I'd like to take a moment to talk about mental health.
Added 2019-04-18 15:36:00 +0000 UTCOn Tuesday, Todd Harris, a member of RealmSmithtv took his own life. He leaves behind him a family, including two sons.
I very recently lost my childhood best friend to suicide and I have not yet fully reconciled that. My heart goes out to Tim's friends and family. Suicide is a very difficult thing to heal from. It's a tidal force that wreaks havoc on the people surrounding it. It can be difficult or impossible to comprehend and understand someone's decision to take that action.
Unfortunately I understand all too well how someone can come to this decision. I suffer from some severe mental health issues. I have struggled with high anxiety and depression my entire life, and it only gets worse as I age. I have made positive changes in my life to fight this. I am medicated, and under the supervision of a doctor. But still the darkness creeps in daily, and extreme thoughts of just wanting it to end are a common occurrence in my life. More common than I'd like to admit.
This darkness has been far worse for me recently as I deal with some physical health issues. I don't know what the cause of these issues are yet, we are working on figuring that out, and going test by test. But whatever is wrong is causing incredible physical pain that has made it difficult to work over the past few months. Even worse is the anxiety and fear regarding this health issue that is filling my head with dread and panic. It's difficult to not jump to worst case scenario conclusions. My mental health won't allow me to be rational about it and a vicious cycle of anxiety, fear, and depression snowballs.
I have gotten myself to a position in life where I should be the happiest I've ever been. I'm living my dream. I've built my hobby into a successful business. I have a community of people loving what I do. I have over 100,000 people who watch and care about what I'm doing. But still, the darkness creeps in daily. The 100's of daily wonderful viewer comments are constantly overshadowed by the few that are simply mean and make me question everything I do. Despite my successes I constantly feel like I'm failing. I am constantly anxious. I am often depressed. This is the reality of mental illness.
The hobby, and the community help greatly, but they are not a cure. I know I am not alone. I know many of you are wrestling with the same demons. If YOU are also struggling, and find your self contemplating an exit, please take a moment's pause and reflect on how such a devastating decision can destroy those around you. They don't deserve it. We have to be strong through the pain, for THEM.
Don't be too proud to reach out to someone for help. See a doctor if you can. Phone a hotline if you need: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
Jason from RealmSmith has started a GoFundMe to raise some funds to cover funeral expenses for Todd's family if you would like to help out:
Be well my friends,
Jeremy
