Green Gamer Guys 2: Mailbag

Revisiting the fake podcast of monster boys talking about video games and monstergirls. It's kind of just answering questions and poking fun at my own setting. Kinky implications but mostly worldbuilding and gags for now.

Got some much bigger and hornier pieces coming soon for ya !

“Alright… we are live,” Gruul commented. The husky, purple-dreaded orc leaned back in his seat, turning towards the microphones and his usual podcast crew. Skrat the orange-haired and gangly goblin sat in his boosted office chair and Xataeus the male succubus was by the end finishing his Kraken Burger. For a guy who could literally live off of sex, he sure did like food for the sheer worth of eating.

“Mm! Great,” Xat mumbled as he swallowed hard. “Get your muckbang on, ya freaks.”

Skrat gave a snorting laugh. “You are a little sex fiend. How can you even call anybody freaks?”

Gruul chuckled deeply. “Look, there’s sex for survival and sex for reproduction, and sex for freaky pleasure.”

X: “Yea, but to be fair, I do all three. He’s got a point.”

S: “Gotta be a first time for everything.”

G: “So… this is the Green Gamer Guys. Here for your gaming needs and… apparently deep personal advice. But we’ll get to that.”

X: “Hell yea, we will.”

G: “First of all, how’d you guys do this week?”

S: “Pretty normal. Met with my swarm of a family again for dinner.”

X: “And you bust my balls for being a sex pervert while you’re over there with how many siblings?”

S: “I only bust your balls because the hooker you paid upped her prices. I just undercut her.”

X: “Ouch.”

G: “That’s what she said.”

X: “Gruuls, I have a sword within ten feet of me. If you pull another ‘that’s what she said…”

G: “That’s a foam replica, dumbass. The real sword’s in the closet. Away from the kids and temperamental girlfriends.”

S: “Yea! How’d that go after last week?!”

G: “We had some discussions. It was fine. Don’t worry about it. Miss Melee is cool with it. We also went and saw some local indie wrestling stuff.”

X: “Well that’s cool. Is it the kind with titties flopping out and the girls humping each other? Or just-”

G: “Nah, the regular kind. The good kind. Actual athletes.”

X: “I somehow suddenly lost interest.”

G: “Not my fault you don’t come from a proper warrior’s upbringing.”

S: “Proper warriors always come at you from the top rope.”

G: “Anyway, what about you, X?”

X: “Not a lot. Had to go pick up my car from the shop, hooked up, tried out Infinite Void again. That shit’s still really forgetably fine.”

S: “Oh, game wise, I did play Infect online. You play as a zombie mutant thing and go around infecting people.”

G: “Being scientifically impossible, you mean?”

S: “That’s the only way you can do things these days, my dude. Werewolves and vampires are real! Infectious monsters are still trendy.”

X: “No they’re not. Who cares about zombies anymore?”

G: “That it?”

S: “Yea, it’s fun. I got the ability that lets you talk to zombies and organize them instead of trying to herd them. That’s rad.”

G: “Then if that’s all… I think it’s time we open the mailbag a little early.”

X: “Yeaaaaaa!”

G: “In case you missed last week… we shared our weirdest sexventures. Normally we like to keep this… at least VAGUELY video game based…”

S: “Video games have sex.”

X: “The shitty ones, usually. But he’s right.”

G: “We asked if anyone wanted to share their stories and… BOY did people reply.”

X: “It’s a big horny world, Gruul. It’s the monster condition; we find something new and we wonder how to fuck it.”

S: “Sometimes… you just wanna be the very best. Like no one-”

G: “I thought we’d just take some of these. I sorted through and found a few interesting highlights to share with y’all. Some questions, some stories.”

S: “Sing us a story, Uncle Gruul.”

X: “Yea, sing about dicks.”

G: “Well let’s start with this one… Dear Gruul, Xat, and the shitty one…”

S: “Ooh. That’s me!”

G: “I am a mermaid who’s into small penis humiliation.”

X: *indecipherable laughter*

S: “How does…?”

G: “As a species that does not have a conventional penis, I curse your surface internet for exposing me to what I can never have. How do I deal with this? Sincerely, Listening To Podcasts Underwater.”

S: “Those must be good earbuds.”

X: “I can’t!”

G: “Come on. That’s a listener you’re laughing at right now.”

