Flexible Thinking for a Modern Life: Chapter 19

 Summary: A commission series for Alfalfa. Iris Fleurs, the stretchy daughter of a slime mother and a human father, tries to live her best life and feel comfortable in her own skin. Teenage rebellion ensues.

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Flexible Thinking for a Modern Life

CHAPTER 19

With Debbie's leadership in the kitchen and Iris' enthusiastic work ethic, the two girls managed to get Debbie's order of muffins prepared, packaged, and ready to go. Of course, there was one more thing...

"You didn't mention we'd have to run and deliver them all by ourselves too..." Iris groaned. 

"I can't drive the van yet..." Debbie admitted sheepishly. "But, but our trolly works fine! And it's not too far away!"

The girls had a cart full of muffin boxes, cautiously wheeling their way down the streets of Agnes. At the least, pedestrians gave the two of them a wide berth. 

"Sorry... you're not mad at me, right?" Debbie rubbed her shoulder, droning on with a pang of guilt.

"N-No, no, not mad, not at all!" Iris waved her hands as if to reassure Debbie. "...I mean, I was a little miffed, buuut... after the running around I had to do for Ms. Monroe, I guess this isn't so bad." She scratched her nose casually, glancing aside.

"Ms. Monroe? You were doing stuff for her?" Debbie blinked, turning to Iris. "Is that allowed? She's only a substitute, right?"

"Eeeh... I owed her a solid." Iris shrugged noncommittally, before looking ahead. "She got me out of detention, but then she took me all around downtown. And we hit up every dingy, shady outlet too..." 

"That's... huh?" Debbie tilted her head quizzically. 

"I can remember the individual stench of every place we visited. There were distinct musks..." Iris crinkled her nose

"What kind of stuff did you buy?" Debbie wondered aloud. "Ms. Monroe's pretty hard to read, um... she didn't take you into, um... a store for adults??"

"Eh!? No, no, nothing like that! Jeez, that's several kinds of illegal I bet..." Iris shook her head profusely. "Sheesh, I'm still a minor... no, it was more, I dunno, weird stuff. Some of it was kinda creepy."

"Creepy?" Debbie was visibly confused. 

"Like, snake wine or something. She called it some kinda aphrodisiac from over in the Eastern Realms." Iris rubbed her neck. "Not sure I see the appeal."

"Oh. Ohhh, I've heard about that..." Debbie grimaced. "I have to say, it's on brand for Ms. Monroe. I've seen her flirt with the other teachers a lot..."

"Yeah. Dunno if she hits any home runs though. Almost gave Mr. Hartford a heart attack." Iris crossed her arms. 

"I-I kinda assume she's just kidding around. She's nice, she's been helping me too." Debbie admitted, a tint of red crossing her cheeks.

"Eh? Her?" Iris glanced over, eyes wide. There was no way that Debbie of all people was in on Ms. Monroe's secret, right? 

Iris figured it'd be best to prod her a bit on the subject. "Like... what's she helping you with, exactly?"

"Eep." Debbie squeaked, her face flushing even more. Now Iris definitely thought she was being suspicious. Debbie's eyes darted left and right. 

"Umm..." Debbie appeared anxious. "Sh, she gives me... advice."

"Advice?" Iris blinked. "Advice on... wait, are you getting into-"

"NO!" Debbie blurted all of a sudden. "No, no, nothing that intimate! Just... just dating advice! And how to... make an impression, and..."

Iris felt a pang of guilt, getting Debbie all flustered like this. She smiled softly, in an attempt to reassure her.

"Aww, it's okay, Debbie. If you need ideas, you can talk to me!" Iris nodded, speaking with confidence. "...Not like I've dated anyone yet..."

"...Really?" Debbie stared. "I-I mean, it's just... it's a surprise, is all."

"Ehhh. Boys get intimidated being around a girl who can get shit done. And girls, well... Sherry's already on top of that." Iris glowered. 

"Ah... she does like to spread mean rumours. She said our bread had a rat in it..." Debbie scowled slightly, recollecting that distant memory. "It, it was completely unsubstantiated too."

"Ugh, that sucks. Glad someone at school's on my side about that. Such a bitch." Iris folded her arms. "Dunno what crawled up her ass and died. Think she's afraid of me too, or something."

"I... I heard you and Sherry got in a fight today?" Debbie recalled. "In the hallway, before the first bell."

"Yeah. She tried to start shit with me, so I finished it. Figures I was the only one who got detention from it..." Iris sighed, her arms slumping down, nearly having a brush with the pavement. 

