Draft: Untitled Miales VN, A1S1

Hi! Doing a little something different this month. I don't really post a lot about VN progress lately, but it's a thing me and my partner Amy Wamboldt (@awamboldtart) are working at when we can, though we've been encountering some struggles. This draft is an older, discarded draft since we changed direction for the project. 

I had a lot of extra writing lying around after we agreed on a new direction for the VN and went towards a new outline and draft altogether, so I'm gonna post a few chunks of the scenes we had over the next while. These concern two characters, Mia (a were-cat with a penchant for machinery; Heffy's character) and Celes (a slime-girl from the countryside still adjusting to her body; my character) and their developing relationship. We're keeping our hands close to our chest on development until we reach a point where we can show something polished. 

Reviewing these old scenes, we felt there was a lot of cute character moments, but also a lot of fluff; VNs can be hard to write and develop for on this front, considering every line of dialogue and writing is an opportunity for more audiovisual assets, which means mounting costs, so the new draft has made a point of being more focused about the information we wish to convey.

This concept of the draft had the challenge of trying to frame it as THE BEGINNING of an ongoing series, trying to make the characters already familiarized. This was probably a more ambitious storytelling angle than we'd like, since it would necessitate a prequel of HOW they met, so our current draft has changed course. But there's some cute stuff in this here outmoded, so here's a snapshot of how I tend to write in VN format. 

I'll also throw in some concept art from Amy (the artist) where it's relevant. All concept art has been previously posted on her Twitter; do follow her for more great content!

Label scene1:

Scene countryroad

"Few people lived out on the Doughton Prairies anymore. Not since the vicious drought that hit the region a year prior."

"As the dust-storms finally calmed down, and the immense heat wavered, nature was working quietly to reclaim the land."

"Numerous barns dotted the landscape, lonely and vacant. There was nary a soul for miles."

"None, at least, save for a pair of girls traveling eastward on a dirt road. Both were hoisting overburdened knapsacks on their backs."

"One of the girls was having the time of her life, keeping a pace ahead."

[cg start, slow pan down from sky to Mia]

"Mia was the one leading the pack. She’d traversed this stretch of countryside just days prior, and never much cared for retreading her steps..."

"But today was different. This time she'd have company with her. It was a liberating feeling, not being weighed down by the crushing feeling of isolation."

"With a huff, she hoisted up her backpack. She couldn't help but smile to herself — Mia hadn't been this excited to go on a new adventure in a long time."

Mia "...Mm... Ahhh..."

"Mia took a deep breath, drinking in the country air around her, and the earthy aromas with it."

Mia "Hoo! {i}Gorgeous{/i} weather today, innit Celes?? Gah, the country's great this time’a’ year..."
Mia "...C'les?"

"Mia paused aside. She was left to her own devices."

[cg end]

"She glanced cautiously behind, looking for Celes. Ah, she hadn't gone far!"

Mia "Hey, whaddaya doin' back there 'hind that tree?? Let's stay on the trail!"

Cel "...B, but someone might see us..."

Mia "Ah, C'leees..."

#mia exit stage left

"Mia grinned wryly to herself, hurrying to Celes's side."

mia "It'll be okay, C'les. Nobody 'round for miles. Just us girls, okay?"

cel "...I don't wanna spook somebody though... c-caravans pass by, the horses might, might freak out and-"

mia "Celeees. It'll be fine. If anyone gives ya crap about your, ah, 'condition', they'll hafta deal with me."

cel "...Really?

mia "O’ course! Now, c'mooon, easy, girl!"

#sfx wobble

cel "W-wha!"

#enter stage left 

#sfx wobble

"Taking Celes by the shoulders, Mia dragged her out to face the day."

[cg start, slow pan up]

"At a glance, Celes was certainly a sight to behold. The sun reflected a bright sheen on her glossy skin."

"A pair of rainboots dug into the dry dirt road, the paint chipping slightly near the soles."

"Celes wobbled slightly as she was ushered forward. She might've been a little overdressed for travel out in the countryside, in an attempt to cover up as much of her inky, violet skin as possible."

"One of her gloved hands was placed firmly on the brim of her sunhat. Her eyes darted back and forth as if on the lookout for strangers."

mia "C'mon out now... can't be losin’ track’a ya this early!"

"She seemed to shrink a little. Mia gingerly massaged her shoulder as she ushered Celes into the light."

cel "Nn... it's..."

extend "...It's actually really nice out, wow."

mia "Heh! Toldya!~"

[cg end]

“Mia let go of Celes, giving her room to slip her backpack back on.”

