Want is a drug
Added 2022-10-06 02:09:08 +0000 UTCWant is a drug. The craving, the pursuit. The chase, the high. What happens when you get it? The hit doesn't last, you want more, or something else.
The brain in love acts like the brain on c0caine. That *feeling* cannot be sustained. So I suppose we are to sit in the spaces between hits, feel them in their stagnation, maybe even enjoy their stillness.
I want to want. I live for the pursuit.
But I no longer want anything.
I don't want money, I really just need enough to pay my bills and eat, and maybe not have to work at CVS when I'm 70.
I don't want to be prettier, skinnier, cooler.
I don't want nicer clothes.
I don't want to travel alone, but I don't want to owe a man something when I get there either.
I don't want sex, I've had so much already... both quality and quantity.
The sex is the part that's hardest for me right now, because I spent so much of my life chasing it so the void feels vast. My sexuality has been a big part of my personality since I was probably eleven.
What happens when you chased the high, and got the hit? Over and over and over...
You become numb. And numbness is absence of human experience, in my opinion.
I feel like I need a reset before it's too late.
A break from x-rated content?
A break from social media?
A break from my phone?
A break from relationships and dating?
A normal desk job?
A trip? Geographical or psychedelic?
To go back to school and carve out a new career?
Go back to fashion design?
Go volunteer?
To disappear?
To give up?
Comments
I want to want. I live for the pursuit. But I no longer want anything. oh. it me.
2023-03-13 00:25:56 +0000 UTCI realize this is a while back, but don’t give up or disappear. I’m only a little while back, starting from the end of December, and I can already see your talent. Not even your NSFW talent, like I initially found you over. But these other art sets, they’re keeping me awake because I just want to see them all. Exhaustion in a field or with a part of your personality can hit like a truck. It’s like losing a part of you. Sometimes it fades. Sometimes it doesn’t. Reading this I sort of understood where you were at, the imagery of the high. The chase. All of that. And what happens when you reach it finally and need that break. I hope you took one. I’ve not listened to my mind and done that and it wasn’t a good idea, and tbh I really hope more people get to see you in the future so I wouldn’t want your flame to burn out.
Lord Vis
2022-12-30 09:30:45 +0000 UTC