X: “A listener with a dumbass fetish!”

G: “Come on, Amazing Spider-Dick…”

S: “We signed a pact that said we wouldn’t use those against each other!”

X: “Okay… okay I can breathe again… seriously though. Can you imagine having a small penis?”

S: “Yes. Imagine…”

G: “So I think this is reasonable. Haven’t you guys ever gotten off to lesbian porn?”

X: “NEVER! I only get off to MANLY porn!”

S: “Just two dicks rubbing against each other!”

X: “Shit’s MANLY as fuck!”

G: “My point is you can get off on things that aren’t you.”

X: “Go ask the cuck community.”

S: “You ask them. They give me funny looks whenever I show up at their house and don’t remember which one’s the husband.”

X: “Can you just… merman, can you just pretend you have a penis? Or get like a very small strapon or… piece of coral? I don’t know what you guys have down at the bottom of the ocean.”

G: “You think Fuck The Dragon doesn’t ship to the bottom of the ocean?”

X: “I dunno. They got shit for everyone lately.”

G: “Kind of the catchphrase of the world these days.”

S: “Whenever the world’s cartoon ends, Worldy tap-dances out and goes ‘There’s shit for everyone lately!”

G: “And it irises out and he winks! Yea!”

X: “You guys are fuckin’ nerds. Let’s get back to our video game podcast for perverts.”

G: “Well since you ask, there’s one question just for you.”

X: “Oh!”

G: “Dear Xats, you’ve talked a few times about the mechanics behind succubus sex. Like your metaphor for eating hair.”

X: “That’s right.”

S: “Scuse me?”

X: “I went over it on stream about how it’s harmless for most people to fuck us.”

S: “Sounds like pro-Xat propaganda to me!”

X: “I said it was like letting a demon eat your hair. Unless you’re like a professional model and you were gonna get your haircut anyway, give it to a demon who eats hair. Same thing with how we take your mana. It grows right back, plus you probably never even knew it was there.”

G: “It goes on, ‘I work at a lab that tracks shipments via scrying, meaning that my degree and talents for magic are necessary.”

X: “Huh.”

G: “I have been thinking of asking out the succubus that works at my grocery store. How do I approach this and will this affect my career? Genuinely, Horny Human Kyle.”

X: “Alright…”

S: “Xats, what I think they’re asking is that is your dick a threat to our national and magical security?”

X: “Well, yes. My dick has been telling me to kill the president for a while now…”

G: “That’s…”

X: “What?”

G: “Nothin’. I was wondering if I need to edit that out.”

X: “Bitch we’re livestreaming!”

G: “Yea, but the recording… eh. We’ll be fine.”

S: “I know when I was with a succubus that one time, I felt tired afterward.”

X: “Yea, that’s honestly kind of it. Normal humans are gonna get a little wobbly after but just fuckin’ cuddle it out and you’ll be fine. Actual magic though… I dropped out of my Spell Sciences track back in college, cuz fuck school.”

G: “Which you did.”

S: “Ya fucked ‘em good, Xat.”

X: “But I guess just practice. Like bust a hard nut and then see if you can do spell doohickies. If you can keep that up for a few seconds, you’re probably fine. Mana’s mostly for starting spells, and maintaining them is just concentration at that point.”

G: “So how should he woo this shopping cart succubus?”

S: “Just put your balls on a plate and go ‘Ehhh?”

G: “Ahhhh?”

X: “I mean if you wanna fuck, pretty much. Just be like ‘Hey, wanna grab a bite to eat?’ We’re glad to not to have to do the legwork for a meal. If you actually want to date this demon?”

S: “Of course we do. She’s adorable and kind of pink and has those adorable bat wings with spikes on them.”

G: “And a Hot Topic spiked collar.”

S: “Ooh! Gruuls, did we know the same person?”

G: “No but every neighborhood with a demon population had an emo succubus.”

S: “But not too emo!”

G: “No, just that lightly seasoned poser emo to get you interested.”

X: “Yea, honestly go with the opposite approach. Be like… just avoid discussing sex entirely. Just put that so far back on the backburner she almost thinks you’re gay or asexual or some shit. You would be surprised how many succubus out there really want an emotional connection and someone they know isn’t just after their tits.”

S: “Are a lot of people after your tits, Xat?”

