Toxic Attraction: Chapter 23 Alpha Draft
Added 2024-10-18 18:10:55 +0000 UTCHey folks, the alpha draft of Chapter 23 is her
Comments
I very much felt Sarah was telling Dan what he wanted to hear, though I still don't believe she loves Lester emotionally. She may show that in future chapters, if it's true, but I haven't felt it so far.
MV
2024-10-23 21:12:37 +0000 UTCCould it be the fucking a stranger in a hotel room that Lester suggested is it? It’s a pretty big step!!
Royston smith
2024-10-23 19:44:50 +0000 UTCI agree MV. I have always thought TA was different, and would be disappointed if we end up with a cliched ending. TBH there is no logical reason why we should. Lester has his weaknesses and Dan and Sarah do have a strong marriage with a loving core to it, so who knows.
Royston smith
2024-10-23 19:40:17 +0000 UTCSo JL, on what underlying mathematical assumptions do you base your predictions on? Bayes theorem? Something else?
Royston smith
2024-10-23 19:36:13 +0000 UTCOverall I liked this chapter. Some good build up scenes with a big sex climax scene at the end. It suffers due to comparison with ch22, but that is inevitable, as that chapter was probably amongst the top 3 chapters of the series and was meant to be the finale of arc 2. My ideas for improvement:- The Sarah Dan scene was good when it warmed up, but was at first very cliched repeating a lot of the tropes from previous chapters. Too much “processing” going on and “switches being flipped in the head” and “loss of control”. Perhaps revamp the opening to this scene. However, once Dan started probing Sarah for information on how she felt, it livened up and answered a few questions we all had. Especially the “I love you” one; although I, personally, thought her answer was too glib and she was hiding her true emotions. But then the writer’s skill is to make you think that without telling you. Loved the Marcus and Byron and Lester and Richard scenes as I have written elsewhere. Don’t think they can be improved. The Dan/Lester scene was good too. I did think, though, that it would be good to have a proper answer from Lester on Dan’s challenge about Jesse as the scene ends. Or at least a good lie/excuse. Also, I think Dan needs to be a tad more aggressive on the point with Lester. So, finally, the sex scene. It was good. Especially the Otis bit and Sarah bending over the hood and asking to be fucked. I agree with others on here that Otis should have had a bit more “attention” from Sarah. If she can suck Vernon off I think she would do the same or at least a hand job, for Otis. Yes I know she knows him, but I think she was so far gone at the end she would have taken it in her stride. Otis actually asked for it and she even looked at Lester for approval, signalling her willingness. If he had said yes instead of no she would have done it. Nuff said.
Royston smith
2024-10-23 19:31:34 +0000 UTCSo, basic errors feedback first:- 1. Elevate engagement not entertainment? In previous chapters’ Bill’s company was called elevate engagement. 2. Richard calls Lester “ Mr Matthews”, instead of “Mr Marshall”, in the scene between them.
Royston smith
2024-10-23 18:51:11 +0000 UTCTake some solace MV. Like I prefaced in my comments, all models are wrong. TC seems more unpredictable than DL and since TC and TA have generally the same storyline the ending is unknown. Let’s just hope there is one eventually!
J Lewis
2024-10-23 18:48:55 +0000 UTCThis is my 'fear'. I don't want a bad ending for Dan and Sarah's marriage, although it will obviously be changed. I'm hoping Don will write a story that doesn't go the way of all of his others. Gets a bit samey to me, personally. I probably won't hang around here if it does. Don is a brilliant writer, but I don't want every story I read to end in misery and destruction, however good the sex is.
MV
2024-10-23 18:29:05 +0000 UTCMy hypothesis for how TA will end can be predicted based on the upcoming conclusions to DL (this month) and TC (Jan/Feb). First a little background, prior to retirement I worked years in the mathematical modeling field. We would build a model of a process, be it manufacturing, human decision point, inventory, airline crews etc. identifying the key variables in the model and tweaking them so you can predict future outcomes with some reasonable % of assurance. As a warning though: All models are wrong but some are useful. Ok with all that out of the way…in 1)DL I forecast Courtney going to work for the TLG under Archer and becoming a worker with benefits. She becomes a cheating wife. Harry has no leg to stand on since he knew she was fucking Archer so he cannot get upset at what happened in Ch4. I have a little less confidence in my TC forecast…more variables but I forecast Brooke leaving/divorce Mark and moving in/marry Saul as they raise their child. Again because of the drugging of Mark, the deception in conceiving, and the manipulation of text messaging, I’m not as confident in this outcome. But based on these two forecasts my TA hypothesis is the bad guy wins…Lester. This is all in fun remember.
