Patreon, R&P Q&A #258
Added 2024-02-14 19:42:30 +0000 UTC
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Ty
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-22 05:26:37 +0000 UTCHi. I missed the live and going back to replay now there are no comments in the stream. Is there any way to see the comments that were referenced?
Volare Alto
2024-02-16 19:36:18 +0000 UTCFR 24 I’ve been quite sick for the past few weeks, so sleep has been paramount for me lately, insert the sick and trying to go to sleep early comfort test. So I know I failed this comfort test, sick and wanting to go to bed, I really didn’t provide any comfort to the girlfriend. She had been having issues with spotting before her period and was getting anxious. So we’re sitting in bed and she started crying about being a bad Mom and didn’t really get much reaction from me. So she then says that she thinks she might be pregnant and asks when the last time I had my sperm count checked, (as I have a vasectomy). Me - about a year after I had the vasectomy, no sperm, nothing to worry about. Her - but I had been reading and it can reverse. Me - I’m sure it didn’t reverse, why don’t you wait a couple days until you’re actually supposed to get your period, or see if you’re late. This is where I should have stopped. I know that it’s a very difficult thing for me to grasp, which is being Homer Simpson in these moments. Me - So if you’re scared of getting pregnant and you know I have a vasectomy, are you cheating on me? Her - I would never cheat on you! I’ve been cheated on, I know how much it hurts. Besides I’m with you every day. Me - Sure, it only takes ten minutes to cheat. I then roll over, tell her to go sleep on the couch because she’s keeping me up and she does. She comes back to bed about two hours later and tries to cuddle me. I tell her I’m good on the cuddles and if she’s going to keep me up to go back to the couch, she stays. The next morning I do memory of a goldfish, at least I got that right. The other thing I believe has improved is enforcing my boundaries as a default. In the past I would have just put ear plugs in and stewed in resentment, like a toddler. I’m not sure if this is a product of a different girl or a different mindset on my part. I like to think it’s mindset, many times I tell myself that I could care less if she’s there or not, most of the time I prefer when she’s not, I like doing my own thing, and honestly sometimes miss being single. This is something I’m going to watch over time, if I want her less and less in the future, maybe it’s time to move on. With the girlfriend boundary enforcement is easy, as she either respects me and/or is submissive. However I have an issue with this when it comes to my ex wife. For example; we will be amicable discussing child logistics and she will ask to take the kids for an extra day, I will say no that’s my time. She then follows up with an excuse why she doesn’t get to do things during her time with them, I will say that’s your decision. At this time it goes straight to “Why are you being mean”? I think to myself since when is stating facts mean? I usually follow up with “Probably the meanest thing I ever said.” Agree and amplify. I don’t know if this is the right play in these situations, but I am told I’m mean a lot, for in my mind having a backbone. Any suggestions for better responses to this?
ErikTheRed
2024-02-15 19:33:48 +0000 UTCThx covert. I considered that but felt it was time to confront it head on and bring everything to a head. I don’t require anymore evidence.
