Ditzy the Clown

One of those stories I did for an experiment. Did you know clown kinks are a thing? It can get pretty extreme, and the puns are there to be made. I've toyed here and there with the idea of clowns being a species in some settings, and decided to run with it in this one. They ended up half alien, half toon from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Conceding that this one won't be for everyone, I'm really pleased with it. Strange sexiness ala monstergirls to be sure. Indicative sound affects depending where you grope or spank. Can't speak so communicates in gestures but really just wants to see you smile. That and giggling turns her on and... well, she cums in a last minute idea I loved. Might bring this world back again, possibly with other characters.  And to be clear, this is a similar world but not the Modern Monster/Ghetto Goblin one. I'm not canonizing clowns in there... yet. They feel like enough for their setting on their own.

It was a strange time for the world, but at least it was one for the better. I don't think humans were exactly prepared to realize that we had been living among another species all this time, but at least they were friendly. Really strange, perhaps, but friendly. They could more or less take care of themselves, so it wasn't like they were intruding on us that much. Of course, even if clowns were this strange and magical race that had existed among us for all these years, they still needed a place to live.

I came back to the apartment, tossing my wet jacket onto the coat hanger. It was a spacious place for what it was, but I needed my roommate's help to afford it.

"Hey, Ditzy! I'm home!" I called out, checking my hair in the mirror. I had once heard my dad say that "Is it raining outside?" is just a coded way to say "Your hair looks like shit."

There came this soft but rapid squeaking noise as Ditzy ran into the room. With a name like that, you had to know she was a clown, born and raised. I didn't know many before I moved in with her, but clowns really aren't that different from human beings. A few years ago, someone would have said "Yea, no duh dumbass," but when they had "come out of the tiny car" as it were, clowns were actually proved to be another species entirely. An evolutionary cousin to human beings that didn't obey quite as many rules of physics as we did. If nothing else, it looked like Ditzy's boobs bounced around like gravity didn't mean much to them.

Ditzy had this chalk-white skin, at least where it wasn't these wide purple circles on her cheeks. She had big red lips that would have looked sexy on a supermodel, but were strange and cute on her. She had purple hair that was made of frizzy, springy curls that bounced around like the rest of her. No matter how unreal her colors were, I'd seen her come right out of the shower. She was in fact entirely white and purple across her skin, down to some purple circles on her ass cheeks. No makeup involved. Even her round red button of a nose doesn’t come off (but it certainly honks like you’d think it would).

She wore a bright yellow leotard as her usual outfit, but I'd seen her wear regular street clothes or other costumes whenever she got the urge. Around the house, it was her banana-yellow leotard that cut off at her pale, thick thighs. She definitely wasn't some kind of children's birthday clown, because she had these huge breasts with a wide diamond of flesh exposed by a boob window cut into her costume. I felt sure that her jugs would fly right out of them if she jumped hard enough, but they never quite made it. With every step of her long legs, her snug red slip-on shoes made this dainty squeak. Not the obnoxious bike horn noises you expect from "those damn honkers," but more like a tiny pet toy.

Ditzy smiled widely and waved, batting her long lashes over her bright green eyes.

"How was your day?" I asked casually as I wrung out some of my shirt by the door. Ditzy pouted and pulled an umbrella out of somewhere behind her back. She held it over her head and a quick sprinkle of water pattered over her hair from somewhere inside the umbrella.

"Yea, I know it's raining," I sighed. She tossed the umbrella into the rack by the door and held out her hands. It wasn't every clown’s thing, but Ditzy didn't talk. Maybe she was part mime on her mother's side. It's not like she could tell me. I'd had her talk to me by writing on a notebook for a while, but she quickly got bored of that and used it for making doodles so I had to guess that instead. I quickly gave up on that and just let her do her thing.

Ditzy frowned and jogged up to me, hugging me tightly and mashing her breasts against my chest and arms. They really were huge, and there came a rubber duck sort of honking from her chest as she did. 

