[Insiders] Toxic Attraction: Chapter 20 Alpha Draft

Yeah , I think she needs a control of her self . Lester trying to get her pregnant was too far. Non offence too the other male characters. But adding more male characters going to against the story line, she and dan can get rid of Lester and live happily ever after ( cause I don’t think she in love with Lester , manipulating the power of lust of her head. Doesn’t mean its love )

Birgitta Gaye

Such a good analysis SD.

Royston smith

A very intresting and thought provoking reply, thanks!

YouTensil

Yeah, Rapture from Bioshock. Awesome to hear you're a fan. All the secrecy that Byron is utilizing reminded me of Andrew Ryan and how he went about building his city. Byron's project will probably turn out the same as Rapture.

Xehanort

Similar to you, I think it'd go badly. The way Don Silver has written Sarah, to date, is that she's exceptionally beautiful and knows it. And as a result, irrespective of how she treats Dan, she has a certain air of arrogance to her. In part driven by the fact that she's beautiful, she exhibits signs that she thinks she's not taken seriously because of it, but at the same time she knows she can manipulate her way to get things ordinarily unavailable to most others. First example is how she tells Lester she could go anywhere and get a guy to fuck her. She doesn't say it as if it's a boast, she says it as if it's a fact. Because of that attitude, it means she has a sense of control over most situations. Deep down, she will exploit certain circumstances for her own benefit. Everyone's looking at this story as if Lester is taking control over her, but it's actually less Lester taking over and more Sarah letting Lester have some perceived control. She talks about using Lester's cock to satisfy her, masturbating herself with it. Basically, Sarah is in some respects a dominant personality herself. She voluntarily "submits" to Dan, to maintain a status quo. Realistically to make the relationship work, allowing her feelings of love and affection for Dan make her cede control in the relationship so they're an equal pairing. However, it doesn't mean she gives up control of everything. This is evidenced how she seeks her own pleasure even at the expense of Dan. She knows Dan is struggling intrinsically but continues to satisfy her own needs above his. Especially when she's harbouring some anger towards him. She was written to be petulant to Dan with him going off on a trip without consulting her, but in an equal relationship it'd be tempered by the revelation about how Dan is perceiving himself and the resulting concern she should have. But she cracks it, invites Lester over and gets fucked silly. She's weak in the moment when Lester gets his hands on her, but ultimately, it's for her own pleasure. Lester's pleasure doesnt matter that much to her. It's really about herself. So thats the context. Put Dan in the room with an equally beautiful woman, and Sarah will crack it because 1) she'll feel insecure and 2) she'll lose some control over Dan. She doesn't want that, so she will react badly to the suggestion. Her personality means she needs to be in charge. Honestly, the way Don Silver has written this story to date, there's a 3rd option to the ending. Everyone assumes it's a case of either Lester wins, or Dan/Sarah win. The alternate option is that Sarah wins and Lester/Dan, at best, draw. At worst, they both lose in some way. There's a lot more nuance behind this thinking, but fundamentally Sarah would be jealous, angry, and upset if Dan were to have any woman sniffing around him. Her response would have the elements of fear underpinning it, because of possibly losing Dan, but also possibly losing control of the situation.

SierraDelta

May be a bit delusional????🤣🤣🤣

Fuzzy Shark

I wrote this at end chapter 19..belongs here..20 alpha not Don's writing..2 main reasons..at end of 19..L walking up stairs to sound of shower not tub...during major sex scene L lays ground work on taken S anal cherry..once on the marital bed this would have happened with no Dto interfere...Maybe round 2 but if D still in Chicago do to emergency phone call L has major victory making D job harder..Don set this up...The ghostwriter missed it completely

Mike Kogel

Great idea. I have been toying with something similar as I mull the feedback over.

DonSilver

Lester may be a bit delusional in his own capacity and his psyche needs to justify and protect himself from his humiliation.