"Mm... well, if she keeps bugging you, you can... you can talk to me about it." Debbie 

nodded earnestly. "Girls need to stick together, right?"

"...Yeah. You're right." Iris nodded, flashing Debbie a genuine smile. "Though... I don't want to go and dump all my deepest traumas all over you or anything, ehehe..."

"I-I guess not, but..." Debbie shrugged slightly. "My other friends think I'm good at listening, so... I just kinda go with-"

BOOM!

All of a sudden, an earth-shaking explosion interrupted the girls' casual conversation. The ground shook with the cacophonous event. Debbie let out an abrupt shriek, before looking in all directions with a doe-eyed expression.

"What was that!? WHAT WAS THAT!?" Debbie was in a panic. It sounded too close for comfort.

"H-Holy shit, did a bomb go off or something!?" Iris blurted, trying to look for the signs that something was out of place. Her eyes drifted up to one of the highrises nearby...

The bright blue sky above was marred by clouds of smoke wafting out from a balcony near the top. It must've been five floors up!

"Oh shit, is that... is that a fire!?" Iris shouted, eyes wide. The billowing smoke was getting worse by the second.

"Uwah!! W-We gotta go, we can't be here!" Debbie feverishly looked around in all directions. "W-We should, we should... we should find a streetphone and call the fire department, or the police, or-"

"This is perfect!" Iris exclaimed, a look of realization crossing her face. This was met with utter confusion on Debbie's part.

"...What!?" Debbie stammered. "...Uwah!"

But before Debbie could react, Iris grabbed Debbie by the hand, and dragged her into the nearest alleyway. The shadows cast by the domineering structures provided the perfect cover to hide. While this was usually employed by would-be hoodlums planning to pull a fast one on an unsuspecting pedestrian, Iris had something completely different in mind. 

"Iris!" Debbie was blushing furiously at the intimate hand contact the two girls shared a moment ago. "Wh-What are you doing!? We have to go-"

"This is the perfect scenario! I've been training for a moment just like this! Ho man, this couldn't come at a better time!" Iris was shaking now, albeit with anticipation rather than terror. She had a breathy, beleaguered laughter. 

"You... you're really torn up about this catastrophe, aren't you?" Debbie stared, unable to comprehend Iris' apparent madness. 

"Debbie, Debbie, listen to me, this is what a hero—no, what a superhero does!" Iris turned to her, an excited glint in her eye. "People are in trouble, the firefighters aren't on the scene. It's my time to show what I'm made of!"

"...Right, I get that." Debbie nodded slowly. "...What are you made of?"

Iris paused for a moment, a puzzled look crossing her face. Her eyes lowered. She had to think about it. Before long, her eyes lit up with a revelation:

"I'm made of the right stuff!!" Iris beamed, lowering her hands to unbutton her uniform. 

"U-Um!" Debbie did a double take, and tried to shield her eyes. She wasn't sure if she wanted to see Iris' undergarments...

"That's good, that's good, I need to protect my secret identity..." Iris muttered. This strange comment gave Debbie brief pause. Still, she didn't dare to lower her hands. 

"Okay, how do I look?" Iris asked. Debbie still had her hands up to her face, and she was momentarily hesitant to lower them. She hoped Iris didn't strip down in front of her. 

Debbie lowered her shaking hands, looking over Iris with wide eyes. The anxious trepidation gave way to... another look of utter bafflement. 

"You... you were wearing that costume underneath your uniform this whole time??" Debbie questioned. 

"Yeah, gotta be ready for anything, at anytime!" Iris nodded. Iris traded her modest school uniform for the superheroic one-piece that Kamika had made for her. 

Debbie couldn't help but stare, her cheeks furiously ablush. Sure, Iris wasn't naked, but... a form-fitting costume like that didn't leave much to the imagination! Iris casually swayed her hips as if to pump herself up, as she quickly affixed a mask to her face. 

"Hey, Debbie, I don't wanna throw my clothes into a dumpster, can you hold onto them for me?" Iris asked. She didn't wait for a response, quickly shoving her neatly-folded uniform into Debbie's outstretched arms. 

"What!? Wait, I, no, I can't-" 

But Debbie's sputtering fell on deaf ears. Iris was already darting back out onto the streets. Debbie watched with a bemused look as Iris hurried to the scene. 

"...B-Be careful..." Debbie muttered, moving to follow her. She ought to get back to the main road herself. She wasn't in a mood to get jumped in the alley like last time.

Iris hurried to the foot of the building in distress, leaning back to get a view of the smoke billowing out from the balcony. This was getting pretty serious. She'd have to take this carefully. 

