Patreon, R&P Q&A #261
Added 2024-03-06 18:47:15 +0000 UTC
Comments
Sure. I'll try to describe what I did in as much detail as I remember. * I met the girl in the building lobby; she has a habit of being late so I planned for it but she was late by atleast an hour. We planned to have dinner and watch a movie so I was really hungry. This was around 9PM by the time she came. I was too tired and hungry so my reaction to her was more muted and I just gave a small hug and directly escorted her to my apartment with very little conversation. * At the apartment I gave her some water and put on Netflix and focused on ordering in food; I told her what were going to have (Indian) and only asked her what she liked from the menu. I quickly placed the order. * She has a bit of diva attitude so she wanted things a certain way; dim the lights, give her a big blanket and choose a good movie to watch. While sitting on the couch she asked how was my day, I said I'm tired and asked her about hers. While talking I didn't give a fuck and just directly went for the kiss. Wrapped my arm around her on the couch, reached over, pulled her face to me and gave her a few light kisses. She quickly warmed up to kissing me but stopped and demanded the above things; lights, blankets, movie * I put on Tarzan and she lied down with her head on my thigh watching the movie while under the blanket. I had my hand on her thigh feeling her up. I kept feeling her up under her skirt, getting my fingers inside her panties, fingering her. She would occasionally ask if I'm still watching the movie and I'd tease her telling her I'm still watching the movie and I like tease her. She was really getting into it. But she was really "slow" and it took a good 2 hours of teasing and foreplay before I finally could undress her completely and take her to my bed * In-between the food was delivered so I could ignore her for a bit while I had some food but then we started watching some new Anime movie. We made out for a bit, I had her suck me a little, I got her panties and dress off but she had her bra on. She went back to watching the movie while lying on my thigh and my hand fingering her under the blanket. Eventually after another hour I got her bra off, sucked on them tits and took her to my bed to fuck her. Recommendation: * Just go for it. I'm guessing you overthink things. I wanted to smash so I just took action and kissed the girl. I just made sure to resepct her boundaries so when she stopped kissing I pulled back and gave her space * She had a lot of Anti-Slut Defense which is why she gave a lot of resistance on the way. But I guess I was destined to pipe her that night because I kept chipping away at her defense
Ban Mido
2024-03-08 00:02:28 +0000 UTCIf you don't mind being more specific about your foreplay with this girl, I'd appreciate it, since this is an area where I struggle in terms of pacing and actual moves. Sure, there are lots of books and vids, I'd like to know what worked for you, what didn't, since you actually got her in bed. Because briefly, I've gotten 4 girls back to my place and have been unable to seal the deal even though I tried to escalate. Thanks!
Gunsmoke
2024-03-07 22:05:55 +0000 UTCThank you for the tips. Was there something in particular that I needed to get more specific about or generally? I get what you mean about quality, I was speaking more that they were not obviously messed up after a few dates.
Philanthpenist
2024-03-07 20:42:37 +0000 UTCAt the moment nothing. One of the quality women that I spoke of broke up with her boyfriend little while back and started being flirty again a few weeks ago. She had gone on a few dates with him a bit before we met, and I decided to remain friends with her, as she was one of a couple chicks I've met in the last 10 years I really enjoyed talking to. Going on a date with her tomorrow tonight, and if it doesn't pan out then I will go back to my usual method. Post a pic on some of the Facebook groups and source from the hottest, most normal chicks who drool over me. Dating sites suck for me due to my height (5 foot six). I've slept with chicks from FB that said they filtered out anyone under 5 foot 9, but had no problem with my height in person. In my experience over the last year, I have found there are a ton of attractive women who rarely go on dating sites or post on FB, because they get an avalanche of mediocre dudes messaging them and it isn't worth trying to sort through them. They sometimes don't even comment on my posts but will dm directly. I've got a girlfriend in an open marriage, that I sleep with weekly. I'll transition her to platonic friend when something else develops, as she is a good person and healthy to have in my life. She's fun and keeps the oneitis at bay with any new women I start dating, which I was really bad for in the past. I work from home, and my gym has maybe 1 or 2 age appropriate and attractive women I see once in a blue moon, so not many options IRL. I am a little reluctant to spend a lot of time on dating at the moment, as I want to spend a few weeks internalizing some concepts better and make sure I prioritize my goals. I had started down this road about 6 months back, and then while dating 3 chicks at once did a bit of a relapse.