X: “I’m an inc… male succubus. FUCK modern PC terminology! Look I’m fine sticking my dick in strangers. Don’t go breaking succubus hearts just cuz I’m a handsome asshole.”

G: “The descriptor wasn’t necessary.”

X: “I know. It’s quite obvious.”

S: “Hey, Gruul.”

G: “Yea?”

S: “Didn’t you know a chick who wasn’t just poser goth, but poser succubus?”

G: “Oh yeaaa! Right, I knew a girl who was a regular sort of demon…”

X: “Emaciator.”

G: “Right. The non-sex kind. But she would get some makeup going and wear an edgy t-shirt and got actual wings… not like, actual wings, but plastic ones from a costume shop. She would full on dress as a succubus and use it to get laid.”

S: “ASMR; big titty demon goth eats your soul.”

G: “I have little doubts her titties have been on a webcam by now.”

S: “So what else we got?”

G: “Well we got one for the group in general… Dear The Three G’s, checking in to see if you three swinging young adults have had any experience with the more exotic species, specifically yetis, vampires or harpies. If so, what’s it like? From Curious in Canada.

X: “A local boy!”

G: “So quick overall: anybody?”

S: “Nah.”

X: “Just a harpy once. Kind of underrated.”

G: “Oh?”

X: “Like they’re not evolved to be on their backs, usually, so they have softer feathers in the underbelly. And they got the mammal parts down there so it fits. So it’s kind of like fuckin’ a pillow.”

S: “If it fits, I sticks my dicks in its.”

X: “Like my life depended on it. Cuz it sorta does. But yea, kinda tight but not too tight. Short human size instead of going full on goblin or gnome. Real nice middleground.”

S: “I just know…”

G: “Yea?”

S: “I knew there was a vampire in my hometown. Knew her growing up a little bit. Every time I go back, she’s still there, and still hot.”

X: “Gives you them Freud feelings?”

S: “Kinda? Like whyboner territory. Because no matter what, end of the day…”

G: “Which is her favorite time of the day. …cuz less sunlight.”

X: “No, we get it. This is our reaction. Silence.”

S: “Gruuls is our team dad and the jokes come with the territory.”

G: “Y’all got no taste at all.”

S: “End of the day, though, you know she kinda wants to eat you.”

G: “That is the stigma, huh?”

X: “Yea, that’s the real problem. Cuz mana, most people won’t miss it. A lot of people will miss their blood if it goes missing during sex.”

G: “Yea, but same as you. She needs this to live. Girl’s gotta eat.”

S: “But the government gives it to them for free!”

G: “I’ve heard it’s not the same. Like eating shoe leather when there’s actual jerky right there. Like the good, soft jerky.”

X: “So what if you had a girlfriend and she drank blood. Would that be a dealbreaker?”

S: “I dunno…”

X: “But she needs it to live. Are you gonna tell her to go to the blood store?”

G: “I mean what if she needs to drink your blood… but just because she really likes your blood.”

X: “Cuz you got that good blood.”

S: “Wait, so she’s just a weirdo who drinks blood? Like for fun?!”

G: “My ancestors would drink blood of the fallen. Of course, that was back before we knew about antibodies and stuff…”

X: “Gruul’s great great grandpa drinking that good ebola juice.”

S: “Dot jpeg.”

G: “So do you date this fine, sexy, blood-chugging orc who wants to get up in those veins?”

S: “No! I’m single and desperate, but not if she’s going to kill me!”

X: “What if she only kills you a little bit?”

S: “No! Yetis! Next part of the question!”

G: “I mean they’re rare. We know a handful, and mostly because we live in Canada. Something about they like the colder climates and wooded, mountainous areas.”

X: “They like Canada because they’re smart. What’s the problem?”

S: “Yetis just love the exchange rate, I guess.”

G: “The main concern I hear about is the volume…”

S: “Oh yea! I listen to Avalanche, so I’ve heard the stories.”

X: “What’s this now?”

G: “You ever meet a yeti and have to ask them to speak up a little? They’re doing that for your safety, X.”

S: “Not mine. I got them unbreakable rubber goblin eardrums. But yea, they can reach volumes you’d expect out of a t-rex, apparently.”

G: “Blowing back your hair levels.”

X: “Okay, yea. I heard something about that… so just have her scream at your dick.”

G: *laughing* “Excuse me?”

X: “Yea.”