DonSilver

Hmm now that is an interesting idea.

DonSilver

It was all me my friend. I'm going back through the chapter and looking it over. With all these comments in mind.

DonSilver

As in Bioshock Rapture? I did enjoy those games.

DonSilver

Interesting....

DonSilver

It's probably a bit late I the day to have ideas that might help the rebalanced the chapter. Nevertheless, in order to spread out the hot scenes i had a slightly quirky option. The start of the chapter plays out as it originally did other than Dan arrives a couple of hours later. There he finds the two at it and the rest of the scene plays out as before. The difference being we have a gap in our knowledge as a reader as to exactly what happened. Then, at the end, instead of playing the video, he replays the events that we missed. Perhaps there could be a fun little detail that he enjoys recalling as he cums? Just a thought I had.

YouTensil

I think it would be fun if Lester hired a prostitute to parade around Sarah as his potential "new girlfriend". Lesters date night is a double date with Sarah and Dan (they take it as an olive branch). However the hooker is told to show more interest in Dan. So Sarah secretly starts out jealous of the hooker with Lester, but then Sarah gets mad that she is showing more interest in Dan. Dan is weirded out and doesnt reciprocate anything. But when the trio get back to the apartment Sarah comforts Lester because it was so blatant the hooker lost interest in him when she saw Dan. Sarah fucks Lesters brains out to punish Dan in a way for ruining Lesters chances

tim

Very good question! My guess is that would not go down well at all. If she didn't agree to it before hand, I feel she would treat it as an outright betrayal, that was totally different from what she did/does with Lester. Now, whether we as readers would agree with that is a nother thing! After the shift in status quo that occurs in this chapter it feels even harder to be sure. If it occurred at a hypothetical point when Sarah was more emotionally attached to Lester (saying she loved him etc.), I can imagine her selfishly using that as another reason why her's and Dan's actions would not be the same. Dan would just be cheating, whilst Sarah's is more meaningful. How about you? How would you see it playing out?

YouTensil

I've a random question for you all, how does Sarah react if Dan fucks another woman?

SierraDelta

So, this is my final post before the definitive chapter comes out. There is only so much you can say! Some of you may remember from previous posts that I am a great advocate of the 2cock/gang bang/Sarah getting further corrupted in a carpark with a stranger , etc etc, scenarios. I am even more that way inclined now, as we have basically had the same sex scene (Lester/Sarah) for 4 chapters now, without any outside involvement. Yes, they have all been slightly different, and unquestionably hot, but nevertheless quite similar. It really is time we moved on to something different. That is why I am glad my prediction in some analysis i posted on 16/06 has come true. In that post I predicted Peter’s mysterious company he wanted Dan/Jesse to spy on was the Lincoln group and that Byron and Jesse would hookup to blackmail Dan to obtain his Wife’s body. This is the only prediction I have made that has been accurate so I am well proud of it. I am also happy that it may mean we move away from the beginning to be boring Lester fucks Sarah yet again scenario and can move to something more spicy and out there. Certainly hope so.

Royston smith

I left room for Sara to have a couple of relapses with Lester , most likely drug induced when he has been put in time out and he is at the hospital with her. He will be mad being sidelined and the evil side comes out where her punishes and shares her while judgement has been impaired and still has the subconscious attraction to Lester. He will want to tape it and show it to Dan to divide and conquer . Her bodies desire will win out a couple of times when Dan is not around....just guessing

Fuzzy Shark

You might be right about Lester's power hacing peaked. I hope not, as he didn't get to achieve many things that were hinted at. But, we shall see.

YouTensil

Time will tell. Dan did defeat his demons in the moment I will grant you that but beware Sarah. While Dan was ready to move on from Lester, she wanted to revel in it for a little more. All I know is it’s anyone’s guess where CH 21 goes

J Lewis

I would disagree, it was a big win for Dan. Being able to work thru the kink and overcome it in the enviorment was huge. Should get easier after the first time. D and S getting back on same page and Sara being able to have her Rock to ground her is also a significant development. The blackmail is sure to come soon and Sara is going to get a front row seat to Lester's evil side. I think the Lester relationship has peaked and will go in the opposite direction going forward with maybe a couple of reluctant relapses on her part.