Philanthpenist
2024-03-07 19:18:50 +0000 UTCIt’s not my real name
Aaron Sheffield
2024-03-07 19:12:02 +0000 UTCIt’s not my real name
Aaron Sheffield
2024-03-07 19:11:45 +0000 UTCI see you are new. Here are some notes to work on to make this productive. Learn ooda. Write from past tense. Get specific. “Sparing partner” usually is used when the marriage is dead and you are using wife to develop yourself. “Better quality women”. Generally all women are the same. They fill the cup given to them. Cup= your frame. Future goals: are not very helpful in this type of public writing . Speak in past tense.
Cousin Eddie
2024-03-07 18:58:31 +0000 UTCYou are reacting. (No frame). Your anger tells me this. View them as petty children coming over for a bday. Generally I would stfu. Find it entertaining. Agree and amplify. Most importantly be in your frame: do what you would do around friendly people. Over time, If it persist I would think of not going to fam events. Take this from a guy who got something on par with a head tumer. My mother in law shit test me all the time. Her: paraphrase: “you suck ” Me: I def suck. I plan to suck through this thanksgiving football game. Then suck during pie. Her: you still suck. Me: thank you.
Cousin Eddie
2024-03-07 18:51:30 +0000 UTC——-“I didn’t workout for years, looked like a pile of shit, treated her like shit because of my depression and insecurities, makes sense why she started…..”. ——. Switch watch. Even Tom Brady got cheated on at the height of his career. I would not put to much time into figuring out why she stepped out. Other than that: the more centered you become (origin point) the less anger you feel. (Side note: And the more she will be attracted to you)
Cousin Eddie
2024-03-07 18:37:21 +0000 UTC“I want to, I like, I prefer, I am looking for, Usually this happens….” Needs ooda loops. Past tense. Ex: I approached 20 girls. This happened, then this. This is how I oriented…. I joined this social circle and did ….
Cousin Eddie
2024-03-07 18:27:12 +0000 UTCYes. And? Non-naturals learning the human condition is going to be cringey.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-03-07 18:24:32 +0000 UTCThis is great. Makes sense
Aaron Sheffield
2024-03-07 18:17:42 +0000 UTC26 is a good birthing age. Young by today’s standards, That’s how a lot of couples do it. Instead of a date on a calendar they say “let’s stop the b controls. It could still take two years. “. This idea that she is waiting because modern woman need to have professional careers… or whatever. Needs to be talked about. If you walk, there is a good chance she will never have kids. Men usually have to date for a year or two…. She will be on her 30s. Now (in next year). Or never.
Cousin Eddie
2024-03-07 18:05:13 +0000 UTCDefinitely 100%. They are how they are, it is what it is.
ErikTheRed
2024-03-07 17:59:09 +0000 UTCI suspect she'll come back. If she wants to sleep with you she'll give you another chance. Take your logistics near your place (unless you live in the woods); invite her to a fun bar near your place and escalate from there
Ban Mido
2024-03-07 17:56:49 +0000 UTCWisnifg …. Great use. You have the right to say no, to not have conversations you don’t want. Workable compromise…. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You will then know when you are being manipulated and when there is something that can actually be compromised about. Do you really feel you handled your son incorrectly? Or are you compromising to appease your wife and kid. Anger phase: “Mostly I feel like I’ve wasted a large portion of my life on a frigid bitch, “. Eventually you will make decisions with you as the main character. These emotions you expressed in the quote above will go away. New take: “I did what I wanted, when I wanted (calibration, responsibly… taken into account). Not sure this woman has a place in my life. “
Cousin Eddie
2024-03-07 17:56:30 +0000 UTCFR * Finally smashed with the missed opportunity (30y/HB6) from 2 weeks ago. The girl (30y/HB6) is flaky over texts and seemed non-committal to a second date. Initially invited her for a short road-trip (1hr) on previous Sunday but was flaky then I suggested a game bar nearby for Thursday evening. On Thursday night she called and asked if we could reschedule to Friday and she was tired. I quickly asked if she wants to come over for some movie and dinner which she was interested in. She came over later in the night, we started watching some movie and I escalated without hestitation under the blanket. We had some light appetizer and went back to making out and movie. Eventually after a lot of foreplay and teasing I got her naked and took her to my bed. We smashed; not my greatest performance but bedroom skills have improved a lot with consistent practice. She stayed over until 1AM, then we dressed up, had our dinner and she booked herself a cab home. * Looks like both plates that had dropped are interested in seeing me again this weekend. Girls just come back on their own as long as I'm not clingy/needy. I'm really enjoying this break from dating; getting consistent 8hrs of sleep, focusing on my work and gym. Spinning plates & dating feels like an extra part-time job