G: “Just…”

S: “GROOLS!!!”

X: “Oh no…”

S: “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR YELLJOB!?”

G: “I LOVE YOU!!!”

X: “This is…”

S: “I’M GLAD OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS GOTTEN TO THIS LEVEL! THE LEVEL WHERE I CAN YELL AT YOUR DICK!”

G: “SWEAR TO ME!”

S: “WHERE IS THE JOKER!!?” 

G: “Get you a girl who will absolutely bellow the cum out of you.”

X: “This is the opposite of ASMR.”

S: “Super-liminal advertising.”

G: “Apologies to anyone who had headphones on.”

X: “What else we got?”

G: “Ahhhh let’s see… let’s do another specific one. Skrat? We’ve explored Xats’ sexuality at length before in many mediums.”

S: “I’m glad this one is for me…”

G: “Where do you stand on fellow goblins? What do you think of the trope of goblin girl goes for human boy? Do you think this paints your species as a bunch of overlooked males and attractive females, or is there a more intricate relationship within goblin on goblin action? Genuinely curious, Francis.”

S: “Huh.”

X: “I know, right? You weren’t expecting to get really introspective on this horny email episode either, were you?”

S: “Yea… well I’m not offended by the fact that goblins are what we are. It’s… it’s sorta something we’ve had to come to terms with ever since we moved in with humans. Like the trope is there for a reason…”

G: “A lot of reasons, I hear.”

S: “Like what if humans learned there was a bigger, hotter, sexier version of them? How many of them wouldn’t jizz their pants and run off to find them? Especially if this happened in like… the 20s or even like primitive man. Goblins were not in a good place when we ran into the humans.”

X: “Yea, you guys sorta just got comfy at the bottom.”

S: “Cuz we can! And cuz that’s an improvement! I don’t want to get real dark with this or anything, but we’ve talked to my grandma and she was like, treated really poorly by the male of her tribe. Goblin girls didn’t have a lot of rights, even if they were the majority of the population. They almost completely bailed on goblin guys when they went over to humans, and we had a big population dip when that happened. It really made us goblin guys have to take a long look at ourselves next to the other races and step up our game. Get a little more PC and like… punch each other for no reason less.”

G: “I mean most of the species had our problems until we sort of… joined the rest of the world.”

X: “I mean the orcs just plain killed people.”

G: “Yea! And there are dwarves who STILL get offended about hair in their food and how they write their name and stuff. A lot of us live longer than humans, and that means there’s still a lot of old influences going around that need to get sort of… weeded out. Adapt or die, mother fucker.”

S: “So I’m not offended. I’m sort of beyond that generation of the real big conflict.”

G: “Part of ‘the melting cauldron?”

S: “Yea. It’s cool that goblin girls like humans, cuz I do too. It’s nice havin’ a girlfriend who can reach top shelves.”

X: “Well we went over the time you got buried in ogre.”

S: “Hoo boy, yea. Big girls are fun, with moderation.”

G: “That about cover it?”

S: “Yea, I don’t have a lot to say that’s not like… pretty well known.”

X: “We’re all terrible people, but at least we know about it.”

G: “Hey, I can’t speak for you guys, but I’m an ok guy.”

S: “You took my Snap Kake that one time.”

G: “Yea, but that was for the stream.”

S: “And ate it in front of me.”

G: “For the stream.”

X: “You lookin’ to get memed there, Gruuls? Cuz that’s how you get memed?”

S: “Are we done talking about my shame erections yet?”

X: “Never.”

G: “We got a little more. This is something Tak from Minnesota sent over. He’s working on his Interspecies Relations major and he prepared us a little quiz.”

S: “Going into IR? Just like everybody else in the world?”

G: “It’s an important thing to know about.”

S: “It’s also one of like, how many majors that they added since monsters showed up?”

X: “Yea, but how many of those college kids you think go into IR majors thinkin’ ‘YEA! I’m gonna learn about how to make centaurs horny and get me a snakegirl waifu like in the Japanese animes!”

G: “Just to-”

X: “Just to find out like ‘This chief married this chief and then ate them, but this is why it’s technically okay in their culture.”

S: “Good times.”

G: “Wait, was that you, Skrat?”

S: “Good times.”

X: “That time you ate a chief?”

S: “Them’s good eatin’.”

X: “YEA! EAT THE RICH!”

