Patreon, R&P Q&A #283
Added 2024-09-04 22:25:56 +0000 UTCThursday 2PM
Comments
we fuck regularly.
Op Sec
2024-09-05 18:43:37 +0000 UTCI would say that it's instinctual for you to feel angry is you have not fucked in a while?
Cocky_funny
2024-09-05 18:40:08 +0000 UTCWhat is relationship game and how do I improve it? I understand plate management : Keep sourcing new girls and spend more time with more pleasant ones. Next them when they cross a boundary. This one didn’t cross any boundary for two years. But i don’t understand what am i getting from having her as a gf instead of a plate.(except a verbal promise of commitment, which doesn’t amount to anything )
Goten
2024-09-05 18:32:09 +0000 UTCHow long have you been towing the 1000’ rope? Fuck me or fuck you just gets you more duty booty. You may just have a dud and chose to open the relationship on your end.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-05 18:14:24 +0000 UTC"my dependence on her for chores is the reason I’m putting up with her fights" Your relationship game isn't as strong as your plate game.
Op Sec
2024-09-05 18:02:43 +0000 UTCA simple I changed my mind always works. Then apply broken record. At first your anxiety will be a 10/10 but after doing it a few times it gets easier.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-05 18:02:34 +0000 UTCFitness still on track. Enjoying catch and release/approaches when I get the opportunity, but not seeing the opportunity as much as I would prefer. Just seems to not be as much talent around in the general population as there was in past years. Things are generally stable at the moment, but sex is still not at the frequency I would prefer. I understand from past responses, you said, sometimes a woman can just be a dud. I am trying to avoid getting into covert contracts, but I expect better performance from somebody I am sharing value with. Would it be fair to lay that out in the open overtly so expectations are known or does that come out as too much like fuck me or fuck you? Or as neediness? As a fit high value, man, I just have higher expectations of performance.
Volare Alto
2024-09-05 17:58:48 +0000 UTCAge: memorize: “to old for you.” (Subtext: danger, mystery.. shit test pass) The “I think you look cute “ opener needs a net after it: “Dangerous, but cute”. “ a bit sinister, but cute”. How can I help you: I am glad you asked. I noticed your tattoo… you have a unique walk… escalate. (Subject) (you) (we). In that order Check out Tom v dating on you tube for this kind of content. Tom torero is similar.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 17:48:36 +0000 UTCTravel is tuff… especially with two young kids. I pay special attention to the deer, as you did.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 17:44:17 +0000 UTCAlright this makes to me, thanks
babykiller
2024-09-05 17:40:17 +0000 UTCField report 25 General LTR- 6 years (Age 30 both of us, no kids - engaged) *Physical* Current weight - 92KG Goal – I want to get to ~15% body fat; I want to fuck at least x2 times a week, fix my knee pain and improve my cardio Gym – I have enjoyed trying new exercise this past week. (shoulder shrug, Batwing row and bench lat exercise). My Bumb bell press 38kg (+3kg). - I pleased that my fat percentage is slowly going down, as I am taking in less sugar Its now at 22% from 26%. Sex – 3 times this week. I face fucked my fiancée and I fucking loved it. I have not done this in at least 1 year. Last Monday my fiancée took the implant out. I’ll be trying out condom for the first time in 6 years. I’m open to see how we get along with condoms and we are open to the coil contraception as this is non hormonal. But I do want us to have a kid a year from now, so I want her body to be a good state a year from now. Still thinking about this. I am also getting better at building the non-sexual physical intimacy. Having showers together. E.g. last night I said lets sleep naked, take your pants off, hugs from the back whilst she is cooking, smacks around the ass (this helped me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEUD9F9rcws&t=128s . *Emotional* – This is why I need the most work Goal – Reduce my anxiousness, stop buckling to my fiancée’s negative emotions and learn to hold frame. I am experimenting with Google Gemini pro to practice my assertiveness skills. I can promote it to act as a difficult father or girlfriend. For each of my response I have promoted it to give me some feedback and what I could have done better. I have mainly practised fogging and broken record. I must say one of the things that I noticed as that my heart rate and anxiousness goes up even when practicing with Gemini. This is a good thing as I am becoming more aware of my psychological state. I have been doing a lot of STFU and this has been paying off nicely. I have not argued for the past 4 weeks. 5 weeks ago, my sex life with my fiancée was super low, she was on her period for 3 weeks straight. But I did not open my stupid mouth and complain about sex like the way I use to. No “babe we have not had sex in a while”, when I use to make statements like these my fiancée’s response was typically “why are you blaming me for that” or “we have not been connected, that’s why” or we will just argue from being me frustrated and her feeling like I’m blaming her. I don’t over explain myself as much or defend, excuse and rationalise (D.E.A.R) as much as I use to. ----------- Observation Not having sex for 3.5 weeks was good for me as I realised how much I put pussy up on a pedestal for all these years. Sex is great but their other things life that I can also be getting on with when i dont have it ( a little build moment which was also high-lighted on the NMMNG). ----------- A good example from was my fiancée wanting us to go to Carnival 2 weeks ago and I just told her I just want to enjoy my time with my friends, even though we ended up spending some time together on the day. I stuck to my guns and help my boundary (with some bit of D.E.A.R’ing). E.g. Her main point was around - why don’t you want to come with to carnival Me – I just want to go with the boys Her – Why don’t you want to have fun with me. Me – There is nothing wrong with you, I just want to go with the boys this year Her – But you promised that you will come with this year Me – Yes, I did compromise, but I changed my mind, I just want to go with my friends Her – why didn’t you tell me that earlier. You played me Me – I told you earlier during the week that I just want to go with the boys, but you didn’t listen We went back and forth about this throughout the whole week before carnival. She said she was anxious and cried that I don’t want to have fun with her on Carnival as this is her Caribbean culture and I will dancing with other women(which I did) Me – I want to go with my friends, but I can meet you there and I can spend 2 hours with you towards the end (Working compromise). We did end up spending some time together and we enjoyed each other’s company. To me this is progress, previous I would have been an anxious rat. Generally, I have realised that I am starting to slowly stop over explaining myself and being more direct to people. Observation One thing that I have observed is that I fall under that The Captain and the Constantly Complaining Passenger: Questions. What are your thoughts on practising with Google Gemini pro *Intellectual* Goal – Take care of our finances by the end of next year. I’m starting to take control of my finances; I’m watching what I am spending my money on and I have upgrades to monzo premium to track my spending better. Generally, I have had a decent week of progress
