Patreon, R&P Q&A #279
Added 2024-08-07 19:06:34 +0000 UTC
Comments
The problem is that he starts in reverse chronological order. If you see that most of reports he didn’t cover were the ones which were added early (on Wed).
Omar
2024-08-14 22:56:27 +0000 UTCHard no when I first initiate, then promise of something later
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-08-09 01:43:50 +0000 UTCWookie Solid, thanks
Validation Junkie
2024-08-08 22:37:12 +0000 UTCDone. Already fucking a different, third plate.
Hillbillyheaven
2024-08-08 21:17:42 +0000 UTCLooks like Rian missed a bunch of reports.
Omar
2024-08-08 20:27:58 +0000 UTCThis will trigger a dog and bread story. Your world. (Your restaurant) She does not like the food , the humor/bantir…. There is the door. Flowers were a mistake.
Cousin Eddie
2024-08-08 18:08:42 +0000 UTCStripper I did take the kids, and if there is no change when I go home I am taking them the bjj also. Cousin Eddie Definitely don’t have three points of contact.
Validation Junkie
2024-08-08 18:08:18 +0000 UTCBecause this cycle is not a boundary for me
Goten
2024-08-08 18:07:53 +0000 UTCSounds like you are in a serious LTR. She certainly sees it that way. She is putting territory markers around you. Ex: seeing different woman for dinner. I would pull time and affection from gf. Keep the mystery up. Go on the date. Even if it is platonic. Don’t answer gf.
Cousin Eddie
2024-08-08 17:59:34 +0000 UTCThe boundary was not having chicks at my house. I told her I could live with that, but I never agreed to not having dinner with other chicks.
Dave
2024-08-08 17:55:37 +0000 UTCWookiee point of make friends group is the most underrated topic of the red pill space. Local is needed, 3 points of contact. Like the negg /tease). I missed your pussy, Sorry I mean your cooking… ok just kidding. Your cleaning. 😂
Cousin Eddie
2024-08-08 17:20:51 +0000 UTCFitness – All good. I’m getting strong again. Workout 2x to 3x per week, mountain bike 1x per week, run 2x per week, hike 1x per week. Diet – Still eating clean. No to low sugar, dairy, wheat. Weight – I’ve dropped about 8 pounds as of today (217 to 209 pounds). I bought a scale that saves data to my health app and that’s been useful because I can visually see the up and downs during the week. I’m heavier at night than in the morning (1 to 2 pounds). I’m heavier on Monday than I am on Friday. I think drinking alcohol on the weekend adds about 2 to 3 pounds of water weight. And by the end of the week, I’m back to baseline. So to track my weight, I can adjust based on time of day and day of week. Overall, I’ve been cutting about 1 pound per week or about 500 calories per day. My goal is another 4 pounds to get me to 205. From there, I want to maintain my weight, but lose more fat while gaining muscle. Visually, I’m happy with where I am. Divorce – I had some contact with my ex-wife because my best friend, who lives in the same community, just lost one of his sons. I’ll see her and my kid at the funeral in a few weeks. My girlfriend wanted to go, but I told her this wasn’t the best time to meet my friends and create a situation where my ex, my kid and her family can create drama. She was upset, but understands my decision. She hasn’t met my closest friends since we’ve started dating because my friends all live in different cities. Jealously Stuff – I’ve had a few ‘jealously’ things with the ex. The first was her cleaning under my bed and finding a pair of panties. She didn’t make a big deal of it, but still asked me if I had banged my ex-wife when she came back to the house to pack. I laughed it off and said no, and said if you find more panties, they’re definitely not from my ex. The second was this past weekend and a motorbike trip. A car load of girls were stopped at the light while I was putting my gear on and they were acting flirty with me. They waved at me and I gave a flirty wave back with a smile. My girl was pissed off at me once we got back to the hotel and wanted to talk it through. She felt I was being disrespectful of her. I told her I can’t help it if girls wave at me. She told me that I didn’t understand what girls were trying to do. The third was after a hike on the weekend. I was changing from shorts into pants in the parking lot and while in my boxers, I noticed a girl could see me from her SUV across from me. She couldn’t see my girlfriend though. She started to talk with me after getting out of her SUV. My girl quickly showed herself and started to talk to her as well to show that I was taken. These are of course all good things from a preselection point of view. But I also think I’m probably creating more anxiety than is beneficial. For example, one of the girls I’m friends with (mountain bikers), wants to go to dinner with me to catch up… the same one I was on about all last year. My girl of course, doesn’t like her. So if I tell her I’m going out for dinner to catch up, it will get my girl all worked up.
Dave
2024-08-08 17:12:45 +0000 UTCWhat do i want? Right now, nothing. She’s a net positive in my life right now but I’m not willing to give up anything to keep her. So I’ll enjoy it while it lasts. My question is: in future, with another girl, If i see her doing chores around my house, is it beneficial for me to stop her because I believe she’s doing with an expectation of moving in. Or let her do things till she speaks up, which is what i did with my current girl
Goten
2024-08-08 17:08:41 +0000 UTCOp, stripper, Wookiee-Good points. When I find myself starting to go near a debate … I hit the emotion gas pedal…. Always ends up better.
Cousin Eddie
2024-08-08 17:06:28 +0000 UTCJudges 16:16 Long time no post about 1 year. Been creeping around and keeping Rian funded. Marriage got better for a while but …. around this time last year my Dad had some health issues that I had to put a lot of time into assisting him with his care. Thankfully I was able to work away from the office and out of state for about 8 weeks over a period of 9 months. My wife hasn’t been supportive. I’ve gained 15lbs. Workouts weren’t consistent or productive. A lot of fucking around in the gym just thinking about shit etc. Now I’ve got a lot of support/care for my Dad on autopilot. I am back to working out consistently. Getting my diet on point. My job is not as demanding now with the economy slowing down so I have a little more free time outside of work. Marriage is not in a good place. Last Saturday, I did a bunch of yard work in the afternoon. All day my wife was avoidant. I'm just focusing on my shit. She starts drinking. I get cleaned up, start the grill for dinner. She starts playing music inside. I’m outside on the deck running the grill. She starts engaging me. I playfully reciprocate. We have dinner. I go back outside to smoke a cigar. After a bit she comes to the door in a nighty. I go inside and she wants to dance. We dance some, I watch her dance some. She wants to slow dance and ask me to put on a specific song. She says “Do you remember that time when we were dating and you were waiting me at …... Me trying to be cocky funny I said “ I didn’t have anything better to do”. It blew up whatever fantasy she was about to share with me. She had a complete sobbing meltdown. “How could you say that!” “That is so hurtful”. I was completely caught off guard. I tried to console her. She went to bed crying. I really felt bad about how devastated she was by that comment so a couple of days latter I bought some flowers. Put them in the kitchen. She came home was happy about the flowers. Ask why I bought them. I said I felt bad about what had happened Saturday night. I go to workout. On the way the same song she requested is on the radio. I send her a picture from the dash. She text back “awww romantic night”. We go to bed that evening she has been very touchy and kind. So I initiate Her: “ Since you bought me flowers you think you get to have sex? Me: I told you why I bought you the flower if you don’t want to that’s fine. I went to my side of the bed. A few minutes later she is laying on me. I initiate again and she says something like well I guess we can have sex if you really want to. The way she said it felt emasculating and ruined it for me. Cave man and go to sleep. I wish I had said something cocky funny instead of being defensive but couldn’t manage it at the time. Focusing on diet and gym. Getting some home improvement lined up.
