Super Peach Sisters 4: Casino Land

I’m pretty pleased with how this one came out. Kept it sexy and sassy while it felt very much like a Mario level in a way. Or at least a Mario RPG scenario.

Wanted an excuse for a gambling themed setting and costumes but ended up becoming more of a heist as it went. Complete with fake lounge singer scene. And also some oil wrestling, but y’know.

Peach, Daisy and Waria made their way through the clearing, exiting the haunted territory of Ghost Land. The brightly lit buildings of Casino City served as a blinding beacon next to the dark and spooky woods they were coming out of. 

“Would you look at all that cash!” Waria sighed dreamily at the countless gambling dens, shops, strip clubs for every species, and other attempts for businesses to redirect the constant flow of coins towards themselves.

“Keep your focus, big girl,” Daisy warned. “This place is nothing but flash and cash distractions. Which is why I thought we should fit in.”

There was a faint humming overhead as a Toad flew over them on a magic carpet and tossed down a large suitcase to land in the sand nearby. Daisy yanked it upright and threw open its lid, revealing a trio of classy cocktail dresses in pink, purple and gold for each of them.

“At this point,” Peach said as she caught the dress thrown at her. “I think you just like dressing me up.”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t,” Daisy giggled. “But look at our track record so far. At the rate we keep getting naked in these boss fights, you’re damn lucky I keep ordering new clothes.”

“Fair,” Waria said as she pulled it on over her tattered clothes. “Plus, if we come in looking like a couple of beat up scrubs who got into a fight with a ghost, we’re going to draw a lot more attention.”

“I’m going to pretend you’re guessing that and not knowing from experience,” Peach said warily.

“Hey, this isn’t my first vengeance scheme. This whole petty revenge stuff is my THING, girl!”

“And it’s a delight to have you onboard,” Daisy praised as she adjusted her high heels and touched up some makeup in the mirror built into the oversized suitcase. “Now come on, ladies! We got a man to steal back!”

---

“YOU THERE!” Bowsette kicked in the door to the Hot Top Hotel lobby. She hiked up her dress to stomp her black boots more intimidatingly, but nearly everyone knew the koopa queen on sight. Any pretenses of security guards ran away on sight as the pudgy blue pianta tried to shrink down in her presence. The blonde and beastly queen dragged Mario in by one arm, the plumber nearly ragdolling after her with some feeble attempts at walking. Her full force of troops came pouring out of her airship to join her.

“Er… welcome to the Hot Top Hotel, the only hotel built on top of an active volcano and the hottest ser… service. C-can I help you?” the clerk asked meekly.

“Of course, my good man! I would like your biggest, fanciest, fastest wedding available!” Bowsette declared proudly. “We’re getting married!”

“You and… um…?” The clerk looked at her barely conscious Mario being dragged along with her.

“And my beloved! Of course! He’s uh… woozy with love!” Bowsette said proudly. The magic and mushrooms they’d been feeding him since his capture were starting to take their proper function. He wasn’t awake and under her spell, but he was starting to at least begin to walk and could mumble out things she asked.

“Now come on! I’m on a schedule here. How fast?”

“Ma’am, we have reservations booked for rooms and weddings until…”

Bowsette reached into her shell and slammed down a dense gold block the size of a toolbox.

“I… I can see what I can do. But I couldn’t possibly have something as extravagant as you’re-”

Bowsette slammed her hand down again. This time she didn’t bother with the gold and just smashed her fist through the marble of the front desk, snapping off several chunks.

“Ah… well, all hands on deck! We have a wedding to arrange, gentlemen!”

Bowsette beamed with her mouth full of fangs as she squeezed Mario in a hug hard enough to hear a few vertebrae pop.

“You hear that, honey? We’re finally getting married!” she gushed giddily. “I love you soooo much!”

“Luh… lummyu,” the groggy hero mumbled back.

“EEE! I can’t believe you said it!” Bowsette gushed, going bright red and squeezing him even tighter.

“Your majesty! Please! You need the groom to be in one piece for the wedding! I’m pretty sure that’s a rule!”

---

The girls seemed to fit in much better as they walked the neon-slathered streets in their sleek and sparkling dresses.

They drew the eyes of various monsters, toads and other locals and tourists as the variously athletic and curvy ladies scoured the streets.