Volare Alto
2024-02-15 19:14:23 +0000 UTC“ Called out wife on cheating & busted up a planned meet up she had covertly planned at her work trip in Connecticut.” —why? You’re just teaching her to hide it better. —-edit: Stop talking to her. Reread praxelogy. The relationship is dead and you need to act like it. Go speak with a lawyer with your wants and then employee better beta divorce guide.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-02-15 19:06:27 +0000 UTCThe narrative writing wasn’t lost on me either.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-02-15 19:04:13 +0000 UTCCalled out wife on cheating & busted up a planned meet up she had covertly planned at her work trip in Connecticut. She and dude were totally blindsided and freaked out. As expected no admit of extent by her and downplaying saying they have gotten close. More deer by her: She was lonely. I was asleep etc. She has been thinking about divorce. Wife is shocked when I tell her me as well and I already have it all laid out including custody and am ready to roll. Reminder we have 3 young kids 5,8,&11. I stand ground next 2 days she walks around pissed. Wake up to her crying wildly 3rd day and hugging me. No words exchanged. I leave for day of planned trip I don’t say goodbye. Get back she says it felt like a huge hole when I was gone. I say let’s go over logistics of this divorce. I have it all laid out on notebook and go over it with her. She said she feels like neither of us are in a good head space to make this big of a decision. She wants to get in and talk with a 3rd party like a counselor by herself. I agree. She keeps me posted on her progress to get same. 2 weeks have gone by and we are living in limbo acting like nothing wrong in front of the 3 kids. Keep in mind I am in northeast so it’s cold as shit now and we are all stuck in house. I continue to be my mental point of origin but am also observing her behavior which is surprisingly not bad. She told her dad and mom. Says she needs closure if she is going to work on her marriage and invest. So some signs of improvement but no real signs of remorse based on what is discussed in prax vol2 My thoughts on my next step is to have another talk and tell her we are moving forward with divorce. I’m not telling her what to do but she has crossed boundaries and I cannot accept someone who would do that and not come clean and own it and be remorseful and totally cut off all outside conversations cold with other party. I am trying to differentiate between ultimatum and setting this boundary that she needs to live up to. Otherwise we move forward with the D. everything else regarding map has been on point besides this craziness. Catch and release has been going well also. Kids will be on spring break first week of March and we have an already planned trip all together to Niagara Falls which is not too far from us. Really not sure what I want or if I want her in my life. This is after a year. The quote at the beginning of praxeology, volume two by Jack 10 of hearts is really resonated with me, flipping the power dynamic by destroying it, or something along those lines
Volare Alto
2024-02-15 18:55:17 +0000 UTCThe advice given to men when addressing a cranky woman is to go through this checklist: (a) is she tired? (2) is she hungry? (iii) when was the last lay? and (four) does she have a point? Address as appropriate in the situation. I had a situation where I should have applied more quickly that checklist to myself. A few weekends ago, I'd taken my wife out for various household shopping chores after a lengthy workout. We get home, I go inside to relax. My wife came inside, and I was asked about an exterior light that wasn't fully working. I'm not in the mood to address, but I erroneously gave into the manipulation and go out, acting bitchy. I pudder on the light, recognize it's beyond my inclination to handle at that moment. So I stop, in a huff of course, but at least I stop and disengage. I go inside, recognizing I'm being a nice guy bitch. I go upstairs, and I take a long, long shower to relax--i.e., I address that "Am I tired?" question. I get over myself, noting that I'm fell back into a nice guy pattern. I go downstairs, and I announce that "I'm over myself" and share I want to order sushi/hibachi from the local place. The next morning, I initiate. I get told that she still wants to be mad at me because of how bitchy I was about the light but she couldn't because I came down and apologized. I smirk because I vividly remember explicitly not apologizing but saying "I'm over myself." I did that make clear that I'd reset and everything was fine again. Nevertheless, we smashed. Fin.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-02-15 18:38:42 +0000 UTCYes I have been using broken record a lot this week.
All_Talk_No_Action
2024-02-15 18:38:13 +0000 UTCHave you considered not DEERing and just doing broken record… of wait you’re probably allergic to WISNIFG.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-02-15 18:15:10 +0000 UTCFor those playing at home, when Stripper says “own” he doesn’t necessarily mean apologize but take responsibility by fixing it (and not seeking the gold star approval afterward).
CovertContractAttorney
2024-02-15 18:13:05 +0000 UTCThe conversation you had with the school person. Unclear what you wanted out of that. I know you were ok with what happened. They were seeking validation from you. It looked like you wanted to show them. > It is normal for fights in the classroom. looks like negative inquiry but picking a fight here too. Negative inquiry would be "I don't understand, what is it about kids that you know that I don't". It's not so much that this is bad, but they were seeking your validation at the beginning, and you could be more effective at leading their hamster to a solution that you favored. you can also use with your friend, if you want the friendship. The last thing he wanted was to be judged. I'm such a a fuck up. "I don't understand, where did you fuck up".