DifferentkindofHard
2024-08-08 16:49:47 +0000 UTCGot it, thanks. I thought it was cheeky with the Seinfeld reference but the name must be more common than I thought. The guy must have been that much a work of art to get this much hate. I've changed it. I've tried to write the FRs in style of all these others I'm catching up on to make it easy to read and have the right level of context / content and asking for actionable advice. Your comment is appreciated and helpful and I see there might be a lot more I have not considered. What do I want? Quite bluntly I enjoyed her company and wanted exclusivity. I initially communicated this earlier on (post investment in her and her in me) and she turned me down, yet post this bust up, she comes back and tells me she wanted more too but isn't ready for a relationship (verbatim). I was all sorts of confused and took it as "I want a relationship, but not with you". Perhaps I just misinterpreted her, and as you mentioned, maybe it was her going to figure herself out and I just shut the door on myself. I would like to know then, if you were in my shoes, what would you say when it comes to going back (I honestly think it will be worth it, but at a risk of being seen as needy) - from Rian's other video's the relationship is supposed to be her job, so where does that leave me in pursuing what I want when it comes to her?
BvS
2024-08-08 16:20:37 +0000 UTCIs it my job to stop others from having covert contacts with me? Regarding my last week’s FR, the girlfriend who wants to move in so she keeps doing chores in my house. You mentioned she’s doing all that with an expectation of moving in. I guess that’s a covert contract on her part and she’ll resent me when i don’t hold up my end of the covert contract. So me not letting her do stuff around my house is just to prevent this resentment or is there something else I’m missing. From what I understand, covert contract is her giving me value upfront with an expectation of a payment later, which I can always refuse when the time comes. So why would I stop anyone from having covert contracts with me?
Goten
2024-08-08 16:14:10 +0000 UTCWhat I have done this week - Field report 23 Health - Food – I have cut down my sugar intake by 30% now. I don’t drink fruit juice with my meals now and I have replaced a lot of my chocolate snakes with honey roosted cashews and mixed nut. - Gym – I’m now working out with one of my old previous university friends that lives around the area. Gym x2 a week with him. Bench – 80KG-90KG, Squat – 80kg, Deadlift – 180/200KG. - MMA – Four sessions a week (BJJ, Kick/boxing). I have picked up sparing again. - Sleep – 6-7hrs Work – Is going well enough, I am focusing and improving my technical skills in typescript. LTR- 6 years (Age 30 both of us, no kids - engaged) We are doing semi-structured cancelling x1/x2 a month with one of the couples from our church. The couple have a very traditional way of viewing relationships. I take their advice with a pinch of salt. For the most part they like the way that I say and frame things in a non-emotional and constructive manner. I try to be My current goal is to work on Deciding and Acting. I have been wanting to get a car since passing my driving test 1 year ago. I agreed with my fiancée that she will get the first car under £10k I will get the next (family) car. A lot of the times when it comes to making big decisions like this, I seek the approval of my fiancée (sometime family and friends) for her thoughts. (I guess it’s not a bad thing to seek out advice when it comes to buying a car for the first time.) For months I had the habit of going to a car garage knowing that I can’t afford to get a car cash, call my mum, dad, brother, friends, or my fiancée so what do you think of a given car and then come home empty handed. So, 4 weeks I decided that I wanted to get a car with or without my fiancée and I was willing to put it on finance. Just before I left the house an argument broke out over an unsolved argument from the day before. To my knowledge I thought we had resolved the issue, but my fiancée thought otherwise. This is something that my fiancée sometimes does when I really want to do something, and she is a bad mood, she tries to sabotage the situation for the plan to go wrong. I went to the car garage by myself and looked at cars that I liked and my fiancée with will potentially like as well. After 2.5hrs of looking one of the mechanics suggested a list of cars that I should consider as our first car. I video called my fiancée and told relayed the suggestions from the mechanic. Her – “So you are prioritising getting a car over your relationship” – (I sometimes get my framed cracked when the speaks like this. In fact, I fucking hate it. I guess I’m still learning to pass basic shit like this. Yes I am still working on my frame. ) Me – “Yes, I am prioritising us getting a car so that we can move around freely. Now listen to me” Her – Silence Me – Thinking of shit it worked. “I spoke to the mechanic, and they suggested to get these kinds of cars for our first car as they are reliable, cheap to run and insure” Her – “I told you this anyway”. She had been to the same garage before hand Me – Well I’m, no longer waiting not to get the car then. Her – Babe I’m not happy with you, but let’s discuss things later when you get back, I will talk to you later. When I got back, we resolved our issue and had a sold good week (no arguments). Living at her mum’s has made me realise that argument is a norm in her family, but they always resolve it, and, in my family, I have always been passive with my dad and slightly emotionally stunted to avoid conflicts and confrontation. (Wow, big revelation). Living at her mum’s house for the past 4 months has presented many challenging situations for me to practice my assertiveness tools. I fog a lot as a default. The following week (3 weeks ago). On Friday night I told her, we need to get a car tomorrow. I don’t want to finish this week without getting a car. On Saturday morning we made our way to a massive car garage and purchased our first car for £11k + 2k warranty. So, we went over the budget by £3k. She put £10k cash down and the remining £3k will be on finance on her name to help build up her credit score/history. I will send her the £3k monthly. On her way back from the garage on the bus: Her- Whilst hugging me – “See babe, when you lead, I will follow” Me – “Yes, I can see that” Her – Looks at me and smile. This was such a great milestone for me, as I just laid my foot down made the decision that we need to get a car and hearing her say “See babe, when you lead, I will follow” made me realised that I need to make more decisions and act on then most importantly. Observe – When I want something that benefits the both of us communicate my thoughts Oriente – Lead in making the decision with a plan Decide – Plan and don’t be so approval seeking and fear making the wrong decision Act- Action Sex From my last field report: Taking out her implant – Being in control of the birth control Today – 8th August – Whilst writing my field report. Her – Walks into my home office “Babe, I’m on the phone to my GP, when should I take out my implant. This week Thursday or next 2nd September. Which date” Me- Take it on next month Her- I want to take it out this week. Me – Next month is fine babe. Her – Okay and then relays this message to the GP. Once again, my fiancée often wants me to make any decision that will affect the both of us. Now I believe she will be testing if I will pull out of not. So for the next month I can see shit test coming of using condom or pulling out whilst she is still on the contraception . So I’m kinda ready for it. --------------------------- Over the past 6 weeks I have had sex 3 times with my fiancée and each time I have initiated them. From my last field report I said I wanted to last longer in bed, so 3 weeks ago I was released a load before going to bed. I went to bed, 2 hrs later she jumps in into bed and I was ready for some action in a covert contract kind of way. I kept on saying to my myself whilst kissing her. “I know I will last at least 10-15mins longer tonight” Whilst I was rubbing her clit, Her- “Babe you are scaring me”, she then turned around and told me to stop. Upon reflexion I guess I was coming across as desperate as I know us having sex that night would have been me showing her “look at how long I can last” just like the good old times. I was kinda of butt hurt and my feeling got hurt that this backfired and still kinda hold on to it. When it comes to lasting longer, I have understood that cardio(basketball) was the thing that I did before going to MMA and that is what I will stick to for a long-term solution and rubbing one out before going to bed might be a short-term solution for now and don’t come across creepy/performative. In the last 3 week ago, I have not initiated neither has my fiancée. I sleep with my boxers on which in not the norm. I have just lost interest in doing so. One of the biggest contribution factors was over a small argument that we had during out food shopping. Me – “Babe, I don’t want you to buy that white chocolate, it is unhealthy” Her- “Babe leaves it alone, I want it” Me – With out saying anything, I took the chocolate and put it out of our shopping basket. Her- Take the chocolate and put’s it back on the shopping basket. “Stop