This is Suze

Suze is sick

Added 2020-01-09 14:18:33 +0000 UTC

Patrons, I gotta get real with you. I haven't been feeling well for weeks. I made it through December, without taking more than a day off, and now every day I am not working is a day where I am trying to get well. CPTSD in terms of pain is emotional memory. The brain unfortunately can't tell the difference between physical and emotional pain so is sending survival signals out all the time and quite frankly I feel like I'm dying.

I've been making Vlogs for you, but since I borrowed the android phone to record them for you, it just will not sync to upload, and so it looks like tomorrow is the earliest. This illness means I don't have the strength to cope when things like this go wrong. Today I am fasting because the healer here wants to give me some support, and is offering me some plant medicine to try and help me with this CPTSD (it's like PTSD, but complex, which means it's not gained from just one event).

Don't think it means I am not thinking of you, because I am, every day, and I feel under pressure to be making a Vlog for you, and frustrated by these upload problems. But in order to take care of myself right now, because at the moment I'm feeling so much grief, I'm not feeling like I want to be here on this earth. I am trying to find the courage. I'll let you know how it goes after the healing session.

Send me prayers and I will be in touch soon.

Suze ;-)