Fuzzy Shark

Yes, I don't think this is a substantial win for Dan. He knocked Lester down a peg, showed him Sarah is still his wife. But, Lester is not out of this. Though, both have new threats that could impact both of their relationships with Sarah.

YouTensil

Only Mr. Silver knows

J Lewis

Is the cost what Sarah has become or is the cost what Lester's revenge will be. Is the Pyrrhic victory permanent or temporary?

Fuzzy Shark

More I think about it…Dan may have achieved a Pyrrhic victory over Lester in Chapter 20.

J Lewis

Yeaaaa for Dan!!!! About damn time. I hope the realization by Dan and Sarah that they are out of control and need to seperate from Lester ( how can anyone root for a guy who wants to "take the two brats out of the equation ") starts the journey where they get back on the same page. Also hoping the Take charge Sara uses her charms to dictate terms to everyone who wants a piece of her while still fulfilling her and dans fantasy while they stay together.

Fuzzy Shark

Ah good, thank you for that. I was worried I was going mad or my reading comprehension had been getting worse.

SierraDelta

You’re spot on - I noticed the same thing regarding the continuity error

Mr Shuttlesworth

Just checking something, is it me or is there a continuity error in the conversation between Sarah and Dan? When Dan recounts the various encounters Sarah had, he references the blowjob, yet I seem to be unable to find where Sarah admits to it. Can someone check that for me? Its a draft, but its probably an oversight. Separately, from a purely hormonal perspective (men or women), if Lester and Sarah are busy fucking, then Dan comes in and introduces a fear response in either or both of them, their arousal will likely go out the window faster than Dan's self respect every time he sees Lester fucking Sarah. The cortisol and adrenaline release would immediately wipe out any arousal and immediately put the body into fight or flight, along with the subsequent change of where blood is being sent - blood pressure goes up, heart rate goes up, brain starts firing up because of the massive hormone flooding the blood stream to contend with the threat. This is important, because it breaks the entire scene where Dan pulls Lester off Sarah, gets rid of him, then Dan goes back and fucks Sarah to orgasm. Unless Sarah's hormones are all sorts of fucked up (or she's drugged), she wouldnt be aroused and thus wouldnt orgasm. To that end, I'd suggest the scene possibly has to change. Probably either Lester making Sarah cum in front of Dan, Lester and Sarah both orgasming together again in front of Dan, or Sarah not orgasming at all and Dan "reclaiming" her after their talk. After Dan's actions, neither Sarah or Lester should be aroused - their bodies would have switched modes. Arousal response after she calmed down would be low, so Dan would need to build her up again. As I type this, I suppose alcohol would be the easy fix here. It depresses the fight or flight response, greatly inhibits reaction times, would keep sexual arousal high initially - I think it could be used for the "throwing Lester out and coming back to fuck Sarah" scene. But, also this probably only affects me and maybe a handful of others. I've mentioned before that I'm learning to write, and one of my "test" stories I've been writing (non-sexual, but I wanted to see how my own writing would work for a fight or flight type scene) required a bit of research about hormonal response and how it affects the body and mind. So that scene between Sarah and Dan had been bugging me because it broke my own suspension of disbelief. I'm probably overthinking things. [edit] Also, something I pondered, whenever Lester talks dirty when fucking Sarah, why doesnt he ask her "Do you want me to reverse the snip?" to try and make it more real for her. That would fit well with his psychological manipulations.

SierraDelta

Its delusion. Lester then goes to Dan's door and punches it. He sees that he didnt leave a dent or mark of any kind, and his hand hurts like hell.

tim

Especially knowing how Lester can be and having walked in on the breeding kink sex talk about Lester’s baby boy….

