Patreon, R&P Q&A #245

@Stripper, fair point. I'll keep my ego in check and focus on spinning another plate.

Ban Mido

@Stripper, actually this is a good point. Could you expand on what you mean by keep her as a plate? Like how would you handle this? My theory is she really is out getting railed by random guys while getting beta bucks and emotional intimacy by her cuck/submissive bf. But because I'm giving her a good dicking (imho) as well as showing "relationship" signals like letting her sleep over, sharing personal life stories, etc., she's possibly seeing me as a better relationship than her current one. Eg: I had already set the boundary that I don't allow sleepovers on weekdays since I need to sleep and wake up early next day. But she asked again on Monday night. If I had let her sleepover and possibly stayed up having sex, then I'd be giving her more "relationship" signals. But because I enforced my boundary, I prevented her from escalating this relationship beyond plate-level. Correct me if I'm wrong

Ban Mido

I think he was referring to trump deranged syndrome. Wife having emotions… ???? I think

Cousin Eddie

Coming from someone who has never done text game. Aside from sending 9009 (boob) on a pager. You are over doing it. I would come off more buisy. Dressing up, putting to much energy into this makes you seem validation seeking. Don’t listen to her laughing as a positive response . Listen to her actions. Her reciprocation…

Cousin Eddie

Good for you, not to circle jerk too much but I handle all extra curriculars, appts, too, have been for many yrs.

4thMostImportant

@Op Sec, yes I jumped the gun at that point and took it serious unnecessarily. I like trying new things; never been to an emo concert. If I don't like something, I won't repeat it. @Stripper, possibly. But she mentioned her bf is into the cuck lifestyle and enjoys wearing a chastity cage. He gets jealous if he's directly involved but likes to hear stories from her after her outings. Made it clear to her this is just a casual thing until next Mar/Apr. If she starts leaving her toothbrush behind, I'll stop letting her sleepover. Good opportunity to set clear boundaries and enforce them

Ban Mido

So having my kids 50% I can tell you burnout is easy trying to juggle that much. Even though I only have my kids 50% of the time I handle 95% of all of things regarding the family that isn't direct needs (think making appointments, keeping up on school work, discipline, etc.). What works for me is to have a solid plate. Then you can manage a second plate that may or may not replace that plate and then go out on a couple dates a month to see if they make the roster. I find a lot of women want a lot of your time. I can't give that. My family comes first. My choice and I'm okay with the consequences of that. That may change once my youngest gets older, but right now I am too busy. I'm not about to stop going to the gym, neglect my kids or my career for pussy.

@Stripper Sperg

Op Sec

When she replied obviously it was meant as banter and you replied autistically. Being sick made you unable to give as much of a shit. It improved your game. Take the reference experience and learn from it. Do not sacrifice anything. You being busy is attractive. Only go to the concert if it is something you want to do and would have a good time. If you aren't going to have a good time, why go? You will be less attractive.

Op Sec

Agree with two comments above. Will add: 3-6 month range I would get more cocky and amplify. Before kicking them to the curb (if you think they are worth it) “You have fun making dinner for your boyfriend. I will hang his painting above the toilet.” “Always fun watching my girl grind other men on the dance floor.” See how they react. If they do a 180 then ok. If not you withdrawal your attention…. Make them a plate. Don’t take them as serious candidates.

Cousin Eddie

Good observation on social animal. I think it is a mistake to laser beam on women. Open men is a great thing to do. (Not a gay thing. Lol) It just becomes habit and breaks down the outcome dependence part of talking to women. Mm—- You just talk to people… not targets.

