Journal | November 4

October was a strange month for booking work, and I'm relatively certain November will be as well. This tends to happen every time I travel south, and as I'm going to be in Florida in December, I've begun receiving the strangest messages on Model Mayhem (a site used for booking work as a freelance model). What a name, right? Implies just the right sorts of things about the freelance modeling world, as if the nature of the work alone didn't already they decided to do so with the word 'mayhem.' Just great.

My recent issues with booking have been mostly related to the sheer number of fetish photographers who have decided now is the time to bombard me with messages - oh, and not only are they photographing content that I've listed as outside my limits, they also do not want to pay my full rate for it either. Seriously, some are offering HALF of my modeling rate for fetish content for pay sites...the struggles I've had wrapping my brain around that one is just too much. Foot fetish, getting tied up and tickled, duct tape...I just don't understand what crack in the wall these humans are crawling out of, and they must, additionally, be sort of illiterate as I've written all of these things down in detail. In fine, annoying, pedantic detail. 

I told one photographer that I do not shoot fetish, politely, and he said, "Half your portfolio is fetish." Which is 1) not true and 2) implies that he must just see my physical person as a fetish in itself (red hair, armpit hair). Which is pretty gross. I even had a model today send me a message to tell me that no one is going to read my booking information or limits so I should stop being upset about it - oh and she bothered to add in an accusatory message about why I don't like glamour. Because, apparently, I must only have opinions about things that agree with everyone in the universe or someone, somewhere will be upset that we do not like the same things. 

It's very strange, because overall, I've been getting very good bookings recently with wonderful people doing really creative beautiful work. But those are legitimately about, maybe, 10% of the messages I get. And the other 90% is a barrage of grossness, weirdness, things I do not do, and accusatory messages about why I don't do those things. 

And fetish content in general...I'm a bit shocked some days. I'm a nude model, I'm very well traveled, but some days I see something that shocks me. I've seen so many gross things, but the sheer number of fetishes is just alarming. What people fetishize is a bit alarming. The act of existing is, at times, a fetish. Me, sitting here in my sweater, is a fetish. I'm not kidding - girls in sweaters is a fetish. Who knew? If I wear tights and sneakers, apparently this is also a fetish. Thigh highs? forget about it. Better not splay your toes too far exiting the shower, that's also a fetish. I see you're having a cup of coffee and you're wearing a tank top? Well, guess what that is? Did you know that if you wear sandals in your car and press on the car accelerator, that's a fetish? It's a specific type of foot fetish. 

So now, when people ask me if I do fetish modeling, in order to be entirely accurate, I have to laugh my ass off and say "Well, not on purpose or with any sort of intention! But yeah, probably just by existing, I've ended up doing that."

Weird world.