Op Sec
2024-02-15 18:12:00 +0000 UTCFR: * This one is going to be pretty short and sweet. * I've stopped going out on new dates to fix my sleep and gym routines. Entertaining 2 plates while trying to get enough sleep, workout, get work done, and try to make progres on my other goals is taking up a lot of my time. * (Being more social) On Friday, plate1 (36y/HB4) invited me out for drinks with some of her friends. I had a good time hanging out with her friends. We went bar hopping and at one bar, my plate pulled me into the restroom to make out. First time getting kicked out by a bouncer, another bucket-list experience checked off. On Saturday, went snowboarding with a work colleague. I find a road trip is an effective way to build male bonding; traveling towards a common destination while being stuck with each other in a metal tube is an easy way to open up and share experiences. Also while practicing, an Indian girl approached me asking for some tips. While teaching her a little, a white girl who was observing nearby also joined our conversation. I got both of their contacts and will likely meet them at the slopes again on the weekend. It'll be good practice to run social circle game on either of them
Ban Mido
2024-02-15 18:10:47 +0000 UTCRegarding the friend whos zeroed out. You look like are trying to still solve his problem. You know you can’t. All you can do is listen and that’s really all he wants. Validate his emotions a la fogging. Make sure he isn’t considering suck starting any firearm. Anything else is more likely you trying to validate your self.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-02-15 17:22:52 +0000 UTCYou are having difficulty separating out the important parts in your writing. It means your ooda loop is still a little blurry. But, this is some solid work on breaking covert contracts. … ignore the texts, don’t worry about her emotions… Your wife has all kinds of covert contracts that she is getting butt hurt about. You not cooking by comity, for example. She is struggling with her caged bird flying freely. It will take time. She will embrace it, or not.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-15 16:43:23 +0000 UTCMost do their best. It is a positive and healthy frame. And, from my take, more true than not. I extend that to obese, drug addicts…. Most people are coping. Falling back int nice guy habits: good to realize. Fn is filled with future tense goals. What did you do last week to break nice guy validation seeking?
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-15 16:28:57 +0000 UTCI like the minimum remark. Note on covert contracts. Not sure about the covert contract of flowers being minimal. I got my wife one rose. And I said happy v day. Did nothing else. My frame was: holidays are bullshit, I got you what I wanted to get you. Nothing else is needed, no contracts, boxes to check off… Like it or there is the door.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-15 16:22:07 +0000 UTCI did view Alpha and Beta as the chad amd simp now I view Beta as a man running on windows 95 who never bothered to install updates and is riddle with loads of malware and an Alpha is a man who keeps updated himself to be more efficient and get his life running smoothly but i do get what you are saying.
All_Talk_No_Action
2024-02-15 16:20:45 +0000 UTCGreetings coach, been a while. The layoffs at the big G finally caught me. Enough money saved, 2 business ideas started with friends. Will get 3 months paid and then get paid by the unemployment office for another 6. So easy 10k Swiss Franks to explore and find a good job, as this corporate shit is not for me. Strength increasing nicely and without injuries, swimming is my jam now as it is easy on the joints and cold water burns a bit more calories, lazy on my diet and sleep during long christmas vacation. Made peace with my alcoholic father at his grave. You again are right, people don't need closure. I accepted he did his best, and thanked him. Strangely when I got home my relationship with my mother got better, like I resented her for choosing him. Looked at his old photos, he was a 6'2 professional rower with charisma, basically a chad. Mothers are only women after all. Pleasing my mother my whole life and not being like dad clicked now. The two year monkey dancing program condensed into 2 months. Over the holidays I got back with my "Love you but not in love with you" ex. And holy crap did all my insecurities and fear of female emotion and fear of abandoned got exposed immediately. Came here to get laid, get self-actualisation. All the theory and work I did with getting to know my hidden contracts didn't mean didely squat when I was in her vicinity, my need to please her and make her comfortable was super obvious, from holding hands onwards. Anyway now I realise why you said that having a sparring partner is valuable instead nuking your relationships. I am improving on my OODA loops,, catching myself more and more when I am seeking validation and trying to calm her, still need reread carefully WISNIFG with this new experience in mid. The smartest dogs are easiest to train and The difference is I like walking my dog are briliant. If you ever feel like you will get cancelled, please save your blog. heck put it in a book. Broke up with one plate, second plate walked out on me since I was not giving her enough attention and talked about plans together. I just let her walk out with a hug and smile. (STFU) Three days later she apologies in a message for her behaviour and would like to see me again. This did more for me about understanding women and red pill and my fear of abandonment that all the theoretical shit combined. Was not needy, did not chase, held frame, let the hamster work in my favour she came back. Perhaps there is abundance out there, just need to live life. I looked at some JohnyBravo videos and cant find myself there. I only and I mean only have beta comfort game (unless drunk), my 6'4 propably lets me get away with shit but conciously I only know how to supplicate and chase women. Doing NMMNG and WISNIFG again with the new knowledte, I will go on asshole game essay and pook after to be mold myself towards a skittles man. Thank you couch Roler coster analogy. You can look at other people riding it and have fun and be scared. You can study all the physics books to know how it all works. But you need to ride and experience to understand it. We need our BPD experience, we need our hearth broken, being zeroed out, do asshole game, have the woman come back etc. to get the red pill.