Cousin Eddie

FR: * Been sick and recovering for last 2 weeks so not much happened in my life before last week's call. I did bring a 33y/HB5.5/6ft chick home. She stated on her dating bio she was in an open relationship and just wanted some regular side action but she didn't want to hookup on the first date after my attempts. I moved on but she was interested in hanging out again so invited her home for the second date and we hooked up. * (Boundary assertion/shit test): Before coming over on last week's Wednesday night for the first hookup, she said she'll be late as she's getting some "smokes". I asked if she planned to smoke up my apartment and she said obviously. She sent a second text saying she was kidding but I already responded not in my house and she can do it outside. She got defensive and texted she's rented before and knows how leases work. I just texted "good i'll quiz you on that" * Knowing my bedroom stamina/energy problems, especially in the night, I took preworkout and went hard for 1-1.5 hrs. After she went home I texted we can hang out again on Friday. * She really keeps texting for logistics so we didn't text much in-between. Friday night she came with her bag, I took my preworkout and we smashed, had dinner, netflix'd, smashed again. She stayed over that night and throughout the night we'd get some sleep but keep waking up to smash some more. Considering I grew up being self-conscious about my height (5'8), that night I felt like I conquered Mt. Everest. Had one final session in the morning, and we just sat on the bed and talked about our personal lives. I could observe a change in her; she seemed more interested in asking about me, asking if I wanted to go to a emo concert on Saturday night and talking about cooking for me next time she comes over. I don't think I even ran that good of a game either because of my cold * On Saturday morning while talking in my bed, I asked her if she thought I was emotionally unavailable. She said I'm not expressive with my emotions like Americans but I've been open and vulnerable with her that morning. And I clearly was openly sharing my personal issues and life setbacks with her that morning because I didn't care if she lost interest and stopped hooking up (there's always another girl). And by openly sharing, I wasn't doing a victim puke either. I answered her questions truthfully, including personal ones. Told her clearly I just want a casual relationship while I consider when, how, and with whom to settle down with in the future. I think girls want to feel some level of authenticity in the interaction beyond just the cookie-cutter PUA strategy * (Weak boundary assertion) She didn't have any plans on Saturday and wanted to hang out with me while I wanted to get some work done. I failed to communicate my boundary clearly because I didn't understand what was affecting me at that time. Realized later that my avoidant attachment-style personality was feeling suffocated by the sudden interest being shown by this girl. Told her I'm going home for a nap and get work done and we can meet in the evening. She later came over in the evening, took a nap, later we took some edibles and smashed for a while (I wanted to sleep that night so didn't take any preworkout). She wanted to talk more and asked me "how important is sleep to you now" that's the last thing I remembered before completely conking off. Woke up on Sunday morning to her taking a shower and getting ready. I was feeling energetic so we smashed again in the morning, took a shower and just talked with some coffee before she finally left for her bf's home in the morning * (Strong-ish boundary assertion) I had already set the boundary that I don't allow sleepovers on weekdays since I need to sleep and wake up early next day. On Monday night, she texted asking if I'm awake, that she was nearby and bored. Showed "care-taking" behavior by telling her she can crash at my place if it's late for her to get back but I need to sleep. She responded a bit late but I was already in bed and just ignored it to go back to sleep. Calling it "strong-ish" because I didn't allow myself to break my own boundary for possible pussy but I didn't enforce it clearly as I could have * Texted a bit on Wednesday as we planned to meet again on Friday night. I have another date with another girl lined up tonight. I plan to repeat the steps I did with the first chick to see if this is working game strategy (cocky-funny, escalation, preworkout, vulnerability) for me Question: * How to pace a relationship? I know it's not an actual relationship but the girl seems interested in hanging out and inviting me to concerts and stuff. And I really like my "me" time; hitting gym alone, working alone at home on projects, going on solo hikes/road trips/etc

Ban Mido

Reading: Mystery Method. Second date lined up for Saturday, it's been 3 weeks since the first date. I've been busy. Thoughts: I don't know how 50% custody dads have the time to spin more than 3 plates.. this led me to realize I am still pedestalizing women and their needs before mine. My goal: To get 3-4 women who will travel to me, satisfy me sexually, and expect nothing in return. No bowling, no elaborate date nights, no movies. Coffee/drink and fuck and leave, on repeat. Become a guy women can have guilt-free fun with while they figure their shit out and find a husband. This second date on saturday is practice for me in that regard. I set logistics: she is parking her car at my place, invite her in to see my puppy quick, walk to get coffee, walk back, invite her inside. I have plans with friends 3 hours after our meet-up time so I've got a schedule to keep. I've got two text templates that I'm seeing results from in terms of getting numbers from girls on dating apps - I lined up a date with another girl for Monday to give me the slightest abundance mindset for the Saturday date. SSRI's - still off em for about 2 weeks now. Don't feel like talking about them. Fuck those things. Gym - I've been doing 5x5's for the last 4-5 months. I've been benching wrong, lifting my shoulder off the bench and lifting the bar more above my head than chest. I had some corrections done by a trainer and I am wokring with him once per week for ongoing advice. Getting some pain in my knee with the squats so deloaded to 200 lbs. Overall took your advice to train harder and it works with the absence of SSRI's. Go figure. Divorce - no court papers served back to me from the ex. Playing the waiting game, and I have a plan with my lawyer if she does respond.

4thMostImportant

Curious how Trumps term hurt you as a business owner. Welcome to tell me to fck off but every business owner in my area(myself included) stacked money during his term.

Chasin gains Jesus

@Barbarian & @Stripper - it'll definitley be a a wait and see over the 9-12 months. I just need to remain in my frame and not be a drunk capt.

Hook

Don’t pre-apologize because it shows you are minimizing what you are about to say as a defensive mechanism. Also, just don’t apologize. Follow the Roissy rule: You have two apologies per relationship. Use them wisely. Also, your thanks is bullshit. It’s validation seeking behavior in your case. The guys here are just swapping notes. You have to do the work.

CovertContractAttorney

Got a date on from Bumble for monday with a 6-7, feeling good about it. Coffee-date in a place near to me. Talking to another girl on bumble, solid 8 over the speed-dating feature they have. Chat seemed to die out, so used a neg and got her back interested. Tried escalating for a date, but resistance, chat is friendly, some IOI’s from her. Suggested a videodate first, she countered with talking on the phone, and when I asked for her number she gave me the “Not sure I can entrust this to you yet”. I answered with: “Fuck, being a serial killer used to be an easier job😂” Her: 😂 😂 Come on Adam, try a little, you’re “old school” aren’t you?” My plan would be to send a pic of me dressed up as Aladdin ( she loves old Disney movies) asking “Do you trust me”, or as Jafar “YOU WILL MARRY THE SULTAN” or an ad with pic of my cat giving a “testimonial” that 1/1 cats trust this man, something fun. Too much? Good? Otherwise I’ll see if I can build some attraction& comfort over the cal on Bumble lol. Any advice on texting game? I know 3 messages- 6 messages tops to meet and if not DHV & IOD’s right? THe how to win on tinder resources did help a lot, I’m happy about any other advice to expand on that.