G: “You guys done-“

S and X: “Anarchy! Anarchy!”

G: “You’re not done.”

S and X: “Anarchy!”

G: “To the FBI agent listening in on this, these two do not speak for the Green Gamer Guys brand as a whole.”

S: “I don’t even speak for myself!”

X: “Yea, that shit’s dangerous.”

G: “I’m making an executive decision. You guys are done. But Tak sends us a quiz based on traditional dwarven honor codes when it comes to sex.”

X: “Spicy.”

S: “That’s some spicy honor.”

G: “Skrat? According to ancient dwarven law, who is expected to be the first to see the newborn child?”

S: “Uh… dad?”

G: “Incorrect. The nearest, female elder relative.”

S: “Wait, like… grandma unless mom is closer?”

G: “It is very vague. Duels have been held over this bullshit.”

X: “Like most dwarven law. Didn’t somebody get into a duel over a toothbrush once?”

G: “That doesn’t sound sex-related. Xats? What’s the ancient dwarven stance on buttsex?”

X: “Why do I get the buttsex question?”

G: “You know why.”

X: “Uh… I think the dwarves said buttsex bad.”

G: “Considered quite masculine, even when done with a woman. It was a boastful act that was a proclamation of your fertility.”

S: “So just… public buttsex to show off?”

G: “Doesn’t go into what context that comes up in. Skrat, what dwarven lady was legally bound to pretend she was pregnant, to the point where she feigned pregnancy for several years?”

S: “How would I…?”

G: “I’ll admit, these questions are in increasing difficulty. I don’t think we can keep this up.”

X: “Yea, uh… Lady Burrowbeard?”

G: “Nah, it’s Lady Tarrid Rustshatter.”

S: “Whose ancestors shat out rust?”

X: “You are just asking for a lifelong grudge with that one, dude.”

G: “And just to wrap up this part… I got a question for me from Nat. ‘Dear Triple G Force, particularly Gruuls. Through context clues and social media, I understand your fiancé Miss Melee is a gnome. Like myself, I assume that she undergoes the same hypersensitivity issues that goes with our race. Given the nature of gnomes being touchy and orcs being large and biologically hyperactive, how do you deal with this as a couple? Particularly during intimacy. With totally not yandere love, Nat.”

S: “I take it you’re okay talking about this since you asked it.”

G: “Believe me, I’ve had plenty of talks with Melee about this. She’s gotten to a point where one of us will do something embarrassing and she’ll just say ‘This can never show up on a podcast!’ But as far as just ‘how it works,’ I think I’m in the clear.”

S: “And she’s an honorary member of the Green Gamer Guys.”

G: “She has green hair. She’s green. She counts as a guest.”

X: “So? How do you sleep with your girlfriend and not murder her with your monster dong?”

G: “Honestly? Very, very carefully. Most people know about orcs, but for those who might not know the details, we have to move. It can be subtle or small but our dumbass brains are just like every other dumbass brain; we have learned behaviors from centuries of evolution.”

S: “I don’t blame evolution for my liking the taste of banana peels, but I get your point.”

G: “We were fighters once. We were nomads who didn’t stay anywhere for very long. You got used to walking for long distances, and if you slow down, you’re starving or you’re weak. So pretty famously on some occasions, we can get really twitchy if we have to sit still for too long. What’s the uh…”

X: “Muscular ADHD?”

G: “That’s the term. It’s not accurate but it got real popular for a while in summing it up. Since drugs don’t work great on us, we got really into having little tics or things to keep us busy.”

S: “I was so blown away when I learned that orcs basically saved the Fidget-spinner business when you guys showed up.”

G: “Yea, that’s an easy one. My dad, he had an empty lighter with him. He liked to flick it so he’d look cool, but it was him just telling his body like ‘I better not kill somebody.’ Some just count beads on a bracelet if you’re real cheap.”

X: “I saw a guy who just chewed toothpicks. Kept like a whole pack in his pocket. Didn’t know that was what it was for at first, so I thought he was just being a fucking tool.”

G: “Me, I like to keep one of my handhelds around… most of you who’ve seen me at cons or something, you see I usually have an old school Battletoads or something. The retro shit with like two buttons total. Just something I can click a finger on.”

S: “Oh right! Like the Doug game with a Doug button?”

X: “How else are you gonna Doug?”