Lucky
2024-02-15 16:05:21 +0000 UTCWeighed in at just under 200. Didn’t track while on a business trip for 2 days. First week with the weight tracker so I can set baselines. Finished second read through of NMMNG. Picked up more this second read through especially the parts of hiding the badness which explains alot given my upbringing of a mother who would blow up emotionally and the whole family would walk on eggshells. I effectively translated that into my marriage. Most of the week I was away on a work trip. Went out to dinner with another female coworker and a few new coworkers I didn’t know well. Had a great time with and bullshitting about our work but worked on directing the conversation to be light and fun. Used the drive there and back to finish NMMNG and start estrogeneration on audiobook. Had plans on Friday night to hang out at our place with two couples and let our kids play while we hung out. Friday comes and I sold something on Facebook marketplace earlier in the day and planned a meetup up the road. Friends get there at 6, husband is running late so it’s just me and the wives. Meetup is at 7 and by now the husbands showed up so he and I head out and say I am meeting up to sell this thing and I won’t be gone long. She gets annoyed and says why didn’t you tell me you were going out, we have company. I said I did tell you, you must now have heard me. She tried guilting me into canceling and I said no, I won’t be gone long. Buyer was 30 minutes late so it went longer than planned. I get a text saying 10 minutes huh? I ignore it and act like I didn’t get it. The rest of the night is fun and she is affectionate thought out the night. Saturday worked on a house project with a buddy most of the day. Enjoy some drinks when the kids go to bed and realized she is way ahead of me on the drink count. We start cooking, I start grilling the sausages and she says she was going to put them in with the pasta instead of grilling. She stops and says this is just another example of me doing my own thing without involving her and I did this to her last night. I was a smartass and said that bugged you last night with a smirk on my face. She got pissed and said fuck you twice, grabbed her phone and went back to the bedroom. I was laughing during the fuck yous cause the whole this was ridiculous. I didn’t chase her to the bedroom, instead I watched a movie I have been wanting to see. After the movie I go to bed and she is already asleep. I could have used AA or AM, maybe saying I am asshole but I’m your asshole when she said fuck you but I didn’t have the reaction time. I knew this was going to be a fight the next morning Sunday we have plans to host friends over for a superbowl party. Wake up with the memory of a goldfish, in a good mood say morning to everyone. Get a no eye contact good morning from the wife. Over the next two hours more emotions and looking like she is going to cry when we walks past me. I work on the garage cleaning up and getting the house ready for company. She sends me a text "I can't do this today we need to cancel". I go back to the bedroom and say we are still having the party and she starts crying. Repeat of our last fight from a week ago where I don't care about her emotions and I am not involving her in decisions and am selfishly just thinking of myself. We are not a partnership anymore and I refuse to apologize when I do things that hurt her feelings. Again brings up counseling and something has to change or we are going to have problems down the road. I didn’t respond to the counseling, just let it sit there. I was conscious not to DEER, used more negative inquiry throughout the conversation to the point where she said can you stop asking me questions. She just kind of got exhausted after a while going in circles and I just hugged her until she kind of collapsed in my arms. About halfway through it really hit home how defective our relationship is. I have been codependent with her all these years and this has made me responsible in her eyes for her emotional well being. In the past I have apologized for her feeling a certain way, even when I didn’t think i was responsible just to make the emotions go away. The whole Swiss watch thing is ringing in my ears so I am not focusing on how to fix her, just my action of decoupling these codependencies on my end. I am a bit caught up on the no apology thing. She expects me to apologize for then I do things that make her feel shitty. I don’t want to because I don’t think I did anything wrong so I don’t. I don’t have enough practice yet in this area of using the WISNIFG tools. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s feelings but we have been codependent for so long I imagine it like an umbilical cord being cut. I focused this week on not seeking out her validation through physical contact like hugs and kissing which I know has been my largest validation behavior. I still initiated with her but decided to give myself one week of not initiating kissing and intimate touch with an expectation of escalating to sex to further kill my covert contract with sex and validation and reflect on how it affects my OI.
