22.

22.

Fuck em. Fuck all of them. All these so called friends. Flaky as fuck and when it comes down to it, not friends at all. Just a bunch of words coming out of their faces. Just words, backed up by nothing. 

Annah had always judged her anger, but now she saw her anger as the unspoken witness finding a voice and speaking up for all the injustices. A lifetime of putting up with people taking her for a ride, treating her like an object, just someone to be used and discarded. Now, she wanted nothing to do with these people. She was content to be alone. Her family were the same. She didn’t understand it, she was perfectly good company when not triggered, and she was only triggered because people were so increasingly disappointing. She had a close circle of inner friends that were extremely loyal, but all lived in other countries. Gozo was becoming much like London, iMac, her friend, spending time audioing friends miles and miles away, whilst most people here ignored her on a regular basis. She was tired. 

“Maybe I should go get a rich sugar daddy” she thought. Tired of scraping. Tired of being poor. She could behave like other women. Put down her boundaries. Assert her needs. Give me money, buy me a house, buy me a car, take care of me, then maybe I’ll give you a tit bit of what you need.

Annah had a secret. In London, she had paid for a massage and enjoyed a happy ending on 3 occasions. It made so much sense to pay for her needs in the same way she saw a physiotherapist. Keep the emotions out, keep out the drama. Because the only reason why she ever got involved with men was her libido would run high after three months and she would feel some loneliness that she needed to deal with. But then, starved of affection, she would fall in love with men completely unsuitable to fall in love with, they would either be unavailable or not wanting a relationship. In starvation mode she would overlook all these obstacles and just ride the wave of good times, only to come crashing down on the shore when the high was over.

Time to get wise she thought. Let’s date rich men. I don’t want any other. I deserve a man who is worthy and deserving of me.Who makes taking me out to restaurants his priority, who buys me nice things and treats me right. I no longer need to give myself away to men who treat me second rate, not that I ever did.