Cocky_funny
2024-09-05 17:23:38 +0000 UTCFitness: Doing well. My lifting is back on track 2 to 3 days per week. I normally do 3, but I’ve been out of my house a lot in August. I run, bike and hike as well. My body is looking like it should. I’ve lost about 8 pounds and I have leveled off around 210. I’ll probably drop another 5 pounds over the next few months. Diet: Started my no alcohol and cleaner eating stretch going into December. Other than social events, I won’t drink. No sugar, no wheat, no bullshit. Divorce: I went to the funeral of my best friend’s son last weekend, in the town I had my former vacation home in (now occupied by my son and ex). They live a few blocks away from my best friend and we had been family friends up to the divorce. I dropped off some remaining shit I had cleaned out from my house before the funeral. I didn’t give my kid any affection, just said hi. My ex-wife and former father-in-law were at the funeral, but didn’t sit close to me and they left immediately afterwards. My son looked terrible and had gained a lot of weight. My ex-wife also looked terrible and looked fatigued, despite not having worked all summer (she is a teacher). The acreage was in bad shape as well with the field not having been mowed and weeds growing around the house. I kept that place in better shape going there every three or four weeks than those two have done living there full time. I came by the morning after to pick up a couple bikes and all the crap I dropped off the day before was still sitting in the driveway and porch, as they are both too lazy to put shit away. Neither of them have any self respect. My girlfriend gave me some grief a few times for not having been invited. All my close friends were there, and since they all live in different cities, she hasn’t met them to date. I stuck to my guns and told her she can’t come because I had enough drama to deal with already and this was a terrible occasion for her to meet people. I have part ownership in a vacation house a couple blocks away and I’ll be going up with my girlfriend later this month and other friends in October to go hunting.
Dave
2024-09-05 16:43:29 +0000 UTCCouple bells go off when I read this. For me, it is to much energy dealing with her emotions. To much love negotiation. “ I sat next to her and said I have felt the distance too and I don’t like it either. ”. I prefer rians style: more- “get your shit together. Be in the car.” I imagine the dancing an fun is what really lead to the sex later anyways. You analysis: If you are going to make a goal to be more exiting… what does that mean? Is it seasonal? Hard to be exiting all year. Are you allowed to chill and watch love is blind 😝. Will she agree on what is exiting? Does that matter. For me…. Excitement is not a goal. Goal: I made a movie.. I am working on a magic show… meeting a friend…. And I like to watch movies like a zombie from time to time as well.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 16:41:59 +0000 UTCFucking so solid, good call. I am going to add that to my canned material.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-05 16:31:41 +0000 UTCShort answer: a child. If you don’t want a child you don’t need a gf. For me: it was 20 years ago pre phones… I was so busy with my career and this girl was jumping through fire hoops for me. Attractive and no red flags. We had good times so I had no reason to chase others. She never did my chores or anything like that. I lived out of a car so I could be closer to work so choreplay would have been hard. She was not fond of spending the night in my car. lol. It is natural for girls to put up territory markers. Doing chores is girl game.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 16:15:04 +0000 UTCFR 22 FINALLY. I did it. Got over my approach anxiety. Just give HBO 2 years and he finally starts cold approaching regularly. Progression: couldn’t do it at all -> could only do it abroad -> could do it at home, but only with a wingman -> now, I can do direct daygame by myself Can’t recommend James Tusk enough, great content. His free stuff should be behind a paywall, much like Ryan’s sidebar. Stats: Approach 5 girls a day on average. Been at it for 11 days, i.e. 60 approaches Time from going out to first approach: down from 6 hours on day one to 10 minutes on average the last three days. Not tracking conversions yet, still need way more reps until I’ll look at those. Gotten a few phone numbers. Questions: - How do you handle the “You’re too old for me” line? Sometimes, it’s genuine, sometimes it’s just a shit test. Any training wheel responses? - What does she mean when a minute into the conversation, she says “How can I help you?” For context: I’m opening directly, like “Hi, I just saw you and I think you look cute” -> then transition into something observational like “You look Italian/Swedish/etc” -> so it should be fucking obvious how she can help me. Is this a shit test or is she telling me to fuck off? But then she could just leave the conversation, it’s not like anything is stopping her. How do you handle that? - I think I smile too much. Got a couple of reactions along the lines of “You look so happy/Why are you so happy?” And then they rejected me. Do you keep a straight face? I don’t look like a Jason Mamoa man’s man so the whole stern look doesn’t feel very natural to me. …. Unrelated question: still struggling with my shoulder injury, it’s been almost 2 years. I stopped lifting for the last 6 months and it gradually got better. A couple of days ago, I made the mistake of carrying a backpack (nothing too heavy) and got a stinging pain for 3 days as a reward. I’m pretty sure it’s either the nerves or the sinews, because the bones are fine (I had it double checked). I wanna start lifting again, but I also don’t want to be the guy who needs a new shoulder joint at 50. Any suggestions? I remember you mentioned that program where you lift light weights very slowly. What was that called again?
