Chapter 146: Hitched

Arthur realized that he had been living with a misconception. He had thought of the parents as Coldbrook as well meaning and bearing the heraldry of concerned motherhood. They had come for the express purpose of confirming that their sons and daughters were safe, happy, and healthy.

But they were also people who had lived their whole lives with the system. And that meant their levels were far higher than anything that Arthur and the rest of the town could match, as long as Talca and Skal were excluded.

Now that he opened the floodgates of asking the mostly-idle group of women to make an already cute event more beautiful, he began to learn that they were more than just mothers. They were strength-focused laborers, dexterity-focused caligraphers, and a class that focused on after-dark lighting in cities. There were farmers and carvers, and even one mother with a class called bulk mover who scoffed at the idea that getting everything they needed to the top of the cliff would be difficult.

And when they found out that Arthur was running out of ideas for how to handle things such as flower arrangements and music, the smell of blood in the water was too much for them. They flowed out into the town like a troop of beserkers, venting their pent-up energies on finding, crafting, and otherwise bending the world to their will.

At least they’re remembering to leave the actual stair-cutting and platform-leveling to the town. I’d feel bad if that experience was gone.

The first real sign of how handled everything now was came in the form of a town-resident farmer, fully cowed into submission by his mother. He sulked up to Arthur and shoved an envelope into the mayor’s hand. Confused, Arthur tore it open and took a look at the contents inside.

Coldbrook Resident, you are formally invited to the joining ceremony of Milo and Rhodia, to be held two days hence. This elegant dual ceremony will be performed in the style of a distant, forgotten world and followed by a traditional town square announcement.

Food, drink, and music will be provided in plenty.

The Coldbrook visiting-mothers committee wishes the happy couple the best of their new lives together, and pledges their support both now and in the future.

“My gods.” Arthur turned the letter over in his hands a few times. Some well-prepared mom, likely Leena’s mother, simply must have brought her own paper. He hadn’t seen anything this nice in circulation in the the town. Coupled with the handwriting, the invitation was a work of art. “Monsters. I’ve unleashed monsters.”

“Yes, you have.” Milo strode up, finally recovered from his crafting, and teary eyed from laughter as he gripped his own letter. “I just got invited to my own joining ceremony. I don’t think most of the moms even know who is getting joined, just that someone is. They’re going all-out.”

“Is it too much?” Arthur winced as a mom ran by at a full sprint, in pursuit of some wedding-planning goal that just couldn’t wait. “It’s not like we were struggling that much before. This feels like it’s going to devolve into a spectacle.”

“Let it.” Rhodia walked up behind Milo, setting her chin on his shoulder and scanning over the letter herself. “I want that. I don’t think the moms will make it fully ridiculous. They’ll just pack it with every single thing it can fit.”

The sprinting mom from before ran back the other way now, holding both a shovel and a large kitchen knife she had found somewhere. Her eyes glinted with a frightening amount of determination as she did.

“And, Arthur, just remember. This is fun for okay, OK? I don’t know what weddings were like on Earth, but here the big deal is that we get joined at the end of it. There’s no way to ruin this thing, unless one of us dies.” Milo tilted his head to the side a bit as the bulk mover mom walked by holding two full-size tables, one in each hand. “We won’t actually die, right?”

“Probably not,” Arthur said, a little bit unsure himself. “No guarantees, because I think I’ve lost the reins on this. But probably not.”

—

The next few days passed by in a daze. Things happened, but Arthur contended himself to tending the shop and slinging boba refreshments for everyone. He got quite a lot of compliments on his choice of drinks, but everyone seemed to be distracted by the big event coming up. Sometimes they would talk to him about the general forest-based flower harvest or whatever else they were focused on at the moment.

The ceremony might still be a disaster, sure, but that appeared to be still a good outcome for Rhodia and Milo’s tastes.

And finally, the big day came. With the recently learned wisdom thanks to Lily and the others, Arthur woke up relaxed.

At this point, everything that’s going to happen is going to happen. And that’s okay.

To the extent there had been much left to do in the last few days, Arthur’s involvement had been simply telling people how Earth ceremonies went and seeing how various demons reacted to the idea. Both Milo and Rhodia had rejected the idea of rings outright, which made sense considering both of them constantly worked with their hands. Instead, Arthur and Milo had spent an afternoon making bracelets out of demon-world currency, all of which was minted in fairly durable, tarnish-proof metal. They were beautiful things, drawing on every bit of Milo’s skill. When his levels rose in the future, he’d capable of making even prettier jewelry if he wanted, but he was clear that he’d never replace them.

It was Rhodia who rejected the idea of a rehearsal dinner, stating that she could walk down a hallway just fine without practicing it. Both of them were thrilled with the idea of a best man and maid of honor toast at the dinner, and accepted it without requiring a single sales pitch from Arthur. Most surprising was that Milo was okay with not seeing Rhodia before the ceremony on the day itself, but Arthur accepted it without too much trouble. As much as they were like humans in most ways, the intricacies of demon psychology weren’t always trackable. He was comfortable rolling with those punches, accommodating their preferences, and just enjoying what came of it.

“Arthur!” Lily was waiting for him when he came out of his house, already dressed in his finest clothes. “You’re really wearing that?”

