ohlordyitsjordie

I gotta just say it out loud or I'll never push myself out of this haze

Added 2025-01-05 21:48:18 +0000 UTC

Hey Girlies (non gendered term of endearment), Hope You're Doin' Alright Out There. I think it's time we have a talk about what's been happing with me and why I've been scarce.

I've been a little burnt out for awhile now, and I think I might need to change up how I have been doing things. Lots been happing in my life I don't have much control over. I've been struggling to get by under a lot of debt, and dealing with an untreated personality disorder with long dissociative episodes. It has been a lot, to say the least. This place, this creative space I made for myself is something I DO have control over, and I need to take steps to making this a happy place for myself again.

Frankly for a long time now, pretty much since I started drawing and posting online I've been paralyzed by anxiety, I've always been afraid of what others would think of me if I let too much of what's in my head out.
This over time has lead me to to take my creative process and turn it into an assembly line, treating my work with a level of personal detachment that has been slowly killing me inside. Afraid to get raw, or personal, or gross, I've been stifling myself like this for so long.

I'm not really sure how to get back to a healthier creative head space, I'm not sure how to make my process sing for me again, I don't really know what I'm doing... but I never have and that hasn't stopped me yet.

I'm not sure how things are gonna be different yet, but I know they need to be.

I guess this is my way of apologizing for things being so slow, but also my way of promising that I'm putting in the effort to fix it. Because I want to, because I need to make things from the soul again.

Thank you so much for all you're support, you all make me feel like the luckiest girl-thing on earth, and please bare with me while I try to untangle this knot I've found myself in.