Diamond Tiara sketches

I'm still experiencing huge problems with drawing. I dunno... I'm just so fallen apart lately. I know I'm letting everyone down, I'm trying so hard to get back on track. I'm mad with myself for all the times when I felt slightly tired I would take a break and lose it because now it starts to look like I lost it bit by bit forever. I can't get inspired, I can't feel what I'm drawing well. I can't even make 1 pony look like herself. Can't get out of comfort zone, it just doesn't work. And pushing through a wall never works for me. All grand artists say you just gotta keep drawing and it'll come but it doesn't. For me it's like the more I push the more energy it takes til I'm absolutely out of it. Til I just drop and sleep. Even when I'm not tired from work I can't get it right. It's a terrible feeling. 

I don't know what and why am I doing. I'm just lost. I try to focus on mechanic practice when I can't draw anything real but it seems it doesn't help much but pushes me further into mechanic working, not imagining. 

I don't know what to do. If I should take more break on not. Maybe just sit in silence with my eyes closed for a few days. Cause lately I want nothing but sit and look at a wall. I wish I was younger, I wish I had my health back, I wish I wasn't so stressed... I really don't know what. 

And I know it's boring when I whine, I know I shouldn't. It's not to wave it like a flag, I just think it's fair to let everyone who supports me know once in a while why I'm not uploading. I have a feeling I wrote something like this a thousand times already but it always seems like the last time it wasn't as bad. Which all comes to one simple "I'm lost". Mess doodles, mess text. 

I'm very sorry. I'm trying to find something to kick me back up. Try to watch some new movies, try to draw every day. Try to be cheerful. Everything from global politics, state of society, all this mess, to my inner mess just layers up and multiplies and results in me putting on another shell, then another, then more and in the end I can't move with all that armor. Ghost in a shell... Just about right. 

I'm terribly ashamed. I do all I can and I promise if I ever get this old horse plowing again I won't stop. I'll do everything to get back to art as done and never ever let go. I just need some luck and enough strength. I can only hope I'll have it. 

Sorry about the lame sketches...