Robert Smith

Lester couldn’t find her birth control before when he looked. I agree that Dan would have more questions about her protection plan with him being snipped and her not taking birth control (or not telling Dan about it). There’s no way a snipped husband would let that one go.

Robert Smith

I am not familiar with Discord tbh. Every time I have tried to get on there red lights flash and computer says no. They obviously think I am a troublemaker. I, also, am not a pregnancy fan as I feel it sounds a death knell for the story as it narrows options so much. Speaking of which, I was really glad to see that Sarah is “taking precautions”. We have all suspected she may be and here was the proof in this chapter. However, I think just a passing reference to it wasn’t enough. Dan barely registers it. You would think he would question her a bit more on this.

Royston smith

Royston those are great ideas. I know the Discord comments resent the blackmail opportunities, but I think Don has been satisfying a lot of different kinks for the various reader personalities. For example 'm not a big impregnation fan at all but there was a lot of clamoring for it. Well, they should be quite satisfied by now. I'm more of a CNC or blackmail guy as it plays into the unwillingness but simultaneous enjoyment of being controlled. And what I like about this new arc that's beginning is that it is the result of a lot of activity over 19 chapters that has made every one of the characters vulnerable. Obviously Sarah and Dan are vulnerable economically, in their career, in their reputation among family. Lester has made some tactical errors that could leave him exposed and there are other players (e.g. Sentinel, Cronos, 3-letter org) that may outplay him. Jesse is, well, Jesse. Byron and TLG play aggressively in many areas but that also leaves them exposed on many fronts. Drew's already been caught; Thornhill's misogyny is always risky. So many times those who think they have the upper hand get outplayed by their arrogance and hubris. So everyone is vulnerable, and blackmail plays right into that.

Sigma

My third idea for a hot finale scene would involve Otis. He has obviously heard her and Lester going at it in her office, seen the smudge on the window, cleaned it off and decided he wants a piece of the action. He could send her a note asking her to come down to his “office” as he needs to talk to her. When she gets there he could threaten her with blackmail. She would have to listen as she could lose her job if he could prove her impropriety. However, she says how can you prove it it’s your word against mine. It’s then that he drops his pants and her mouth drops open….

Royston smith

I like your suggestion of shorter skirts, undoing buttons on her blouse etc. Sigma. Excellent stuff. My reason for including the Drew/blackmail scenario is Sarah could just threaten him with a HR violation if he did that, but if he has the leverage of letting her know he is aware of her indiscretion involving Drew she could not really go down that route. True, she needs the job, but I doubt she would comply easily, especially after the row she has just had with Dan. Whichever way it’s done it would be a hot scene to end the chapter on.

Royston smith

My suggestion for an edit relates to Thornhill's misogynistic treatment of Sarah. He looks at her as more of a cheap secretary rather than an professional assistant who basically has run the hospital the last few months, telling her to go fetch coffee for everyone. But when she comes back, he could have asked her to pour him a coffee. I think this is a different form of degradation of Sarah, which perhaps, perhaps, may prick her kinks? Given her desperate financial need to keep this job, plus a poor economy and limited jobs in the local market, she has very little negotiating leverage. One other suggestion for maybe this chapter or next, is to have a scene similar to that in the movie Bombshell where Roger Ailes instructs Kayla to raise up her skirt. In like manner, Thornhill could bring Sarah in to his private office and ask her "what the hell is your problem," putting her on the spot to defend herself then threatening to replace her where she has to beg to stay. Then, he can tell her she has to make changes and does the skirt-raising thing and instructing her on how she has to wear shorter skirts. Maybe even telling her to open up a few more buttons on her blouse and only wear heals from now on and no more pumps.