Hypergamous Best Option
2024-09-05 16:13:21 +0000 UTCI would not consider that push pull. Push pull: I want to fuck you. You’re so hot. But I think we should focus on the fallufa scrub down. You are dirty. How long since you last bathed?! Compliment then insult. Also remember that responsible, timely, provider type behavior is not sexually attractive. So I would not verbally say “kid has to be at bjj so we have to end.” I would give her a couple thrusts. Pullout. Throw a wet rag at her and tell her “she should be ashamed for tempting me while I bathed. In the lords name! “. Then leave to do parenting. Fun, playful, mystery.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 15:56:20 +0000 UTCIt isn’t your ego, it’s your thirst. Then you overtly communicated it to her. Which conveys “hey look at me mommy, I did a big boy thing.” If anything when she asked, you could have replied, who knows. Hey park here. Then never bring it up again. Back to your thirst to get her into the seat caused you to DLV. Little things to polish up to a really tight game.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-05 15:47:13 +0000 UTCCopy that, nice
Validation Junkie
2024-09-05 15:40:53 +0000 UTCNote: We don’t know the parking context. We write comments to teach ourselves. Beta(provider) behavior has to be earned. This was your first date and there has been no sex. Therefore: You just trained her to view you as a doormat. Someone to hold open doors, and throw jackets in puddles and and your body in front of cars so she can…. Very bad look… flashing major beta traits. Way better to sacrifice the predate. Lots of nmmng needed
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 15:36:03 +0000 UTCI see what you are both saying and it’s all true. Not sure I fully agree on the parking though. My framing was logistical, I wanted her ass in that bar seat. This could be my ego speaking. I knew she was good for the meetup as she had been direct and eager in her interest. The parking was abysmal and time was limited before a hard bounce for dancing, so I held a spot when I saw it. Maybe I pursued a validation seeking angle on it after the fact conversationally, and I can see how the act itself is objectively a DLV from her perspective, but wtf do I care about that? I got what I wanted at the cost of appearing more aloof as you imply. I guess I’m DEERing to you guys now. Edit: I can now see how all of this is rationalization of my outcome dependence. Fact is if I didn’t care about the outcome I wouldn’t have ran the parking.
babykiller
2024-09-05 14:50:37 +0000 UTCRiane may disagree with me. When they pull the “it’s going to take time” speech I usually quip back with cool, I will give you until we get to the car. Now let’s go have some fun.”
Validation Junkie
2024-09-05 14:47:54 +0000 UTCNot gonna RP my buddies, just meant that I could spend some time in these threads reading the field reports and offer thoughts. Rian always says that being able to teach is actually a reinforcement mechanism for what you think you know.
RUIN
2024-09-05 14:37:13 +0000 UTCA teaching roll? Like teaching for work or trying to red pill your buddies?
Validation Junkie
2024-09-05 14:35:07 +0000 UTCYou are right. I was also running behind and didn’t want to be late.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-05 13:53:15 +0000 UTCBack from our week long "vacation". It's true when you hear time at the beach with 2 children under 6 is more work than anything else. Very little free time for the adults this time around. That said, spending an uninterrupted 7 days with the wife and kids was a good opportunity to learn more about who they are outside a generic week of running around living our separate lives. Early morning flight with connection meant there was risk of a blow up. I was determined to take charge throughout the travel portion and accomplished it. She asked why I was going to drop her, the 2 year old, and all our luggage at the street then go park with the 6 year old. My plan, my approach, didn't DEER, just said - "I'll handle it." Little hiccup at the check in counter for me - so I took charge there and sent her through security with the 2 kids. Was able to just make it to the gate and we're off. Stressful for me, but she didn't feel it. At the connection airport her bitchiness and questioning of everything started up. Likely from the 2 year old being difficult on the flight in. After about the 3rd instance, I stopped in my tracks and said "Hey, do you want to have a fight right here in this airport? Cause I'll give you a fight, and you're going to lose." Stole this from you Rian...worked like a charm. She said "no, I don't" and we kept walking in silence, then it blew over. On the 2nd flight I watched the 2 year old and he mostly slept on my lap. When he got fussy I'd just step in and take him from her so she'd not blow up. Rest of the trip was very enjoyable. Room had a separate bathroom we used for occasional fun. Quick middle of the day blow job and one night after dinner we got away in the master room for a romp. Back to normal life now and things are going well. I've been here long enough and seen great results...going to pivot to more of a teaching role to see if I can help the rest of the guys with what I've learned.
