NokiMo
Laevo
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Chapter 1 Retcon - Death to all blue screens

Doing a culling of the first few chapters where I had system errors and blue screens. I decided a while ago that wasn't the direction that I wanted to go so I'm cleaning it up. Probably should have done it a while ago, but I really wasn't feeling it. For now I have retcon'd/culled chapter one, but the gist is really the same. If you don't want to read it, it will not be story breaking. 

Changed text:
The sudden shift in shape caused the clasp for the silver chain to snap, sending it tumbling down out of sight, and my new home almost doubled in size. Instead of an oval I was now a proper multi-faceted gemstone. I had one face on the top, another on the bottom, and two rings of 6 equal-sized facets between.

There was a loud snap, and suddenly Cara and I were not so alone anymore. There was a small creature in front me, glaring down at me over a clipboard. He was probably five or six times bigger than my newly sized gemstone, had two large wings folded behind him, and looked a little annoyed to be here.

  “Good existence, young dungeon core. I am UI, one of the Universal Interpreters, and you do not have an appointment today.” His accusatory tone was a little confusing to me, but I was stunned speechless at the fact that he had appeared from nowhere so I was unable to ask what I’d done wrong.

  “Let’s see here. Hmm, dual-affinities. Or, wait, are there two souls in that core?” He leaned closer and squinted into the gemstone like he could actually see us. “That is… genuinely interesting. Tell me, which of the gods decided they were going to create their own dungeon? I’d like to figure out how they managed to shove two sapient souls into a gem like that. Or how they managed to create a dungeon outside the usual means at all.”

"Huh?" I didn't really understand what was going on at all.

"How do we escape this Soul Gem? How do I get back into my body?" It seemed Cara had a couple questions of her own. Questions that, grudgingly, I admit were a bit more refined than mine.

The weird creature, fairy my brain was telling me but I wasn’t sure why, smiled back down at us as it heard our voices. Not a pleasant smile though, more of a predatory smile that sent chills down my facets. “I'm not really authorized to answer those questions, young dungeon core. Cores? Core, there is only one gemstone here, silly me. We UIs are not supposed to have interactive conversations, those are for your companions to have. I am here to collect your affinity, or affinities in this case, and get a name for your dungeon. What are your names?”

"Manning." It came out smugly, but that wasn’t really my intention. I was just happy to share my newly re-discovered name with someone.

"Cara." 

  “Hmm, Manning and Cara. Cara and Manning. Canning? No that’s just silly, who ever heard of a canning dungeon. Mara, Manra, Carnning, Caraing, ugh this is so hard. Usually I just name the dungeon after the first thing I think of, but you two already have names and I want to make it feel more personal.”

“What about Mana? That kind of sounds like Cara and Manning.” I had to agree with Cara there, it sounded similar enough, but also-

“It’s delicious too!”

The fairy gave our core another long look before continuing “…delicious, right. Well, Mana is already taken. The Mana Dungeon is one of the oldest dungeons if I recall correctly. Hmm. Oh! I’ve got it. You’re The Caring Dungeon now. It’s close enough and you seem like you really care for each other.”

“What gave you that idea? We barely know each other!”

The little fairy ignored Cara’s protests and scribbled something on his clipboard. “Right, well my job here is done. I am going to send out the beacon for local non-bonded, dungeon-eligible companions. Remember your questions for them, and don't forget, help is on the way!” There was another loud snap and the fairy had vanished again.


Comments

I like it, feels like it fits better.


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