J Lewis
2024-10-23 16:56:16 +0000 UTCShe says 'I love you' to him, sometimes in the heat of sexual abandon, sometimes because Dan is listening, but we've had no confirmation that she really *feels* love, not just says it to get a better fucking. All that I know about her feelings is her thoughts on how sad she feels about how the hospital has changed. I may have missed some parts in my rush to get to the next sex scene, but for someone at the centre of such a twisted sex game (someone with two little girls and a responsible job to think about), I don't think we've heard enough about her weighing things up. Since I discovered that Lit's app is editing chapters, it's possible that I've missed her doing this, but it hasn't felt like it. We don't know what's coming next; Pregnancy (and all the chaos that will entail), separation from Dan, moving in with Lester, etc, etc, but there's no way we can navigate all of that without knowing Sarah's thoughts, how she rationalises things, etc. Just my opinion. Going back to your point, I *do* think that this chapter was the calm before the storm. I expect the chapters to get darker from now-on. Perhaps that was why Don put in the couple having 'the talk', to throw in a bit of 'reassurance' to Dan before the shit hits the fan in the next chapter, and undermines everything she said?
MV
2024-10-22 09:51:34 +0000 UTCI think this will be the big thing for the next chapter. As in Sarah does something so significant as to affirm her tryst with Lester. Her saying she loves Lester in front of Otis is one aspect, but I think something more significant will occur. We had the wedding scenario, pregnancy scenario and the l bomb scenario all key tropes of the genre of story...not really sure where you go from here though.
Bob James
2024-10-22 08:00:30 +0000 UTCThe problem is that we *don't* really know what Sarah thinks/feels. We've seen very little of her inner monologue. We see her thoughts and sadness about the hospital, and job changes there, but that's it. In her discussion with Dan, she *says* the right things, but is she lying to Dan about it being only sex talk, and telling the truth to Lester about loving him? We don't actually know, because we haven't heard what's going through her mind. She's lying to one of them. If we're in the final arc of this story, and it's going to get heavy and emotional (threatening Sarah and Dan's marriage, etc), there's no way she wouldn't have thousands of thoughts and concerns going through her head. We need to hear them. I don't think it's enough for us to only go on her words.
MV
2024-10-22 07:15:28 +0000 UTCI liked this chapter, it was a fun old time! I think some more time spent on the Lester/sarah/otis scene would iimprove it, but it is already a solid scene. I enjoyed learning a tiny but more about Lincoln Groups frankly evil plans. I'm hoping that occurs iin a future story, as it would be a lot to add this late in the day. By Knowing this, I wonder anew if it will affect the ending of this or other series... This is not something to happen in this issue, but i still see people assuming Sarah is still just in lust with Sarah. If it is instead actually a form of Iove, this needs to be made very clear as we progress. For me, it could be as simple as Sarah integrating Lester into her life. Obviously, not the kids etc. But just have her think about him more. Actively plan to meet him (even when they are geographically separated). Sexting, messaging, calling, as well as how she is around him. Holding hands on dates would be fun too. In addition, having a Sarah masterbation scene towards the start might be fun? Introducing a burst of hotness towards the begining. It would also be a useful vehicle for a little more inner monologue, aiding one of the chapters main themes? I really liked how you were able to demonstrate Sarah's internal struggle without disrupting the flow, by having her demand penetrative sex with Lester. Nicely done! So, yes, unless things shift dramatically before the full release, there is lots of details to mull over!
YouTensil
2024-10-21 15:39:31 +0000 UTCInteresting snippet of the dialogue between Dan and Sarah… “Hey!” Sarah said slapping him playfully on the arm. “I’m not a slut. Maybe I can act a little sluty sometimes but you put us on this path mister.” “You’re enjoying yourself just as much as I am,” Dan said. “Maybe more,” Sarah said, “You’re still wrapped up in angst and guilt.” Seems Sarah isn’t regretting hooking up with Lester. She is saying this in the moment without Lester’s cock in her.
J Lewis
2024-10-21 12:46:34 +0000 UTCI'm hoping with the full release we can get more of Sarah and Lester texting each other. I think those scenes are always the hottest in other stories, and the few time's it's popped up in this one it's always been great. Also the cognitive restructuring project and reference to everything changing since Minnesota is a potentially interesting fold, but it will definitely change where I categorize this story in my mind if it ends up being there's some sort of subliminal brainwashing thing going on in the background.
HyoominGarbij
2024-10-20 19:56:34 +0000 UTCI was thinking about this, noting DS needs to satisfy a multitude of outcomes from the readerahip...maybe there can be a setup, not in this chapter, whereby Sarah is made to fuck Jessie but refuses for him to cum in her. She replies she can't 'as she is ovulating and wants her lover to impregnate her...' I do think some of the dirty talk can be enhanced but more pronounced declarations of getting pregnant.