"Yea, yea. I'm feeling better already," I chuckled. It wasn't every clown either, but Ditzy lived up to the stereotype. She HATED to see someone sad. It made her a pretty good roommate, all things considered. "Work was just shit. I had to wait for some road work in this shitty weather."

Ditzy raised her eyebrows and let me go, gesturing at her chest invitingly. "I... don't see how your tits would help, pieface." She rolled her eyes at my teasing nickname. Some people thought it was a slur but since clowns tended to laugh at them, it took a lot of the bitterness out of the words. She reached into her pocket of cleavage and took out a large bowtie, attaching it to the collar of her costume. She flicked one end of it, making it spiral around and slap against her boobs like a tiny propeller. While it made some smacking noises and bounced her boobs like crazy, it gave off a warm wind like some kind of portable hair dryer. It did help put some warmth back in my sorry ass, even if it looked doofy as hell.

"Okay, that's kind of nice," I admitted. "Thanks, Ditz." She smiled and clapped as the bowtie came to a stop. She tucked it back in between her tits with another faint squeak. "You eat anything yet?"

Ditzy stared while some noises came from her stomach. It sounded like an actual trash compactor instead of one of a stomach. "Gotcha. Come on. I can do some chicken and noodles."

She smiled brightly and pulled a rubber chicken out from behind her back, holding it up proudly with a loud gobbling noise coming from the air around her. 

"You know real fucking well I didn't mean that, gag boobs. Put that away. I don't want you leaving your props around the apartment again."

She pouted with a sad slide-whistle noise, but I ignored her and got to work in the kitchen. The toy chicken was gone by the time I turned back around. To my knowledge, clowns don't have to eat very much. It's another part of why they make such cheap roommates since they don't dent the food bill. The worst thing I have to put up with is that every time I want the ketchup, I have to reach past at least a half dozen cans of whipped cream, some cherries and bananas to get to it. It's obvious why a honker would be interested in them, but at least they were sexy foods to watch a girl eat. 

I still cook her some dinner and we eat together. Nothing fancy, but she smiles all the way through it. I don't even bother going for the salt, though I know to refasten the lid and make sure it's not sugar every time I do. Ditzy's not malicious in the slightest, but she can't resist a really dumb and obvious joke. She takes her time with her meal at first, trying to be polite, but she ends up just lifting the whole thing and opening her mouth so wide she fits the entire plate inside along with its contents. It's one thing watching a girl deepthroat a banana. It's a little unnerving watching her swallow all that.

"You're doing the dishes after that," I reply firmly. She gives a vibrating burp before she reaches back into her mouth, slowly drawing the spit-soaked dish back out. She also pulled out a few colorful rags as she does, but she at least uses them to wipe her mouth.

"Well it's been a long day. You want to watch something?" Ditzy nodded vigorously. "What you thinking? Horror? Drama? Tragedy?"

She pouted again and rubs her fingers down her cheeks, miming some tears. 

"I’m kidding, mother honker. So which is it this time? Cartoons or comedy?" She flicked up two fingers so fast that they came with a noise like an arrow thudding into something and wobbling around. "Comedy. Fine by me. Fire up Netflix and pick something while I get popcorn." She beamed and hurried off with more of her tiny squeaking noises, giggling to herself. Between laughing and the burp, I think that's the only noises that genuinely come from her mouth.

She picked out some new comedy show or another. It’s just something to cool off together. If you can say nothing else about Ditzy, it's always hard to stay down around her. I just count myself lucky to be one of the few thousand people in the world who didn't have to go through some emergency therapy for their clown phobias because the secret magical clowns suddenly appeared in their lives. We both lounge on the couch, popcorn between us and chuckling together at the funny bits. We were a few episodes in when I reached for the popcorn without looking. I instead got a handful of something that honked. Looking back down, I saw that Ditzy had dove in the way and pushed her breasts over the top of the popcorn, tricking me into squeezing her tit. It had some surprising give to it, almost rubbery with how easily it squished between my fingers and reshaped accordingly.