Joyboy

Why are you “going exclusive” with a girl after only a few months of plating. Give it a least around a year. Until then, you don’t know who you got in hands.

Owning My Shit

Going over my boundaries Been thinking about whether my boundaries are realistic or insecurities of me. Went over a few times I checked out of relationships over boundary crossings (6month plate, 3month exclusive ) I mentioned to this girl that my house could use some art pieces. She reached out to a male friend of hers who lived in Europe to bring some home decor artefacts when he visits for Christmas. He told her he would do it if she cooked a nice homemade meal for him and she agreed. She told all this to me and said she would gift me home decor for Christmas. Demoted her to plate on hearing this. This kind of statement is what I use when building investment from my plates and if i could see the obvious attempt of flirting of that guy, she would’ve as well and her agreeing to cooking for him was disrespect of me. Still not sure if i could’ve done anything different: tell her “I don’t date girls who cook meals for other guys”? (3month plate, was about to go exclusive) She hosted a party at her place and her dancing with other guys in front of me made me uncomfortable. Never talked to her again. This is still a boundary for me. I don’t know what’s about dancing but it evokes very strong jealousy emotions in me. “I don’t date girls who dance with other men” Problem is : when do I mention this to girls im dating? At a party the dancing is very gradual and im not sure when can i interrupt and when they’re not with me, they mention this to me after coming back from dance. A datable girl for me would be who asks if it’s okay for her to dance beforehand. I think it’s unrealistic as i had no luck so far. (3month plate, did all the gf things cooking cleaning etc) She was describing how at last year’s Christmas party at work, handsome married coworker kept hitting on her and she refused. She went on a ten minute rant how handsome he was and how he could seduce any girl he wants. And he has multiple girlfriends in office now with a wife at home. To her she was badmouthing him but I remember how uncomfortable listening to it was. I gradually stopped talking to her. “I don’t date girls who mention other guys in a complimenting casanova way to me” Not sure if I should suck it up and remove this boundary because Every single girl i’ve met has crossed this boundary. Anyone has any experience with similar situations? How Did you change/modify your boundaries? Also while listening to rollo rian NNN podcast he mentioned how he expects girls to know his boundaries without him mentioning what they are. But the things i mentioned are considered normal in today’s environment and even my guy friends ridicule me when i try to discuss it with them. From a girl’s perspective, it’s like brushing her teeth so why would she wonder if she’s crossing a boundary. All of her ex’s were okay with it, even encouraged it. so how would she know that I’m not okay with it. So I keep circling back to the same question: Do I lay down my boundaries when we start dating or let the situation come, mention it if possible and dump her if it’s already crossed?

Goten

Op sec…. Yes, the anxiety is absolutely me being a side character of someone else’s world and feeling uncomfortable. When I notice it. I pause and get angry at myself. Then burn the contract (internally). And ask myself what do I want to do. And proceed. Women are on auto pilot with their bs. Think death by a thousand cuts. I am still shedding my nice guy… covert contract… frame dislocation. Stuff. Your other points. I thought the writing was fairly to the point. Yours was short hand. I think strippers point is on point. This is an art not a science. (Autistic). When I see the manipulation coming I def shut it down quick. Sometimes I test for a conversation and shut it down midway. Sometimes, rarely, we actually have a productive conversation.

Cousin Eddie

Richard: losing your cool strikes me as nice guy issues. I have a feeling you are weighed down with covert contracts and living in her frame. You think you are nice, cool, tempered but you are angry inside. Then explosion. Did you want to go on the vacation? Or did you do it for her? Do you want to buy a new house? If you were alone would you live this way? My spider senses tell me you need to focus on nmmng. And do field reports here weekly.

Cousin Eddie

I am ok being a sperg. 😂. It is the internet…. Lol. I am moving the line … my money is on 9 months or less. My reasoning is the lengthily logical responses hook has given. The points listed in hooks response is girl game. 101. Treat her like a plate. One year to really know who she is. Do not let her move in. Have fun…

Cousin Eddie

Not that I’m scared to lose her, I’m just trying to be realistic here.

Enock

I think I can have a decent relationship her still. This is pretty much one of the few things I really bumped heads with her on. With as good as things are going for me I really don’t think it’s worth it for me to end things. To be honest, I’m still figuring out what my boundaries are now that they’re being tested like this.

Enock

> it’s an important preference of mine but I’m backing down on it so we can stay together. not good

Op Sec

No I don’t have kids yet. I was doing research into the topic and found out a lot of things that made me scared to do it. If I go forward with it I know they’ll still be fine though. That’s what I meant about taking an L because it’s an important preference of mine but I’m backing down on it so we can stay together. Something tells me it won’t matter much at all in the long run.

