Ascension (Hi-Res / Extra Thoughts)

This is the hi res (~3600 px)! Thank you so much for your support.

---

Suddenly, obsidian flames pooled on the ground ahead of him and he watched as a figure began to emerge from them.  “Well, now...” Draco growled, clenching his fists at his sides as he began to recognize the shape of the figure, “You just don’t DIE, do you?”

Standing defiantly in the middle of the flames, the wingless hybrid stared back at the dragon, a low growl emanating from his throat.  Black lightning streaked from his clawed hands and crashed into the ground next to the possessed being, causing small explosions that sent rubble up against him. “Surprised to see me?”, Kaji rumbled, his voice thundering through the antechamber, the acoustics of the room modulating it.

---

A painting for GrowingDraco and KajiDraolf of Twitter. They entrusted me with depicting a scene from a story they wrote together, titled Ascension, and I couldn't have been happier to do so! I did have some troubles living up to the expectations in my head, I'm still really pleased with this, though I had to restart once and had to scrap a plan or two since my skill didn't let me do it properly -- was causing more problems than it was solving. :<

Regardless, ahhh, thank you, both of you, for trusting me with this!! It means the world to me that you asked me to do this for you, knowing how important that story is for you both. For those who don't know of the story, you can click here to read it: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/5685241/

Much love, guys. Thank you so much. <3

---

This one kicked my absolute ass, I'm not even going to sugarcoat it. Between the new year, the attempted insurrection and bubbling coup at the Capitol, and mental health, this painting went through a bit of a storm. For a time, I didn't even want to touch it, and even had to restart it once, when I realize what I was doing and where it was going was just not going to be good enough.

That was sort of the running theme in my head, really -- good enough. I started the year out on a good entry, and then quickly ground to a halt and collapsed shortly afterwards with everything going on. You know that voice in your head, the one that asks constantly if you're wasting your time, if the effort will ever even be enough, if this is the best it will be? ... No, not everyone has that? Oh... Well, anyways, that was loud and clear, constantly, while working on this.

It's compounded by streaming and by social media. Streaming in that, I worry a lot that it's going to be what reveals me as a "fraud", for showing how slow I can be at painting details and things. And social media, well... When you watch people in similar circumstances, like a pandemic, able to create new paintings and sketches every other day, sometimes literally every day, it's tough to feel like things are "okay" when my own paintings take me a bit.

And so I kept wanting to push these aside. Especially this one. I eventually managed to collect myself enough to push it through to the end, but it has taken a lot more energy than I expected it to. I'm not... The proudest of this piece, as a result. I think it has a lot of glaring problems, and doesn't go as far as I wanted. But the clients love it, and I'm still absolutely honored they trusted me with the piece. I also know a lot of what I see as "wrong" or that is bothering me is -because- I sat with it for nearly a month. Obviously, my view is going to be tainted a bit by that.

So maybe in a little while, I'll feel better? I am proud of some of what's going on here -- my saturation feels nicer, some of my rendering is solid. I'm especially happy with how detailed yet still simplified things like the flames and Draco's hair are. That's always such a big problem for me, that I overwork things like that, that I'm proud. But gosh, the extra baggage that came with this piece... I could do without that!

I'm still sort of collecting myself. Things are slow still. I'm not proud of that. But... I'm alive. I'm kicking. I hope you all are as well. No getting sick out there, still -- vaccines are distributing slower than anyone would like, BUT that is no excuse! Keep wearing masks, staying safe. I expect to be able to hug you all again when I can. Thank you so, so much for being so patient with me, and for your continued support, -especially- given these rocky times. I know I say it a lot, but. God. I really, really appreciate it. I wouldn't be here without ya'll. Thank you.

<3 Stay safe.