RUIN
2024-09-05 13:46:35 +0000 UTCField report 24 Horniness was there through the week but not directed towards my wife so I held off jerking off to see if that did anything towards my motivation to initiate with her. General distance between us throughout the week and I didn’t engage much with her besides logistics. Shark week was in full swing but felt desire later in the week so initiated and got a not tonight but let’s try tomorrow from her. Next day tried again and got told she feels weird on her period. Next morning we had a day planned to go to a winery with the kids. I got the kids ready and as we were going out the door I hear her tell our daughter she can’t take a specific toy in the car and started raising her voice. I already told her she could so I told that to my wife. She said its going to cause a mess in the car as she walked away. I made a comment of I am the one who cleans your car anyway so why should it matter. Both my daughter and wife heard it. Wife went towards the bedroom and said you need to come talk to me about that. I said I’m not in the mood to get into a fight as we are leaving. Got the kids in the car and 5 minutes go by and she still hasn’t come to the car. Go to the bedroom and she is pissed about what I said under my breath. I didn’t deer and said yeah I said it, I shouldn’t have said it for our daughter to hear, we are on the same team. She demanded an apology and for me to fix it. I took a beat, to me she had a point, i don’t want to put out daughter in the middle of a disagreement. If I felt strongly enough about it I should have just said it will full force instead of doing it under my breath. She said this is all probably because I didn’t fuck you last night and we we haven't had any quality time together all week. I asked her what she considers quality time. She said not sitting in front of the TV like zombies. I sat next to her and said I have felt the distance too and I don’t like it either. I said come with us and we can hit the reset button and have a great day together. She said it’s gonna take time, I can’t just flip a switch. Took another 15 minutes to get her out of the house and she had a near panic attack hyperventilating losing her sunglasses. I hugged her tight and had her focus on my breathing to calm her down. Within 30 minutes in the car she was more pleasant, joking with the kids and me. Winery had live music, I pulled her up to dance multiple times. Got home, went back to change and down the hallway she pulls her pants down and we fuck the second the door closes behind us. Next day I’m escalating throughout the day and when we get back from an outing I pull her towards the bedroom while the kids are occupied. She says let’s wait until she can take a shower later and really take our time. I agree and continue to escalate throughout the day. Smoking a cigar later on the front porch, she comes out, puts her leg up and I finger her until she cums, lead her back to the bedroom and fuck her. It didn’t completely scratch my itch so initiated again when the kids went to bed and got soft no’s. Told her this is her fault in the first place and flipped her over and we fucked again. Four observations I made through my actions . One is that emotions are transitory and what she is feeling now doesn’t mean that is what she will feel later. Second, emotions are not good or bad to get a woman’s juices flowing, they just want the strong emotions and they need that release like we need to blow a load. Third. I was not doing enough through the week to not be boring during the day to day life. I don’t want our week to be boring either and I can’t put it on her to not be boring, it’s my ownership. Fourth, as much as I didn’t want to accept it, my emotional state drives how much I want to put out effort towards her. When she is pleasant and feminine I am driven to invest more in her. Since I can’t change or control her, all I can do is create the environment for strong emotions with no expectations attached.
Amos_Durden
2024-09-05 13:12:12 +0000 UTCWhat does a gf provide which a plate doesn’t? Update on the gf who constantly pushes to move in. I started doing all the house chores myself and started removing dependence on her, one task at a time. She fought hard on every step. I gave in a few times and let her do the laundry coz i was feeling tired. Finally wrote down why I am doing it:” my dependence on her for chores is the reason I’m putting up with her fights, and possibly also the reason she feels entitled to move in”. Right now i do every chore myself. Last week her arguments turned to Her : i feel you’ve become very distant Me : why do think so? Her: you don’t let me do stuff around the house. You know it’s my house too Me : that’s coz i don’t want you to break your fingernails while doing laundry. Her : i don’t believe you. You’re planning to leave me. You can say so if that’s what you want Me: You’re the only girl in the world who’s complaining that her man does too much chores Her: you’re hiding something. Tell me I leave the house to go for a walk and later get a long message from her telling me to” take your time and let me know when you’re ready to have a talk” Decided im done with this shit. Next day I texted “hey” to all my previous plates. Couple of them replied and I hooked up with one. Yesterday the gf messaged me saying she overreacted and let’s just forget it. I said okay and we got back together. Now i am confused. If i am doing everything myself, why do i need a girlfriend. My whole point of making her my gf was she was more pleasant than other plates and did the stuff around the house, and she was persistent. I’m guessing every relationship in future is gonna go this way for me. Im feeling completely lost. For the guys who decided to settle with one girl, what was the reason?
Goten
2024-09-05 11:58:55 +0000 UTCWhen she asked if you had time you missed a great opportunity for a quickie
Owning My Shit
2024-09-05 06:38:15 +0000 UTCHolding a parking spot is a show of lower value. You are not her therapist. Lead conversations into fun and interesting topics. You did cut the thread but called her back to let her know you are still her emotional tampon. If you don’t have fun cool interesting shit to talk about bitches will always start talking about boring ass drama. Then you will get stuck being their emotional tampon.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-05 05:05:14 +0000 UTCField Report #14 Back home I removed all notifications from my messages to get rid of the Pavlov response. Worked much better than expected. I have an Apple Watch and did the same. When I was working I didn’t feel the need to instantly text back. My wife took my daughter to her ortho appointment. I worked on some stuff while they were away. When they got back my daughter was definitely upset about how the appointment went. I asked her how it was (she was supposed to get a bridge). Didn’t go as expected. I used fogging and some amuse mastery with her. Let her vent it all out, told her yah I heard yah. After the venting slowed she showed me how poorly it was installed, she called it a snagged tooth. I jokingly told her to quit showing me, it was making me nauseous. She said “It’s going to look terrible for school pictures.” I replied “yah probably the worst school picture ever, you should consider skipping that day.” She laughed. I got a good result and it’s nice to see that these tools with everyone. Also I like that as I use these that there is a chance my children may pick on and naturally use these tools in their own life. My wife told my daughter don’t worry Dad will get to the bottom of this. Does this mean anything, To me it’s shows that my wife looks to me as someone who can handle situations that come up and not just a big man child. Told my wife I was going to take a shower. While I was about done she came in and said “you didn’t invite me.” I replied “just warming it up babe, get naked and hop in.” She got naked washed me up, started as a bj and ended with us smashing. Later I told her man i want to smash you again. She replied do you think we have time. I said “no, I got to get the boy to bjj.” Then headed out. I don’t know if that’s pull/push yet for me it’s nice not to be so thirsty. Been out gaming chicks when the opportunity comes up. I have gotten great reactions. Gets me away from the trap of oneitus, creates mental abundance and sharpens my game. I end up acting more attractive and keeps me from repeating unattractive behaviors, like being neurotic, needy and over emoting.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-05 04:47:09 +0000 UTCYes… Cast a net. Put no stock in any one girl. outcome dependent. — these approaches should mean nothing. Try this: be more polarizing. And escalate within 3 sentences: (Subject statement). Sit down and say: “fucking instillation art. “ ( you statement ) “sorry, I did not mean to offend YOU. I can see somone of your sophistication would admire this installation masterpiece.” (We statement) “…me and you. WE would be at each others throat arguing about art! … craft vs conceptual merit!”. “ …but we would work it out!” (Sexual) - focus on self amusement