“Right there,” Peach declared, pointing up to the airship circling over the Hot Top Hotel.

“Too easy,” Waria scoffed. She strode ahead of the others, just to suddenly flatten her face and tits against an invisible wall ahead of her. A dull buzzing noise sounded as she bounced back while rubbing her nose.

“Sorry, ladies,” a Lakitu warned. The short humanoid floated in front of them on a smiling cloud, looking naked besides the spiked bikini top around her plump chest and the round glasses over her eyes. “This is the VIP part of the city.”

“What do you mean ‘VIP?” Daisy said with a smirk. “We’re ACTUAL princesses.”

“And I’m Waria,” Waria added, as if that was equally impressive. She flexed one of her chubby arms to make the muscle bulge through the fat.

“Not here you’re not. Money talks in Casino City, and we only deal in blue coins.”

Peach and Daisy frowned at each other. The option of dipping into the royal treasury seemed out of the question then, since they dealt in gold like most kingdoms.

“So where do we get those?” Peach pressed.

“Oh all over the place. The casinos dish them out as prizes,” the Lakitu explained jovially. “Once you reach 100, you’re allowed to enter the VIP part of town.”

“But we’re in a hurry. We’re saving THE Mario from a shotgun wedding,” Daisy pointed out. “It’s like, super creepy. You don’t even know.”

“I don’t make the rules,” the floating bouncer shrugged. “It’s magic stuff. But you’ll have that stuff in no time. There’s the oil wrestling pits, the go kart races, the card-matching Memory mini game, the slot machines…”

The girls groaned together.

“Mini games?” Daisy sighed. “Always a pain in the ass.”

“Or they’re addicting,” Peach added. “I haven’t driven a kart in ages…”

“I mean… the oil wrestling sounds kinda fun,” Waria added quietly. “But that’s for later! We gotta go clobber this Bowsette bitch for messing with me!”

“Can’t help ya,” Lakitu repeated. “All the blue coins go through Madam Kash’s claws and most of them end up back in her vaults.”

Daisy paused at the last bit. “Most of the coins, you say? And where does she tend to hang out?”

---

The girls excused themselves quickly to regroup and lay out their plans. Madam Kash apparently spent her time lording over guests and high-status company in The Boomboom Room, a lounge, bar, casino, and secret base for what was essentially her mob headquarters. The girls dropped a few coins to get inside and started to scout the place out. It was a large, carpeted room where all sorts of creatures and ladies gambled or ate or watched a koopa troopa girl going through her standup routine. On the second floor, a rotund, pink-haired woman stood 9 feet tall with massive breasts and belly inside a sleek dress. A spiked dragon tail, horns and stubby wings marked her as some kind of monster not unlike Bowsette herself, if much larger.

The trio of heroines drank and made small talk, drawing out what bits and pieces they could about how to get into the vault before they met up again.

“They keep the vault back behind the stage,” Peach reported quietly as they hunched over the bar. “But it’s magically locked by three guards that aren’t in front of it.”

Daisy nodded. “I got that they’re scattered around the club for security. So only Kash can get in at the end of the night. All I got is that they’re always there for the big shows of the night.”

“Right over there,” Waria nodded. She pointed out a trio of guards around the room; gruff-looking goomba girls, but their distinctly brown skin and barbaric scars contrasting some suits and sunglasses. They were spread out around the place, making it tough to consider isolating them.

“So if we jumped one, the others would see something’s up. Even in a crowd like this,” Peach mused. “And even I don’t want to risk fighting all these thugs at once if we’re surrounded.”

“Let alone getting away to the hotel,” Daisy reminded.

“So we’d need to get them all in one place and get the keys without them realizing it?” Waria scoffed. She grabbed a handful of peanuts from the bar and stuffed them into her mouth. “Good luck with that. We might be better off just going back to the racetracks. We’ll get there eventually.”

A round of applause came from the crowd as the stand-up koopa troopa waved and departed the stage. Peach chewed her lip thoughtfully.

“Say… do you girls remember that old 1-Up Girl song?”

Daisy raised her eyebrows as she grinned and sipped her drink. “Damn, this quest thing keeps getting funner and funner…”

“What? What’d I miss?” Waria demanded.

“We’re doing a heist movie.”

“Oh! Sweet!”