Sigma

Ok, another idea I have for a 2nd sex scene at the end if the chapter concerns the new CEO, Richard Thornhill, or as I prefer to call him, “sleazeball”. One thing that people taking up a new position often do is check in with their predecessor., in this case Drew. If he were to do that they may discuss Sarah and Drew may mention her indiscretion when he walked in on her half naked as part of a one if the boys discussion of her desirability. This may provide Thornhill with blackmail ammunition he could use against Sarah. He is obviously only interested in her body not her mind, from the Lion/Gazelle simile Don uses, so an attempt to compromise her sexually using this information would fit perfectly. It would also shift the emphasis away from the Sarah/Lester sex scenes which have been getting a bit samey recently.

Royston smith

If Lester is fat and has bad cardio, and Dan is fit, then the real world answer is no. And honestly, I think Lester in that instance should be saying that like a petulant delusional child might say something similar, so that he doesnt become a superhuman evil arch nemesis. In this regard, Lester's body being "weak" would also help justify him bullying Ned, since Lester is fundamentally a bully. And if its based in body image, amongst other things, then it'd help with character background.

SierraDelta

Ok, so one other minor flaw for me is the following passage. Lester is going over in his mind how he was humiliated by Dan and then this: “If Sarah hadn’t been there, Lester would have crushed Dan. Beat him to a pulp but then she would have cowered over him. He wished he could go back change how things had happened”. So this needs explaining a bit more and developing. At the moment it hangs there and just annoys. Is Lester actually stronger/tougher than we believe.? How, when Dan is taller and stronger does he think he can do this? Is Lester deluding himself or is there something we don’t know.? There are passages which talk about Lester’s surprising strength, for example when he pushes Sarah up against her Office window, but our general impression of Lester is that he is fat, unfit and unhealthy and wouldn’t have a prayer against Dan. Also, what does it mean to say “she would have cowered over him”? Cowered over who? Dan? Surely, Lester wouldn’t worry about that. He would feel vindicated in his battle to win Sarah. He also says he wishes he could have gone back and changed things, which directly contradicts the sentence I have just quoted. Perhaps Don has dropped it in to deliberately perplex. Tbh honest its a similar stand out puzzle like Jesse getting a prestige directorship at a big thriving firm. We just scratch our head and wonder how a grade A incompetent like him has got such a job.

Royston smith

Ok...after reading comments..and the alpha draft again..I don't see Don writing this chapter.to me to rushe.disjointed...still feels to me Don took a pass here..hope there's a complete rewrite when final is posted...from what was done between Sarah and Lester in 19..and what happens in 20...it just feels like 2 different writers

Mike Kogel

I agree with the sentiment that Sarah could not cum w/Dan. She had to finish herself what Lester started after Dan left the bedroom.

J Lewis

Further thought. Lester needs to get revenge over Dan, as he did in 15 at the night club. I cant see him waiting until the next chapter. After all the level of violence against him shown by Dan exceeded that shown in 15. Therefore, I think the sex scene that is missing at the end (see previous post) should be Lester getting his revenge on Dan. He should return to Middleton to work at the hospital for the day, disable Sarah’s car (it isn’t difficult if you know how) and then offer her a lift home, reintroducing the charming Lester to persuade her. Then, as he is banned from the home, drive to the same car park Dan took her to in 17, where the stranger turned up. I am sure Sarah could tell Lester about this encounter in the sex conversation whilst he is fucking her before Dan gets home. Then the same guy would see her with Lester rather than Dan and Lester could let him in the car. Nuff said!

Royston smith

Some doors don't automatically latch when closed. Maybe then she would need to then ensure it's locked (which she did but later is not certain of)? I also would have preferred Lester had been honest, but it would have created more complexity with Dan, which Don wanted to begin to resolve.

