Hi.

As most of you know, my grandfather passed away on December 12.

He progressed rapidly over the course of a week. Every day for that week, we entered new uncharted territory. I held his hand while he took his final breath.

It was a beautiful, but intensely heart breaking experience. I am incredibly relieved to know my grandfather is no longer suffering, but my world is so much different without him in it. 

I'm very fortunate to have had the support of my close friends to get me through this trying time. Some of you are reading this. You know who you are. Thank you.

The last week I have been clearing out the excess of the past, and adjusting to an entirely new way of life. Especially being the holiday season, and with all of my family being disjointed and spread far and wide, life feels pretty surreal right now.

My partner surprised me by driving out from Minnesota, with his dog, in his sprinter. While my grandfather was deteriorating, John took shifts at his bedside so I could sleep in the van, and vice versa. He was with me when my grandfather passed away.

In the days following my grandfather's death, my house has felt very warm with the company of John and Jake (the dog) where it otherwise would have felt empty and isolating. He even helped me decorate my home for Christmas. I honestly don't know how I would have endured this experience alone, and so am feeling deeply grateful.

This month is pretty much an adjustment period. I'm adjusting to a new world, without the same familial parameters that made home feel like 'home.' I'm depressed. I'm uncertain. I'm also relieved. And it's all ok.

I intend to write more on this experience when everything is a little more put together. I am still processing and making arrangements for my grandfather's remains, celebration of life, closing of accounts, etc.

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But another weird thing happened while I was enveloped in the trauma of losing my grandpa. Tumblr deactivated all accounts exposing nudity... even my private blogs. This is making it difficult to spring right back into Patreon productivity. I'm currently trying to export my blogs, so as not to lose the content. As it stands, all three of my Tumblr account 'export statuses' have read "Backup processing..." for about 30 hours. If anyone has advice on the matter, I'm open!

In the mean time, this experience has inspired me to explore making more physical content available to my patrons, such as 'zines' or mini-books. This could be a fun and exclusive way to archive the work I have done. Is this something you might be interested in? Why or why not?

I hope you are all enjoying a happy and healthy holiday season, and I look forward to sharing with you again very soon. Thank you again. XO.