She focused inward, willing her body to bend to her will. Her torso began to elongate, reaching upwards with a snake-like sway. Rapidly stretching, she worried about losing her balanced, and wrapped part of herself around a nearby streetlight. This was enough to steady herself, and her upper body continued to extend towards the balcony.

It wasn't long until she reached the balcony. She spread her arms, brushing a few plastic chairs aside. Covering her mouth, she gingerly felt along the window frame. It was warm, but not blistering hot. If anyone was in there, she might have to break in.

"Okay! Just gotta make myself an opening..." She casually slipped her hand through the incredibly narrow space between a window and its frame, flattening her hand in order to do so. Feeling around for a latch, she quickly unlocked the door and swung it open. . 

Fwoosh! This had the effect of releasing a billowing cloud of smoke right into her face. She coughed violently, trying to wave away as much of it as she could. When the onslaught relented, she poked her head through the door to look around.

"Hello!? Anyone in here!? ...Holy cow!"

A raging fire was spewing from an oven on the other side of the room, concentrated in a small kitchenette. It hadn't spread around the kitchen yet, but it was certainly a sight to behold. 

Iris could make out the frantic pounding of footsteps running at a headlong sprint. A portly, balding man was heaving along a bowl of water, stopping a few feet short of the oven and tossing the water in the direction of the fire...

FWOOSH! The water hardly put a dent in the fire, but it did make an awful lot of steam.

"Shit, shiiiit!" The man was in a full-on panic, glancing back and forth. He made a mad dash for the balcony...

"Oof! Hey, watch it, mister!"

He ended up bumping into Iris, her uppertorso clambering through the door. Iris bent in a strange manner, slumping against the doorframe.

"Who... who're you? Whaddya want!? I'm, I'm in the middle of something...!" The man blurted out, his eyes darting back to the blazing inferno behind him.

"Me? I'm... uhhh..."

Shit. Never came up with an alias. No time, gotta act fast. 

Iris cracked a wide grin. Perhaps too wide. 

"I'm, I'm here to rescue you! I'm a superhero, um... I see you got a fire?" Iris cocked her head to the side. 

"How'd you know!?" The man jerked his head back. 

"Uhhh... the smoke." Iris blinked. "Where there's smoke, there's fire. And there was some kinda explosion...?"

"Crap, crap, craaaaap... think it was a gasline rupture! Gonna give the landlord hell over this... and Beth's gonna skin me alive!!" The man spun around in a circle, all in a panic.

"Y-You can deal with them later!" Iris reassured him. "I'm here to rescue you! A-And anyone else stuck in here-"

"Isn't that a job for the fire department??" The man exclaimed incredulously. 

"It's okay, it's okay, they're on their way! I think!" Iris tried to reassure him, but was visibly unsure herself. "I bet Debbie called them..."

"You think they might be coming??" The man blurted out. "Ohhhh, this is bad, this is really really bad..."

"Don't worry about it! Just... who else is here right now? Friends, family?" Iris grabbed his shoulders to steady him. 

"I-It's me and two cats, they're probably hiding from the explosion, and..." He paused, glancing to Iris. "Wh, what are you planning to do? How'd you get on my balcony?"

He leaned to the side, glancing at how Iris stretched into his apartment. Her body extended all the way off the balcony, and his eyes couldn't trace an end to her. 

"I told you, I'm a superhero! Just, lemme help you get out of here, okay?" Iris urged the man. "Do your cats like treats? Maybe we can-"

BANG! Another chemical reaction in the oven caused it to sputter sparks and ash uncontrollably. A howling cry, animalistic and shrill, screeched from underneath the table. The pattering of small feet, scrambling across the wood floor, increased in volume...

"...Eh?" Iris glanced aside. She grimaced as a pair of cats were running straight at her at a breakneck pace. She could barely make out that one was a faint orange, the other a motley brown, before they surged past her onto the balcony. 

"Bonnie! Calpico!" The man pleaded, outstretching his hand as the cats scrambled through the door, disappearing from sight. But not necessarily out of mind.

"They're not gonna jump are th- ow, shit, wait-"

Iris winced, feeling the painful sensation of several small needles pricking at her skin down her elongated torso. It took her a moment that the cats were trying to climb down her like a tree, and their little claws were piercing her costume entirely.

"H-Hey, buddy, when was the last time you—ow— trimmed their nails...?" Iris hissed, turning towards the man. 

"Where're the cats!? They're Beth's babies, you gotta help them!!" The man blurted out, waving his arms. 

"D-Don't worry—ach—about them. I-I got them on hand... s-somewhere, hold on a sec."