Amos_Durden
2024-02-15 15:56:21 +0000 UTCValentines day. I wasn’t planning on anything, at first. I figured if wife wants a better relationship she better perform better. More dread until I get more blowjobs. Then I wondered who’s frame that made me in. No, I’m going to act like I’m not in a relationship where everyone does the minimum. I got her flowers. Most importantly I didn’t have any expectations or covert contract behind it. Later in bed, wife brings up the flowers. I spelled it out. “I don’t want to be in a relationship where everyone does the minimum”. She blew me. I demonstrated vision once before. This time I used words.
Op Sec
2024-02-15 15:31:44 +0000 UTCAre you sure you have gotten rid of unattractive behaviours? Have you done catch and release? If so, and you KNOW (not think) the problem is not you, you might have a hard decision ahead of you.
Owning My Shit
2024-02-15 14:43:40 +0000 UTC@stripper. Alpha, beta: Well put. I knew it was easier to understand, more useful to view them as traits. But never thought about how viewing them as status levels was a negative. Actually does more harm…. Narcissistic fantasy.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-15 14:28:12 +0000 UTCIf you have truly been doing scorched earth you would not be so angry about the issues you are reporting. She does her. I do me. She will embrace me or not. Divorce papers are in the desk drawer. If you are new: these are some hard boundaries. Mm “fuck me or fuck off.” I would get way less serious. Announce after dinner, “Wife, I think it’s time to yell at the kids. We just sat down to relax!”
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-15 14:23:57 +0000 UTCYou are still a function of her. Put another way: she is the center of your world. Think more: I said no, she got angry. I went bowling and had a great time. Pick one of these failures you are reporting and write the specifics. Stfu is your best friend right now. Clothing: I would go slow. Change one thing at a time. Also don’t listen to others compliments or criticism.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-15 14:09:44 +0000 UTCOther schools— yes. Moving her to a private. She just started this school 1.5 years ago so I did not want to yank her. Wipsawing kids is ruff… new friends. But after two years I am ok yanking her. I only volunteer there because of my kid. If that makes sense. I did what you said. Told him to get in the gym. Threw him some bones. He should be ok….
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-15 13:13:57 +0000 UTCYeah, I am expecting them to get a lot worse, i just cant do the Beta shit anymore. Cheers
All_Talk_No_Action
2024-02-15 11:19:51 +0000 UTCThings will get worse before they get better. People always try to push you to be the way they remember you. Don’t let that change your actions.
Owning My Shit
2024-02-15 10:49:17 +0000 UTCHave you considered looking around into other schools to to work in? When it comes to your friend, drop him tid bits of information and tell him to let out anger in the gym. Don’t waste your time with him if he’s just looking for a catholic confession experience.