“It’s what I look best in. I triple-checked with Milo and Rhodia, and it’s what they said they wanted.” Arthur patted down his coldfall garb, which had stubbornly refused to get wrinkled even after months and months at the bottom of a trunk. “I think it’s going to be distracting.”

“It definitely is. You look like you are about to go kill a dragon. Or marry one,” Lily teased.

Arthur ignored that quip and got back on business. “Is the bride ready?”

“Mostly. They’re putting the finishing touches on her hair. I just came by to tell you that Milo is in your shop. They decided that was the best place to quarantine him until the ceremony.”

“They?” Arthur cocked his head. “Quarantine?”

“Yeah. He’s… well, just go see. It’s your job, anyway.”

Lily left without any further elaboration, skipping down the road towards the relative calm and fun of the girl’s side of the ceremony prep. Arthur watched her go, then turned towards the plaza. If there was trouble, and it sounded like there was, it was his job to get it under control.

“Milo, it’s like this. Imagine a grountou.” Karbo’s untranslatable word was delivered from a nervous mouth, one clearly unused to trying to reassure nervous grooms in cafes. “A grountou is big and strong. If you stab it once, sometimes it lives. If you stab it twice, it can survive. But if you stab it a hundred times? A thousand? It goes down. Joining is like that. Just… keep stabbing.”

Milo looked up at Karbo with uncomprehending eyes. He was dressed in his finest, and his head-feathers that served as hair had been brushed and oiled at some point that day. Still, he looked disheveled, like he had run his hands through it one too many times. Karbo’s good intentioned nonsense was clearly coming from the best of emotional intents, but was also the exact wrong thing. That much was visible from across the room.

“Thanks, Karbo,” Arthur said. “I think I have it from here.”

Arthur walked up and flicked Milo’s forehead as hard as he could. Milo looked up at him in mild shock, realizing he was there for the first time.

“Explain,” Arthur demanded. “Whatever this is. What’s going on?”

“I can’t do it,” Milo said. “I can’t do the joining ceremony. It’s a mistake.”

“Is it?” Arthur knelt by his friend. “Because she’s pretty great, Milo. You knew that yesterday.”

“It’s not a mistake for me.” Milo was almost wailing. “It’s a mistake for her. Look at me, Arthur. I mean, just look.”

Milo held out his arms for inspection like it was communicating actual information about his inadequacy for the task of matrimony. Arthur glanced down, saw no obvious defect, then forced the arms down himself.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, you idiot. You’re the same guy as yesterday.”

“There’s no way I can keep her happy for decades and decades, Arthur. You’ve met me. I have like… ten jokes. Ten jokes that are all on repeat, in a cycle. I add a new one per year, at best. I’m boring. I just bend metal, and I…”

Arthur flicked Milo again. Milo tanked it, barely registering the attack as he continued babbling about how ill-suited for being a husband he was. Arthur reset, considered his options, then kicked him in the shin.

“Ow!” Milo clutched his leg.

“Just listen, you idiot.” Arthur forced Milo’s head up so he was looking him in the eyes. “The other day, Mizu was telling me that she didn’t know how joined people did it. That she couldn’t imagine being interesting for just one person for their entire life. Do you think that’s true? For me, I mean? That Mizu couldn’t hold my attention?”

“No, that’s dumb,” Milo said.

“And look at Karbo. He’s a big, stupid ball of meat that breaks things,” Arthur said.

Karbo smiled and nodded in agreement.

“You’ve seen how Itela is around him. She’s not bored. Your dad isn’t bored of your mom. Your mom isn’t bored of your dad.” Arthur saw Milo’s eyes go argumentative and kicked him again, this time in the fresher of the two shins. “Pay attention. This joining is going to work, and Rhodia isn’t going to get bored of you. Joining is not like Karbo swinging you around his head in a barrel. It doesn’t have to be exciting all the time. Most of the time, it’s just nice. It’s just two people who love each other. And Rhodia loves you, right?”

Milo hesitated. For a moment, Arthur thought he was getting through. Then he ruined it.

“She might, but…”

“Okay, guys, beat him up.” Arthur said. “It’s the only thing we can do.”

Karbo, in his wisdom, only held Milo down as Spiky, Minos, and Arthur went to work on him, flicking and pinching from all angles in a storm of mild painful annoyances. It went on for a minute or so until Milo finally broke.

“Fine! Gods, you people.” Milo tried to shake free of Karbo, who held him down until Arthur gave him a nod. “She loves me. Everything is going to be fine. Great. Got it. Did you have to cover me in bruises?”

“I think he did, son.” Minos put his hand tenderly on both his natural born son’s shoulder and Arthur’s. “You were being pretty silly.”

“Well, that’s over now. It’s a new Milo. Serious. Up for tasks.” Milo glanced down at his clothes. “Gods, I’m a mess. I need to change.”

“There’s no time for that.” Eito said, standing up from the corner. “It’s time for the ceremony now.”

“I can’t go like this!” Milo yelled, gesturing at his general messiness. “I look like I fell down a staircase.”

“There’s nothing for it.” Arthur did his best to slick down his friend’s hair, made it worse, then shrugged. “Lets get going. It’s time for you to get hitched.”