telling me what I can and cannot eat. Stop being toxic and controlling”. Me – “I not being toxic, you have a sweet tooth. This has a lot of sugar in it and I don’t want you eating that, you have spent a lot of money on your tooth this year already. Her – “Well I want it, you are not the one standing on your feet for 8hr our a day are you” Me - STFU Her – Goes to the cashier at the end of the still – “can you believe he is trying to control what I can eat” Cashier- Does not say anything I paid for the food shopping, and we loaded the food shopping in our brand-new car and I sat on the driving seat to drive us home. Her- “Why are you on the driving seat when I drove us here. I want to practice my driving” Me- “I want to drive” Her – I drove here Me- “I want to drive” – (Broken record) Her – “You are just being petty” Me- “No, I want to drive” – (Broken record) Her – “Stop being petty” Me-“Get in the car lets go” – Her – Gets the in car and could not stop talking about I embarrassed her in the food store. “You embarrassed me and now you are being petty” Me – STFU There is no way I was going to let her drive our new care whilst being emotional. No Way. When we arrived home, she processed to tell her mum about the situation. Her mum – What happened Me – Well, she has told you what has happened, and I was trying to her be healthier and look after her tooth. Her – “That not helping me, you can advise me and I can listen, but I still have to make the decision myself. You are not my Dad or my Mum” Me- “Alright moving forward, I will advise you, just drop it. Her- “No I will not drop it, you wanted to argue and embarrass me in shop so come on then lets argue”. Me – “You have not improved at all, why do you want to argue intentionally” - Referring to the couples cancelling that we have been doing Me – “You can argue by yourself. Put the food shopping away.” (NMMNG – “Doing something different” and not rewarding bad behaviour) I then went upstairs got changed and made my way to the gym. Her - Where are you going Me – To the Gym Her – We meant to be going to my cousin birthday Me – Well not with that attitude Her – Okay Me – Bye I went to the gym for an hour and use my anger to help foil my work out. Since then and the combination of her saying that “you are scaring me” I have not had initiated or affectionate towards my fiancée, I just been put off by her attitude from 3 weeks ago. She has kind off given me the “ick” and she has not been turning me on. I still don’t know what to make of this and why I am hurt over the scaring me comment. I guess I came across creepy/desperate. 2 days ago, I just rubbed one out. I then started to re-read the sex “Chapter 8 - Get the Sex You Want: Success Strategies For Satisfying Sex” My situation was well summarised with this paragraph Take everything written about Nice Guys in this book — their shame, their sacrifice of self, their approval seeking, their doing the opposite of what works, their indirectness, their caretaking, their covert contracts, their controlling behavior, their fear, their dishonesty, their difficulty receiving, their dysfunctional relationships, their loss of masculine energy. Now put them all in a great big container, shake them up, open the lid, look inside, and you'll have a pretty good view of how Nice Guys do sex. Lessons learnt Observe – I still have controlling behaviour Oriente – Give advice rather than trying to control Decide – Not to embarrass her or argue publicly Act- Talk about in the car, at home (away from the public)
Cocky_funny
2024-08-08 16:08:34 +0000 UTCI'm an engineer and I'll frequently explain shit to people, shit they don't want to hear. What my intention is there, is to teach. If someone doesn't want to learn, then, yeah, stop teaching and now instead this is how it's going to be, if someone has a good point, I might learn something. Later they'll come to me and ask me what they have to do to get promoted, and that might be a teaching opportunity(stop fucking arguing with me and listen you idiot). I teach and raise people up because I'd rather be surrounded by better people, it means less workload for me. An individual may not pan out so you don't ahve a covert contract about it. (e.g. because they transfer after a promo).
Op Sec
2024-08-08 14:02:31 +0000 UTCI'm going to add one more thing. Sometimes I don't focus on leverage, but rather on lifestyle, energy and productivity. There are some tasks that I do that give me more energy and make me ready for more and other tasks that drain energy. As your life progresses, hopefully you get more and more control over the type of work that you do. It's good to have that in mind as a sort of end goal. What do I want my life to look like, what type of work do I want to do. Getting good at something high leverage that you hate doing is also not a great way to live.
Op Sec
2024-08-08 13:54:39 +0000 UTCRian’s critique of my FR last week made me realise I was way past some of the behaviours and thinking I was engaged in. It was a turning point. Observations that lead to direct actions and action reports only in my FRs as I retrain myself.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-08 13:29:30 +0000 UTCWhen she is "promising sex later," is she giving you a hard no? If she isn't, then have you considered keep on pushing until you get a hard no?
CovertContractAttorney
2024-08-08 13:06:36 +0000 UTCLooking at the FR, the writing style goes a little jargony at points. Usually, I'd interpret it as someone who doesn't actually understand the concepts. But, I don't think that's necessarily it since you have been here a while and applied things. I don't know. Just something that seems off.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-08-08 12:57:04 +0000 UTCSuch as? (Genuine question.) I wrote that because she couldn’t stop calling and texting before now she’s, in her words, “in her head”.
Hillbillyheaven
2024-08-08 10:57:38 +0000 UTCThat's so important "never get logical" ..."they did not want to hear it." A friend said to me, very socially and financially mobile man. When the come to with there ideas and asks - don't figure it out - don't be practical just say 'yes'. Don't commit to task just a 'yes' in attitude. If they have the power to make it happen it'll stick, if not, it'll fall away. You learn and they get what they were fundamentally after. A connection with you.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-08 10:00:04 +0000 UTCYeah, you need male friends close by. Just grab a beer with someone - start an minor project with them.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-08 09:50:31 +0000 UTCI've got that a lot and it's quite confusing why people saying I've come back. This is my first post, perhaps there's someone before who has this username, but this is my first time here. I've read NMMNG - perhaps it's time to go through it again, thanks. Why would you say the FR and insight are rubbish? Is there a particular way we are supposed to write them?
BvS
2024-08-08 08:32:27 +0000 UTCYour name is familiar? you been around for a while? Your field report is Rubbish. Your question is Rubbish. Your insights are Rubbish. Don't bother with the jargon if your saying shit like this. "She was simply amazing, and I don't know whether this is scarcity mindset or what, but I honestly think she was one of a kind". We can see through your BS "I did not pursue a relationship any further and in fact started withdrawing the boyfriend benefits I was giving her" Covert Contract. if I act like a BF you will want to be my GF. Go read NMMNG, WISNIFG, Lift and Spin Plates.
will zill
2024-08-08 07:53:04 +0000 UTCFrom memory you were the dude who just stared getting laid this year? Keep up the field reports! Good to see your getting experience and feedback from life! You are young and hooked on Viagra. This is "internalised toxic shame". Chapter 7 NMMNG explain the concept In Chapter 8 NMMNG there is a path laid out to help you release this shame and fear. Simply put you have hidden your sexual desires and urges from the world. Believing that 1. Nobody would like to help you fulfill those needs or 2. You would be shamed or harmed, for expressing those needs. Step 1 Releasing the Shame. Express your current sexual hang ups and desires to safe people. Then when you have people you can trust go deeper into what you thought about yourself, the truths you have hidden and all your old hang ups. Be vulnerable and let them see why your so fucked up. Prep the conversation so they know what to expect and how to behave, don't just drop it in at some random time. (Hey mate, I have some deep emotional baggage to off load, can you support me to let it go? Maybe we can catch up on the weekend) Step 2 Expressing your Sexuality Chat with you partner about your sexual desires and fantasies (goal being to express them, not to have them fulfilled) see if she would like to help you fulfill them, either she comes to the party or not. If she shames or guilts you, I'm sure you know what to do, ignore it at your own peril! Important note! From my experience its best to be Try-sexual. Sincerely try something 3 times, If doesn't work them move on. But make sure you know with certainty that you don't like it! Being sexually timid myself it helped me work though my shame, apprehension and step into some really kinky shit and not feel guilty or "bad" for being a freak.