Enock

I am approaching this very causiously. It's early to tell or see all the changes, but so far here is what I have seen in her bahaviour: She's driven to my house (30 minutes away), each time to hangout 5-6 times, spends the night then drives home at 7am to get to work. I've only been to her place once. Has cooked for me and she cooks well. She's stated she truly regrets giving up on us, and was humble and remorseful during the convo. Has apologized several times and asked me for forgiveness. She stated she regretted her decision not to fix things with us, and it seemed sincere. (lots of tears and snot bubbles). Understands the concerns I had that caused me to end things with her and vowed to never let those things happen again. Communicated to the last bf, not to text or contact her again. (She broke it off 2 months ago and hasn't dated anyone since) The affection has been flowing strong and the sex has been great. All these are within 3 weeks so its too early to tell, and I take this all with a grain of salt. I am in a "show me" and don't tell me mode. She's on a 90 day trial to see if she is worthy of me taking her back. I have committed to myself to take it one day at a time, stay true to what's best for me, watch her actions to determine if she is truly sincere. I have made several early frame announcements as I posted above over the past few weeks, so she knows I wont put up with any shit and I am willing to walk away. What I am focusing on, is her behavior over time, 9-12 months as a plate, how she treats me, if she's adding value to my life etc..I'm keeping in mind all the red pill perspectives, I am maintaining frame, not being needy or simpling, and staying that top tier guy I've become from learning this stuff over the past few years. I'm walking into this with both eyes open and Red Pill aware.

Hook

I should have stated it on this field report too. My boundary was that I didn’t want to circumcise my boys. circumcising boys is prevalent in my culture, it’s seen as normal. I particularly had a problem with that but as I tried to enforce that boundary, it didn’t seem worth it to end what I consider a good marriage over that.

Enock

#### 1 As per my last field report I tried to enforce that boundary I talked about, but I had a profound realization after I had done so. I was saying to myself: “am i really doing this?”, “Is this really what I want?” The doubts in my mind made me wonder if my particular boundary was that important to me. Obviously my wife’s emotions played a big part in that. Her: “Why did you even marry me then!” It’s funny because I knew what to expect from having kids with her and decided to enforce it later rather than in the beginning. Now we’re both invested in each other which makes enforcing this boundary even harder on myself. For sometime that day I felt resolute about divorcing her over it but unsure as to go about it. Then my wife got my family involved. I didn’t bother speaking to my other family members but we both sat and spoke with my mother alone about it which gave me some perspective. I decided that it wasn’t worth it at the end of the day. Being that I was raised in this culture and want to be with women who have the same culture, I’d most likely run into the same problem again if I started over. Might just be an L I have to take here. Anyway, we got home and had make-up sex and eventually got back to normal. #### 2 I’ve been pondering about what I want out of life. For now, I just want to enjoy the remainder of my 20s and have a girl around my arm while I’m doing it before any settling down or anything of the sort. My wife understands that but it doesn’t stop her from talking about babies all the time. It also doesn’t stop her trad-wife fantasies. I brought it up, though, passive-aggressively mid-conversation: Her: “Oh this isn’t going to happen with the way I’m going to raise my kids!” Me: “You have a lot of plans don’t you?” In another conversation: Her: “I think we should move here.” Me: ”You know I don’t plan on moving out of the USA anytime soon, right?” She gets the picture when I say things like these but my delivery could be better I suppose. I think that I shouldn’t even have to vocalize my long-term goals to my wife because I don’t need the approval or validation from it. However, I still need to shut down any bright ideas that might go against my own plans. #### 3 I keep forgetting to not take my wife seriously when she’s talking to me. I was listening to her talk about having to go to work on a day she wasn’t comfortable with and I was trying to offer a solution to her problem. She literally told me “Enock, I’m just telling you about my dilemma” which pretty much translates to “I’m a girl, I’m just processing my emotions with you.” I get angry when I forget so easily like this and when I’m told to be more masculine and “just get it”. I didn’t show my anger but I caught on quickly by listening and mirroring what she thought about it. The same thing happened the next day she was complaining about a sharp pain in her back all day and I tried to help her and comfort her in various ways. “Take some over-the-counter medicine”, “Let me give you a massage”, etc. Towards the end of the day, though, I tried looking up the symptoms and finding a solution when I was missing the whole point. It’s not about the freaking nail. To think that even through all that physical pain it was just all about making her feel good knowing I was there for her. I didn’t even take her to the hospital or anything after that. It was like one giant comfort test.

Enock

You all are a bunch of spergs. It's been 4 weeks, once a week, and you are laying it out, with an ex. Keep fucking her, if she wants to take care of you and you are open to that allow it. Keep seeing other women. 90-day trial period, maybe you should put it in a spreadsheet. Have a checklist, and if she passes the check ride she gets a girlfriend license. You barely have the emotional fortitude to plate her, a relationship isn't going to make it better.

Op Sec

One more thing. Let's rewrite your report. I DEERed for a while when my wife wanted me to buy something I can't afford. I felt quite a bit of anxiety as well. Eventually I started using agree and amplify and am getting a better outcome. What is missing in the short version? Don't answer to me, ponder on this for yourself.

Op Sec

@Stripper, good advise. For me it was a combination of old feelings and also I did not expect she would do it. Funny enough I thought we were friends and I was OK with that. She is a gorgeous looking woman and I pretty much used these few dates with her for validation (social proof). Obviously if we went further no way I'd refuse her so good point since I know nothing about her husband or marriage.

Omar

@Barbarian, Troy's game is very simple: direct approach, observation/stack, 3-4 minutes banter and getting contacts. Obviously, the devil is in the details. Few things I worked on and it dramatically improved my approaches: give girls a lot of space when you stop them, I scared a few girls by turning to them from a close distance. It is counterintuitive but catching up to them and turning to them from more distance is less comfortable compared to trying to kind of walk with them side-by-side. Another one is less smiling and talk a lot louder (like 50% louder). He also shared with me tons of materials but I did not read them all. His book "Approach Her Like Chad" goes over his game in a lot of detail. However, for me the biggest value was to actually see him in action and give me very small but super actionable feedback. I hope I can carry this momentum but I think time/money were very well worth it.

