trouble blurted.
"And pret near broke our backs doing it, while you sat around bein' a useless fat git!" Toil shook his head.
"But it was through the Mistress' wisdom that you set out to work, yes?" Double looked towards the others. "She claims it was only a whim, a scant expedition for valuable jewels to complement her beauty... but for rescuing me from my stone-encased prison, and restoring my vim and vigor, I have pledged my life to serve her."
Double Double paused. His head lowered slightly.
"...Besides that. I have no home to turn to. All that remains of the Hinamori Clan are artifacts and memories. The old grounds were razed..."
"Hey hey, look on the bright side! There's a real good fried chicken place where that dingy temple used to be!" Trouble grinned.
"Aw hell yeah, Krusty Kai's!" Toil whooped jubilantly, slapping Double Double on the back. "Talk about a silver linin', eh bud?"
"...The Mistress is rather fond of her greasy fast food..." Double Double admitted with a sigh.
Iris stared for a spell. There was that familiar sense of righteous indignation welling up from within. She shot a nasty look towards the pair of troglodytes towards the back.
"HEY! Lay off the guy! He lost his home, alright? If you think that's a hilarious joke, you can piss off thataway! Sure there's a nice trash can you can rot in!" Iris blurted at them, her face contorting with rage.
The two smaller gargoyles stopped in their tracks, looking up at her for a spell. They glanced towards each other, confusion marked on their faces.
"Hey, mate, is she allowed to talk to us like that...?" Trouble muttered indiscreetly.
"I'unno... I don't think... hey, yeah, you can't talk to us like that!" Toil realized, trying to stand up to Iris. "We got, like, seniority over you! And over him too!"
Toil gestured his thumb in Double Double's general direction. Iris didn't much care for that; her body shifted on its own, adding a few feet at a time. Her entire body seemed to bend gently forward, leering over the two gargoyles.
She had the nastiest scowl they'd ever seen, as she silently stared them down. It was in that singular moment that the pair of troublemakers realized the depth of their error.
"Uhp!" Toil and Trouble yelpd as Iris grabbed them by the shoulders, one in each hand; her hand seemed to grow in side to hold onto their fat, obnoxiously shaped little bodies.
"Milady? I'm detecting some murderous intent coming off from you. Like an evil aura."
"Nah. Not murder. They'll live." Iris muttered, her tone icy and intense. The duo glanced at each other with trepidation, and tried to wriggle free... but Iris' grip was unrelenting.
She eyeballed some metal piping on one side of the alley, and a signpost on the other. An idea crossed her mind, and she smirked to herself. With her enlarged write hand clutching the both of them by the collar, her left arm was free to length, wriggling forward like a latex-encased snake. With ropey flexibility, it wrapped around the piping and the post, wrapping tighter and tighter until it went taut.
It resembled a pink, oversized slingshot. The resemblance was lost on the pair... at least until Iris raised them towards it, and began pulling it back, along with them.
As Iris hoisted them up, stretching her left arm further and further back, the duo's attempted to escape grew increasingly desperate. The rubbery squeaking of Iris' stretched out arm sent shivers down their spines.
"Hey! Girl! We can talk about this!" Toil sputtered.
"Y-Yeah! Din't mean to hurt your feelings or nothing! Maybe we can-"
TWANG!
Iris casually let go, launching the pair of them into the skyline above. They cleared one building, and then another, screaming all the way...
...And quickly disappeared over the awning of an apartment complex nearby. Iris looked towards the sky, watching their trajectory.
"...Was getting tired of their shit." Iris huffed, turning to Double Double. "Hey, you okay, guy?"
"I'm fine. Thank you for your concern." Double Double nodded. "Thought, perhaps you were a little rough on them?"
"Me? I wasn't rough enough." Iris shook her head. "They were enormously disrespectful, and like... I dunno, you're clearly the chillest dude of the bunch."
Iris rubbed the back of her head, drifting to the side. "I dunno, I just don't want everyone to go on taking advantage you. I mean, even Kamika goes and walks all over you."