[use backpack layer for Celes starting here]

cel "...Will the main trail really be okay to use?"

mia "It'll be fine, C'les. What's the worst that could happen?"

cel "Uhhh... civil unrest. A stampede. Someone has a heart attack..."

mia "Aww, C'leees. Honestly, ya can't be jumpin’ at your own shadow every time ya look ahead..."

mia "Or else you'll never get to take your first real step.  We're on an adventure now!"

cel "...Yeah. Y-you're right. It's just..."

cel "...I-I'm sorry. We only just left, this isn't a good time for... for naysaying."

"Celes was still quite tense, but relaxed under Mia's tensing hands. She took a breath."

cel "It really is just the two of us out here, huh?"

mia "...Looks like it. Ya feelin’ better, C'les?"

cel "Yeah. You were right — the weather's absolutely delightful."

cel "Ahh... the breeze is so nice on my skin too.~"

"Celes hugged herself quietly, looking ahead to the scattered buildings."

"Her smile dissipated as quickly as it came."

cel "There really is no one left out on the prairies. At this time of day, you'd expect to see families out to hang their washed clothes..."

mia "Yeah. Lookit the overgrowth on some’a those buildings too."

mia "Heh. Nature finds a way, I guess."

cel "...I hope everyone made it to the city okay..."

"Mia frowned to herself. Of course, this must've been difficult for Celes to look at."

mia "...I'm sure they all made it out fine. The road to Agnes ain't usually filled with bandits an’ ne'er-do-wells."

cel "...No. No it isn't."

cel "It's just... tough to look at, is all. I remember all of these buildings, y'know?"

mia "...Ya gonna be alright, C'les? It's okay to feel a lil’ homesick."

cel "N-no, no. I'm okay. We already said goodbye to the ol' barnhouse. I've done enough moping around, eheh..."

"Celes curtly shook her head, trying to put on a brave smile for Mia."

cel "It just got me all... waxing nostalgic is all."

"Celes's  pretty blue eyes lit up recognizing a familiar building. She leaned over to tug at Mia's sleeve and pointed."

cel "Like, see, over there? Where I'm pointing? There's the old church!"

mia "Huh. So it is. I guess they pop up ev’rywhere."

cel "Yeah! The whole community would gather there every Sunday to pray."

Mia "Church, huh... like, sermons, and lectures and stuff?"

Mia "Noooot sure if that's my kinda scene, haha..."

Cel "Heheh... it could get a little stuffy at times. Father Klaus’s voice could put you right to sleep too."

Cel "But then there'd be a big barbecue outside! And bake sales, and fruit stands, and everyone would get together..."

Cel "And laugh, and talk about the week and... i-it was nice."

Mia "Oh man, a barbecue!? Luckyyy...  that sounds way better than what we got at St. Lucille's..."

Mia "Just marched on in wearin’ our Sunday finest, and boy did we hafta hush up! We were in the Goddess' house after all..."

Mia "...Nyeeehh... now I want barbecue..."

Cel "I-I doubt we packed anything for a barbecue."

Mia "Waaaah... but I need protein! I'm a growin' girl, y'know..."

Cel "Heheh! Then I guess we better get a move on then!~"

"Celes hurried ahead with her familiar wobbly footsteps. Mia blinked, surprised at Celes's sudden enthusiasm.

Mia "H-hey, that's my line! C'leees!"

"Celes laughed breezily, her hefty backpack bouncing with every step. She glanced back to check on Mia..."

#sfx rough step

"...but her boot found its way into a divot."

cel "W-whoa no-"

"With a wet flop, Celes hit the ground."

Mia {i}Gasp!{/i} C'les!"

"Mia hurried over to come to Celes's aid, leaning down."

Mia "Are your legs feelin’ alright? This's all new t'you, innit..."

#wry smile

Cel "I-I'm still... finding my legs."

"Under Mia's grip, Celes rose to her feet. Her legs were quivering like jelly."

Mia "It's okay. We can take it a lil' easy."

Cel "But... Mom and Dad might be in Agnes."

Cel "Everyone went to the city... I-I need to know."

Mia "We'll find 'em. It'll all be okay. We don't gotta rush."

"Mia hooked her arm with Celes, supporting Celes until she could stand straight."

Mia "Boots holdin’ up good? It's a long way to Agnes."

Cel "Yeah. I've made the trip a few times."

Cel "I just know you've been... traveling on foot a lot more than me."

Cel "I don't wanna... I don't wanna be a liability, y'know?"

Mia "...Heh. Trust me. You won't be."

"Mia doted over Celes briefly, picking out any twigs and dry leaves that got caught in Celes's dress."