Omar

Most of this report is you DEERing about your finances. This is a case where you apply FOGging and broken record. I know you've wanted the house your whole life but we're not getting it. The anxiety you feel is unhealthy. I hate repeating it but it comes from being in your wife's frame. Who is expecting you to MacGyver your finances? Who cares if you did or didn't falsely advertise to your wife? I have a different situation. Just because I have the money to buy my wife a dream house, do you think I should? I will continue to live in mine. Yes, you are supposed to agree and amplify.

Op Sec

I grabbed my wife’s but. Her, “You want sex?”. me: “Always”. her: “I just made myself a tea.” me: “sit down, we can chat while you drink it.” I had been working all day, and it feels good to put down logical thought, stop taking things seriously, and have fun. Afterwards, I enjoyed the sex very much, and I let her know. Then I went back to work. Wife brought me a tea to drink while I worked. She tells me she likes doing nice things for me and that she’s feeling insecure. I was tempted to write down that the next few days my wife was in a shitty mood. Describing someone else is a trigger now, I see myself doing it, so I know the rest is horseshit. I disengaged, I saw little value from her, so I gave little back, like the affirmation from no more Mr nice guy “My time, attention and commitment don’t come without a value add from the other person”. It’s not wrong, but I became more effective later. I spend an hour working at a coffee shop, not many people there, there’s nobody to open, except some nerdy girls I’m not interested in. I open them anyway. “Are you guys students”. “hahaha, we haven’t been students in years”, “I’m thinking of being a lawyer or an airline pilot in my next career”. “oh cool what do you do?”, “male stripper”, “that’s neat”. “I’m just kidding, but I appreciate the compliment”. Later I realized that not wanting to open was ego defense, good thing I did it anyway. Also realized that me as a male stripper was a believable profession(surprised me). Next time I can play it up about how I jump out of cakes, or go with something else. I didn’t even realize this until I was writing the report. There was a dude there I could have opened. Wasn’t even on my radar at the time to do so. It’s a nice guy trait. Something about preferring the company of women. I don’t but sometimes I act like I do(like in this particular situation). I realize that in many of the interactions I have I’m not that fun. What I want is to have a more fun and flirty vibe(and I thought I’m completely lost on how to do it). I then realized I’ve got this sparring partner. I also realized just how uptight I can be. I made the focus to loosen up and just fucking relax and say whatever comes into my head. I did, I relaxed, my own mood improved, and as a side effect the wife started joining in. I had made it a focus to just fucking relax. Just fucking be myself, say whatever is in my head in the moment. I Realized I have had a constant low level fight or flight response. So focus now is fun and flirty, the fun seems to be coming back first.

Op Sec

Her deal: she is a 304 that wanted to have fun with strange. What were some specific things Troy focused on? Just curious.

Cousin Eddie

Really appreciate the replies, thanks very much, definitely very helpful. It has been a few years since I lost my cool this badly - I know at home when I start getting to this point and if joking around doesnt change the temperature I can always just leave the room/house to shake it off (and I do so) but kind of felt trapped there I guess and out of ideas. The whole thing is embarrassing and I sort of realized that when I actually wrote it down. I guess between the move and everything else got me kind of shook that I might not have the instincts to ever be able to make this work. But you are right I have taken a lot for granted and do need to put in more work on the relationship for sure. thanks again, RR (not a real name)

Roma

Now I know that my daygame is not shit. OK, it is shit but it’s not as bad as I thought. I know for sure that SF (Bay Area) is a complete disaster though. I spent a week in New York doing the approaches with Troy. He’s a chill dude in general and I had a lot of fun interacting with him day to day. We spent a lot of time just walking around the city talking and I saw him in action and that was really impressive. He opened girls as a case study for me and it was eye-opening. Troy is not cheap but I highly recommend working with him if you can afford it. I learned a lot of theory, asked him tons of questions and he gave a very actionable feedback. He’s not pushy but when you want to be challenged, he will challenge you. I actually think that 70% of his success is due to his British accent. Kidding, he is just fucking amazing. It was inspiring to see how he interacts with everyone (girls working in a mall became his fan girls giggling every time we pass by). Yes, he looks decent, has good style but nothing special. He is a few years older than me so I got really inspired by him. Surprisingly, the best success I had was after the sessions with him on my way to the hotel when I was alone. I opened four-five girls a day and most of them were 10 times better (one turned to be a model) and 10 years younger than the ones I tried to open in fucking San Francisco. I got Instagrams, few numbers. I didn’t go on any dates since it was a pretty short stay, but it was already a huge win for me. After each session I had to lock myself in my hotel room and just stare at the ceilings for a few hours. But I already feel better even in SF. Approached a few girls in the airport just for the exercise. In NYC I met a girl I had a crush on for years. She is doctor, a couple of years younger than me, married and has kids. We went to a bar and next day to a night club (yes, I am too old for it!). She told me she wanted to get drunk with me, asked where was my hotel, laughed at my every joke, touched me and gave other textbook IOIs. After some time her husband called and she immediately ordered an uber. I discussed this situation with Troy and his take was that I had to be a lot more aggressive if I wanted to have things to happen. I felt awkward though and did not escalate beyond touching and teasing. I am still not sure what was her deal though.

