Happy New Year

My loyal patrons, I wish for you such an amazing year.

What does an amazing year look like for you?

For me it would be to continue with my dream of making full time content. I feel as if sometimes I make promises that I cannot or do not always keep, and that makes me feel sad.

These last few days, maybe weeks, as I have transitioned out of the big city to this tiny little island of Gozo,  all kinds of upheaval has arisen. Tears, anger, so much coming up everyday that I have to be honest (it's the Authenticity Challenge afterall) I am sometimes at odds with these emotions. I wish they would go away. They feel like an interruption to my work here on Patreon, they feel like a disturbance and an interference. And yet isn't that the point?

The point of this challenge was to be okay with everything that I am, the good, the bad and the ugly. Lately I have been in so much pain, that I feel like all I have to share is the ugly. The ugliness of rage, jealousy, pain, anger. I had a beautiful creative new year's eve, and I started January 1st in meditation at the sea, taking care to follow my heart and whatever it wanted to do that day, take a bath, write to the sun going down, and then edit my next video for my patrons, who are always in my heart, as you allow me to do what I love.

I know we've had this conversation before, but some of my new patrons might not have yet read my older posts. My assumption is that if I shared with you the truth of each day at the moment, you would very easily get bored and run away. If you knew me you'd know that I am extremely sensitive and I need the interaction of my audience to have that feedback. It's a two way street as far as I'm concerned. Your comments are as precious to me as you supporting me each month with money.

For those who tuned into the live stream, you can share with me here how it felt to you. for me, I wanted to be swallowed by the earth! I've had this feeling before, when I feel super vulnerable and I feel like I'm out on a limb emotionally, and as soon as it ended I brought it down. I couldn't bare the idea that anyone else would tune in and see this. I know this is a part of the challenge, but as patron no.14 (he knoes who he is) has messaged me directly before and said that I don't have to put myself out on a limb like this. Vulnerability afterall as Brene Brown teaches, is not about brutality. As the dalai lama says "Honesty without compassion is brutality" Always important words to live by.

Forgive me for not posting at Christmas as I promised. I've just felt quite closed down and I'm doing everything I can to get out of this mood. Well, maybe listening to Otis Redding on loop isn't the best way to go about it! But sometimes when I listen to music it just expresses exactly what I'm feeling. So if you want to understand through music how i'm feeling, put on Otis singing "Come to Me" that'll give you an idea!

What music are you listening to? Send your favourite songs here and I will listen to them 

Let's have the most openly authentic year ever,

love,

Suze :-)

p.s. this picture is a screenshot of my next video ;-)