“Nice one, big top,” I teased, ruffling her hair. “Are you supposed to be a clown or a blowup doll?” 

Ditzy giggled and smiled widely. She had been like this the last couple weeks. She was always needy for attention, but she had been a lot more physical and demanding. I honestly couldn’t tell when she was flirting with me or it was just her taking jokes to the next level.

“Now are you messing with me or are you really in the mood?”

Ditzy held up two fingers.

“That bad, huh?”

Ditzy tensed her shoulders and smiled shyly. There was a noise from her lower body that sounded like a car engine revving.

“You silly slut,” I sighed in bemusement. I took Ditzy around her skinny waist and pulled her into me, ignoring the pair of mismatched whoopie cushion noises that come from her breasts squishing against me. She’s a hot as hell roommate/fuck buddy, but you have to make some compromises when you fuck a clowngirl.

I guided her close enough to kiss her on the mouth. Her purple pouty lips mashed into mine and she was dead quiet beyond the soft sucking of our makeout session. It was a little unnerving, but I’m put at ease when I start to hear a familiar whistling. I open my eyes to confirm there’s steam blowing out of her ears as her pale skin blushes a bright pink from the kiss. At least she’s not subtle about it when she’s turned on, so there’s little guessing with my silent partner.

She wrapped her legs around my waist, putting her flexibility to good use as she straddled my cock. Her leotard leaves little to the imagination and I could feel her getting wet and warm against my lap. The subtle honking of her breasts grinding against my chest came accompanied by the soft and steady squeaks of her rubbery jugs.

“You are fuckin’ bad today, huh?” I asked, grinding my hips against her. I reached down to cup her pussy and rub a finger through the sheer fabric. Ditzy just rolled back her eyes and there was the clear sound of a toilet flushing from between her legs.

“Crude as always. You really need some new material.”

Ditzy grinned and leaned in, kissing me firmly enough that her nose honked against mine like a playful challenge. I pushed her back onto the couch and gripped the middle of her leotard, pulling it upward in a gentle wedgie. Ditzy bit her pouty lip as she squirmed, helping the spandex dig its way up between her pussy lips. Her messy pussy with its fluffy little purple patch of pubes leaked around it until I gave a firm enough pull to tear it off. And I mean all of it. Her costume pulled away like one of those gag stripper outfits, leaving her completely naked in a second. Somehow even her squeaky shoes came off with it.

Ditzy blushed and smiled as another revving noise came from between her legs.

“You like it like that, don’t you? You dirty little honker,” I mused as I undressed myself. I worked quick but nowhere near as fast as her. I pulled my shirt over my head and in the split second it took me to do that, Ditzy had gone from flat on her back to on all fours with her mouth around my dick. She gave it a few teasing licks as she batted her eyes up at me, as if I’d caught her with her hand in the cocky jar. 

“You are the worst, you know that?” I said, even though an appreciative sigh. I ran my hands through her curls and down her bare back, softly cupping her ass cheeks. The clowngirl shut her eyes with the sound of a jalopy’s horn. Her mix of silence and sound effects used to be off putting but it was cute and mysterious by now, watching her suck away with nothing but wet noises and no moaning or panting at all.

I livened it up with a smack to her ass. Swatting the junk in her trunk got a matching sound like a car crash, and her body bucked forward to push my cock deeper down her throat. Considering the things she’d put in and pulled out of there, I was more worried about her swallowing me whole than I was her choking on it. I give her a few more spanks that get her smiling and grinding her throat back and forth on my dick. Sometimes it’s the crash, sometimes it’s a foghorn or a horse whinny. No idea what causes what, but she definitely liked it.