will zill
2024-08-08 07:27:46 +0000 UTCexactly wookie
Owning My Shit
2024-08-08 07:23:44 +0000 UTC#60 ish Frame, introducing foreign predators, prefix restaurant Frame: Looking down the barrel of a finger I am lectured by my wife: “ don’t say too much. Be professional, do this …and that, don’t bring up…”. It was our first staff meeting since blowing up on tic toc and 4x our employees. (Mom and pop retail.) I stared at a room of fresh out of university- empowered women. I Reviewed some mondane payroll issues. Then a topic true to my heart: “… on another note you all get the privilege of watching the state produced, and mandated sexual harassment training video. This is box office gold. … a bartender claps his coworker on the ass… how to handle getting ogled! lol… and there is a test after”. I am laughing. They are laughing. My wife looks like a defense lawyer who mistakenly put her idiot client on the stand. I laugh louder, “ there is also a video about the owner not talking about clapping cheeks at the staff meeting.” 😂 This goes on with other topics that are even more absurd. And I did not shy away from. Rp: embrace your frame. Bring others up to i. Don’t bend to others.(calibration considered) Wall to wall young women that would jump at the chance to literally destroy their male boss. Doesn’t matter. They all laughed, They could not resist. Self amusing: life is about a good story. White nuckled wife (co owner of the business) saw the girls buy in and she did a 180. Foreign predators: Producer a film (4th.). Had a smoking 23 y old on set. Among 8 other people. Like a cat my wife smelt her and took notice. Asked me later. “Who was that…” Me, “your talking about ‘Amy’. She was cool. Good little actress.” Stfu. Wife has been nicer. Prefix: My inner crew. Brother and old friends. These projects bring out good and bad as we struggle with hierarchy. I am the motor of the project which makes me the leader. They want to do something differently…. Exceed my time, energy, capability… I tried to explain (deer) But it made things worse. They could not understand. —-Why using two sets was not fees-able for example. Unless they want to come a day earlier. I revert to rp: “ you want to do things your way then you sign up, do pre-prep, write, organize, cast…And I will come work for you for one day and see you at the party.” RP: this is a prefix dinner. Like it or leave it. I also took note (again) to never get logical. These were basic logic problems and they did not want to hear it. (Because they were not the ones burning midnight oil- I was). Treat them like kids worked better. “ sure, a car scene,… sure I ordered the guns…”
Cousin Eddie
2024-08-08 05:15:51 +0000 UTCAlways go to cocky funny with stupid feminist talk, just like racist shit. “Hell yah I am a feminist, I have been chasing pussy since I got out of one!” Are you a racist! “Fuck yah I love nascar.” If you think you got to hold frame with a girlfriend you are right, but even more so with her friends and family. They are all sizing you up at all times. Which is a good thing, means you are on the radar as a potential. I usually play it like Rick Flare, kayfabe. Remember women love marketing, not sales.
Validation Junkie
2024-08-08 04:32:44 +0000 UTCWhat is MRP and rule 9?
BvS
2024-08-08 04:22:12 +0000 UTCSo Woke Great fucking question. Good male relationships, I work away for two weeks at a time with an all male cast. I am very close with those guys. It’s like living at a frat. When I get home I have one good buddy that I go riding with usually once every couple of months. I would like to expand my at home friend group. Develop it into a group.
Validation Junkie
2024-08-08 04:12:42 +0000 UTCk
Omar
2024-08-08 00:02:14 +0000 UTCAnd you're mad young too aren't you bro, med school right?
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 23:57:36 +0000 UTCReads like you know it's coming Omar.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 23:56:26 +0000 UTCYeah, just want some young body fun. Bingo on the work. Need to be hardcore on this now.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 23:54:42 +0000 UTCOk. Sounds like you're getting your feet under you VJ. Keep it up. How are your male friendships going? Getting anytime with the lads?
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 23:47:49 +0000 UTCdon't be captain save a ho' - virtually or in IRL
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 23:42:47 +0000 UTCI was wincing the whole way through this field report. It's super sweaty. i don't know what you're doing or what you want except talking to da gurhls.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 23:40:45 +0000 UTCSo you got banned from MRP for habitually rule 9 violations and came over her to tell us about this one girl. Thank you sir. Thank you very very much.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 23:35:27 +0000 UTC> Of course the next few days after she has been very distant. How the fuck would you know? I know the answer, it's in the stuff you didn't write.
Op Sec
2024-08-07 23:08:53 +0000 UTCgf for little over 4 years and nope. It’s me having fun and giving her some strong emotions because i want to
Owning My Shit
2024-08-07 23:04:49 +0000 UTCdo you have plates dude? I can't remember. This girl gets a lot of attention and for what it's worth sometimes it reads a little like you training a girl to be more neurotic. Like she's your RP Crash Test Dummy. Maybe some side chicks would soak up some of that energy bro. YMMV
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 23:03:59 +0000 UTCField Report #11 Workout/diet Diet I have replaced liquid calories with water and or a soda water with real lime. I won’t give up my morning coffee with cream. It’s the only calories I intake before 2:30pm. I am staying steady with my current calorie intake and I am just about to drop below the #200. I weigh daily and it’s been +/- 1lbs of 202. Workout Same work load, lifting intensity is up, walking, bjj, nightly walks. Same shit everyday. I do take off Saturday, Sunday to repair the body. Bjj can be tough on you by the end of the week. 2/3rds I have decided not to be autistic about it, in the beginning the other week I payed way too much attention to every detail and I noticed I got a bit neurotic. Which is not the point of my exercise. This last week I pretty much went cold, only used texting for logistics. Which when I am home there is very little need for it. A few texts I got I just read them and didn’t reply. My wife asked me if I got them later while on the phone and I just replied “dont think so which one?” I stole that as a pre canned response from you Riane. It worked well. I re-read the Substack about becoming more fuckable and have lost the dopey attitude. It gets me nowhere and I don’t really have time for it. My father in law got married this last weekend and I sent my daughter and wife up and I stayed with the remaking little kiddos. Prior to her leaving she had made a comment about me missing her, I replied “I am taking the kids camping, we will be so busy I doubt we will miss anyone.” When she returned I didn’t say anything about missing anyone. I got asked how it went, I said “I had a great time with the kids, glad I got some quality time with them.” Later she asked “well did you miss me” Me: uhhhm I missed your pussy. Paused for effect and then said “oh and your cooking.” We both laughed a little bit, I pulled her in and gave her a kiss. Then I got pulled into the bedroom and we smashed. Later went on a walk and smashed two other times before bed even after she announced she was super tired. Further worked on: Outcome independence Covert contracts smashing Pursuing my goals This is a last minute add. Just happened this morning. 8:30am been lucky to sleep in this long with the kiddos. They are up making noise like usual. Wife jumps out of bed and yells at them to be quiet. I hit her with hey I don’t want to be the first move in the morning yelling at the kids each morning. I should be up with them anyways. Her: starts saying I am mediating between her and the kids. Me: I don’t want our first move to be yelling at them, all because we are sleeping in. She goes back into a slew of you statements and try’s to add other old arguments to distract from the point. I stayed on point and kept broken recording. Finally she flips to “well I am going to keep doing what I am doing and I don’t have to respect what you have to say. I replied with “you are right you don’t, and I am not interested in having that in my life.” I got the kids ready, food, clothed and left for the gym and left her at home. I know she just got back from her trip where her aunts are all ball busters to their husbands so I am sure this is a test from that. If not I have thought it could just be her having trouble coming into my frame. Or maybe she just doesn’t want to be the oldest teen. Maybe she was boated and wanted to start some drama. Especially now that I am less neurotic. Not really sure, and don’t really care. I held my ground and used broken record to make my point. I really don’t want to live like that for two weeks that I am home. I don’t see why anyone should have to wake up like that. I did forget to add at one point she calmed down and acted like she was going to have a civil conversation. So I said “how it is a solid parenting strategy to get up and yell each morning?” That’s what led into her trying to bring other bs to enter the conversation. That’s when I switched by to broken record only. Anyhow not sure how this will end but it’s not really my responsibility to figure out what she wants to do.