Omar

I might have simplified the writing. But I tried to have that discussion. I almost said those same words you wrote. She would not have it though. Her: “you are negative… you this… that…”. So I stfu. But you are correct: I am not against nice houses. If the opportunity strikes and it is a win for the family would be would totally be in. The way things are going there are going to be good deals out there at some point soon. Ty

Cousin Eddie

I had a similar (not exact) situation I just posted about. (Just below this post.). 8 months ago I would of handled as you did. To summarize: wife had bad emotions. Took it out on you. You got fed up and stood up for yourself (yelled at her, gave her the ultimatum… “your sisters,mom…”. Problem: you used open communication, you confused her tantrum as something serious. You are not the center of your world. If you were you would of handled it with a different ooda. Ex: she is a child that wants her toys. You would have treated her like one and enjoyed the vaca. Laughed it off. “Vaca mode, house is in the hands of stooge reality. Lol”. (Delt with it on the side. “”I bet moe, Larry,and curly burned down the house to the ground! Lol”. Display Frame: vacation, fun, house will be fine, or not and we will laugh and still be fine…. Selling houses, landlords… changes are stressful: she will test you even more. Be the oak.. water off a ducks back. I have done what you did. It does not work long term. She will resent you. You can’t negotiate love. But i don’t see it as an asshole move. I see it as desperation. And yes it will keep happening if you handle it the way you did.

Cousin Eddie

Is there betting odds on this situation? I will take the under one year. The list you reviewed with her means nothing. Less than zero…. It was all logic. Stick to closed communication: meaning plate her. Make her earn her way back, compete with your other plates. It seems you are moving to fast with her. Stripper is correct: catch 22. Also don’t be explicit. Let her imagination work for you. “Yes, I am seeing other people… stfu”. Or better: “maybe I am. “ My spider senses tell me this redemption relation is based on beta characteristics: You are comfortable. Chad did not work out and so she is trying not to fall off the edge of the planet…. Ring, ring the ex. Maybe I am wrong.

Cousin Eddie

34 Wife wants the big house on the hill. Wife’s uncle has a nice house that she has been obsessed about for her entire life. They are planning to sell next year, and my wife wants the house at all costs. Wife has been declaring her intent; “I am going to get that house. Even if we must sell ours.” Context: this means exchanging a fully paid for house, 0$ monthly bill, for 8 -10 kish monthly bill. . I initially explained (deer) to her why this is not the best time to buy a luxury (very luxury) house, interest rates, prices need to adjust... She said I was always negative about her dream…. I realized I deered. This is manipulation. She is making a statement of intent with no desire to have a mature conversation; it is a child throwing a fit about getting a toy. I stfu. Internal game Often, I notice I have some anxiety, tension, internal friction. I ask myself why. Normally it is a covert contract. In the example above I am expected to MacGyver our finances to buy something I don’t want, don’t want to maintain, and goes beyond my financial prudence. It would be unhealthy not to have anxiety. Then I remember that I don’t need to sign shit. And my anxiety subsides. = I am my point of origin. I have power. (the ability to act.) The MM that I heard Rian talk about recently was, The Restaurant; Women get to choose the restaurant, but once in the restaurant it is pre- fix. Meaning, women choose any guy and the guy chooses the frame. (The laws of life we live by.) My restaurant: I never falsely advertised to my wife. She married a guy that lived out of his car, debt free, so he could paint paintings. Similarly, I have always allocated our finances so we were never debt slaves. She has always trusted me with this because she knows better than to trust herself with serious money. Sometimes I have been criticized for not taking on more debt. At other times I was a genius as in what happened during covid destroying our business. Point: She can pick whatever house, car… she wants. But I determine if the risk outweighs the reward. She can know about the latest celeb breakup while I know the relationship of a ten-year treasury to the 30 year mortgage rate. Now, when she makes these declarations I laugh, the way I laugh at my child when she wants a giant balloon at the grocery store. “While you work on acquiring a brand new 10k a month bill I am going to buy a new CB radio ($200) for my van.” .. I just continue to agree and amplify. (Note:looking forward to the cb radio acquisition) When the day comes that the house hits the market, I will do my homework and make the decision regardless of her emotions.