Owning My Shit
2024-02-15 10:49:05 +0000 UTCyou were spot on last week. what have i done in the last 2 years i worked out, i practiced game, i dressed better and i learned verbal skills. i regained some old hobbies and i improved other areas of my life. i detached from her emotions to a point, but i did not set and reinforce boundries. Pretty sure this is the dancing monkey improvment programe, if i do all of these attrative things my wife will fuck me and stop being a cunt to me and yelling at the kids. here i found my covert contract. for 2 years i have been telling her not to yell at her in front of the kids. not to argue infront of the kids. it has not worked... of course it has not i have not enforced my boundries. im 95 percent sure that i do not want to keep this person in my life, i believe i want the opposite of her, but fuck do i need to fix me and my boundries. one or two blowups in front of me and the kids and i had enough. i waited for a time the kids were not around and i made my boundries very clear. "your anger and anxiety infront of me and the kids is not ok. i am out of patience and out of sympathy for you. when you start to find yourself get angry or anxious around the kids, remove yourself. i will remind you. i will help you. if you do not listen to me, if you do not trust me that i know better when this happens, i will not be a part of this relationship." one more "at least once a week you argue and yell and threaten divorce. if you threaten divorce one more time, and you do not have divorce papers, i will be getting them." she has been well behaved all week, Im more than ready to enforce these, im kind of waiting for it to happen. shark week is around the corner and she wont be able to controll what is inside of her. lets see how it goes. it has been really nice to have no yelling infront of the kids. i gave her a small amount of praise end of week. end of the week when i was talking to her about changing to a better kid bedtime routine she did say, " you did something i didnt like the other night , but its ok for you to sit me down and tell me off, im going to start telling you when you do something wrong" ME: "do you think what i spoke about to you the other day was not justified" (my boundries ) her: not but it goes both ways she accepted it but isnt just going to roll over. im expecting worse behavior soon . When she does cross one of these boundries commitment, affection, attention. she does not give a fuck about the attention. i can go cold of her for days sometimes and she just goes on normal, just more of a bitch. the attention, same thing. commitment is my enforcment. In my mind, im thinking leaving the house, for at least the night, more depending exactly what happens. can i have your thoughts on this. obviously i have not done this before.
moby dick
2024-02-15 10:39:55 +0000 UTCField report No. 2. You nailed a 25 year relationship just after reading one report, last week or as you called it my Batman story. I worked online with a NMMNG coach during covid and I went back through all our correspondence to see what I wrote and everything was SHE, SHE, SHE, coach I had was good but never highlighted this to me. So as you have said I need to make this about me, and find where I am slipping up. Fitness: Fitness and diet are good and always have been, I always run a heavy strength cycle in the autumn and winter, using 5x5 or Wendler 531 and then coming into the spring/ summer, I lean up by doing a lot of circuits with weights, go surfing and tweak the diet, to get lean and shredded. In hindsight I was always fit but thought this was enough to get regular sex off the wife, but now I am aware that this is just the packaging, which gets attention from other woman but in a LTR that credit fades fast. Style and game Went and got haircut to a proper barber and got a nice haircut, kids told me it looks great, and that I looked younger. Upgraded some clothes this week for work. Got slim chinos, oxford fitted shirts, new brown leather belt and new brown leather chukka boots. Didn’t realise that women found matching shoes and belt hot, got a lot of compliments from people at work which was cool. I felt better leaving the house dressed up, got a few smart comments from the wife which I just ignored, I almost began to DEER straight away. Still chatting to other woman when I can, getting good feedback and I find it easy which is good. Boundaries, assertion, saying no: This is where I fail miserably. So the usually script is, We chat, she wants X, I want Y, we disagree, she applies manipulation, (Guilt, shame, Ego etc). I hold out for a few days, she wants to know my reasons and I DEER, she is a lawyer, once I start talking its game over. I give in or get angry and then she applies more shame and guilt for putting her through all the stress of the fight. As I said last week, I didn’t want a third child, she did, she acted like a cunt for a year and I gave in. My goals for the week just gone: Stop saying yes, when you want to say no. Use broken record. When she tries to manipulate me, STFU and be somewhere else. I FOUND THIS SO FUCKING HARD. So we had three fights over stupid shit, you don’t need the details, but I resisted the urge to give in. I was riddled with anger doing this, I was close to going RAMBO, and kept saying ill teach this bitch a lesson, but I just stayed quite, and keep repeating to myself, “You are responsible for this dickhead, you have accepted shitty behaviour, don’t crumble no matter what she says” I got through the week but fucked up because my body language was all tight and tense, because of the internal anger. She commented” I don’t know what’s up with you, your acting really shitty, I don’t understand why you are disagreeing with me and looking for a fight, we are supposed to be on the same team, but if that’s how you want things, fine your decision” I almost began to DEER again but just smiled and said “Cheers for the chat, I am having a quick shower” Sex: Didn’t even try, wasn’t in the mood to be honest, kind of hate her at the moment and she acts like a rape victim when we do and uses her pussy as a weapon. I am acting as if she is a shitty little sister or annoying roommate, I can’t act as if she is dead, we still have kids and shit needs to be done and she needs to pull her weight. Goals this week: Say YES and NO when I want to and try to stay a bit more positive and upbeat. Use agree and amplify a bit when she uses manipulation, instead of going stiff and passive aggressive. I will Talk to a business advisor about my finances and pension, I am 45 this year, need to starting planning for my future. Focus time, attention and affection on my kids, work and my health and stop having revenge fantasy conversations in my head. Longterm: As you said last week, I am the Captain with a husband, she is a career driven lawyer who hates the power men have in the world. The only way the marriage has survived this long is because I have acted like a defective woman who keep the marriage afloat, but we are both miserable and I can’t unlearn what I know now. So its best for me to assume this will end, if it burns to the ground so be it or maybe shit will get better in time, who knows, right now I just don’t fucking care. I just need to protect myself, and not fall back into old habits.