Iris' snakelike torso zipped out of the burning apartment and back over the apartment. She craned her neck to look down her backside. 

"Mew." The orange cat cried out again, claws digging into her outfit. Iris breathed a sigh of relief.

"You guys're gonna give your old man a heart attack, y'know?" Her ropey arms zipped over to scoop them up, grabbing them by their collars. Of course, their claws tugged anxiously at her outfit, and her skin with it. 

"Not the kind of pain and agony I signed up for... c'mon, lil guys." 

Iris had to make sure they made it to the ground safely. Her torso began to shrink in length, her height quickly descended down several storeys at a time. In no time at all, she was back to her normal proportions.

"IRIS!" A familiar voice exclaimed, rushing to her side. "H-How bad is it!? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, Debbie. But these kitty claws hurt like a biiiitch. Take them off me for a sec, would ya?" Iris was eager to get them off her hands; she quickly busied herself cleaning off the soot from her head. 

"Ah, b-but my hands are... a-alright!" Debbie dropped Iris' uniform (she lowkey figured Iris wouldn't feel strongly about that) and took a cat in each arm. They seemed to be eyeing the folded up uniform; Debbie noted this, and lowered the cats so they could have a place to sit.

"Y-Your owner's gonna be down soon!" Debbie kneeled down to reassure the cats, before turning to Iris. "...Right??"

"I haven't figured that part out yet, gimme a sec." Iris bit her lip. "Guy's pretty big, I don't think I could carry him out like the cats..."

"Aaah...but there's no way he'd survive a jump either! And the fire department isn't here yet!" Debbie looked around in all directions, hoping for help to show up. A small crowd of gawkers gathered instead—some watching the ongoing crisis in trepidation, and others taking an interest in the costumed vigilante, smack dab in the middle of it all.

"...Actually, he could survive a jump." Iris' eyes lit up. "I have an idea! But I need your help!"

"Th-This is really stressful, but... I-I'll try my best!" Debbie nodded, standing at attention.

"Can you pull some strong-looking people from the crowd over there? Like, four'a them?" Iris gestured to the onlookers. "If I can stretch myself out and act like a trampoline, we can catch the guy and break his fall, right?"

"Eh!? You, as a..." Debbie blinked, before her eyes drifted upwards. "B-But that kind of impact... wouldn't that hurt? A-And the pressure, and the pulling-"

"If you're really worried about me, just get four guys who got manicures recently! I don't want long nails digging into my skin." Iris glanced in the cats' general direction. They had already curled up into balls, and were ready for a nap...

"Iris..." Debbie muttered.

"...It'll be fine. I'm pretty much indestructible, right?" Iris smiled reassuringly. "Trust me on this. It'll be fine."

Debbie had to think on it. Her eyes drifted up to the billowing smoke from the window, and grimaced. She turned back to Iris. 

"... Alright. You can do this." Debbie nodded, patting Iris on the shoulder... and brushing off the last annoying bit of ash at the same time. 

"Okay! Now you just round up the guys, and I'll-"

"HELP! HEEEEEEELP!"

The man in question was already at the balcony, screaming his lungs out for help. Iris winced, glancing back up. 

"Shit, okay, break time's over. Go, go, go!" Iris ushered Debbie along to the crowd, before focusing on elongating her torso. The powerful feeling of unleashing her body's capabilities left Iris in a strange headspace; especially while being watched by what had to be dozens of random bystanders. 

Iris swiveled up to the ledge of the balcony, gripping the railing to steady herself. She spun around to face the man at the balcony. 

"Hey, uh... shoot, never got your name..." Iris racked her brain a bit. 

"Eu-Eustace." The man stammered, his face ashen and pale.

"Eustace! Okay, I got a plan, but you're gonna have to do exactly as I say, okay? So..."

Iris went over the plan she had, while Debbie scrambled on the ground level to get a bunch of strapping men to assist with the rescue. Iris even through in a few stretchy tricks of her own—elongating her arm, grabbing the corner of her mouth and pulling—to prove that she was the genuine article.

"...and all you gotta do is jump for my center, okay? Can you do that?" Iris looked directly at him. Eustace, meanwhile, gazed with dread at the five storey drop that befell him, and all colour drained from his face.

"I, I, I can't make that kind of jump, are you insane!? Oh, Goddess, it's all over for me!"

The man ran his hands through his hair, anxiously pacing back and forth. Iris' expression faltered. 

"Buddy... we really don't have time for this!" Iris looked past him, seeing that the inferno in his kitchen was rapidly engulfing the rest of his apartment. Things were getting reeeally dicey...

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