Ban Mido
2024-03-07 17:53:52 +0000 UTCDealing with an Asian mother-in-law who has such a disrespectful mouth. Goal: not to let this bitch get under my skin. Alright, so this cunt of a mother-in-law says the most stupidest shit to me. I have absolutely no clue why. Maybe it was 'cause I knocked up her daughter, or maybe it's 'cause she doesn't like Mexicans; I don't know. (Yes, I'm playing the race card.) But anytime I've talked to her, she's been a complete bitch. I thought she was joking at first, up until I needed some help with some financial stuff concerning getting a house. No, the money wasn't for me to keep... but just to borrow. She would've got the money back as soon as I closed on the house. But instead, she called me poor and how I was making a bad decision. (She doesn't understand how much it costs getting a house is in America at the moment.) Ever since then, I've seen her in a different light. I see everything she says to me NOT as a joke but how she really feels about me. My wife's stepfather & mother are coming over for the weekend for the baby shower. I can't avoid them. I'm going to have to talk to them at some point. The only thing I can think of doing is making small talk and quickly getting away from them before someone says something stupid to me, and I turn the world upside down. I don't want to be ugly and mean to my in-laws, but after the little event with the house, I most definitely will. Since I see it not only affects me but also my wife and soon-to-be son. *Alternatively*, I remembered what I learned about from Rollo: "Play with her and play with her." My other option is to play it cool. If she/he says something stupid, pretend they're Japanese... (they're Mongolian) ...and act like I'm going to commit seppuku and just have fun. 'Cause no matter what I do, these types of people will never see me as "good enough" or "likable." I might as well fuck with them as much as they fuck with me. What do you say? What do you think?
xXanthonyXx
2024-03-07 17:47:20 +0000 UTCFR #1 Late 40s, separated with one kid. Marriage ended a few years back, got my own place, 50/50 custody. After covid restrictions lightened up, I began nailing chicks with a vengeance, and dabbled in the lifestyle for a bit. After a couple of encounters with some better quality women, came to the realization that it had been at least as much validation seeking as it was a desire to get laid. I had read NMMNG and WISNIFG around when the marriage was going south, and for whatever reason the core messages didn't sink in. Denial and ego I assume. Reading them again now, and with Rians youtube series, it's really hit home how much of my behaviour was rooted in my subconscious and not for the reasons I thought at the time. Using a specific kind of meditation and journaling has made a huge difference for me, in making me more aware of how much bs i was and am doing out of internalized beliefs. I'll keep doing them and readings, until I can trust myself to not lapse back into shitty behaviours Outside of getting laid for its own sake, I've lost interest in sleeping with just any decent looking woman, and want to actually have a sparring partner again who is fun to be around. No way for me to tell if i have changed unless I test myself. Current goals Get rid of $25k consumer debt I had racked up furnishing my house and distractions by this time next year. Earn at least $500 month from writing on the side in the next 6 months. Haven't done this before so I imagine there are going to be a lot of mistakes. Probably try Medium at first to get my toes wet and go from there. Get down to around 7% bf like I was 25 years ago in the next 3 months. Dexa scan a month ago had me at 13.1%, and I have lost about 5lbs since then through paying attention to diet and cardio first thing in the morning. Going with the mirror for now, and will reschedule another scan in a month.