---

“Hey, excuse me!” Daisy called excitedly. She ran along the backstage area, waving at the trio of girls in skimpy dresses with mouse ears and tails. They looked quizzically at her as her heels clicked along the wood.

“Hey! Sorry to interrupt. You’re The Mousers, right? I’m suuuuch a huge fan of yours!”

The mouse girls looked surprised before the lead one in a red eye mask grinned. “Well I’m glad to hear,” she purred. “I didn’t know we had such big fans already.”

“Oh yea. You’re a total hit.”

Waria came bursting out from a set of curtains, tackling one of them right into a wall. The mouser gagged as she was squashed between the wood and the bigger girl’s stomach, but she cupped and shoved her tits into her face to smother out any further noise.

Peach leapt out and roundhouse kicked another, not minding the upskirt flash it gave her. The mouser’s head snapped and blacked out anyway as she crumbled to the ground in a moaning heap.

“Hey! You’re not really fans!” the masked mouser objected huffily. She threw a slap at Daisy, but she blocked it easily enough.

“Nope. We’re stars,” Daisy said with a grin. She headbutted the mouser’s mask off, leaving her seeing stars before she grabbed a nearby rope hanging from above. She untied the sandbag from it quickly, kicking it away before wrapping it around the mouser’s belt. With a final farewell slap on her ass, she squeaked as she vanished into the overhead walkway of the stage.

Waria tossed the remaining Mousers behind some props when a lumbering, burly Boomboom bouncer peered into the backstage.

“You girls okay?” she asked.

“Yea. Why?” Daisy said casually.

“I heard somethin’… hey, where’s the mice chicks?”

“Oh they made some stupid pun about ‘the big cheese’ and left in a hurry a while ago,” Peach dismissed. “We’re the understudies.”

The thug furrowed her brow before she nodded. “Aright. Curtain’s in 1 minute, so be ready.”

“As we’re gonna be,” Waria sighed.

---

Right on time, the curtains drew back to show the trio of flashily dressed heroines. There were some murmurs of surprise, but no immediate outcries or finger pointing that suggested they knew why they were really here. Peach scanned the audience quickly to confirm all three of their targets were in the audience

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” she purred into the microphone. “We’re The Royal Flush, and we hope to blow you all… away.”

The blonde winked suggestively at the audience, getting a chuckle. She gestured to the piano-playing toad. “A five six seven eight!”

“Here we go!” Peach sang out in her melodious voice.

“Off the rails!” Daisy joined in as she leaned into the mic. Waria bumped her hips into theirs, pushing them a couple inches to get another chuckle from the audience as her hefty cleavage jiggled around.

“Don't you know it's time to raise our sails?!”

“It’s freedom like you never knew,” they all crooned together with a broad sweep of their arms.

The girls broke into the popular jazz number as they danced around the stage, giving flirtatious gestures wherever they could. A wink, a crooked finger, a shake of their hips, a flash of leg or a running of their gloves over her curves kept the audience whistling and fixated on their act. Anyone who might have suspected that they weren’t the original act certainly didn’t care as the musical trio put on a hell of a show.

Their interest peaked as Peach grabbed the mic and went into a solo. The other two stepped off the stage, still singing along as they walked between the guests, playfully stroking hair or rubbing chests as they went by. They had the crowd wrapped around their finger as they went about their real act. The first of the goomba guards blushed as Daisy approached her and ran her fingers through her short brown hair.

“Jump up in the air~! Jump up, don't be scared,” she cooed as she wrapped a leg around the guard’s waist. The audience hooted at the especially forward move, Daisy singing with her lips just short of the guard’s lips. She ran a hand over their chest, even sliding it under the guard’s shirt to grope one of the short woman’s breasts. They were so distracted by her rubbing over her hard nipple and blowing across her lips that they missed her plucking the small blue key off her breast pocket.

Meanwhile, Waria had approached the second guard. She brushed her hips or chest against into a few of the guests, but when they reached the goomba bouncer, she turned and rubbed her thick booty into their lap. The audience hooted in approval, and somehow got even louder when Waria turned and pulled her face between her huge soft tits. The guard’s barely-visible eyes went wide as she was motorboated by the low and sultry singer, baring a dizzy and content grin as Waria plucked the second key and tucked it into her cleavage.