Validation Junkie
2024-08-07 22:46:19 +0000 UTCWhy not cialis? Can be taken daily and has other benefits so less covert contracty
Hillbillyheaven
2024-08-07 22:07:52 +0000 UTCOYS Finances, lifting, diet/physique, and social have been good if not great so I’ll write about women. It’s been going pretty well with one of my plates into submissive and fairly masochistic stuff. Different but also fun. Doing a good job of keeping in my frame here. Diet is good, etc. Continuing to source and probably texting too much. My goal is to cut some of that out and focus on being where I can actually fuck. Which brings me to why I need to post again. Went for a third plate... Out of character and my frame, I did Phone calls, FaceTime, etc where she revealed past trauma (it’s ALOT, no, it’s a shit ton to include childhood stuff and a sexual assault less than 2 years ago) and her experience with current boyfriend of a month. I picked her up for a date, treated her with wayyy too much comfort, then went back to her house, she invited me to her bed, then stopped just before sex. Started saying stuff about anxiety/panic so I asked if she wanted me to leave and got up when she said yes. Of course the next few days after she has been very distant. I guess progress is (1) having the intuition beforehand that the situation off/weird before ever actually meeting her (part of me knew this was nice guy shit but again moth to a flame, my conditioning kicked in) and (2) recognizing today where I went wrong. These nice guy tendencies usually come out when the woman has been through some trauma. I need to recognize it earlier and treat her like any other plate.
Hillbillyheaven
2024-08-07 22:03:21 +0000 UTCYour frame is weak, and even still the girl is actively helping you act more alpha. Her cousin isn't buying it and shit tests you. Basically, you still view the girl as someone to be won over. > are you a feminist yup, I'm the biggest feminist there is. I think we should reverse the gender roles. I'm going to be someone's trophy husband and cheat on them with the pool girl. The GF rationalizing safety first is not rationalizing for you, but rationalizing why she is with you. Solipsism. > I stfu about it even though I prepared “talking points” It's good to see this. Those talking points, it's all validation seeking.
Op Sec
2024-08-07 21:36:11 +0000 UTCYou are a junkie at this point. Time and a few girls will help you soon. Do not overthink it, you are not even in your prime yet.
Omar
2024-08-07 21:24:59 +0000 UTCI am sure Rian never mentioned this or perhaps just a few times every podcast but “separate intimacy from sex”.
Omar
2024-08-07 21:13:15 +0000 UTCShe absolutely doesn’t at this point but she might change her mind. That would be a different story and conversation. Nothing I can do about now.
Omar
2024-08-07 21:09:49 +0000 UTCHi, long time no see. Decided to try the boyfriend thing with herpes girl. So far I am happy, the only small issue is that there is a period of a few days around her period where she does not want to do anything sexual. I asked her if she would be willing to blow me or jerk me off. She said she could, but she is afraid she will see it as a chore then. That seemed not like the thing I wanted so I dropped it and decided that's fine for me. Coincidentally she blew me twice the last time she was on her period without me asking for it… Slept with her a few times without viagra. In the beginning the erections without it were very weak but it is getting better. I still use it 3 out of 4 times. But it is moving in a good direction. But I can not say why. But I also recognized that taking the pill was a kind of covert contract: I am taking it, so you should sleep with me. So I started to just ask her before I took one, which made the occasional rejection way easier to take. She made a comment I did not like twice over the past few months. Was butthurt and brooded a bit about it and it ruined the mood. But when I saw her the next time I stfu about it even though I prepared “talking points” and we had a nice time instead of a fight, which was nice. The girlfriend's early teen sister stayed at the GFs place for the last few weeks. We went on a trip to another city. I was driving. The teenage sister did not want to put on a seatbelt and I needed to tell her multiple times to please put on her seatbelt. On the way back I was brooding because she seemed to have found a way to have it on but not correctly. I was thinking on how to make her put it on correctly. Then I just pulled over at the next safe spot and told her in a serious voice “I want you to wear the seatbelt correctly!” and then she put it on correctly. Which made me feel better. Then I caught myself rationalizing “This is safer, what if something happened and she got hurt, etc.” But the truth is, it just made me uncomfortable, I don't know why. But I am happy I said my piece. The GF started rationalizing for me saying “Safety first” which was interesting. During the trip to the other city, we were wandering around to find something to eat, but the girls could not decide. So I pulled up google maps, picked a place and told them “Let's go there”. It had burgers which I knew would suit her sister and it had some local cuisine I wanted to try, so everyone was happy. A few weeks earlier we were in the car and discussing getting something to eat. But then her friend called and after a minute and the call not finishing I just drove to McDonalds while the GF was talking on the phone. Later she told me, she loved that I just made a decision and not just sat there waiting. So I am trying to be more decisive. Few days later, me, the gf, her sister and her cousin went for lunch. The cousin was trying to get under my skin, but I agreed & amplified and cocky & funny and kept it light hearted. Then the cousin asked me if I was a feminist. Told her “no” and I could see the GF looking very sad. The three girls started throwing arguments and accusations my way, but I managed to hold the “That's just not something I am interested in" line and did a bit of fogging and negative assertion and a bunch of negative inquiry. I think I did the negative inquiry a bit too much, which maybe made me seem uninformed and should have done more fogging and negative assertion. But it was fine. After that episode I was a bit worried and asked the GF if we were ok, which was validation seeking. I am the price and should not worry because of such a little thing.
Am I red yet
2024-08-07 21:05:43 +0000 UTCShe is asking you to lead and you refuse. It does not matter how a "healthy male" would have reacted. You react the way you want to react and own it. Also, a pet sleeve of mine is to refer to your girl as "partner". My girl once introduced me as her partner and I told her I have partners at work. Now, she cringes when someone says "partner".
Omar
2024-08-07 21:02:49 +0000 UTCWhen you weren't afraid to loose the girl you had a great time with her, when you wanted to lock her down things changed. you were "emotionally unavailable". She was never yours it was your turn, and even though you were getting everything it wasn't enough, so fuck off. More importantly, why would you want a relationship? Yes scarcity mindset. This girl is so great she turned you into a simp.
Op Sec
2024-08-07 20:57:50 +0000 UTCI finished reading that Ryan Holliday book Rian recommended. I like this book, and having a mental model for how all this online media works is helpful. It's retards all the way down. It did cut down on the amount of time I would spend on social media/news, it made it boring. I also finished Rollo's religion book on audiobook. I had not wanted to read this book. I didn't think I would find it interesting. I don't consider religion to be a part of my life. I couldn't have been more wrong. This whole idea of romantic love, is nothing but some female concoction stemming from courtly love(don't correct me, I don't care, the moon is made of cheese), completely female construct designed to manipulate. This whole fucking idea of wanting to curry favor from a woman. To me this explained the root of where I got my blue pilled conditioning far better than NMMNG ever did. I was raised mostly by my father. I was an altar boy in my youth, but haven't gone to church after the age of 14. While I don't ever think of Jesus, or whatever it is religious people do and thin of trad cons in the same light as flat earthers, there are ideas that were embedded.
