anastasiakole

Choosing Life

Added 2023-06-11 13:03:05 +0000 UTC

The news about the exploded dam in the south of Ukraine broke my heart and left me unable to focus on my projects for a few days. It's often hard to comprehend how so much tragedy can coexist with so much beauty. Being here in Barcelona, where sun is shining, people enjoy their beautiful peaceful life, adds on top of anger and grief and helplessness, a feeling of guilt and shame. Guilt that I am not there with my fellow Ukrainians, that I am not donating enough, that I am investing my time and energy into irrelevant stuff... Not that I always agree with whatever comes up in my mind, but these thoughts do often cross it. And shame is even weirder. I feel shame for having fun, when Ukrainians are suffering, shame for not having fun and being sad, while everyone around me here is happy. I don't like bringing people down. But I also have no choice, because I am Ukrainian and I carry in me the pain of what my nation is being subjected to.

I have hit an emotional bottom several times in the past year and this one was one of them. It's a big challenge to not get sucked in suffering and hatred. I have seen so many people slip into that pattern, and to me that means losing in this war against evil. I might be angry, but I will not hate, I might be hurt, but I will not suffer, I will still choose life, beauty, love, creation, no matter how much destruction and death there is.