Bob James
2024-10-20 06:17:11 +0000 UTC"Lester used Jesse's workstation as a relay for his attack on the Lincoln Group's network." "Using Jesse’s computer as a relay had been one barrier to insulating himself. The best they probably could have done is track him to it. Lester still had access to Jesse’s company network and decided to clear his trail. He uploaded his Bad Rabbit malware to it and locked them out. He was still shaken by how quickly countermeasures were put in place by his hack. " TLG probably already tracked it through Jesse and were searching for the next node. When they interrogate Jesse for his contacts he'll certainly list Lester.
Sigma
2024-10-20 03:20:52 +0000 UTCDon Silver should conduct a poll 😁
J Lewis
2024-10-19 22:39:21 +0000 UTCJesse wouldn't automatically know Lester was involved, would he? Peter and that shadowy group would be the people he gives up first (which will put him in great danger). The Lincoln group might also just assume Jesse was the conduit of the attack, because he was the only one with any access. and not thinking he had any particular involvement in it (but, he is their only lead). Does Jesse understand Lesters skill set? Or does he just see him as Dan's roommate, who just wants to bag Sarah, same as him? Either way, the situation does leave Lester exceptionally exposed. It would only take Jesse and or Dan putting two and two together, and he is cooked. His only option then would be to disappear (if he has the chance).
YouTensil
2024-10-19 20:46:41 +0000 UTCYou could well be right. I kind of understood it as there are almost becoming two Sarah's. One is romanticly in love with Dan. The other has a depraved love for Lester. I see it as being more than lust, which was where we have been up until this point. I'll be intrested to see how Don articulates these differences in the future.
YouTensil
2024-10-19 20:30:54 +0000 UTCI hope the surprise third in the hotel is Jessie. As some others have mentioned, I think Lester will use Jessie as an intro to get Sarah more comfortable with humiliating someone in the room while Lester fucks her.
Jake
2024-10-19 18:32:40 +0000 UTCAnother random thought before a fuller feedback post. Is it just me or does anyone else kind of admire Lester and his Machiavellian mind? Just loved the scene where he is pretending to fawn to Richard in order to keep his position at the hospital. I think Lester missed his vocation as an actor. It is also exquisite how he intends to install Sarah as his “assistant”, knowing full well Richard will like the idea, and will present it to Sarah as his own power play over her. Lester is shaping up as one of the best anti-heroes out there in my opinion. Edmund Blackadder would have been proud to call him his son.
Royston smith
2024-10-19 18:03:42 +0000 UTCAt first I was thinking along Jesse lines Rob, but then I thought about it. Jesse rejected Lester for Byron as his way to get to Lester. Lester was furious and vowed revenge, so can’t see him going back to him. Also, Lester may well have extracted his revenge on Jesse by hacking his company and installing Bad Rabbit. Surely he will be blamed for the hack, as Byron was by his company, and get the push. Ergo, Lester “burns him to the ground”, as he said he would.
Royston smith
2024-10-19 17:34:28 +0000 UTCAgreed that it could definitely be someone new but I think a scenario like this could put a bow on the Jessie arc. He is weak and something like I wrote could help prove to him that he isn’t man enough for Sarah/that he really is just her cuck wannabe.
Robert Smith
2024-10-19 13:40:10 +0000 UTCI'm not sure. It feels like Don might bring new characters in, like Marcus, to add a different dynamic to the story, keep it fresh? But I could be wrong.
MV
2024-10-19 13:35:38 +0000 UTCI’m thinking it is going to be Jesse fucking Sarah next as the surprise in Chicago. The twist might be that Lester uses it as a chance to humiliate/cuck Jessie: -Jessie has a hard time getting it up in front of Lester, and then nuts in three seconds into a condom. -Sarah mocks Jessie and Lester reminds him he has it recorded. -Lester proceeds to make Jessie watch as he fucks the shit out of Sarah -Jessie cums again from jerking off watching them
Robert Smith
2024-10-19 13:30:06 +0000 UTCI am going to post a more extensive feedback analysis, but just wanted to get one point out there. I just loved the Byron/Marcus scene! Byron gets his come uppance, from someone who is his mirror image but more disciplined and focused. The irony of it! It encapsulated the dog eat dog world of American capitalism, both its strength and its weakness, so well. Also an excellently written scene, with big consequences for the story. Byron has to close down his Sarah/Dan side operation, which gives Dan a welcome reprieve, and gets Byron off Sarah’s back(literally). This pleased me no end. Well done Marcus!
Royston smith
2024-10-19 13:17:39 +0000 UTCGood point Sig. 👍
Royston smith
2024-10-19 12:56:44 +0000 UTCSo the story is coming down to basically “love v lust” as Lester basically explained to Sarah. This confrontation should give the anti-Lester readers hope.