Mia "It gets mighty lonely, goin’ from place t' place all by yourself. That's prolly the roughest part."

mia "But... well, if it's the two of us, I think we'll manage. We can watch each other's back, right?"

cel "Heheh. That's true, just..."

cel "I just wanna know how I can really help, y'know? This is... my first big adventure."

mia "Hmmm... I guess I can take you on as my 'pprentice.~"

cel "Apprentice??"

mia "Yeah! I'll teach ya as we go! I wasn't a trail-blazin' pro on day one, ya know??"

mia "And, aaand, ya know this trail {i}wayyy{/i} better than I do. You can be my guide!~"

cel "...Hm! I-I used to walk the road from Doughton to Agnes for the odd trip..."

cel "I wonder what we'll see along the way. Th-there're a few landmarks..."

cel "M-maybe we can check out the Kilfud Hill? The changing leaves are really nice this time of year!"

cel "...W-wait, no, we can't take too many detours either... wehh..."

mia "Hmmm... there's a bright idea! I'd love to check it out!"

mia "It's not like there ain't any trees in the city, but... seein’ a whole forest with all the colors mixin' and matchin'?"

mia "I've haven't seen nothin’ like that! It only happens once a year too, sooo..."

cel "...You haven't seen the leaves change?"

mia "Heh, nope! Are you gonna take me to see? I'm beggin' ya!~"

"Celes's astonished expression gave way to understanding. Mia was hardly transparent about her motivations, but..."

"...Celes was so relieved nonetheless. She nodded."

cel "Yeah. Definitely. It's tradition that we go check it out, right?"

mia "Mmhm! Agnes ain’t goin’ anywhere. We don't gotta rush."

mia "'Sides, I'd say you're more’a the \"stop an' smell the roses\" type, C'les!~"

cel "Hehehe... m-maybe a bit. Though maybe letting myself wander too much is a bad habit..."

mia "Aw shucks, I don't believe that... it's fun to explore!"

cel "...Yeah. Yeah it is."

"Mia caught onto Celes's brightening expression, and reciprocated in turn. Celes was a doter, a worrywart, and a pile of nerves all mushed together."

"It was relieved to see her get earnestly excited for something. Maybe Mia touched on some of Celes's childlike wonder."

cel "Okay! I-I can lead, it'll be like... like a guided tour! A fun excursion!~"

mia "Heh! Make sure to show me the coolest spots, okay? All the secrets you locals keep from gawky tourists!~"

cel "Mmhm! I'll lead the way!"

"Celes bounced towards Mia..."

"...Taking her by the wrist with a boundless smile!"

mia "Wh- C'les?? Where're we-"

cel "If we're gonna see everything before the sun sets, we gotta head out!"

cel "There's a little foothill out on the outskirts, too! We could see prairie dogs!~"

mia "{i}Prairie dogs??{/i} Ahh, eheh, y-y'sure we oughta..."

"But Celes was already breaking into a run, and she was intent on taking Mia around for the ride."

mia "Wh-whoa, C'les! Slow down, lemme catch my footing, haha! Jeez!"

cel "You're fiiiine! This is just a breezy little run!~"

mia "Ohhh, you're itchin' for a race, huh?? Ya got chutzpah!"

"Admittedly, Mia was worried about the payload on her back... and on Celes's back as well. They probably couldn't handle more than a hundred meter sprint..."

"...But Mia had a competitive spirit flare up inside of her. For better for worse, she felt like matching Celes's enthusiasm, just this once."

mia "...Hmph!"

"Mia got into a stance, eyeing the dirt trail..."

"...And with a single burst of speed, she was off!"

"Mia moved like the wind, her powerful legs barely touching the ground as they pushed Mia further and further along."

cel "W-whoa!"

"Celes had no response, staggering to a halt as Mia zoomed past her, kicking up dust with each bounding step."

"Before long, Mia was at a turn in the dirt road, and skidded to a halt. A small hop at the end of her sprint steadied herself enough for a small celebration!"

mia "HOO YEAH! Oh, that's a rush!"

mia "What, you still all the way back there? C'mon over, I'm waitin’ for ya!"

"{i}Brush, brush.{/i}"

cel "...Mia?"

mia "D'you see that C'les? Ya kept track, right? I blitzed that, girl!"

"{i}Brush, brush, brush.{/i}"

cel "...Miaaa..."

mia "Oh maaan, I could go {i}national{/i} if I wanted! {i}International!{/i} {b}Intergalactic!{/b}"

"{i}Brush, brush, brush, brush.{/i}"

cel "Mia!"

mia "Eh? Whatsit?"

cel "Mia, your tail's out!"

mia "...Eh? Seriously?"

[cg start, focused on Celes - each feature appears in a panel as the narration mentions it]

"Mia turned around, looking behind her. From her backside, a bushy, orange and striped cat tail had wriggled out."

"It whipped back and forth in playful excitement—a consequence of Mia's jubilation with her track-and-field victory."

"...Or, at least, it {i}was{/i} excited. Mia stared at her enormous appendage with a flat expression, her good cheer dissipating quickly."

mia "...Awww man... it happened again."