S: “More consoles can use a Doug button.”

X: “I hear the PS10 is gonna… sorry, go ahead.”

G: “No no. You clearly had a real zinger going. Finish your thought.”

X: “PS10 has a Doug button. That is all.”

G: “Or an unplugged controller can help with that. The old tiny NES ones work great for that.”

S: “You should just get one of those Captain N controller belts. Solve two bird with one belt.”

G: “You mean just tap the waist of my pants all day?”

X: “Menacingly?”

S: “With Jojo kanji floating behind you?”

G: “Yea, exactly. So there’s that, and that gnomes dress in layers cuz they get a tingle at a minimum if you touch them. There’s those videos you can find online of just like… a gnome chick’s brain melting from head pats and hand-holding until she squirts all through her panties. And it’s not just the one girl or one video!”

X: “What wholesome porn you look up, Gruuls.”

G: “So yea… I have to sort of be myself but also be delicate as hell around her. Mindful, even. I’ve got to zen in when we’re in bed, and even just going to sleep, I need to keep my hands busy or wiggle my foot or something.”

X: “It’s also how Gruul chases cars in his sleep.”

G: “The best we’ve come up with between those is… Melee is my little stress ball.”

S: “Awwww!”

G: “I just keep my hands busy on her. It helps if I’m doing something easy in the background, so she’ll understand if I’m like ‘I need to click.’ It’s kind of tough to keep up much long-term stuff… but you know. It’s all about chemistry and cooperation.”

X: “Craziest thing you’ve done with your shortstack gf GO!”

G: “Nice try. I’ll let out this much… if I’m gaming and she’s in the mood, or I’m browsing… she can just scoot into my lap like a big-titty pupper and I just keep my hands busy. I literally cannot tell you how many times I’ve… satisfied my girlfriend without even realizing it.”

S: “I mean if you cum from headpats, might as well take advantage of it.”

X: “I’d buy in on that shit.”

G: “Not if it came with having to bundle up against every slight breeze and constantly washing your hands so you don’t catch something through your thin little marshmallow skin.”

X: “Nah, yea. Fuck that. Just gimme the orgasms.”

S: “You heard, him, Gruul. Give Xat an orgasm.”

X: “I’m not gonna say please.”

G: “That’s where you draw the line.”

S: “He’s gonna die on that please-shaped hill.”

X: “We’re all gonna die someday. Might as well be over something stupid.”

G: “But I think that’s it for email. We might check the comments and see about doing this again, but we’ve got video game news to do. But first…”

S: “Time to get rich?”

G: “Time for a sponsor. Folks, I wanna tell you about Nature’s Cleansing.”

S: “Which is less of a laxative than you might think.”

G: “Not at all! It’s a spa. You boys like spas?”

X: “I’ve been known to spa on occasion.”

G: “What about magic spas? Because Nature’s Cleansing is a spa, massage parlor and all natural healing center that’s here to make you feel your best. They provide ancient, time-tested services that believes you need to love your body from the inside out.”

S: “Oh I’ve heard of these guys! They’re the elves that make you nut.”

X: “Meme that, people. Get your top memers on this.”

G: “Your body’s like a car. You wanna change the oil once in a while or you get baked up and have the same stuff cycling around in you. And if you don’t use your mana, it sits there soaking in, getting old and grungy.”

X: “Oh!”

G: “So with ‘personalized, intimate treatment,’ your local wood elves will do whatever it takes to cycle out that mana and get you feelin’ fresh and clean.”

X: “You guys know how… I get mana, right?”

S: “Fuckin’. Nuttin’. I’m telling you, those elves know what they’re doing.”

G: “Well if you go in there and get the full treatment, just tell them you’re a Green Gamer or that the Green Gamer Guys sent you when you first arrive. They’ll go ahead and knock half the fee off your bill. You can’t beat that.”

X: “And our name is so catchy. You cannot forget it.”

G: “Next time you got an ache or pain…”

S: “Or a deep thirsty need.”

G: “Head to your nearest Nature’s Cleansing location and say Green Gamer Guys. Now in ten different locations around the U.S. and Canada. Thanks to Nature’s Cleansing for bringing you this episode. Now on with the news.”

X: “So did you guys hear that the fucking producer of Wasteland ’66 SHOT a mother fucker!?”

S: “Our scared old ladies were right! Games make you violent!”