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 03:32:00 +0000 UTCHad a second date set up with nerd girl this past Saturday, but she canceled the day of. She offered three other dates to reschedule and was quick to reply. I rescheduled for the next Saturday. I met nerd girl through an old college female friend. The college friend has shown mixed interest towards me, but ever since nerd girl has shown interest, suddenly the college friend has been texting more and says she wants to hang out more. I was hesitant at first because I figured girls talk, and I shouldn’t rock the boat, but after the cancelation, I just wanted to take action to build up more potential options and at the very least the college friend is very extroverted and could make a great wing woman in the future. The college friend asked to work out with me and said she was even willing to get up early if I did morning workouts. Gave her the days I was working out, and she flaked out on me twice - each time afterwards offering another potential hang out thing to do. Wasn’t that surprised because she’s been flaky in the past. I’m open to hanging out and having a good time, but I’m not going to put too much stock into her. After confirmation of the most recent cancelation, I looked for a social opportunity to go to and found an art installation opening and went there for cold approaches. Fucked up the first one – she stood next to me and looked in my directions a few times (could have been just looking at people behind me) and after a few minutes walked away. Initially, she gave off a cold demeanor and had her arms crossed, which made me hesitate, but I should have just approached anyways. After that I made sure to follow through on an approach on a second girl. She was sitting down looking at a piece of art, and I asked if the seat next to her was taken – she said no. Took a few minutes to look at the art then opened her – asked if she was familiar with the artist. She said no, but that led to us talking about what we thought about the art piece. It was good back and forth for maybe 2 minutes before she pulled out her phone and was texting someone. She said her friend arrived, and she had to leave. This interaction had the potential to go well, but I didn’t have the opportunity to present DHVs. Still another approach down and progressing on the skill set. Key Thoughts - I was watching old episodes of Johnny Bravo and Dexter’s Laboratory and didn’t realize how schizophrenic the plots were. You can’t really predict anything. I related that to my own covert contracts where I have strong expectations for certain outcomes. But I’m starting to better understand that outcomes (especially short-term ones) are more unpredictable than I previously thought. I can be better at rolling with the punches. - Currently calibrating my understanding of approach to date and date to sex ratios. Based on my results so far, I need to be approaching way more girls and setting up more dates and putting less stock into any individual girl.
lemon
2024-09-05 02:15:31 +0000 UTC62. Social animal. And talking about boundaries without talking about them. Social animal I am very sociable at food shops with staff and am getting used to getting free food. They just add things to my purchase or even don’t ring me up at all. Often I am with my daughter just messing around: To daughter at a deli “you only want three pickles? You could have asked for the whole tray. Live a little!” Then talking to the staff “I swear she is not my daughter…” Staff to daughter: “ ya, live a little…” Had a short film in a festival/competition. Had 15 ish people in the production. There were 8 separate shows at the festival. At the showing my film was in, it was easy to meet people as I had my cast around me and I was in the q and a so people knew me (social proof.) In the other showings I was alone so I had to open other groups and generate interest from scratch (sarge.) I learned that social proof allows for poor social habits to be overlooked. Sarg-ing is where your skills are stress-tested. During the 8 different shows, when I had social proof I could just stand there and socializing happened. On the other shows where I knew nobody I had to open a group, building report then bring in a different group and so on(mystery 101.) Added 50ish people to ig. Will work with a handful of them on my next project. My team is congealing more and more. More meetups, more talking on phone… planning. My friends from fencing and my magic group are involved. My film hobby has become big enough for my wife to take interest in my production ig account. The ig account has a few lurking women including her now. Rp -Social animal: charisma = free food -Blue ocean social space -Be in spaces with attractive women -Social proof compared to sarg- ing -Funneling people into socials and future projects together -Nmmng: male friend groups -opening groups- basic mystery methods —————————-—. Talking about boundaries without talking about them. Not necessarily rp but Rian has brought up this strategy allot. There are actively 6 drama filled divorces in my sphere at the moment. One husband went onto a roid rage and beat up his wife’s girl friend. (A warning against starting trt). I reported here last year about a friend that threw me under the bus for accidentally throwing him a red pill lifeline. His wife finally cheated on him with his friend in a public and embarrassing hoe fashion. And he is still trying to save the marriage. Another guy is living out of car banned from seeing his kids. I am on the front lines of the marital mid life shit shoe. All of these events are great cannon fodder for discussions about boundaries/relationship issues with the wife. Me: “Your hoe friend is lucky. He should send her a usps standard mail (the cheap stamp) with proceeds from half the house, car, and retirement…. Then-Catch you later.” Another example: Wife texted me: Jay low is here! A sneaked picture attached of the diva, herself, shopping. Me texting back: tell her she screwed up with my boy, Ben! Me Later: “Ben just wants to wear jeans, smoke a cigaret,and make movies. She needs more more more… would Drive any man mad,..Even Batman!” The comparisons to us were crystal clear.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 01:18:14 +0000 UTCNot sure why you are involved in her parking? Bad look all around. Next time grab a drink. If she is late you bounce somewhere nearby and wait for a text. And then you show up late. Make it look casual like you were just chilling… Very casual. Everything just works out around you. Magically. ————- Way too serious … interview type dialogue. How old are you? Way too old for you. Dangerously old! You def should be wary… —————- … “I only care about the connection”. Loosen up. Try: I only care about the apples and oranges..”. Her“What?” -“You know, produce! I am a produce man!” Her…. You “year around fruit. It’s my passion…” Illogical, fun… use sexual subtext
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 01:05:36 +0000 UTCYes, I was waiting for the equipment. Dad talked down to me. The gym thing was fine. The dad thing showed a loss of control of emotions but also a willingness to express them.