YouTensil

It looks like i correctly guessed how a couple of elements of the story would play out, and yet, I had no idea how this chapter would progress! It feels like a more sober chapter, intentionally lacking the lust filled haze that drives the others chapters on. As others have said, perhaps a Dan Lester sex scene before they go back to work the next day would help ballance things? It can reflect the difficulties of their situation. A desire to rekindling intimacy, and yet still fraught. Given the nature of the chaptee, we got to learn yet more about the principle and secondary cast. It was interesting to see that Lester's hold over Sarah is not as strong as we had thought. Her honesty with Dan showed how strong the relationship remains. Without his physical presence his power is still limited. Regarding weaknesses in the chapter, I would agree that the timing of Dan's return seems a little too quick. Maybe you could have Dan pass by his office were he sees that the door is open and his office chair is on the ground? But the noises are still coming from the bedroom, hinting at the session that has occurred. The other potential concern is the confluence of blackmailing by Byron (and Jesse) and Lester upping Dan's rent. One of those things (but especially both of them) could make it so that Dan giving up Chicago and moving back to Middleton would be the obvious and smart move. Without that work he would need to go home, but currently the pay is not even covering Dan's rent. If there was a financial (or similar) advantage, actual or promised, that would make the new contract more desirable, that would make Dan's choices harder, not easier. I just feel he needs a new stronger reason to wish to remain in Chicago (especially as his new clients aren't even there). Or maybe just his reasons for staying need to be clearer. Whilst not a favourite chapter, it does a lot to move things forward and has lots to enjoy in it. It does also leave me wondering if Lester has maybe missed his opportunity to make Sarah his own, with a somewhat resurgent Dan as well as new opportunities swooping in to capitalise on the situation.

YouTensil

Really enjoying the set up for future chapters. Agree it feels like set up of a new arc. As others have said the timeline doesn’t make much sense. Dan should walk in on round 2. The moment where Dan watched Sarah speak as if he were there was so hot. I think Lester should push Sarah to say slightly more cruel things toward Dan directly. In the heat of the moment she would do it. The idea proposed above with Lester owning up to making the key and Sarah going through with it anyways is very hot and I think would happen. The way Dan and Sarah reconnected and how they behaved with each other felt very real. Well done with that. Keep it up! I like where things are heading.

Alan

This is a good point. Seems like Dan is way more likely to catch them on round two because of the travel time.

Robert Smith

Miles, you are correct. The earliest I have Dan getting home is around midnight. It says 10.20 in the story, but the latest Sarah would get home from work would be 5pm, then perhaps two hours for the food and blow job, gives us Lester re-entering the house at 7ish. So 3 hours 20 minutes would need to elapse on Don’s time line. I know Lester can last, but surely not that long. Plus it is n’t written like that. Max an hour of fucking before Dan turns up. It definitely needs work.

Royston smith

Ok Don, so I want to deal with the minor plot failings, or at least blemishes, next. First the key. I am sorry but the excuse Lester uses, that the door wasn’t locked doesn’t work. If you go back to ch 19, you wrote that Sarah closes the door by pushing her back against it when Lester leaves. It is a visual image that she would recall. She is emphasising that she wants to make sure Lester is gone and she is alone. Certainly Dan doesn’t believe Lester’s excuse as he changes the locks. Sarah is bright, I just don’t see her falling for “ the door wasn’t locked”. It would be far better for Lester to admit his duplicity with the key. He could spin it as his desire for her was just overwhelming. He had to have access to her whenever he needed release. She would go for this as we know that being wanted so badly is her real turn on. It also plays into her attraction to his dark side.

Royston smith

Sorry Don..This sex scene is all wrong..I can't see this scene in the Williams room as u writing it..to much missed..someone else wrote thischapter..