Philanthpenist
2024-03-07 17:21:10 +0000 UTCInteresting, so you are suggesting that I should frame it as in “let’s stop using controls”
Aaron Sheffield
2024-03-07 17:19:02 +0000 UTCShe is 26 years old
Aaron Sheffield
2024-03-07 17:17:32 +0000 UTCYou don’t have to have a yes. Or no answer. Start stripping the birth control. No condom, no birth control pills. Most people, get married, buy a house and stop using birth control. Also, if you want kids and like this girl… don’t set a goal date. Just strip the birth control in 3-6 months. How old is she now? Waiting till she is 35,34, 32…. Is way late in the game. Now or never.
Cousin Eddie
2024-03-07 17:12:26 +0000 UTCDid her big emotions prompt you to do a family cook session? Do you feel like you are walking on egg shells? What if you came home and watched rv and did nothing… (fill in the blank with what you want to do). Covert contracts must be broken. Even housing. What if you did not want to maintain that house. Instead move into a smaller house or condo…. Or move to Tahiti like Goughan. (?spelling)
Cousin Eddie
2024-03-07 16:42:15 +0000 UTCFR 25 My ex wife and I put on a birthday party for our daughter last week. We sit together once on a while during our son hockey practices, but this birthday party was the first time since separating in 2022 that we’ve had to actually work as a team. I feel like I’ve finally worked past the anger phase, it took a lot longer than I thought. So many times I thought I was past it, but many times I would catch my self getting pissed off at things my ex would do, out of my control (yelling at clouds), I would even get this weird jittery feeling every time I was around her in person, I’m assuming this was repressed anger. But the birthday party went well, we got along like old friends and joked around, it was actually fun having her there. One thing that I did notice is that dating since being married has helped being around the ex. I’m not so worried about always saying the right thing, I can be cocky funny and it’s charming rather than arrogant, definitely a fine line though. This practice has definitely made social situations much easier and more fun. One thing I do need to work on is my RBF. Don’t get me wrong I have a great smile, every girl I’ve been with tells me it’s the first thing that attracted them. However, I’ve been raised that a man needs to look stern and tough, which I find I do this all the time. Of course if someone approaches me I lighten up, however I’m not very approachable at the start. I don’t want to walk around with a goofy smile on my face all the time, but I don’t want to look like a drill sergeant either, what’s your take? I finally got back in the gym this week after being really sick for the past five weeks. It’s so surprising just how much I notice my mood change after a couple days of being back in the gym. I’m standing up straighter, more social, more friendly, more productive at work, it amazes me how such a simple change makes such a huge difference in my life. I’ve been slowing working into a cut to take off some of the winter pounds, I really fell off my diet the last few months. I’ve been doing a lot of research on the carnivore diet, has anyone here done it? I had two old plates randomly reach out to me last week, I hadn’t talked to them in about six months. The first thing both asked was if I could meet up for drinks. The interesting thing is that I know one of them has a boyfriend. So she has a boyfriend, texts an old fuck buddy from six months ago and asks him out. It’s so eye opening to me to see how women truly work. Now all of the shinanigans my ex wife put me through are starting to make sense, doesn’t make it right in my mind, but it makes sense. I didn’t workout for years, looked like a pile of shit, treated her like shit because of my depression and insecurities, makes sense why she started looking elsewhere and creating options before I even knew it. It really sunk in being on the other side, now I am the backup option for this old plate.
ErikTheRed
2024-03-07 16:32:25 +0000 UTCNot committed yet. And even then, don't care. If I'm the guy who has girls on the side, so be it.
Dante Panda
2024-03-07 15:37:01 +0000 UTCSourcing girls more systematically while in an LTR While I'm still with the girl, I still try to source new girls every now and then. Sex with the main can get ordinary sometimes. It's still good sex, but meeting new girls is exciting. I've fucked one other girl over the course of a year. I want more. But I also I think my issue is that I can't source girls the way I used to. I usually get away with being impulsive (same night or next day nights/lays on dating apps), being thirsty (walking kilometers to see a girl, heavy texting, etc.), and being naive. I now see this as getting success in spite of that behavior. Outside the LTR, I can go all-in and be invested, but now I can't. I can't do that while managing things with the girl, on top of my responsibilities. I need a more sustainable way to do this. Dating apps seem like a really bad main channel when sourcing. The app ultimately wants you to pay them. Using it sparingly and when travelling might be better. Moreover, it feeds into this impulsiveness I have, to the point where it stops being fun. I prefer interacting with girls IRL. I met someone at the gym, got her number. I met someone at the breakfast café, got her number. Met someone at the park, got her number. But those three sets happened in the course of a year. I want to increase the number of those interactions. I work remotely. This means that an "office" being a social circle I could use is no longer an option for me. I realize that most people use their job as a gateway point to other social circles. Right now, I have to put in effort every time I want to get into a new one. I don't know if what I'm asking is possible, but I'm looking for something more automatic, more natural. I want to go about being able to source a ton of girls just by doing what I do every day. I might be doing something wrong that's limiting my options.