They circled back towards the stage and gave their signal, a simple and flirty wave back towards the stage. Peach nodded and suddenly rushed the front of the stage, leaping gracefully into a forward flip. The audience gasped as she landed gracefully on the front and center table, sliding along the tablecloth in her heels without missing a beat.

“So jump up super high~! Higher than the sky!” she sang as the audience went wild. Especially those sitting just beneath her and looking up the skirt of her dress. Peach ignored the fact and leaned over on the table, laying on her stomach and elbows as she met the eyes of the third guard. She kept up her song as she gestured them over, catching her by the tie and reeling them in.

“I’ll be your 1-Up girl~!” she chimed before pulling them firmly into a kiss. The crowd whistled and cheered at the top of their lungs as she pulled back with a thick string of saliva running between their lips. The tune started to come to an end and Peach sprang back to her feet. She blew a kiss to the crowd as she tucked the final key into her glove. The pianist played them through the last of the chorus before it suddenly gave the comically unmistakable sound of a piano being crushed.

The audience went silent as Madam Kash stood beside it, her thick fist buried into the instrument.

“Quite the song, ladies…” she purred in a smokey and sultry voice of her own. Her big body wobbled as she approached, brushing her long pink curls behind her shoulders as her thick pearl necklace bounced on her bosom. She flashed them a fanged grin as the lights came on around the room, shining on the sharpened diamonds on her bracelets.

“Almost got away with taking my keys as well.”

There was a muttering from the audience as the bouncers awkwardly double-checked their coats.

“Now I can squash those little failures later, but nobody messes with Kash’s cash. Time to put an end to you three right now to show that to everyone in MY city.”

A bunch of goons around the room drew hammers, fire flowers, and other colorful but dangerous weapons. Peach gave the others a wary look.

“This might get ugly,” she warned quietly.

“Bah!” Waria snorted, raising her fists despite her formal attire. “Nothing about Waria is ugly! Bring ‘em on!”

“Well before you do all that…”

Another woman’s voice cut in. Everyone looked up at a long-haired redhead in a matching suit and hat. The ruby-lipped woman smiled as she reached into her suit jacket.

“A little tip for our starlets. They really did my song justice tonight, so it’s the least I can do.”

“Oh shit!” Daisy laughed, waving up at her. “Hey, Pauline!”

The mayor winked back at her. “You can thank me later,” she said as she threw a small bag at the stage. Daisy caught it and opened it up to show a trio of fist-sized cherries, stem and all.

“Double Cherries!” Peach noted brightly. “This should help level the playing field!”

“Idiots! Don’t let them-!” Kash started.

Peach had already grabbed one and took a bite. With a puff of smoke, two more Peaches appeared beside her with identical expressions and clothes. Daisy and Waria grabbed the other two and wolfed them down, summoning another pair of duplicates each.

“Ha! Who’s outnumbered now!?” Daisy boasted in unison with her doubles.

“Still you!” Kash snapped, fangs gritted in frustration. “Get them!”

The majority of the hall’s attendees tried to rush the stage but the girls ran to meet them. Three Warias stage-diving into an elbow drop sent a table shattering into pieces and leaving goons flying in all directions. A pair of sharply dressed goomba girls tried to jump on one of them but another Waria clotheslined them both to the floor.

“What a bunch of pushovers!” she laughed. “They didn’t stand a chance when there was just one of me!”

Another Waria picked up a shrieking Lakitu lady and hurled her into an incoming Shy Girl, sending them tumbling over each other into a buffet table.

“Bet I can beat more than the rest of me does!” she bragged.

“You’re on!” Waria defied, jumping again and squashing a fleeing mousegirl under her massive hips. Her sweaty cheeks crushed her face between them as she smothered the thrashing girl out.

“Maybe they’re right,” one of her clones noted. “Our butt does look kinda big from behind, huh?”

Each Daisy was a blur of activity, punching and kicking out guards as they came at her. Daisy slugged a muscular Hammer Sister in the stomach, just to turn around and grab a loosely armored koopa troopa. She held her arms behind her back as another Daisy ripped off her top and pummeled her tits around in a rapid barrage of jug-juggling blows.

“Damn! Looking good girls!” Daisy laughed as she dodged a boomerang and smashed its turtle-armored owner over the head with a plate.

“Not so bad yourself,” one of her clones replied. She turned to face Daisy so they both punched over each other’s shoulders in unison, socking banditas in the face. “We should kick ass in high heels more often!”