Op Sec
2024-08-07 20:49:50 +0000 UTCField report #1 - Oak or Rock? My very first post here, been following your content for the past 4 years, especially the cooking content. Thanks for the work you have done. For context, I am 27y.o. and have made a push to get my life together (have my own place, workout consistently 3-4 times a week, make time for hobbies - hikes, boxing). Not quite yet wealthy enough to leave my 9-5 but I'm working on a startup and I try to balance out hard work with intentional time spent doing things I like and having meaningful social networks. Where I need help - Last November, I met a girl (24 y.o.) at a neighbor's house party. We hit it off immediately and even smashed the first night. I was six months from my previous relationship (dealt with it pretty badly - went on a spree of dates on Bumble) and she was freshly out of one. Probably a bad combination but we had it clear that this was just rebound sex for both of us - no commitment. Where it got tricky was that we started spending time together (I thoroughly enjoyed her company) - she's very much ambitious career wise (lawyer), and when she would come over (almost every weekend this year), she would cook, clean up and even help with laundry. Sex was never turned down and it was great having her over. I was very much invested at this point and even proposed one time (in February this year) that we become exclusive (I'm aware that this was a mistake, and relationships is her job) and she turned me down, saying she was still dealing with her own problems (I suspected that the ex is probably still in the picture). I did not pursue a relationship any further and in fact started withdrawing the boyfriend benefits I was giving her in this situationship (I stopped paying for her concert or movie tickets, wouldn't pick or drop her off after the weekend, she'd pay her way for stuff she wanted to snack on at my place - basically everything else she wanted that I did not, and it continued working. My birthday then comes up in March this year (some context for later) and she goes all out (very confusing signs) - birthday gifts, dinner, great sex... but still no mention of relationship, so I decided just to let things flow - no additional commitment. She was mine when she was over my place on the weekends, and the moment she left, I would limit the contact to text or logistics for the coming weekend. No other commitment. I did help her once when she was moving apartments but beyond that it was more or less bliss during the weekends and almost business like during the week (no long calls, or texts). Now her birthday in July was coming up, and as I was preparing for it, I thought I might as well go all out as well (given she had shown significant investment during mine). Where it went confusing was that a week before, I was at the barbershop that's not far from her apartment and wanted to drop in and say hi (we had this open communication policy to drop in if we were in each others' respective areas - a simple text to ask if she's around and I popped up to greet, maybe fuck, and then head home). Up to this point, she was always extremely responsive and never took more than a few minutes to reply and as far as I can recall, there was nothing that went wrong that week, so it was quite confusing on what happened this day when she didn't. I gave her a call when I was done with the haircut, no answer. She calls back about 15 minutes later while I'm already on my way to my place and she gives a very lackluster response that she was asleep (on a Friday night lol). Anyways, I then get this very low energy from her the whole weekend (we did not meet and she did not mention anything about why she was behaving that way - I decided to go fuck someone else who was more willing). Her birthday week then comes and I had plans (go-karts, a dinner and some gifts). This whole time, we've not communicated over the whole week. Thursday comes and I want to confirm whether she's still available for the plans I scheduled on Saturday and she asks to push them to Sunday (without giving any excuse why). I immediately smelt a rat and suspected she got a better option. Mind you we had spent pretty much all weekends for the first 6 months of the year together, so this was really a shocker for me. I was quite distraught (honestly still don't understand why) and decided to call her out - I let her know that I felt she was behaving strangely and I did not understand why she iced me out (to which I received no response). Now Friday comes along and I decided to drop her gifts (as well as all her belongings that were at my place) off at her office as I thought she was not interested anymore (she wasn't in the office on the day however). Once I dropped them off, I texted her that I dropped her gifts off as well as her stuff and that's when she immediately responded to my text asking me why I did that. I responded that I noticed she did not seem interested anymore and since we were not going to spend any more time together in the foreseeable future, I thought it better for her to have her stuff (not sure whether I overreacted here, but seeing this happen before with an ex - when she pulls away so quickly despite the rapport we've built I know there's probably one explanation - another guy). So she then asks to meet up on Sunday (of which I initially turned down as I had plans), but now only then explains to me that her father was undergoing surgery that Saturday and she needed to be there - I don't think that this excuse matters (whether true or not) because we had really clear communication before hand and I'd have known something of the sort was coming up. Plus it had not explained the sudden change of energy from the previous week when I was at the barbershop. Anyways we go into a long text exchange when she starts to finally share that she felt I was not invested in the "situationship". That basically she had a great time when she was at my place over the weekends (and never wanted to leave), but felt like I was emotionally unavailable when she was not around during the week. That she did not feel a connection beyond surface level conversations like work and how the day was instead of deeper topics (all of which I had tried at the beginning of this "situationship" but I felt were not responded too positively so I simply went with what was working). We then met up on that Sunday after I had finished my errands and she went into more detail - she basically mentioned she had a started to catch feelings and wanted time to process her feelings because we had initially agreed this was just rebound sex but with the significant amount of time we were spending together she felt she wanted more. Hence the sudden pullback because she did not know what else to do and decided not to meet with me anymore because she did not want a situationship (aka sex without commitment) but also did not ready for a relationship (and I could be wrong, but I think what she meant was "with me" at the end of that statement). My understanding -- and I'd love to get your thoughts on this -- was either she got a better option given we were non-exclusive before this, and wanted time to monkey branch, or she genuinely caught feelings but thought I was not good enough for her long term investment. Because if she thought I was her best option, I believe she would have asked me for the relationship instead of pulling away. Anyways I did ask her that exact question - why she didn't say anything or communicate her change in feelings, to which she responded she felt like it's something she felt I should have picked up on and proposed (which is quite unfair in my opinion cause I had earlier in February asked her upfront and she turned me down - to which I consciously withdrew the benefits). She also thought I was fucking around (I did have a plate I was sleeping with, but it was discrete and I suspect she was also still speaking with her ex). So when I asked where that left us, she said she did not know and she needed time because she did not want to continue having sex outside the confines of a committed relationship (and she claims the call to Jesus moment that brought this was when she spoke to her dad who gave her a talk before his allegedly serious surgery) and yet at the same time, she also was not ready for a relationship. She proposed we be friends in the meantime. I decided to make it easier for her and kind of rip the bandaid off - basically saying that friendship doesn't work for me (I'm not going to be an emotional tampon while she fucks around) neither am I going to wait for her to come to a decision on whether or not she wants to be a part of my life. Mind you we already had a holiday planned, some camping trips, hikes etc for the coming months, so I was really surprised when she said all this. I saw this as more like an insult or looking down upon the efforts I tried to spend time with her (probably an emotional reaction and another covert contract, but I didn't know how else to deal with it). From there I basically told her I won't be reaching out to her again. Ever since then it's been radio silence. So after this whole story, how can you help? I made the decision to cut her off, stuck with it and have had a few other dates/ fucks in between. But none of these honestly compare with the time I had with her. She was simply amazing and I don't know whether this is scarcity mindset or what, but I honestly think she was one of a kind (I know there is no "ONE" from Rollo's content, but do not know how to process this loss). I genuinely enjoyed her presence and she often times made my life easier. I think everyday of calling her back because I think there might have been just a miscommunication of our expectations of each other but I know that it would probably be an "ick" for her, going back to her and also shows I have no options. What do you think - did I overreact? Am I behaving like a rock, instead of being firm but flexible like an oak tree? She's one of the only women I've enjoyed company beyond sex, so are there cases where it is prudent to be the on in this position - basically going back to say "let's make something work?". And how would that actually look like witout sounding needy? Is it wrong to be wanting a relationship? And assuming that she even does want to get back together, knowing that we've both fucked other people in this interim period is it even worth going back? I'm going to assume she has, but not obsess with it (everyone likes having sex). Or is this all just me playing into a delusion and I should learn to let go? I admit that I am nowhere near a finished product (have not maximized my earning potential, looks, or status) and still need to prioritize my mission before women in my life. I probably have covert contracts to deal with (like thinking that setting up activities will make a woman want me and give me validation, instead of being fully reliant on myself) and honestly foresee the same thing happening again if there are bumps in the road later. Am I being overly critical of myself? I'd love to hear your thoughts. And again, thank you for your work. You have saved many lives, mine included. Cheers,
BvS
2024-08-07 20:49:28 +0000 UTCOp Sec, agreed. That's why it is not my concern.
Omar
2024-08-07 20:41:22 +0000 UTCI do not plan to have more kids but reserve the right to change my mind at some point. She does not want to have kids but she might change. I am willing to think about it more down the road.
Omar
2024-08-07 20:40:45 +0000 UTCyeah, what he said.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 20:21:38 +0000 UTC"I did notice a flash of bitterness towards her about it. (doubt it will stick around after)." When you realise that you're bitter because you want a Dude with Tits. You'll let go of the bitterness and enjoy her as a girl and take amusement in it. I called a girl over for to my place for the night she asked me "what's your plan" I said "fun activities". She was delighted with my "plan" and came over. I was delighted that she was a girl and was happy with an answer, nn answer that I would have found evasive and weird. You learn to enjoy women for being women and not resent them when they act like women.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 20:19:51 +0000 UTCAnother version of the flowers in the trunk routine: Tomorrow I am going to a beach house with my girl. When she sent me a text with the time she will arrive tomorrow I replied saying we would have to cancel. When she called me in a desperate sad tone I asked “What’s the matter?”. And she was like “I am sad about tomorrow”. I say with the most matter of fact tone: “I was kidding”. She bursts out laughing calling me an asshole while I say that I had to make her sweat a bit.