Op Sec
2024-09-05 00:43:19 +0000 UTCLike to hear more about the observe part of the ooda loop: -what made you call your dad a cunt, What got to you? -why are idiots at the gym a concern of yours. were you waiting for that equipment? Or just annoyed. Ding bats everywhere, not sure why you needed to confront them. Feeling angry means there is a covert contract somewhere. That is a take home point. I sometimes forget that.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 00:31:33 +0000 UTCYe, I noticed after I sent it
Brandy
2024-09-05 00:29:55 +0000 UTCTestosterone, tesTosterone, testosterone! Gym, sports, male friends. Nmmng, Wisnifg. Learn what an ooda loop is and starting writing in that manner. What you wrote is called a Batman origin story. Mixed with a diary cry session.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-05 00:28:28 +0000 UTCThank you Rian and everyone else for the feedback on my first report. SMART goals: 1) Goal to gain 5 lbs @ 2500kcal/day 2) Complete ‘project 1’ by October 4th 3) Fuck 4 times this month 4) Complete both books by September 20th Work: I haven’t been engaging with work at the level I need to to be successful. Focusing on one short term project to get a win under my belt quickly. I’ll call this ‘Project 1’ for my SMART goal. Health: measuring food and tracking calories. This weeks major fuckup is…. I assumed my work health insurance would default out to the PPO plan at end of enrollment and I let the date pass without even double checking. Looked on last day of period and it’s closed with no insurance… yeah… Fitness: b115, row115, s135, dl 165 for last week. Did this to watch old injury reactions I lift and box today and Friday, then for two weeks I’ll be doing bodyweight or hotel workouts traveling. When I get back I’ll start a progression from the 10rep max point. Sex: yes please. It’s (not) in the long-ass post below Subject of following report: Latina/white hybrid hottie, met dancing prior week. PICKUP: I grabbed a hot friend who’s an advanced dancer and put us in view of target, friend is giggling and loving it for that preselection trigger. Other women begin approaching me excited to get a dance. Danced with target twice. then, while leading her off floor.. Me: “ld love to get to know you more over coffee sometime” Her: “I was going to say… you’re really cute” Me: handing my phone “here, we’ll set something up” Finished night and left. DATE #1: Couple days later I was free for an afternoon and suggested “you should join me for a small adventure today“. To which she said she couldn’t but profusely rescheduled for day of same dance event the next week to meet up beforehand. Very low investment from her, fine by me. Profusely talking about how she has no time and is so busy all the time. (Early frame announcement, “I won’t make plans ahead of time and will be flaky, no pressure please - or I bounce”) Night #2: Met at speakeasy bar an hour before event. I parked then stood in a street parking spot for 10 minutes to save it for her because parking was shit and her searching would ruin meetup. I’m including this interaction because it’s assertive, which is relevant to the things I want to practice. Multiple cars slow and try to take spot and I stand there and don’t move, and say I’m saving it. Lifted truck pulls up with two dudes inside and this happens: Behaves like they're about to back in on me for a second, I don't move. They back straight up parallel to talk to me instead Dude: are you holding this space…? Me: yes Dude: (not moving) where are they? Me: close Dude: (stares at me, doesn’t leave) Me: you have a car, you can muscle me out if you want to and I can’t stop you. But I’m telling you now I’m not gonna move unless you do it, so you're going to have to actually push me out if you want this spot. You’re the one with the car, your choice. Dude: (dismissive laugh) alright man (drives off) She asks me what happened as she had just pulled up as I was speaking to them. We were in the bar now. Me:they wanted the spot and I told them they would have to push me out with their car Her:oh damn, that’s crazy Me: just understand I’ve already fought on your behalf out there so keep that in mind now I think I turned an attractive moment into a validation seeking moment, oof. I could have said anything… “they thought I was a male prostitute”… why the fuck do I need her to know ‘I am man’? Conversation continued, we picked drinks, I bantered with the bartender for a minute, then date and I were talking about family things. A lot of comfort topics, not a lot of banter. I was not at ease, this wasn’t going smooth and I cared too much as I saw how gorgeous she was. Noteworthy excerpt… Her: how old are you? Me: 33, how old are you? Her: 23. Her: I knew you were older and I’m not really sure… it was a problem before in another relationship Me: how does that make you feel? Her: I’m not sure, I dated someone 5 yrs older and It didn’t go well because of XYZ Me: (listening and staying silent for the first minute) I don’t care if your 35, 23, or in between. I only care about the connection… Her: I have to process this, idk how I feel about it Me:(changes the subject) I thought of two things in that moment : 1. I bought into her framing that the question had to be taken seriously. This is like the most common shittest at least have 1 canned response in case I’m slow that day. 2. Use my tools.. Agree and amplify, amused mastery, cocky funny. I was butthurt. Talked about family for a minute, and she went on about adhd and her crazy fundamentalist Christian mother (oh fuck what crazy did I find now I thought) Me: your in this phase where your just discovering your family has a bunch of weird behaviors you didn’t see before. I’ve been there, that’ll last a minute. Her: (pauses thinking) yeah, you’re right I think I am kinda doing that Me: but why try to psycho analyze everything, doesn’t seem very fun. (lol) Her: (asking about my family commenting on my moving around a lot, conversation lulled) Me: (cut thread - brushing her hair off her shoulder) I