"Mia whined, raising a hand to her cap. Her brown eyes had given way to narrower, strikingly feline pupils, the whites now a deep yellow."

"...And the back of her hand met with the enormous flaps of her transformed ears, now jutting out the sides of her head. They twitched involuntarily with the gesture."

"Her hand paused, and she stared at how her hand had given way to feline features—large pawprints jutting out among her fur-covered palms and wrists."

[reveal full Mia]

"Mia's malady was apparent just by looking at her. She was a werecat, constantly shifting between human and cat forms."

"Mia sighed to herself, her eyes lowering down to the ground."

cel "I-it's okay, Mia! It's just us right now..."

mia "...I guess so, but..."

mia "...Heheh. I guess this counts as a performance enhancer, huh..."

"All Mia could do was laugh at herself, and her strange affliction."

[cg end]

mia "...I guess ya saw me change again...?'

cel "Mmhm. Midway through the sprint."

mia "...That'd explain it."

cel "...You really were incredible, though."

mia "Eh? I.. eheh, thanks, but it... {i}does{/i} feel like cheatin’ a bit. Sorry."

cel "No, no, it's okay! It just... kinda happens, I know."

mia "Yeah, but... I should have more control over it. Otherwise, it could... we..."

cel "...We can take things at our own pace, Mia. We're both figuring this stuff out, right?"

mia "...Yeah. Definitely."

#memo: nvl format for inner thoughts

"Sheesh... I gotta get this thing under control before we get to Agnes. Feels like friggin' anything'll go and get me all crazy. C'les has the patience of a damn saint for puttin' up with this..."

"The list goes on and on too. Bugs flittering all around my face, the smell'a fish, yapping dogs... {i}prairie dogs!{/i} Ohh, I hope they aren't big fellas..."

"Ngaah, keep it together, Mia! It's not so bad. Least I can pass for normal, but C'les..."

"Celes ain't got the same luxury, she... she's stuck like that. {i}Permanently.{/i} And it's been eating her up inside, I can tell."

"Goddess, how could such a thing happen to such a sweet little country gal from the prairies... the world ain't fair, is what it is."

"...But... even if we ended up changing down the road... it don't feel like anything changed 'tween us. She's still the same, soft-hearted girl I met in town."

"She's still got those pretty blue eyes. And the freckles dottin' her cheeks. And the little dimples that happen when she has a good laugh..."

"Jeez, she's beautiful. The muck don't do anything to take away from her."

#memo: old block of narration, delete

"Mia's changes were rather bothersome, but... she couldn't complain. At least she could pass as human."

"Celes had it worse than her—Celes had no respite for her alien appearance. Mia had to be strong—she couldn't lose focus."

"It was hard. Certain things were always triggers—fish, dogs, bugs flittering about in her face. They triggered her instincts something fierce, but..."

"She was happy Celes always empathized with her. There was a kinship between them—a mutual understanding. It felt like things really would be okay."

"They both had to soldier on through inflicted changes neither of them asked for. Knowing that, they both propped each other up."

cel "Um, Mia?"

mia "...Eh?"
cel "Are you okay? You... you've been staring into empty space for a while now..."

mia "...O-oh, shoot, I... I-I got distracted, sorry!"

mia "(Shoot, I was starin’ {i}right at her!{/i} She must think I'm a leery lunatic or somethin’!)"

mia "(No, no, get it together. She's a sweetheart. Don't think about crap like that, just... pull yourself together..."

mia "...mm... lemme just... get this friggin' cat stuff under control here, and..."

"Mia closed her eyes, humming to herself. She focused on her core, breathing deeply."

"Her nose crinkled as her focus intensified. Her mouth flattened."

cel "Easy there Mia. Easy..."

"Celes rose her gloved hands to Mia's shoulders, gently massaging them. Mia's eyes fluttered open briefly to glance to Celes."

"...Mia smiled briefly, before returning to her exercises. She had to find her center again. Put the cat back in her cage..."

"Mia's breath steadied. The rusty orange fur slowly receded from her body, revealing her tan skin once more. Her ears shrunk against her head. Her tail receded."

"...And in time, she opened her eyes, now brown again. She lowered them to glance at her hands."

mia "...Hoo. Okay. All normal."

cel "Are you okay, Mia?"

mia "Heheh... great! I still got it!~"

"She met Celes with a smile, ready to put all that nonsense behind them. She patted Celes on the shoulder."

mia "Thanks for the assist, C'les. We good to go?"

cel "Mmhm. We can't be far now..."

mia "Far from what?"

mia "...Oh. The prairie dogs. Right, heheh... ha..."

"Mia wasn't sure about this first stop on Celes's whirlwind tour, but... she had to put on a brave face."

"Still, dogs, though... woof."

jump scene2