Mike Kogel

He's at lest 3 hrs away at this point..Don..who wrote this chapter..it sure wasn't.u don't miss those details

Mike Kogel

I don't know about everyone else...but. I feel duped..End of last chapter Dan tried calling home..no answer..after sometime he boards plane in DC...At this point Lester is in the car..then goes back into house...Dan on plane..hasn't taken off..Lester re entering house..if nothing else it should be what 4 hrtime frame before he's back home..now all Sarah and Lester's sex scenes are drawn out..what's happening in ea mind etc..Lester goes from possible shower fuck to bathtubfuck..don't remember bathtub ever mentioned..always shower with bench..neither here nor there..fuck in tub..20 min tops.move to bed for prone fucking..ok..Dan showing up then seeing them on bed wet..soaked...he's at l

Mike Kogel

What a great observation, Royston! I was actually just thinking this morning that a real fleshed out sex scene between Dan and Sarah would be appropriate, after their conversation and in addition the reclaiming quick bang after Dan throws Lester out. I’d rather have another Lester and Sarah scene (maybe at the hospital, behind Dan’s back) but the Dan/Sarah scene could be fun too. Sarah’s internal dialogue could highlight the differences between Lester and Dan, and have her lamenting the lack of sexual fulfillment because of them.

Robert Smith

Okay Don, you wanted feedback so here is my first post dealing with it. I will deal with other aspects in a further post. However, although I may seem critical in this and subsequent posts I am still 100% on board with this story. Still love it. So, I finished this chapter, having enjoyed it, but feeling something was missing. After a while I realised what it was. One major flaw leaves it unbalanced. If we go back 10 chapters to ch 11 and see how the sex scenes stack up, then we find that all but 2 have 2 sex scenes. One (roughly) at the beginning and one at the end. The only chapters that depart from this pattern are 16 and 18 and these have sex scenes at the end, and in both these chapters they are mammoth and enjoyable (nerds/birthday treat) and we do not feel a sense of anti climax. So, this chapter is unbalanced, with just one Sex scene at the beginning, and nothing at the end leaving us unsatisfied, in both senses of the word. I am surprised none else has mentioned this. I would suggest that the ending is changed to give us some sense of fulfilment/climax, even if it doesn’t involve Lester. Sarah could give in and open Lester’s texts, perhaps send him a sex pic of her in some form. There could be a scene between her and Richard where he propositions her or the Otis angle could be developed. Something needs to be added to both balance the chapter and end it on a high.

Royston smith

I think this is the proper end of the second arc. The third arc is now, I guess. I also hope that this doesnt draw out as much. It could be interesting with Byron and Jesse working together. It also might be the mysterious benefactor of Lester's at work, or its a genuine threat. I would love to see this arc have a moment where Dan, Sarah, and Lester have to work together to counter Jesse/Byron and/or other players in the field (Richard might be one). It creates so much more opportunity if that happens. I really do want more psychological content in this - the Sarah/Lester part could have gone a couple of ways. The obvious is the version in the story so far, the other version is Sarah remaining indignant about her treatment and an argument between her and Dan ensues, with her staying with Lester for the weekend or something. Either works, with the latter it just delays the frank discussion they have as noted in the current version. Sarah has fundamentally cheated on Dan, so she might get defensive and dig the hole deeper (i.e. going with Lester to the apartment for the weekend) until she comes to her senses (pun not intended) and has the discussion with Dan. That conversation is worth half a chapter on its own to be honest, though with the latter idea it makes it harder for DonSilver to write a plausible reason for Sarah to go, and then to come back without compromising Lester's apparent hold on her (I dunno, maybe an emergency with the kids brings her back?). It also makes it harder for Dan to forgive Sarah, though one could argue she's pretty hard to forgive right now anyway. With the new story components, if Sarah is passed around too much, the story loses its value from a rich/complex storyline perspective and becomes a basic stroke story. That won't help future growth from a number of readers perspective. So, I think DonSilver will have to carefully consider how this plays out. Of all the stories so far, the universe that has been created is something DonSilver will want to re-use, so the story has to remain interesting, even if other stories (that are written and exist in this universe) fulfil that role. I do worry about the technical aspect to try and make it all work, as it can create too much convolution with the story line. Hopefully it remains a tiny part of the overall story, and not too prominent.