bet your mom liked this tattoo. Her: (tells story) Her: I’m the youngest, the baby Me: got it, so you’re a brat Her: well, I don’t have that older sibling caretaking like my sister does Me: oh okay, so you’re a selfish brat? Her: yeah… it just sometimes doesn’t occur to me…I’m kind of a brat Me: see, it would never work between us. So you have nothing to wonder about anymore. After another few minutes of conversation after she laughed to something I said… Me: I like your smile. Didn’t have any thoughtful intent here except that she had smiled, there was no reason to give an SOI. Body language was giving me mixed signals, kept kino quick to avoid overstimulating. Passes compliance when asking for hand in guiding moves. She asked what time it was so I took that as my queue and asked for a check and setup the bounce then walked her to her car. Moved venue. Sat dance floor side and danced with other people and each other intermittently. Women would walk up and ask me to dance as is normal for me. I think if I wasn’t among top salsa dancers there this may have flopped. They’re really sensitive to appearing taken in this environment, other guys won’t ask them to dance. I’m respectful of that and sit back with body language that is not crowding her and inviting to other women. My date was new to it as well. Both sitting by dance floor occasionally talking but otherwise chilling, I’m there to dance and she’s just with me. I introduce my date to my hot friend who I used as preselection when we first met and danced with her again. She’s hilariously great for this because she giggles with excitement, squeals, and bounces around like an excited kid and puts her hand on my chest when the connection is good. Sitting down with date again Me: so what are we gonna do about your busy schedule after I’m back from my trip. Her: we’ll talk about it, I’m really busy I can’t plan anything ahead of time(dude you forgot the EFA…. Don’t probe it again) I was immediately kicking myself for putting myself in the lower status/harmony position and asking a little 23yo girl to lead the interaction. Annoyed with myself, I turned and motioned to another women to dance out of her sight so she couldn’t tell it was me who asked. End of night I walk her to her car and I perceive by her darting eyes and body language that she’s not receptive to any escalation here. Still held intermittent kino to keep it natural. Her: I have a lot of things to process… Me: (lean in, she slightly dodges lip-to-lip which I only went for 10%, and I go to kiss her cheek instead.) Me:you do your processing… Me:(turn and start walking away while she starts explaining something and petered out, as I had stopped listening) Get in my car and start driving away, I was thinking that I lost attraction way back in the first bar and this was going nowhere. A few minutes later I thought that my qualifiers projected a nice guy neediness that was putting some type of pressure on her or something. (Swiss watch) So I figured I’ll give a follow-up shot to address that if it’s true, seems cooked anyway. Call her from my car while driving. Her: hello? Me: (no hello)you overthink things a lot, don’t you? Her: (starts explaining how she had a good time and normal chick rejection language and how she needs to process) Me: there are no decisions you need to make, I don’t expect anything from you…. Her: okay Her: I just got home Me: have a good night Her: …so I’ll be seeing you… Me: yeah Since then, she has been texting me and I’m reciprocating at about a 2/3rds ratio and randomly when I feel like it. I’ve interpreted the ‘I’m so busy comments’ she showed me (along with constantly talking about how busy she is) as an early frame announcement to say “I’m going to do what I want, do not expect my time”. I am following ‘put the milk on the front porch and treat her like a stray cat’ strategy and it looks like it’s working. The approval seeking comments I occasionally would drop are incongruent with how I behave the second I get sex and have her on the hook anyway. So it looks incongruous, and duplicitous. I think this is a covert contract ‘If I tell her what I think she wants to hear then she will love me and I get sexytime’. My takeaways: 1. Frame. Spent a lot of time in here Swiss-watching originally… 2. Outcome independence, scarcity. 3. Clearly I was butthurt after I perceived myself as fucking up the age conversation (self-flagellation? Pity party?) 4. Amused mastery, agree and amplify, cocky funny. 5. Early frame announcements. Pay attention 6. Basic Game/Calibration. Review MM again. Update DATE #2: Hybrid hottie hits me up asking to meetup again with noncommittal language. I setup my night for my own fun then head out and go to a jazz bar to say hi to an employee I’m befriending for access in the future. She calls from the next destination saying she’s uncomfortable due to an ex and scared to walk down the street alone. So I go get her and bring her back to the jazz place. The teasing and flirtation was effortless after that. this report has a lot of over-analysis but I was right in my suspicions of her neuroticism when I had previously called to tell her to chill the fuck out after the first date Her: I really cannot talk to people like you can. Are you really extroverted? Me: it comes and goes Her: I’m so socially awkward Me: I agree, you are really awkward Her: your not supposed to agree! Me: well how can’t I? Look at you… Her: hey! … Continued the playfulness through the night and interspersed genuine moments as her desire for comfort grew. Her: it’s really hard for me sometimes, again, (hand waiving toward herself) socially awkward Me: I don’t think you ARE awkward. I think you feel that way. It’s just something you feel. Got it? Her: (holding gaze and nodding) yes She’s realized things are a lot more fun now when she complies and that I’m gonna take care of her when she’s with me, haven’t smashed yet but it looks inevitable now. Update DATE #3 I invite her to join me in my apartments building pool/hottub. She implies it’s shark week but she