“I’m glad you two are so in love with yourselves,” Peach teased as she swept a leg under a monkeygirl’s. She tripped over it as a second Peach was already diving at her, kneeing her in the chin on the way down to put her out. She went into a tumble as she rolled over the first Peach’s back, letting the third grab her by the hands. That Peach whirled around in a speedy circle, letting the suspended Peach spin around her and her extended legs kicking out a half dozen goons in one mighty swing. The original Peach pummeled a Sumo Sister’s face with a few speedy jabs, knocking her to her knees in a daze. With a unified “HYA!”, all three of the blondes leapt at her and slammed their bootied into her face from all directions. The sister groaned and crumbled to the ground as they went back to cleaning house around the casino.

“Alright! That is QUITE enough of that!” Madam Klaw barked. The massive woman stomped one of her clawed feet, getting the whole main floor to shake. The tremor send her own minions flying, and while Waria, Peach and Daisy braced themselves in time, their clones bounced and vanished in another puff of smoke. The quaking ground continued until the carpet and floorboards crumbled away beneath them, leaving the ladies to fall shouting into the darkness below.

They landed safely, if with a wet splashing sound. They got back up, spitting at the faintly bitter taste of oil tainted their lips.

“Ha! I knew we’d end up here!” Waria proclaimed. Peach looked up to see they were in a small underground arena. Its walls were lined with wooden planks and there were hundreds of seats surrounding the shallow pit. It was filled with a clear, glistening oil that stuck to their clothes and skin, making their outfits nearly translucent.

“Way to jinx it,” Daisy scoffed. They were alone with the empty seats and some loose debris from the collapsed floor, but then Madam Klaw came soaring down after them. Her feet stomped hard on the ground, splashing up a wave of oil that caked anything that it hadn’t already. The girls sputtered again as the dragoness mob boss’ figure stopped jiggling.

“You girls won’t go quietly? Then fine. We’ll do this the old-fashioned way!”

The girls readied themselves but Klaw sucked in a deep breath. She blew out a streak of flame, tilting herself around in a quick circle so that the entire oil pit was surrounded by a ring of fire.

“Well this escalated quickly,” Daisy commented.

“Nowhere to run to now!” the massive boss snarled. She charged at the three of them, who started to scramble away while slipping in the oil. They barely dove aside as Klaw went skidding past them, kicking off their heels in a hurry. With a moment’s hesitation, they unzipped and threw off the clingy dresses as well.

“It was a fun look while it lasted,” Peach sighed before leaping at Klaw’s back. She grabbed her by the wings, digging her bare heels into the boss’ back. Klaw yelped but beat her wings with surprising force, hurling Peach back into the oil with a wet thud.

Daisy and Waria charged into her, diving for a synchronized punch to the gut that got a husky “UNF!” from the big woman. She still held her ground and grabbed both of the oily, half-dressed girls by the neck. Klaw hoisted them into the air and spiked Waria head-first into the oil, leaving her groaning and dazed upside down with her panties clinging to her ass as it stuck up in the air.

“As for you, toothpick,” Klaw growled as she changed her grip to hold Daisy by the hair. She thrashed to kick and punch at her chubby body, but the bulky boss just tugged down the neckline of her dress.

“Oh no! Wait no no no no!” Daisy protested. Klaw still shoved her face deep into her breasts, their size difference clear enough that nearly half of Daisy’s body vanished into the oily rack. Her feet swung around comically as she tried to push her way out, getting the bigger woman to laugh at her expense.

“Grow some curves before you come after me,” Madam Klaw boasted. She slapped her palms into either side of her breasts, noisily colliding against Daisy’s head before she slowly slid out of her cleavage and into the warming oil.

Waria groaned as Peach helped yank her back to her feet, letting Daisy keep Klaw’s attention.

“I don’t think the direct approach will work on her,” Peach explained.

“I don’t believe you,” Waria muttered as she wiped some oil from her hair. “But I’m listening.”

“But stay out of the way and be ready to back me up,” Peach advised. She ran in behind Klaw and darted past her, slapping her broad ass right below her spikey tail.

“Over here, dumptruck!” Peach called out as she took off sprinting in the other direction.

