MC Kraken: Warning Signs

Didn’t have a lot of time to write today, but I looked back on the month’s records and decided not enough goblins. I also got to do the long-awaited “Sir, this is not that kind of restaurant” joke after all these waitress-fucker stories. Ratch and Raddle were pretty popular as the pair of metalhead janitors who have literally fucked a guy for a bite of his sandwich. Say what you will, but goblins are great for cleaning jobs. They don’t mind getting dirty and can eat half the things they end up cleaning, so less food is going to waste.

Vulg was surprised when he stepped inside the M.C. Kraken’s. The fast-food spot was still equipped with tables and counters for all sizes of creatures, but it was surprisingly bright and the cute human girl behind the counter smiled at him politely. It was a jarring contrast compared to the last time the lizardfolk visited an MCK back last semester.

“Hi, welcome to the M.C.K. How can I help you?” the blonde human asked.

“Yea! Uh, can I get an order of Stingers and a water bottle? And a blowjob.”

“Okay that’s an… excuse me?”

“Stingers. You guys still serve those, right?”

“No, I mean the last part.”

“Oh, blowjob. Just from whoever. If you have a gorgon around, they’re great, but that orc guy looks kinda hot.”

“Sir, we don’t… sell those,” the blushing human corrected.

“Really? What kind of sex stuff do you sell here?”

“Sir, this is a family restaurant. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave if you keep this up,” a slightly more sharply dressed centaur woman explained as she stepped up behind her employee. The lizardman went wide-eyed.

“But… but I was at here on spring break. Not this one, I guess, but…”

The centaur’s eyes widened for a moment and then relaxed.

“Oh. I think I see. Sir, do you mean our franchise’s location on Hunch Boulevard?”

“Back in Ohio?”

“Yep. Sir, they don’t represent us, and not all restaurants participate in the same promotions, so we can’t offer…”

The manager went on to very carefully explain in customer-friendly business speak that not every M.C. Kraken’s had slacker employees who would fuck anyone if they were bored or paid enough. The Hunch Boulevard one was a special case.

---

“Hurry yer big arse up! I just felt another spine pop!” Raddle called up at her coworker.

“It’s your fault for losin’ rock paper scissors,” Ratch warned back as she pressed on the power drill, screwing in another bolt on the sign by the glass door in front of the restaurant.

“Shouldn’ta done it in the first place when you’re twice as heavy as me!” Raddle grunted, staggering to keep her balance.

The goblin janitors were normally glad to do the dirty work around their M.C. Kraken’s, since that meant eating leftovers and drinking some of the tastier cleaning fluids. The actual grunt work was a pain in their shapely asses.

They yelped and toppled over when Peggy suddenly pushed open the door. The towering holstaur was in a shredded black t-shirt and jean shorts above her fur-lined legs. She glanced down at them with her half-shirt failing to cover her underboob to anyone shorter than her (which was honestly most people).

Peggy looked down at them, her black and gold uniform draped over her shoulder. She frowned grimly, a common expression seen around the restaurant handled entirely by jaded goth monstergirls. She casually snatched up the power drill and screwed in the last two bolts within a couple seconds.

“Dumbasses,” she grunted, tossing it down on Ratch’s plump belly. “What’s this shit for?”

The goblins scrambled back up to their feet. Ratch was the chubbier of the two, her big ears full of piercings and her hair kept in a short red and black mohawk. Raddle was more lanky with long pink hair and two separate nose rings popping in and out of her nostrils, a mixed English-Irish accent laced into her speech.

“Boss said we gotta put it up. Somethin’ about complaints from customers.”

Peggy glanced at the sign, muttering quietly. “Services offered are not offered in all location. Blah blah ask your server before…” The surly and muscular she-bull frowned.

“Don’t get it.”

“Some nerd snitched on us when the other restaurants wouldn’t fuck ‘em,” Ratch filled in.

“Ah. Losers,” Peggy scoffed.

“You think they’d go get their nards off somewhere else?” Raddle asked curiously.

“Fuck no. I want that money,” Peggy snorted as she went inside to get changed.

The janitorial team shrugged at her as the door opened again. A young dark elf entered and squinted at the fresh sign.

“Services offered here…” he started to mutter when Raddle grabbed stepped onto Ratch’s shoulder.

“Hey, mate!” she interrupted. “How’s a (quit it! I’m on top this time)… how’s about I betcha five bucks you can’t stick yer cock all the way down my gob and gush in my guts?”

The drow blinked at her as he processed the sudden outburst.

“Do… can that even happen?”

“Better to ask yourself this,” Ratch said from beneath her, hands bracing Raddle’s feet on her shoulders.

“Is us sloppin’ your blaster worth five bucks?”

“Cuz it’s worth five bucks to me if you’ve really got that big of a chunk,” Raddle grinned.