“Ready for the real deal, funny face?” I asked as I cupped her chin. She nodded rapidly with a few rusty squeaks from her neck. I slide my soaking wet dick back out of her, giving a short thrust to honk her nose with my cockhead. Ditzy smiled and blushed again as a bit as some of her spit and my precum trickled down her round nose. Her tongue flicked out longer than it should have to lick it off her squeaky nose like a lizard.

I took Ditzy by the boobs, getting a generic cow moo from somewhere in her chest as I turned her around. I pulled her onto my lap, stuffing myself into her damp pussy from behind. Holding her tits as leverage, I started to pound her from behind. Her pale and juicy ass slapped against my belly as a variety of barnyard noises started coming from her tits. She’s not entirely silent anymore, emitting a barely audible gasp and pant as I bounce her on my cock. It’s the subtle signs that show she’s really enjoying herself, rather than the blasting airhorn noises and steam whistles she likes to use. It’s made it look like she was attracting a mate in the middle of a Warner Brothers cartoon.

I can feel her heart race, complete with a low drumbeat coming from the air around her. I drove my dick up and inside her slim but curvy body until I can feel myself stroke it right against her clit. That’s when she stiffened up and arched her back, giving off a series of noises like a pinball machine. She’s not exactly subtle about her sweet spots.

“Nothing like fucking a boppit, huh funny face?” I grunted in her ear. The clowngirl started to pump her hips harder, bouncing her booty on me and slamming herself down on my cock even harder. I honked her breasts again before turning her back to face me and kiss her aggressively. My nose beeped against hers and her gyrating only got harder.

“You ready for that creampie, clown?” I muttered in her ear. She squealed and giggled, making her whole body vibrate. I saw her eyes glass over and used my secret weapon on her. With anyone but Ditzy, I would never have considered making a girl laugh in the middle of sex. It’s something else entirely... so I got for it again. Never fails to get her to pop.

I run my hands down from her chest and go to her stomach, tickling my fingers around her ribs. An alarm noise goes off over her head as she tightened up, clenching her pussy around me as she laughed out loud. The kind of shivering and tensing around her cock almost made me nut right there. Her pussy was squishing with just how wet it got her. I kept groping and poking anywhere ticklish, getting her to thrash so hard I had to hold her in place on top of me. She bucked her hips like wild as she cackled with glee, twerking and grinding on me like a jackhammer.

“Aww, you having one of your silly gigglegasms, you laugh slut?” I purred in her ear. She nodded faster than she could give her squeaking sound affects, eyes wide and euphoric as she laughed so hard she drooled over her tits. She rode my dick with a passion until she mashed me balls deep inside herself, tensing up for a moment before she came. The drawn-out squeal of a party noisemaker blasted through the room as she clenched her thighs together: a large handful of confetti launched itself messily out of her pussy, spraying over my lap in her comical gag-gasm.

I had to laugh along with her, but her own laughs cracked with lusty gasps and moans. The ticklish Ditzy still rubbed her snatch on me, and honestly… it’s a mess, but it’s worth it. The weird tickle of confetti flakes inside her and rubbing on my dick was surprisingly tingly. I shot my load into her from behind, gripping her hips and getting her to double over between my penetration and her laughter. She flopped over so that her tits squeaked against the couch, slowly repeating the noise at a gentler pace as she breathed heavily.

“There’s my favorite confetti cunt,” I sighed. I leaned over her and kissed her on a violet cheek. Ditzy turned her head and smiled at me.

“You just think you’re so funny,” she cooed in high and squeaky sarcasm. She smiled at my blank expression and cupped my cheek, kissing me on the lips. I guess she knew how to talk all along…

“I hate you so fucking much right now, honky,” I muttered as I hugged her from behind, dragging her down to the couch to spoon with me. Ditzy just laughed as I squeaked one of her boobs.

“Ditzy loves you too, honky,” she jabbed back. I chalked it up to fair play and just hugged her tight as she turned our show back on. Every time she giggled at a joke it sent her booty jiggling against my cum and confetti-stained lap. Like it said: worth the mess.