Dante Panda
2024-03-07 14:31:47 +0000 UTCYes, I understand. The boundary I communicated was me not waiting more than 3 years for kids. I guess I am having trouble about the “enforcing” part. Meaning, the only thing I can imagine right now is me saying in a year from now: Me: “I want kids” Her: “yes” Me: “nice” Her: “no” Me: “relationship over” Which is fine. But if possible, I want to hear others experiences, like Stripper or You (thank you for sharing), so I can avoid silly mistakes
Aaron Sheffield
2024-03-07 13:40:28 +0000 UTC3/7/24: FR The Better Beta Divorce Guide has been helpful in shedding light on some unknowns. I already have been gathering documents for my upcoming consultation, and have been planning how much I can give financially without destroying myself in the process. Not quite sure how much I can expect in terms of planning from the first consultation, though it should point me in the right direction. Also, does anyone have strong thoughts on a woman or man attorney, or would competency be the factor? I have an active 401k and a pension from a previous job. While I'm vested in the pension, I would not be able to draw for maybe another 20 years. I've been told there are no hardship withdrawals, but obviously I will follow up. Has anyone been able to pull funds to settle during a divorce? 401k I know I could, though the pension (or fair chunk of it) might be a compromise to get my kids and their mother set up. In the interest of Mids watch feedback and swapping notes, the main reason I haven't published most reports is this: right when I have a question, a well timed mids addresses it or I remember something. Moving forward I see the benefits of interacting here. For now, the inner and daily work continues. Taking the advice to get exit strategy lined up and not jump into relationships right away.
Heartfelt Superchat
2024-03-07 13:32:46 +0000 UTCI vote for a video series where you critique the Annihilation method.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-03-07 12:44:39 +0000 UTCChicks usually want kids and it’s more you saying I’m not interested in them right now. I don’t really have advise when it’s the other way. For me I just didn’t consider it till I was 30 Also for woman 35 + is getting to near end of life for kids . Although my wife had her last one 37. The olde you get the harder it is. Woman’s won’t have the energy to keep up with them and the risks increase as they get older not to say it cant happen cos I have friends so had kid closer to 40
Fez
2024-03-07 12:17:54 +0000 UTCAnger phase will pass Just don’t go Rambo
Fez
2024-03-07 11:34:48 +0000 UTCRNP 261 Been chatting with the neighbour and got his contact. He is a tradie so will be helpful for when we move house next. During the week the Wife and I went out for a date lunch mid week I Took half day off Could have smashed prior but I was busy with work It think it was the situation like u say when your wife attempts to hit on you and it’s just awkward and you need to take over. Unfortunately I didn’t see it right away as was distracted with trying to nail some work tasks before we had to leave. Had a good lunch Wife eyed off the hot chick sitting at table behind me wearing a near see through dress and g-string and a makes comment about her “see through dress and gbanger” I just say yeh it’s nice 😊 Went for a bike ride with all the kids 3yo was in the weeride seat with me,(on my bike) the 5yo on his own bike still with training wheels The 9yo is self sufficient and holds her own (mostly) 9yo wines like a little cunt cos she just wants me and her to ride like the day prior ( we rode to the beach together and sat on the sand) The 5yo , it’s his first big ride without me helping him one on one. So I tell him, I can’t help ya mate, you gotta pedal hard. Of course He gets stuck on the hill so I gently nudge him along a few times Give him Lots of praise etc He did well It was odd but i Got some praise from a few other randoms running past “good job mate” , “well done dad” etc I’m just doing dad shit -I’m thinking Other then that The usual Kids being sick with cough, all have managed to pass it along to each other , keeping us up , lack of sleep, blah blah usual story “cool story bro” Haven’t smashed as much this week.