“Then sure.”

“Great! Table for three!” Raddle declared. “Change places!”

None of the staff inside looked especially surprised as the goblins dragged a pleasantly surprised elf into the restaurant. Peggy was even changing into her uniform in the corner of the dining area, uncaring as she let her huge udders drop out of her skimpy top and forcing on the tighter (and more complete) shirt.

“Not complainin’ about being on bottom now, are ya?” Ratch laughed as they led him over to a table.

Ratch hopped back onto Raddle’s shoulders, her chubby thighs hugging around her face. The plumper goblin leaned up and caught the elf by the shirt, pulling him down and kissing him firmly on the lips. He moaned into her mouth as her slick tongue pushed hastily past his lips.

“Gotta make sure yer all puffed up,” Raddle explained, shaking some pink hair from her face as she undid and dropped his pants. With the curtain of bangs out of the way she shoved her face into his rising cock. Her hungry mouth immediately started to slobber and slurp, rolling the semi-firm dick around between her tongue and fangs. The groaning elf quickly hardened up to start filling up her mouth.

“Mmmf~! Gubbem,” the long-haired goblin mumbled around her messy mouthful. She smiled up at him and batted her eyeliner-painted eyes as her tongue and mouth wrapped tighter around his shaft for a long, teasing drag.

“She says she’s got ya,” Ratch giggled as she finally removed her lips from the dark elf’s purple-black mouth.

“Ya get real good at understandin’ dick-mouth when ya work with Raddie.”

Raddle slapped her higher coworker on the ass and flashed her a middle finger. Ratch just giggled again and hopped off her back and onto the nearby table. Raddle pushed their customer into the seat with a firm shove at his hips.

“Roight! Time ta test the waters,” she declared, cracking her knuckles.

“Still keepin’ ‘em busy?” Ratch offered.

“Yea, and get me somethin’ with a good rhythm goin’.”

“Headbanger. Got it.”

Ratch took out her phone and flipped open the Pocketbard app. The elf could immediately see all manner of artist covers that were clearly metal and other hardcore genres for how much black and red consumed them. Ratch tugged on one of his ears as she caught him looking, turning his head to kiss him again. Her plump lips and slimy tongue locked him into a messy kiss while one of her eyes turned to watch as she flicked through her playlist.

Raddle had already started on taking her customer as deep into her mouth as she could go. She wiggled her head as her pink hair draped over his thighs, shaking her head slightly to shuffle it in deeper. She moaned and curled her tongue to trace along the thick meat, keeping it fully hard to get the most out of it.

Ratch finally made her choice and tapped a black-clawed thumb on her selection. An immediate and rapid drumbeat blasted out at max volume, followed by a warped guitar and then screaming vocals.

Raddle’s mouth tightened as she grunted in approval, then humming along so that her mouth vibrated around the customer’s cock. He gave a soft groan into Ratch’s drooling lips, kissing her back more heatedly as Raddle picked up the pace. In fact, she did seem to start headbanging as her hair whipped back and forth and she took his cock into her mouth more aggressively.

Her wetly pumping mouth finally pushed in deep enough to press her black lips against his balls, slipping a bit of his sack into her mouth. She moaned loudly, her voice growing a bit shrill to wail along with the music like his cock was a very invasive microphone. Her pipes opened up with the note, fitting his head just inside it as he shivered and came into the back of her throat. The elf moaned deeply as he leaned more heavily on the table, nearly tipping it if not for Ratch’s juicy figure kneeling on its middle.

The giggling mohawk goblin finally turned down and paused her music.

“Heh! Not even close,” Raddle chuckled before she smacked her wet lips.

“But a nice try. Now pay up.”

“You take Treasure Chest?” he asked wearily.

Raddle grinned and took out her phone, scanning each other’s account info to quickly swap the digital payment.

“Been a pleasure,” she chirped proudly.

“Come on back to the Krak anytime!” Ratch added cheerily.

“I’m not leaving yet. I still haven’t eaten anything,” the elf reminded her.

“Oh right!” Ratch chimed, her pierces ears wiggling as they perked up. “Sometimes I forget people eat here too!”

The elf shook his head in confusion. He pulled his pants back on and went up to the front counter where Peggy had taken over.

“Hey, this is Kraken’s. Whatya want?” she grunted.

“Just a number two combo with a large Lixer.”

“Got it.” Peggy started tapping on the register’s screen.

“By the way, I have to tell you that we’re not legally required to fuck you, and if we do, everybody else doesn’t…”

Dirge cleared her throat as the broad orcish manager stepped forward.

“Peg, that’s not what it said. And we don’t have to say that to everyone who comes in. It’s what the sign’s for, hon.”

She raised and eyebrow and shrugged at the dark elf.

“I mean, she IS totally right, though.”