All_Talk_No_Action
2024-02-15 10:28:55 +0000 UTC47 Fired and more zeroed out friends Shifting Overton window Got fired from volunteering at my kids school. Two times a week I help teach the kids in my kids class (2.5 hours total.) My kid loves it and it is a way for me to rehabilitate my brain, and see what is going on in the classroom. I am direct, “good, bad, your writing needs work…” Most kids eat it up. They jockey to be in my group. As expected, some complaints built up about me. “He said my ‘p’ was bad.” I had a meeting with the principal to discuss two fights (that I was present for) that were in her classroom and why I should keep her in this school. It turned into me getting lectured for my teaching. “I have no apologies. I talked to the kids the way I talk to my child. They can handle it. The parents should be thanking me for teaching their child, not complaining. Also, I am a parent of a kid in the class as well. I expect everyone else to be direct with my child and not treat her like porcelain antique.” “Why should I take this school seriously? 2 fights, the classroom is a zoo, and now there are parents complaining...” Her: “This … that… You don’t know kids like we do.” It is normal for fights in the classroom. Her: “No, it is covid.” So, it is normal now? Her: “no, your kids class is rowdy.” Are all the kids academically behind? Her: This… that… Broken record Her “it is covid.” (its always covid.) Me; “This is your school. You run it how you like. It is my responsibility to choose the best school for my kid.” (MM: prefix dinner -reversed) Note about frame : my child and her friends from the class were very upset. After telling her she responded immediately; “then home school it is”. Translation: fuck this school then. Her friend was even more outspoken. By being in the class room and having standards regardless of the zoo. Her, her friends, other kids adopted the frame: “ He is not going to put up with your bs. Better get to work”. And I overheard her bragging about it. “My dad is strict”. In a positive way. She seems to be very open to moving schools, regardless of changing friends. Frame adopted: “zoos are not acceptable.” Notes: This is an improvement from a year ago. After writing, I noticed how often ‘I’ was used and Wisnifg communication implemented. School is a function of me not the other way around. Overton window shifted towards narcissistic. Note to chat for entertainment value and public schools (or it is me seeking validation:) I taught at one of the best universities in the world (rated by how many US presidents it has produced) and received nothing but accolades. I am not allowed to volunteer teach at the random charter school around the block. US public schools!? Zeroed out 3rd time within the last year a new zeroed out friend has called me up crying like a baby. This situation, His wife filed child abuse charges (totally fake) on him and kicked him out. In the past, These talks have gotten me thrown under the buss in spectacular fashion. Him: (Crying) I am such a fuck up… Me: Degrading yourself is not helping. I know you are a good dude. You know you are a good dude. Don’t ever call me and degrade yourself. Him: she yells at me about dishes and not doing this and that… Me; “Why do you want to keep her in your life? She is filing charges against you. Why do you accept this toxic relationship?” Him: She says I don’t pay enough of the bills. I am so good, I do this and that. Me: It doesn’t fucking matter. You are you. You never lied. She is not interested so move on. He is still stuck on saving his marriage. There is no speech or talk that changes someone else. They have to do the work. Why is this worthy of a fn: a reminder. This is looking over the cliff and getting a glimpse of the consequences when you make someone else the center of your life.
Cousin Eddie
2024-02-15 04:11:29 +0000 UTC