Fez
2024-03-07 11:20:12 +0000 UTCYour in an exclusive relationship with someone that said they don't want kids till 35. Your an idiot. Go spin plates and stop wasting your time. Late 20s early to mid 30s are your target's if your goal is what you say it is.
will zill
2024-03-07 05:31:24 +0000 UTCGoal: get better at ONS I went to a party. A girl I had met before sent me a text prior asking if I was going. Escalated there: this comes naturally to me. Isolated her, established rapport. Took her outside, made out. She lives near the centre (I don't - bad logistics). I took her home, made out a few times on the walk there. I overdid teasing a bit here, I could see she wanted it to be more comfortable after making out (C stage). When walking there, I didn't know if I should take her hand or not. When we got at her doorstep, we made out a bit. I teased her saying "are you not gonna show me your place?". She told me she lives with her host and I left. I know that for a ONS I should have done bridging but here everything is closed after 1 am.
Owning My Shit
2024-03-07 00:55:20 +0000 UTCFigure out how to change your diet goals so you can go out and get to the weight you want. e.g. For some it might be fasting the next, day. Other times it is planning ahead of time and skipping meals before going out. What you have going on now is at odds with multiple goals that you have so you need figure out how to make it all work for you.
Op Sec
2024-03-07 00:20:25 +0000 UTCField Report #3 This week’s focus was as follows: Health: Regimen was good. Made first macro adjustments on my cut since weight had been steady for a few weeks. Hit step goal 7 out of 7 days. Weight dropped 1 lb which means that the adjustment is working. Hit workout target – 5 out of 7 days. Kept to my nutrition plan. Relationship: Focused on Manuel Smith and NMMNG Skills – particularly not DEERING, using Fogging, and using broken record. • I have noticed that I have the urge to DEER about almost everything. I suspect that my whole life has been a DEER. It’s easier for me to STFU or FOG rather than risk DEERING. I feel like I am getting more comfortable using the techniques. It’s also a relief not to engage in long drawn out conversations where she identifies my weak spots and then uses them against me later. Better not to give the info out in the first place. • Initiated sex once and was rejected. Did gym bag routine. 2 days later wife confronts me and says she thinks I’m mad because I am giving her the silent treatment, am no longer sharing my feelings, and that I must not like her, and am not “nice” to her anymore, so why would she even want to have sex with me if I don't like her and am not being "nice". I was thinking in my head "FUCK NICE"...but my actual response was. “You are probably right.” (fogging) And walked out of room. She was quite pissed after that and has been completely ignoring me. • On one occasion she came to me with a complaint and was at least partially correct. Wife: I thought you could have talked nicer and been more cooperative with our son (26 years old) about helping him with X. Me: pausing and thinking. (in my head, I think he should be more independent, and needs to try things himself, he is 26 years old after all) Wife: I am guessing you think he should do it himself, but you didn’t have to shut him down so quickly. Me: pausing and thinking she’s got a point. My response: You are probably right. (fogging) I could have handled it in a different way. Wife: keeps repeating herself Me: You are probably right, I could have handled it differently. (fogging, broken record) Wife: keeps repeating herself Me: I agree with you. I could have handled things differently. There is nothing more to say. I’d like to end this conversation now. (fogging, broken record) Wife: looks at me rudely, says OK Fine, and walks away Me: Later I spoke to my son and told him that I think it’s important for him to do things himself and develop skills, and we came up with an approach where he'll try to do most of it and I'll help him on the more difficult parts. Question: Manuel Smith also talks a lot about self-disclosure and workable compromises. To me this sounds like it can get close to DEERING and negotiating, so in general I am staying away from these concepts when talking with my wife. Thoughts? • Your substack post on anger was well timed for me. I am angry as fuck. I am not trying to hide it anymore which in some ways is freeing but also is quite unattractive. Mostly I feel like I’ve wasted a large portion of my life on a frigid bitch, being totally taken for granted, and now am fearing starting over and getting totally ripped off in the process. I would say I am angry 50% of the time. Some days I do get a sick sense of satisfaction from seeing her uncomfortable – I know, immature and unattractive, and not conducive to good sexual relations - but it’s honest, and it’s where I am at right now. I can intellectually understand the point that her behavior is probably not malicious, that it is part of the female operating system, instinct etc – but it still sucks. Some days I do get excited and get a glimpse of a positive future when I am done with her, but right now those glimpses seem few and far between. • I went to my first improv class this week. It was the highlight of my week so far. Really fun. We did a bunch of basic things and I enjoyed it. Out of class of 9 people I would say I am in the middle of skill level. What should I change about these field reports to make them better / more useful for my skill building?