Owning My Shit
2024-08-07 20:16:10 +0000 UTCher parents won't be a hinderance because she'll walk through broken glass if she wants to be with you.
Op Sec
2024-08-07 20:12:21 +0000 UTCNicely put Opsec. High Impact/Low Effort. Kudos
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 20:11:41 +0000 UTCBurn every set down to the ground. Keep escalating until she puts the breaks on. Also the frame that you are in is "She let me escalate physically so things were going well for me", instead "She allowed physical escalation, so I could see I wasn't wasting my time, she talked to me like a girlfriend so perhaps she was wasting my time". You have to treat yourself as valuable because you could be hitting on other women or using your time productively.
Op Sec
2024-08-07 20:11:03 +0000 UTC"One concern is my older daughter (11yo) but my main requirement is for the girl not be involved with parenting, just help me with the house and chores." Not a concern now, only a concern if you out a baby in that. Are you planning to put a baby in that? She's coming for that, you know that.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 20:09:41 +0000 UTCGoal 1. For 4 weeks write out “incidents” immediately after they happen. 2. Teach Concepts to 2 others (Captain & First Officer) Thursday Partner informed me her mother was sending 100k to us from the sale of the family farm and wants to use it for renovations (which are necessary, and were in the pipeline to be done within 2 years). Her. “So what do you think?”, Me “not my money, I don’t care what you do with it”, Her “Well how involved would you like to be with the renovations?”, Knee jerk reaction again (I don’t care fill your boots) but stopped myself. Me “actually I’m not sure what I want, I don’t even know why my reaction is to go “hands off”. I need time to think about this. We will talk about it again on Monday.” Saturday Did some digging, Doing it right, the fear of failure is what I found. Stepped myself through “The only way to fail is to not lead, If I lead and make a mistake, I am responsible for fixing it (which is what happens anyway). I am aloud to make mistakes! It doesn’t have to be “perfect”, good enough will do.” Asked myself. How would a healthy male have reacted in this situation? 1. Been excited and celebrated. 2. Planned a Holiday or time away from kids. 3. Taken charge of the renovations. Sunday Chatted to her about it. Did the healthy male reaction above then explained I will be responsible for the renovations, the budget and speaking directly to the builders. She can help me by, organizing contractors, quotes, planning and designing. After the conversation there was a shift in the relationship, Partner has become more caring, loving and affectionate since. I did notice a flash of bitterness towards her about it. (doubt it will stick around after). Monday After digging. Found a covert contract, "I was doing it for her". So, I reframed it.
will zill
2024-08-07 20:07:54 +0000 UTCDefinitely on hardest tasks. The difficulty of a task is a negative metric. Instead one should focus on impact. Prioritize high impact, low effort. As long as it's worth getting always grab the low hanging fruit first. This is defined as leverage also impact divided by effort. One should aim to increase leverage.
Op Sec
2024-08-07 20:06:38 +0000 UTCNO!!! Not this: " I should have said – I’m open to listening during date #2, but let’s keep tonight breezy. I could have kept it light, and after the show, increased the flirtation and sexual talk." You don't shut anything down, you surf her feelz and don't solve her problems. You A&A, cocky funny, do what you want. YOU DO NOT TELL HER WHAT TO DO - you do what you want to do". More dates, loads more dates Lemon - even with girls you're not that into. You need to exhaust that autist in you.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 20:02:40 +0000 UTCIf you are being underpaid by 20-30K you should go to other employers and try to get your salary plus the 20 - 30k that you're underpaid. And a 20 - 30% raise on that increased figure. Fuck the company that's fucking you.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 19:56:27 +0000 UTCLong time no see, couch! I graduated from spinning plates. Just tired of logistics and I was about to drop them all for some time. My main girl (4 years at this point) had a main event. Not even questioning if it was the one: all the usual suspects and some (including a new tattoo with my name and the nickname I gave her) while I was on a long vacation alone. She wanted to know if I was with someone there and where is she in my life. Told her it’s an in-person conversation and can wait until I am back. She asked me to become exclusive, my conditions for her to move in with me and etc. My answer is I am not planning to negotiate but I see myself with her long-term. There’s a period of an adjustment we agreed on but I don’t plan to change much on my side: the stay plan is the same as the leave one after all. One concern is my older daughter (11yo) but my main requirement is for the girl not be involved with parenting, just help me with the house and chores. She’ll pay the rent and have her own budget. Her parents could be another obstacle but this is outside of my control. I am in my mid 40s, she’s in her late 20s. The source of the anxiety for me nowadays is the turbulence in the tech market (both money and job). My solution is what I’ve learned from the sexual strategy: spinning plates. Reached out to a couple of recruiters I’ve been friendly with for the last few years and scheduled a couple of interviews. I love my current company and my role but just knowing I have demand and possibly a few roles already did wonders to make me feel much better. I’ve applied to a few way above my pay grade roles as well and getting the interviews was at least reassuring. Came up with a long-term plan. After kids are old enough and on their own (6-7 years from now), I plan to soft retire in a different country. Told my girl and she said she’d follow me anywhere (at least for now).
Omar
2024-08-07 19:46:51 +0000 UTCTook a girl to a burlesque show the other day. She was a former college acquaintance that got divorced about six months ago, and I had randomly reconnected with her at a bar. We made plans to hang out – she canceled on me once, rescheduled with me, and I proposed going to a burlesque show. She showed up early. From how she dressed including old sneakers, I didn’t get the vibe she was trying to make herself attractive. She also told me right off the bat that she had work she needed to finish so she would have to go home right afterwards. I mentally put a note that this was her saying we weren’t going to hookup, but I would have the chance to change her mood during the night. Told a story with a DHV about me getting jumped by two muggers the previous week and reversed the situation and beat them up. She was surprised, thought it was out of character compared to her memory of me, but then related it to how her ex-husband got mugged. I fucked up around this point because the conversation was going smoothly, but she transitioned from talking about her ex-husband to getting me talking about my past relationship – once I opened up, I realized it was bad, but wasn’t sure if abruptly clamming up would make the situation worse. I finished my thought, then shut up about it and told myself to just keep everything as light as possible from this point forward. At the show, the girl bought a couple drinks for us. I focused on the DiCarlo escalation ladder. During the funny and emotionally high moments, I touched her shoulders and then got to rubbing my legs against hers. She didn’t pull away, and I took it as a good sign. During intermission, we were talking and I was stumbling over my words. I told her it was because she made me nervous, and didn’t explain further. She untied her hair and did some preening. I knew a bar down the block I wanted to take her to after the show, but I was unprepared for some of the stuff she started talking about. She said that she thought I was a nice guy (I took it as a bad sign). She then let it slip that she went out on a date in between us first reconnecting and now and asked me what negging was because her date did that to her. Then she started talking about how many guy friends she had in the past that were obsessed over her, but who got the wrong idea about how she felt back (which I took it as her trying to elevate her status as a girl who was desired), but then it got into the territory of her talking about catching an STD from a hookup 10 years ago, her opening up to guy friend about getting an STD who then proceeded to grape her. I decided to call it there and walked her to a bus station. While I wish I could have your wit and say something like, “Keep that image in your head while I’m pounding you tonight,” but honestly, it was too much for me. I felt like I was getting mixed messages throughout the night and at that moment, I didn’t feel like I could turn it around. In retrospect, I could have still taken her to the bar. It was an opportunity to test compliance and reset the mood. If I could redo things, ideally, we would have had drinks at the bar, I would have finished the DiCarlo escalation ladder and made out with her after drinks then tell her I would walk her back home to make sure she was safe for the justifiable excuse, and then escalate further once we were at her place. Key Thoughts - I was playing it too safe and was too much in my head. I was watching a previous video where you talked about assuming the sale, which would have better helped not assume her intentions behind some of her words/actions. Assume sex on the first date and keep going until I get a clear no. I think if I just followed the gameplan of drinks after the show and walking her back to her place I would have closed. - The conversation was too much of a therapy session. I needed to shut it down right from the beginning. Once she started talking about serious stuff, I should have said – I’m open to listening during date #2, but let’s keep tonight breezy. I could have kept it light, and after the show, increased the flirtation and sexual talk. - In terms of a future night out, I have a dive bar near me. I can bring the girl to my place first to make sure the dog has food in the bowl before going to there. To be honest, I was just banking on taking a Lyft back to my place, which was my bad.