"If the mistress intends to walk over me, then I will become as a cobblestone road, strong enough to protect her heels. She is welcome to step all over me."
"...Ew." Iris grimaced. He seemed to say that in total earnestness.
"The slinging arrows of others are things that a ninja is trained for. To stand tall in the fact of adversity and perform to the best of one's ability..." Double Double paused thoughtfully.
"...Perhaps that is the best way to honour the teachings of the Hinamori Clan."
Iris' eyes widened. Double Double really was cool-headed, and introspective too. It was a far cry from the callous hot-heads he surrounded himself with.
"...Sheesh. Loyal and reliable to the very end, aren't you..." Iris rubbed the back of her head. "I dunno how I could handle that kinda pressure."
"In fairness to you, you didn't go through ninja training." Double Double smirked.
"...I mean, I don't think there's an afterschool class for that kinda thing." Iris shrugged.
"You know. I see some of the Mistress' fire in you as well, Iris." Double rubbed his chin pensively, his gloved hand reaching past his cowl.
"What?? No, no, she's... like, old, and I'm... working through some stuff." Iris' mouth flattened. "D-Don't wanna... let's just see what she wants."
"...Of course, milady. I'm sure our pace will quicken with the other two... incapacitated."
"Hehe, got that right." Iris smirked.
The two of them continued along the back alleys. There was a bit more pep in each of their steps...
---
Thankfully, Iris wouldn't have to jump or stretch through any more annoying hoops on the way back to the demons' home base. Iris recalled that Kamika was still working on her special homemade brew. She was already bracing herself for more pointless busywork around such a cryptic project.
...And rather unsurprisingly, Iris found Kamika just as she left her: wrapped up in sheets, poring through a small stack of magazines.
"...Working hard, or hardly working?" Iris muttered with a quizzical tilt of her head. Kamika could tell implicitly that the girl was making light of her; the grip on her magazine tightened.
"My, you really have no appreciation for spellcraft." Kamika droned on. "These things take time to stew and marinate properly... say, where did the other two jokers run off to?"
"Who cares?" Iris shrugged. "S'not like they do anything."
"Ugh, so true..." Kamika sighed, sitting up. "Anyway, Iris, I have a special job for your particular skills. My witch's brew needs oooooooone more ingredient~"
"Oh my god why am I not surprised??" Iris groaned, collapsing to her knees with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "We've done so much running around! Is being a fossil messing with your memory?"
"Oh, stuff it, I never forgot! If I saw it during our earlier shopping rounds, I would've said something!" Kamika waved her hand dismissively. "Besides, I needed to get some details squared off... Double Double?"
He nodded, stepping forward. He cleared his throat.
"The isabellina pale yellow zinnia. It's an annual bloom. They grow, bloom, and produce seeds in one season. They are currently out of season—there's only one location in town that continues to produce zinnia, among other rare flowers, year-round..."
Iris blinked, lowering her head. Zinnia... that sounded familiar to her. The wheels in her head were turning...
"...I think Dad grows a bunch of them in the greenhouse. The one just outside the industrial district." Iris recollected.
Double Double nodded, affirming Iris' words; Kamika simply smiled.
"Good! Good, you're a smart girl. I don't need much, just swing on over, pluck the first one you see, and bring it back to me. You think you can do that for me?"
"...I dunno, I... Dad's always working there, so if he caught me, he's flip. I'm trying to avoid him right now..." Iris didn't sound so sure about this. It sounded like a harmless enough request...
"Ohhh, it can't be any worse than the supermarket you snuck into the other day. You slipped past aaaall those prying eyes without causing a stir! What's one man going to do to stop you?"
"I mean... he's my father..." Iris rubbed her shoulder. She was hesitant about going ahead with this entire plan, but...
...The events of the morning prior ran through her mind. Usually her father tried to support her, even when her mother was being unreasonable. And now he was just gonna turn around and try to keep her grounded?
...Iris weighed her options. It was just a dumb flower. How important could it be?
"...Yeah, sure. No problem." Iris agreed with a nod. "I can handle it. Easy."