SierraDelta

Thanks for the chapter. Things are really heating up now. As it is I don’t think a Sarah will ever leave Dan or her family for Lester. Lester for some reason correlates Sarah’s sexual desire for Lester as her actual emotions even though that’s not true. That’s a big issue with Lester. He thinks that if he has enough sex with someone then they will give up their life to be with him.

Natural

Sarah is in for a big surprise, Dan is supportive of it and ready

h mon

Great chapter and one that sets things up into the future. For what it's worth, I think that a public preference to Lester will be the ultimate act of cuckolding. Consider a sexual tyrst between Sarah and Lester where Dan and the other secondary characters are watching and ultimately she makes a statement indicating here preference for Lester. For me anyway it's all the subtlty that I think will ultimately hit the hardest.

Bob James

Nice chapter. I feel Lesters arrogance and anger is going to cost him big time, especially with new players (independent of him) getting involved. I'm also getting real Rapture vibes from the Lincoln Group project anybody else?

Xehanort

Well said. It appears another arc is starting.

Sigma

Ugh I forgot. You ever get so wrapped up in the story that you forget some details?

Sigma

I really enjoyed this chapter. Last month I said there wasn't much development. People took umbridge with that remark, presumably because of Sarah’s decent. I argue she descended ages ago and it's questionable whether any recovery is possible (if the author has any intention to move in that direction). This chapter moved forward and demonstrated at least some agency in Dan, less so in Sarah.

Elfy

I saw that - I wonder what the precautions are. I bet she’s just saying something here to make Dan happy. I feel like a real husband would get her to elaborate. Dan knows she’s not on birth control I’m sure

Robert Smith

The pregnancy thing is done, Sarah confirmed this “ I’m not stupid “ was her remark I think. Lester is delusional, she will never leave Da and go with him willingly. This will make him angry. I think now more than ever Dan and Sarah are strong and on the same page, but the blackmail has started and I believe it will come from all directions, Lester, Jesse & Byron, Richard and Otis. Dan and Sarah will unite and submit to each others blackmailer’s, while they search desperately for a way out. Sarah will be forced to submit her body and Dan will indulge in his own fantasies of watching and being humiliated as they find a way through the maze of debauchery to an ending where they ultimately finish on top, there lives back to normal, still in love with memories of an incredible sexual journey of love , sex, blackmail and submissive rape. The end.

Mel

He’s fixed and besides I’m not an idoit okay? I’m not just going to have sex with someone and not take precautions.” Sarah added. If Sarah eventually gets pregnant by Lester it will be willingly and that, if you think about it, would be very hot.

J Lewis

Dan has a vasectomy

Chris K

Sigma

I really like this idea too - either he isn’t able make her orgasm because of his size etc or because he nuts on the first or second stroke inside of her (which is totally believable after how long it’s been and watching them fuck first).

Robert Smith

This time I have mixed feelings about this chapter. Sure still a very good chapter but I dont like it, how Dan comes back. In the scene where Dan fucks Sarah it would be hotter if Sarah have to fake her orgasm. She feels not so full like with Lester and Dan cant make her come. I hope for the next chapter Lester will have his revenge against Dan and Sarah will fall for Lester step by step…

JPaxx

Another awesome chapter! Only suggestion/request- can Lester start cumming into Sarah before Dan throws him off? A couple of reasons I think this would be hot/make sense - 1) Dan’s rage peaks as he sees Lester ejaculating into his wife 2) its always ridiculously hot when lester’s seed gets inside our heroine 3) it would realistically be easier for Dan to manipulate Lester if he was distracted from cumming 4) Lester should shoot some on Dan accidentally as he’s being moved 5) Dan admits to himself that he wants Sarah so badly that he’ll accept the literal sloppy seconds before he goes balls deep 6) Sarah’s orgasm with Dan could be the moment that she falls pregnant with Lester’s son…

Robert Smith