wants to. I invite her over for a movie instead. She comes over and we watch and make out and she wants to spend the night. All of my escalation is being halted by her pulling away after a few seconds, I responded by turning my interest to the movie. Moved to bed and and I briefly escalate again for her to pull back again. She wants to cuddle and I do for a time. My blue balls build and I know I’m not gonna get a nut out and I’ve got to stop this if I’m going to sleep. Me: you are a problem. Her: what do you mean? Me: I’m gonna enjoy two more minutes of this then push your ass to the other side of the bed so I can sleep. Her:(giggles and kisses harder) Me: (push her to other side and take my space. Calmed my balls and actually rested) The next day she texted me and I noticed myself falling into a trap of my own devising: Her: (info about her morning after neither of us slept well) Me: next time we actually sleep Me: I’ll ensure it. I noticed I was taking responsibility for her not sleeping and I felt desperate to sexualize things. (Not my fucking problem if she slept or not). I realized this was a recipe for weirdness, so I took a beat. So instead I did not text anymore and went about my solo overnight canoe trip. She texted me later on in the day and I decided to make it more of a banter. Then leave it silent and forget. Her: a cocktail of drugs and alcohol should do the trick lol Me:I was gonna pack your cute ass up and send you home. But cocktails with you sounds fun It looks like giving the time constraint on the cuddling was a good play. I used in previous LTRs a lot. Never this early in intimacy. It took a lot of self control to stop trying to escalate with her and take away my attention but I clearly needed to. Unless I want to kick her out at 4 in the morning and like a bitch then I better chill out. (Covert contract: if I let her sleep over and give her cuddles then she owes me sex) I chose to let her sleep over. My choice can’t depend on actions from other people I can’t control. I’m considering the following: it sounds like a good plan to use a boundary to avoid getting into a covert contract situation. I wouldn’t say anything to her directly. Next time I’m in the situation I would declare before she was over that I have to get to sleep by X time. I’d then escalate like normal and if nothing is happening by that time I would follow through and send her home. Tonight I’m seeing her again, but we will be out. Couple takeaways: 1)early game was rough. Could pr 2)My tendency to Swiss-watch is actually insane I’ve deleted whole paragraphs of conjecture from this report. 3)Behavior may be a little too boyfriendy. 4)time constraints work on my brain to stop unattractive behavior P.s. Will be traveling with my brother to Europe, next couple reports will be game focused. If you guys have any recommendations, I’d love to hear where you think I should go, I have an open week. Itinerary now is London->scotland->???
babykiller
2024-09-04 23:39:16 +0000 UTCThis is a remake of the field report* Problems: Sex life very uneventful, had 4 parteners, but I still have a huge insecurity and I’m not happy with it.( something that by this time should have left) I have a mother and brother that I grew up with and they block any type of change. I will look for ways to grow my testosterone but exept for working out I don’t know what can help. 1-I have to become more independent and focus on being more relaxed in confronting some problems in the relationship with my family 2- I got to start going to the gym again, I want to try some martial arts as well in hope that is going to help with stress. 3-I want to find some better friends at uni, the friends I have home are pretty cool and chill dudes but living in a different city for uni changes things, my friends from first year dropped out for the most part.(will go at a student festival where I met the other guys and see who I meet)
Brandy
2024-09-04 23:07:00 +0000 UTCI was about to go on a trip to see my parents. I was feeling rather sore, feeling like maybe instead of going to Judo, I’ll fuck my wife. She said, “we’ll see”. I wondered if I should be more focused on “not my woman”. I left without saying a word and went to Judo, which turned out to be way fun. When I got home, I was angry, and after dinner I went out for a beer. She caught up to me in the garage, I rolled my window down. her: “where are you going”, me: “out”, rolled window back up, she knocked, rolled my window down her: “I know you are going out, I want to know where”. I rolled my window back up and left. Next day before my trip, my wife rushed home before I left to blow me, fuck me and drive me to the airport. It squeezed her schedule and I don’t think she ate that day until 4pm. It all worked out, but I was angry, which means I had a covert contract. It took me some time to realize I had the standard one. I expect that at some point in time I’ll have a problem free life. In reality, my wife would have in all likelihood fucked me, but I alone put myself in a dumb situation. I visited my parents, and told my dad to fuck off and called him an asshole. I don’t like that he got to me(I can finally say I understand the ultcad articles about calling your wife a cunt). After that I received silent treatment from my dad, so I treated him like a chick. Yeah, the primary male role model in my life deals with conflict in a feminine way. I felt a sense of peace and calm, and enjoyed the rest of my visit. The day after I got back, I was at the gym. Some guy was fucking around on a machine. “Can I work in?”, “No there’s two of us”, “Well fucking get to it then.” After that the guy DEERed and became submissive and finished quickly. I got the reference experiences that I can act like a retard, fly off the handle, or just be a prickly asshole to just about anybody with little to no consequences. Actually, more than that, the effect is that everyone treats me better. I realized I’ve been putting everyone else in the world on a pedestal. For no reason.
Op Sec
2024-09-04 23:04:13 +0000 UTC