J Lewis
2024-10-19 12:52:53 +0000 UTCThe blowjob in the car at work is a combination of Chapters 12/15/17…been there done that. Just replace Cash from Ch15 with Otis. But yes, her professional appearance at work has been compromised. Interesting to see how Lester deals with Otis in the following chapter(s).
J Lewis
2024-10-19 12:49:03 +0000 UTCI think a new defense for divorce attorneys across America will be the phenomena called “sex talk”
J Lewis
2024-10-19 12:30:06 +0000 UTCNot forgetting that Lester's going to fuck her all night afterwards.
MV
2024-10-19 10:42:46 +0000 UTCLooking forward to seeing Sarah putting on a show for Lester and seeing the differences between that and her putting on a show for Dan
ojapa O
2024-10-19 05:58:22 +0000 UTCWell Lester really put himself at risk with that hack. Yeah, he backed out and wiped everything but the loose end is Jesse, the link between him and TLG. TLG is nasty. They're not gonna just let the hack go especially when they find out Jesse's company's servers were extensively wiped. They'll know its someone really bad that attacked them. They'll get to Jesse, and he's not strong enough to resist interrogation.
Sigma
2024-10-18 23:13:19 +0000 UTCI still believe Sarah is in charge and will only do what she wants to do. She loves only Dan and will not be forced to do anything she doesn’t want. She’s enjoying the sex but will not stop fucking Dan and will not make him ware a condom. She will fuck who ever Lester tells her to because she wants to be controlled sexually, it turns her on.
Mel
2024-10-18 23:07:10 +0000 UTCI would think after Chapter 22, it would make more sense and advance Sarah’s corruption further if as she crawls in the backseat she sees Dan’s response about meeting Lester and he text, “No” but she ignores.
J Lewis
2024-10-18 22:39:56 +0000 UTCI would have liked it if Lester got her to suck Otis off, personally. I thought it was good that this chapter addressed some of our talking points about Dan and Sarah having at least a bit of a proper talk about stuff. It feels like some of the possible candidates to fuck Sarah (Richard, Byron again) are being maybe sidelined and she really will only be fucking guys Lester decides? Personally, I think that's a shame, but so be it. We had quite a long section about Sarah's internal thinking about her job, the sorrow over how things had changed at the hospital, etc, but still no internal thoughts about the situation with her, Dan and Lester. Something which could destroy her marriage and her little family, we still don't know her *real* thoughts on. I have to conclude that Don is doing that intentionally for a reason. Overall, I liked this chapter. It was lower on sex, but it put some issues in a clearer light.
MV
2024-10-18 22:36:44 +0000 UTCSeems Sarah is hypnotized by Lester…See cock fuck cock.
J Lewis
2024-10-18 22:36:36 +0000 UTCI think this is spot on, I get the sense this is a scene setter for something else. Perhaps other ideas include..sex with Dan where we are privy to her internal monologue suggesting she is thinking of Lester, perhaps faultering in saying I love you to Dan or even initially pronouncing lesters name. Perhaps the addition of her removing her wedding band before they meet for their tryst and more intimate dirty, such as here considering recording but then deciding not to....any way enjoying the content.
Bob James
2024-10-18 22:34:07 +0000 UTCI’m sorry to complain here but Don has treated to 2 or 3 sex scenes per chapter and now I’m let down when we only get one! Could we add a second sex scene at the beginning a la the video recap? Maybe Dan doesn’t know but Sarah did fuck Lester again after the last chapter’s final scene and we get to hear about it while Lester is watching the recording. She snuck into his room for one last quickie but returned to Dan’s bed on Lester’s urging - to keep it a secret from Dan.
Robert Smith
2024-10-18 21:34:48 +0000 UTCAgreed! I was hoping after Lester’s mention of destroying her precautions in the opening that he would bring it up with her during the sex scene along with making her say I love you again. Something like “I’ve been cumming inside you for months - when are you going to give me that baby boy that you want”
Robert Smith
2024-10-18 21:30:15 +0000 UTCFirst of all, I have to say that after the events of chapter 22, the chapter feels a bit like a gap filler for the next big moment. In addition, the chapter almost seems a little short compared to the last ones. Nevertheless, I liked the chapter. I liked how Lester thinks about when Sarah will finally get pregnant at the beginning - another moment that I'm eagerly waiting for. I sincerely hope that at some point it doesn't say that she's taking some form of contraception...the sex scene was hot, even if it was almost a little too slutty for my taste, Sarah, who doesn't seem to be thinking about anything in the rush of her lust....the fact that Lester told her to keep shouting "I love you" was also hot, maybe Sarah will believe it herself soon. I'm honestly excited about chapter 24 and who the unknown man is - just one small request, let Sarah go to this date nice and sloppy with stockings and fuck-me high heels...
JPaxx
2024-10-18 19:51:28 +0000 UTC