lemon
2024-08-07 19:30:19 +0000 UTCBeen making progress at work just being decisive and applying redpill concepts to my interactions. I never realized how much people talk about strategy, goals, growth, and potential opportunities all to just stroke their ego and push off doing the actual work. Sat through several meetings this past week that felt like a feel-good circle jerk that only resulted in a dopamine release for those getting a high off hearing their own voice. I also realized how much my co-workers DEER to even the slightest question of why a project wasn’t completed on time and how they emotionally react when even the smallest problem comes up. Guess it's an opportunity for me to get ahead. Recently got more responsibility and an employee to manage at work, no pay increase. Found out several coworkers are being paid $20-30K more than me and they handle a similar level of responsibility. Some also get a monthly commission, while I don’t get commission. I’m clearly leaving money on the table and have started tracking how much I’m growing the company in more detail to use when asking for a raise. Also started searching for other opportunities as back up or to leverage potential job offers to justify a substantial pay increase. Total debt of $90k. We’ve got a long way to go but I’m managing the finances now. I Revised our budget to cut all unnecessary expenses. My free time is focused on trying to get additional work on the side or improving my skill set to try and get a pay increase. My wife liked the idea of using a single credit card and says she’s on board to getting out of debt. Obviously her actions are what matters but she’s already picked up more hours each week to help. She’s also stopped buying random shit on Amazon since I’ve told her to stop. I have access to all of her other financial accounts including banking, retirement, and investing which I have been reviewing every week just to check. I've started cooking, grilling, and smoking meat more on the weekend as a fun activity and to save $$$. I’ve been meal prepping more and my wife has started doing it too. She actually has done it for me a few weekends which was nice. I found a great forest preserve park where we can walk with our kid and dogs as an outdoor activity and other free activities that don’t require me to drop $100+ every time we go out. The past few weeks my wife’s been looking at puppies (have 3 dogs already), looking at real estate listings for bigger homes (have a place already), new furniture, and new cars (got one in 2020) which I find pretty funny and amusing. Female nature at work always wanting more. I’ve been asking her about it as a means to humor her, practice bantering, and frame it as possible goals to work towards. Wife also brought up having another kid, I entertained the discussion and I concluded that while I’d want another, we are in no position to have one at this time. Realized I have the Madonna whore complex with my wife, but getting better at catching myself acting passive and at times submissive to her. Been practicing flirting and being intimate and I’m starting to feel less ashamed for wanting to have sex with her. Still slip in and out of the covert contract of wanting to have sex with her instead of giving her first crack, not sole custody. Wife tried negotiating desire two weeks ago: Her: So question for you Me: Yes Her: If we did it more often for like 2 1/2 weeks, would you be ok with not having it like during my period and like some days before and after. Like 1 1/2 weeks. That might change in terms of not having it might be less. Me: for me it’s not a matter of when we do something… it’s a matter of DO we do something and how often we do it. Her: okay but I don't want to do anything when on my periods. Me: There's still plenty we can do during your period that doesn’t involve your pussy but that's for you to work through. If you want to work through those barriers together I'm more than willing to help you. Outside of your period it's up to you. Her: alright. We have had sex once since then. So once again I’m just observing her actions and not caring about the words coming from her mouth. Lately my wife has increased the frequency that she’ll promise sex at a later time in the day if I initiate earlier in the day: Me: initiate Her: “not right now but we’re definitely doing something later tonight” or “I’m not in the mood but I was planning to do something later” Me: “can’t wait” or “oh great, I’m looking forward to it” with a smile but in my head assuming nothing will happen. As expected, sex doesn’t happen after initiating later in the afternoon or evening. Several times I wasn’t resentful or angry when this happened, others just disappointed. This happened again this past weekend, but I slipped back into my ways and let it get to me and just distanced myself from her the rest of the night which isn’t helping me practice being more attractive and fuckable. I’ve been practicing not DEERing, specifically to not react defensively. Been STFU and taking a few seconds pause, saying “hmm” or “give me a sec to think about that” before responding. Saved me numerous times from immediately seeking validation from the other person questioning me. Started seeing a therapist for my OCD. Been helping me not waste as much time stuck in compulsive loops. Helped me see additional ways I was seeking validation from people in my life. Been slowly progressing in the gym despite missing a few days the past weeks. I noticed missing workout sessions seems to kill my productivity the following day. I’ve also been prioritizing sleep and hot 7+ hours the past week which helps manage everything going on. Way better than the 4-5 I was getting.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-08-07 19:13:28 +0000 UTCYour critique of my field report last week shone a light on some shit behaviours I was defaulting to. It was interesting to see how much narrative-making I was doing with a plate(s). Also, identifying the difference between a rule of thumb and over-focusing on the process was helpful. For example, not picking someone like my X in a plate. Red Morning on Saturday elaborated on the overall tendency to focus on an intellectually comparing processes and was a great companion piece. The amount of intellectual dick measuring that goes on in the information age is the inoculation against action. Anyway, I won’t be in the comments while the Patreon is live because Stacey (coolchick) is over to my place tonight and I will be boning her. Sharon (Blondie - let's call vanilla girls Sharon), I haven’t even set up another date with Sharon because the effort for vanilla is relegated because of options. I had the kids for last weekend and then my son based himself at my house for a few extra days. I am having more fun with Stacey. Stripper talked about the younger girls on OLD been easier. So I dropped the age filter to the max age I was willing to match to with been 12 years younger than me and the matches increased significantly. Gym - steady - working out without jeopardising the shoulder. Divorce Consultant - meeting scheduled for tomorrow to help me process my next legal goals. SBTX - was trying her shit via text and emailing “ do x,y,z or my solicitor will be in touch” - I responded “go for it” and she has been much better behaved since. New Business exploration - outside of the startup, meeting new business owners this weekend. Networking - solid this week (strength of weak ties). Home - new beds for all the children assembled and their rooms rearranged. Personal Realization - I noticed that in work I always pick the hardest tasks and expect this to yield the highest results. I see this as a flawed mental model now. You reinforced this in the Red Morning with the Navy BS you went through. I have set up OODA loops to avoid this and change this behavior. I am focusing on easier work that yields results for me. I like that one you said "being the best in a job ensures that you get the shittest jobs because you can and you will do them". "The smartest dogs are the easiest to train". I am proceeding to hedge my bets on the startup. My timeline is set to have a range of other professional options lined up for when I vest fully circa 6 months. I am getting an independent legal opinion on the exact date and hour that I am fully vested so I can keep my equity and pick my favorite option/ career move on that day, whether that is to stay in the startup or leave to explore or renegotiate. Working on tightening up my CV to be best place to choose and I have a Linkedin Pro helping me with network building and opportunity sourcing. Next: build on the recently exhibited artworks and leverage them to more opportunities. Find more like minded artists/culture heads on the Cozy Web. I am tipping away in discovery phase. If your not familiar with the Cozy Web and there is a great roundtable featuring Venkatesh Rao about the Dark Forest of the Internet. It is as good an antidote to the Internet is Dead thesis with various "how to" suggestions and tweaks. You’ll dig it Rian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoyOE-_7dVQ I found it strategic and optimistic and very linked to what you've built Rian.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-07 19:11:41 +0000 UTC