Ground Hog Day
2024-03-06 22:07:36 +0000 UTCField report #2: Male 36 (70kg benchpress, 1.85m, 80kg) In my first field report I was wondering how could I give my 26yo girl friend (1 year and 3 months of relationship) tools to provide non sexual value for me. I wanted this because she was always trying to provide non sexual value by expending money in me (gifts or paying for the bill, even though she doesn’t have that much money). Well, the way I solved the problem is by putting her to work. Yesterday she came to my place to bake some cookies, specifically because I asked her explicitly I was craving them the day before. She came, she baked while I was working, and she left with a big smile in her face. Now I can see her less anxious about her thinking where she stands in my mind. Now that this is, for the most part, solved, I am trying to figure out how to frame my intentions of having kids soon. To be clear, it is not necessarily because I want to have kids with her, but since I am learning to navigate long term relationships into my own goal, I want to know how the more experienced dudes here addressed this. If it happens to be her, good; if not, the with me next one. Now, what I have been doing so far is to be explicit about me wanting to have kids in the short term (in 1-2 year aprox from now). When we started dating, she asked me where I stand regarding this, and I was clear about me wanting to have them by the time I was 38. Initially (one year ago) she stated that she did not wanted to have kids until 35. I told her that that was alright, but I still want them in 2-3 years 😉. Which, of course, implies that if by that time she does not want them, well, I am moving on (she understood this as well when she answered: oh, then I’ll have 2 years to figure it out). Today, apparently, she is considering it seriously, without me needing to say anything (by the questions she ask and her comments). But at some point I will need to state that the time has come. Guys, how did you navigated this situation?
Aaron Sheffield
2024-03-06 20:51:59 +0000 UTCField Report #7 Weight bumped up to 199. Didnt track and went off diet a few nights this week out with friends and the wife. Refocused this week with tracking each day. Routine at the gym was consistent. Went shooting with a buddy at the gun range trying out my new pistol. Building it into our schedule to go out every few weeks. Focused this week on not letting the emotions of my wife dictate what type of mood I was in. A few occasions this week where I came home the wife was in a bad mood. Previously I would have mirrored that emotion or kept my distance but my actions have been different and I am seeing different results. Thursday I came home from work and she was in a funky mood. I went about getting stuff done around the house and told her we should cook together. This gave an opportunity for her to get her day out of her mouth (communicate to sort her feelings) while we worked on a task together. Practiced reflection back and not trying to fix a problem and I have to think about it less and it is coming more automatically. I am also not expecting her to care about stresses and my desire to share them is not there anymore. Date night with some friends. Hit up a sushi restaurant, enjoyed some good sake and moved to a bar nextdoor. Saturday did alot of work around the inside of the house because of bad weather. Something I have reflected on this week is how little my wife actually does around the house. I am keeping the house to the condition I want so I am doing the dishes, picking up the house throughout the day and did my own laundry this week because it hadn't been touched. I have not been feeling angry about it but I have had momentary flashes of annoyance at times in the week. I am not being passive aggressive about it, just a steady grind to get the work done. I have been leading by example and she has made comments about how tired she is and has been putting tasks off because she doesn't feel like it. I don't think this is a covert contract because I do want to keep the house a certain way but I need to be careful it doesn't turn into one expecting her see me doing stuff and catch on herself. The laziness on her part is really unattractive to me. Progress this week on the separating sex from intimacy front. We fucked a few times this week but I don't remember which days. Previously I would be using the scorecard know which days and level of enthusiasm. The scorecard faded more into the background this week but I know I need to continue to stack actions on each other. I really liked your recent Redmorning where you talked about actions changing mindset not the other way around. Focusing on action.
Amos_Durden
2024-03-06 19:50:11 +0000 UTC