Cousin Eddie

Sorry for the wall of text - I wrote 2 week ago about my kids being spergy and how to keep my wife levelheaded with them. Got a different problem. we are in the process of selling our house, which has been complete nightmare – our agent is terrible and market slowing down hasn’t helped either but we might be limping across  finish line. Wife has been badgering for a vacation for close to two years now. We are trying to save up money, after we sell this we are looking to buy something even bigger/more expensive so I  have trying to been trying to save but finally buckled and booked a 48 hour trip to the Caribbean just the two of us. First night was amazing we went to the beach, gambled, fancy dinner, walks by the pools/beach etc.  Second day in the afternoon we get a notice on nest cam that someone’s at our house – it’s the potential buyers real estate agent taking buyer and a contractor through the house for an unauthorized inspection - we’re almost under contract with this clown but this does not bode well it’s an old house and the more someone looks at it the more they’re gonna probably find little things wrong… anyway we’re trying to figure out if it’s our realtor dropping the ball or if the other agent is being sneaky. Basically this just set my wife off - she starts pouting she gets pissy she starts digging at me about how she knew our realtor was fucking up... We go back to the room and she continues that she’s always right and nobody listens and everyone just gaslights her I don’t make her feel safe I never stick up for her in the last six months we’ve also been dealing with a shitty landlord and before that there were issues with our kids school – our division of labor had been that she handled all the house and kid organization and I dealt with the money.  She went back to work a couple years ago but I make 7X what she does and her job not that taxing it’s work from home . I do despise my jobs (i have 3, all self-employed at least but they miserable). but anyway with the kids getting older there are a lot more activities a lot of organization and she’s obviously feeling overwhelmed she brings up a bunch of other events where I didn’t stick up for her/have her back and how she’s just so tired and angry I kind of just sit there and weather it occasionally offering either an objection or support pretty much completely at random as I know that there’s really nothing that’s going to help at this stage but I want to go to sleep soon and there’s only 1 room so I can’t escape lol. I go to bed and Next morning I get up I look over and she’s sniffling and crying and she just shakes her head at me so I go down to the beach getting a good walk get us front row seats at the beach put some towels down and go up and tell her we have space at the beach and then go back down she joins me silently and basically sit there and don’t really talk to each other around noon she goes up to the room I go up there too as we’re about to check out but we were probably gonna go back down to the beach or get lunch I try to make small talk and she comes back again with how she feels so bad and so what are we going to do and how is this going to work what is going to happen to us, etc at which point I finally lose it and I just scream at her for about 30 seconds you ungrateful bitch, I’m sick of you, and congrats you can join your family’s list of divorced cunts ( both of her sisters and her mom are divorced, this concerns me)   I ended with I’m going to check out and going home maybe this will work out that our real estate agent was shit cause I’m gonna just live in the house anyway and you can fucking live wherever you want I can’t be in the same room with you.  So I leave she texts half a dozen times pleading for me to come back and not let it end like this and later meets me at airport she’s crying says please don’t end this I’m so sorry I didn’t want to ruin the trip I know you put so much effort into it etc. I just kind of sit there numb and don’t really say anything. I switched my seat on the flight home so I don’t have to sit next to her, and grudgingly give her a ride home afterwards to the new house and then I go back to the old house. Question is what the fuck do I do I’m 46 our youngest is in fourth grade so I’ve got eight more years of this. I basically told her that if our youngest was a senior in high school right now that I’d seen the wife once in 6 months at graduation and then never see her again is how fed up I am. She’s decent with the kids very organized with the house and everyone’s schedule. Sex is pretty good and mostly as frequent as I want so I think there’s some attraction and after doing the side bar couple years ago I got in pretty good shape and that spurred her to do the same so she is attractive for her age even if Trump broke her brain.  I’ll add that a year after we got married I lost 7-figs in savings and my 6-fig job in the 08 market correction so that was another layer of stress and then obviously the four years of Trump was a disaster , then after that switching the kids schools and dealing with landlord at the new place has been really tough for her (she handles all of those logistics) Anyway I kind of feel like this isn’t gonna work and she’s just gonna keep badgering me to death  – I think she loves me and I think I probably should’ve just gone to the pool had a beer and texted her to join me if she wanted instead of sperging out and needing to get out of the situation but I didn’t think of that til 6 hours later. Do I just need to be less autistic or does the match/history seem doomed to failure? 

Roma

There are no hard and fast rules in the Red Pill. However, they’re called “rules” for a reason: they apply to the majority of situations. Rooting through the trash rarely works out and the guys usually aren’t emotionally developed enough to know how to plate they’re ex without any pitfalls. Ask stripper. I would not do it. It’s much better to get new girls. But you do you.