“Why you little bitch!” Klaw huffed. She took off barging after Peach, splashing up oil in her every thundering step. Peach had nearly run into the surrounding fire when she shifted her footing, sidestepping to drift off to one side. Klaw slammed her feet down but her bulk kept her sliding along until her turning body still bumped into the flaming walls.

“YOOOOWWW!” she shrieked, jumping up and grabbing her ass. She turned to see her tanned ass red from the scorching impact as it burned through the back of her dress. She growled and turned back towards her opponents.

“Slippery little bitch,” she snapped. She ran after Peach, blowing out a stream of flame that left burning walls behind it. Peach’s eyes went wide as she pumped her arms, running away in her bra and panties as fast as she could without losing her balance.

“Incoming!” Waria shouted, flying through the air and bumping her thick stomach into Madam Klaw’s face. She grunted and stumbled enough that she tripped into her own flames, shouting and stomping around as she pulled off her flaming dress. She caught her breath for a moment before feeling around her head, finding that her hair had gone up in a flash of fire as well. The massive, bald and naked woman fumed as her face turned red and flames flickered out her nostrils.

“You awful bitches! You’ll all pay!” she roared. She started to stomp after Waria and Peach as they ran for it, panting themselves as the running and the heat surrounding them got them sweating buckets.

Peach flashed Waria a nod as they spun around and jumped, throwing a double kick into each of their pursuer’s fat jugs. They squashed flat for a moment before bouncing back out, leaving Klaw staggering backward. She seemed to regain her footing when the downed Daisy grabbed and pulled at one of her feet. Klaw shrieked and fell the last foot, whirling to try and balance herself before she landed tits-first on the roaring flames.

“Yaa~! Hot hot hot!” the dragoness yelped, flailing her arms even as the flames didn’t seem to do any real damage beyond reddening her skin like sunburn. She tried to push herself back up but all three of the girls jumped onto her back, pinning her in place. Klaw shrieked shriller as her boobs were roasted on her own fire. The girls ignored the sweaty heat and pressed all they had into holding her down.

“Ow ow ow ow noooo~! Stop~! I can’t…  can’t~!”

Klaw suddenly screeched like a tea kettle as she went rocketing out from under them. The girls splashed back into the oil as she went flying around like a balloon with the air let out. Madam Klaw finally flopped down into the middle of the arena, looking shrunken and deflated as she was reduced to less than half of either girl’s size. Her eyes rolled as her big, overheated boobs throbbed with a bright red glow.

There was a soft hissing noise as water fell from the ceiling. Someone had turned on the sprinklers, raining over the flames and rapidly dousing them around them. It washed most of the oil off the girls as they looked up to see Pauline stepping down through a nearby stairwell.

“So much for her,” the redhead chuckled calmly. “Klaw’s had her grip on this scene for too long anyway.”

“So that’s why you helped us,” Peach realized. “You wanted to take her down and take over.”

“Well, taking over was an afterthought. Just because a city like this would be anarchy without someone in charge. I’m sure I can let one of my secretaries oversee things here once I get things settled down.”

“Lot of good that does us,” Daisy sighed. “We need to go raid that vault.”

“Oh, for the VIP pass?” Pauline asked. She carefully waded into the oil, keeping her outfit clean as she picked up a device off of Madam Klaw. She hit a few keys and there was a beep.

“You’re all set. Let me know if you need anything else at all.”

Peach glanced at her friends and nodded. “Any healing items you’ve got. And a hand taking down Bowsette would be great.”

Pauline pursed her pouty lips. “I’m not much of a fighter these days. Unlike the rest of you, I’m…”

“Old?” Waria offered.

Pauline scowled for a moment. “Retired from the adventuring business. But I’ll do you one better. These clowns may not take gold, but I sure do.”

She pulled out a mushroom-shaped cellphone and handed it off to Peach. She tossed each of them a mushroom, letting them eat it and their damage and fatigue vanish in a moment.

“Latest in New Donk City tech. Instant vending machine. You send some coins my way and I’ll give you any power-up you need instead of tearing them out of bricks all day. And the cheapest prices anywhere, after all you did for me.”

“Thanks. It’s perfect,” Peach said with a nod. She paused again as she looked down at her sweaty, oily, nearly naked self.

“Some pants would be nice too…”

“Right this way,” Pauline said with a nod. “The dressing rooms are right here, and they won’t mind if we help ourselves at this rate. You’ve got a wedding to attend, after all…”