Owning My Shit

Hey fellas, it’s been a while since my last post. BLUF – the ex-gf is back 2 years after I ended it with her. I got a text from her 3 weeks ago stating she heard a podcast about a news event I was part of and it reminded her of me so she reached out. I know it was an excuse for her to reach out. We texted back and forth catching up on kids and what’s going on with our lives, then I asked her if she was still seeing anyone? When she said no, I said, well let’s get together for a drink and catch up. She agreed and set a date for the following week. She came over to my house, I could tell she was nervous, I was too but I didn’t show it, I offered her a drink then headed out. The date went well, I didn’t bring up any of the past issues, concerns or problems we had. I kept it the conversation light and fun. We both had a fun night out. I already knew she was going to spend the night, because we were drinking when we were out. Plus, I told her to pack an overnight bag, just in case. After we got back to my place, I made us another drink and we talked..I know STFU – but it was a good conversation. I stayed on track with my own mental point of origin, I told her I was dating, just casually and that maybe the right person will sweep me off my feet. She told he about her last relationship for 1.5 years that wasn’t good at all and how she missed me. At that time, I started to wonder if I was the rebound guy, or she needed some sort of validation. We did unpack some things about the breakup, but I had learned from you Rian, to Fog, use negative inquiry and stay poised. I said, “yeah that was bad when I did that, but that’s not me anymore and I can see why you feel that way…Yeah that was stupid when that happened..” She asked about my dating situation, I told her that’s not something we should be talking about right now. And if she wanted to know, I would tell her the truth which may make her cry but I would not lie to her. (Thanks Rian) so I told her I had a date the night before and met up with a Plate and had sex with her. That didn’t go over well and she was sad that I was out fucking another girl when all she thought about was seeing me the week prior and was home doing her nails the night before. Things got a little hot but again, I told her I was single and I had no expectations on where this night was going to go. She settled down after a while and then we smashed on the couch. Then followed up in the bedroom where she sent the night. Morning sex was great too. We’ve now had several dates, unpacked more shit from the past in a healthy way, resolved some things we both made mistakes on and had an amazing time on our dates. Since I came into the space 2+ years ago, I have listened and learning a lot about the Red Pill, I did all the reading, went back and read some more. I went back the read my past FR’s, I have become what this place is all about. Putting it into practice, becoming a better man, living my life for me, spinning plates, all good stuff. After 4 weeks of seeing her once a week, and communicating regularly, I have the feeling she truly regrets giving up on us, and came back humble and remorseful. She has put in extra efforts to come to my house on all occasions. Almost love bombing me. I am scheduled to have rotator cuff surgery on Dec 7th and she insisted she be here to take care of me after the surgery and help me recover. Cooking and taking care of me. etc. Over the past 4 weeks, I have laid it all out. I have mentioned to her; 1. I am open to a relationship eventually. But it has to be with the right person. I don’t just commit to anyone. 2. I am not going to commit to someone who doesn’t set healthy boundaries with other men, especially with men she’s been intimate with. (problem in the past) 3. I know it’s hard, but you need to trust me more than your anxiety – [Broken Record] 4. I am open to it dating again, BUT it will be a NEW fresh start. I have to get to know you all over again. (90-day trial period. Plate Only) 5. I think that is something we can explore together She says, she is so happy to have another opportunity to try again with me and that she is not the same person from 2 years ago. She has been overly affectionate, sex is great and on the regular, stating she will not let anyone else distract her from me etc., I can post more details as I am doing this from memory and summarizing it. Is Iron Rule #7 a general guidance or a hard fast rule? Should people get another chance? I feel they do. BUT it has to be based on what’s best for me. I will be posting my FR's to keep myself on track and accountable.

Hook

I don’t want to get into Batman origin stories here, but grew up a very obese kid due to poor parenting. I was 350 by 17, shattered my ankle, and barely made it through a reconstruction. Been into fitness ever since. I’ve floated between 225 and 250 for years. But never muscular. Being at 280 is extremely intentional. I went on TRT (and then expanded my horizons) halfway through a crappy marriage. Lost fat, added muscle. My measurements are the same as when I was 260 ten years ago which is weird. I am very well versed at what I am doing. I am cutting to 250 because of age, a bit better physique and to fit in the 242 class of USPA or WRPF (probably WRPF since the USPA is a cluster right now). Never had a problem pulling good looking girls. My problem was the mental models Rian talks about. To me, right now, I’d rather have a bunch of chubby Latina girls who are fun to be around and love to screw, than the 8/10 Japanese crazy person I married. I’ve had hot. My ego doesn’t need it anymore. Just be nice and somewhat attractive. I got the fitness stuff on lock. I don’t get into any details because talking about … replacement therapies in online spaces not meant for those discussions are dumb. For obvious reasons.

LM

I've seen fat guys pull hot chicks, hell I've been one. It takes practice. Yeah, you should loose weight, and it will help, but don't let your weight be some sort of limiting belief, and yeah absolutely take what you can get until you can get better.

Op Sec

I like being the grenade jumper; as long as I am getting laid, it’s all fun. 5 to 10s. Appreciate the input. I have my goals though. For my own reasons, and do things gym stuff that changes the math for me. Don’t discuss it online. Read between the lines. Do recommend tho.

LM

Lifts: 205 squat, 255 deadlift, 155 bench … I have StrongLifts set on a slow ramp to my old 1rm. Numbers are light for me but enjoying it because I am focused on technique. Downloaded Carbon Diet. Tracked my macros at maintenance for two weeks. Now cutting for 4 to 6. Basically, taking advantage of the lighter weights to do a zig zag recomp — starting at 280 and planning on hitting 250-ish over the next year. So this is what I’ve done to start reestablishing myself in a new city. Got back on the dating apps (absolutely have to do the premium subs if you are a guy with good photos). Tinder still works the best, Bumble is pretty bad; very overweight, very old, and very confused - a lot of matches with trans people and gender non-whatever that are hard noes. Hinge seems vacant. Went on a Bumble date with a 4/10. Like zero interest but used it to knock off the rust. Went back to my place, made out. Didn’t push it farther because she gave me a really ick vibe. She made a couple of weirdo comments about my dog. I have very few “red flags” but if you are a white women who doesn’t love French Bulldogs, yeah get out. That’s straight up weird. But it was nice practice. Much better experiences now from Tinder. Leaning a lot into more dark triad stuff. I am like 6’1”, pretty muscular, and rock a shaved head. Like, “Oh I bet you’d really hurt someone that crossed you.” Comes up on every date so I am just like, Okay, yeah. This works for me. Although I am too upper middle class to actually do gangster shit. Joined a couple networking meetups around town that fit into my line of work. Started taking my dog out to Zilker on the weekends. Signed up for LTC (license to carry) classes at a local gun range. Don’t technically need it anymore in Texas but figure I’d meet people. Next planning on finding a dedicated spot (bar or restaurant) to post up in once a week. Planning on joining a local powerlifting gym and hiring a new coach. Want to get my numbers up a bit more tho so I can jump into a program and compete by Summer or Fall.

LM

Rian you will chuckle at this advert https://youtu.be/sLrho4JVRTM

Cocky_funny