[Insider] Toxic Attraction Chapter 16 Alpha Draft
Added 2024-03-15 17:38:30 +0000 UTCHey friends, I carved out quite a bit of time l
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working on it now my friend. Sometime later this week.
DonSilver
2024-03-26 15:50:04 +0000 UTCAny mention on the discord channel on when the final CH16 is going to be released?
Robert Smith
2024-03-25 09:43:56 +0000 UTCAnd doesn't come back till morning
John Lewis
2024-03-22 14:10:07 +0000 UTCSome people may not like the way things are going. I do. This chapter opened up a lot ways this could go. I always like alot of dialog. Would be nice if Sarah wonders how many time Lester can fuck in one night. She asks him about it. Notices him getting hard again while she is laying there. She come out of the shower and peeks into Lesters room and sees his erection standing up and thinks about not returning to Dan. I think I am done.
John Lewis
2024-03-19 16:41:27 +0000 UTCI thought she was out of sight of the living room
lee
2024-03-18 15:24:00 +0000 UTCLee, nice idea but the gamer nerds are still there and they think she's Lester's girlfriend. Is it possible for Sarah to corner Dan out of sight in the kitchen or bedroom in order for this exchange to happen? It'd be a hot scene! Only have her kiss him first then comment on cleaning up the mess. Add in Dan internal dialog noting Lester's smell on Sarah. Sarah walk to Dan she reeks of sex and as she gets close he picks up Lester's scent(he's repulsed a bit but she is sexy too) She leans up and gives him a deep tongue kiss. He notes the strange taste in the kiss she breaks the kiss get her water says I cleaned up your mess. Then does her walk down the hall.
RCH
2024-03-18 15:12:26 +0000 UTCI liked the bit near the end when Sarah came into the kitchen and said she had cleaned up his mess on the wall. Would of liked her to kiss him and he realised the taste on her lips are the other gays come.
lee
2024-03-18 11:01:58 +0000 UTCi think Dan should tell Sarah that he wasn't the one watching and that should lead sarah back to lester for a second round so she can watch them
kwstas kwstas
2024-03-17 23:37:54 +0000 UTCLove the slow corruption. Not a fan though of public sharing tbh.
Juan
2024-03-17 08:53:11 +0000 UTCWow I really like that idea of creating jealousy in Sarah - imagine what if this all happened in front of Dan, who witnesses Sarah's jealousy! He'd probably pinch the bridge of his nose again.
Sigma
2024-03-17 01:50:05 +0000 UTCOk, that was quite something! Lots of big firsts in a chapter that is otherwise build up. Dan does appear to have lost his way (and increasingly, Sarah). I'm still rooting for him maintaining a stake in things, but certainly that ship is steaming out of the harbour. We shall see. A few small suggestions. Have the topic of Lizzie come up briefly in the DnD game, probs early on. This can create jealousy in Sarah and then set up her later suggestion. Which, I kind of hope he later ignore, forcing Sarah to acknowledge her lack of authority or respect in the relationship. Next point would be to clarify why Eugene would just wonder into someone's room. Did Dan leave the door open? Did it swing open? Did ned poorly explain which door was the bathroom? The last suggestion is that we have a moment where Eugene looks at the mess he's made on Dan's wall. Allowing for a line describing the mess he had made. This would then make Sarah's actions feel all the more filthy. I wanted to finish by saying how much I enjoyed the insights into how Sarah was feeling. Her suppressed, yet mounting (...) desire for Lester is really fun to read. Here's hoping for an increasingly unlikely resurgence from Dan!
YouTensil
2024-03-17 00:34:04 +0000 UTCI love Lester and Sarah Sex-scenes. For the next Chapter I hope for some love-making between Lester and Sarah without Dan.
JPaxx
2024-03-16 18:33:35 +0000 UTCDefinitely agree that it’s possible that she isn’t pregnant. I just think some mention of her cycle or her thoughts on it would add more to the drama. It hasn’t been mentioned at all since chapter 10(?).
Robert Smith
2024-03-16 17:15:55 +0000 UTCI would say that at minimum maybe 4-5 chapters. We still haven't got to a trip point yet. Since this is a slow burn as Don has put it. I'm going to say it could go passed 10 more. Will see Don does some amazing things with words.
RCH
2024-03-16 17:04:55 +0000 UTCI didn't mean finish in the next chapter. But definitely need to move stuff along.
Mrmanmr
2024-03-16 16:30:21 +0000 UTCA quick wrap-up at this point would seriously degrade the story. Dan and Sarah are still too strong a couple. Lester would have to plant Kitty porn or something so nuclear that would take Dan out of the picture. On all levels. Jail Sarah gone children gone. Jail cell sodomy etc.
RCH
2024-03-16 15:37:52 +0000 UTCDid a search on nipple less bras. That could be an option too. Lifting support and free nipples.
RCH
2024-03-16 15:30:52 +0000 UTCThis is an ALPHA so I found this to be conflicting with later scenes: “From the looks of it the cold is already affecting our lady, Val!” Eugene said and the others noticed Sarah’s nipples had begun to poke out of her tight t-shirt. Sarah pretended not to notice Eugene’s comment. Still it made Dan wonder. Sarah had gone into Lester’s room with her bra on. Had Lester left instructions for her to go braless or was that her own doing? Given how she had theatrically taken off her hoodie, Dan assumed that was Sarah’s flourish - it was very her. There is an implication that Sarah isn't wearing a bra here. Later she is removing a bra. Now it's possible that Lester has provided a bra with nipple holes.
RCH
2024-03-16 15:26:52 +0000 UTCAgree Lester won't share her with team nerd. He wants her all to himself. Eugene's cum and Lester's cream pie I think Dan has a problem with. I see this as a rift between D&S. Dan not going to tell her IMHO. If past performance is any indicator, he not going to be too keen on sloppy seconds. Dan eating Lester's pie is hard to imagine. This is all a possible rift point for D&S. Sarah may have negative reaction to Dan avoiding contact with her Lester tainted body. She may feel rejected by Dan which could lead to more bonding to Lester. Dan will be compelled to deceive Sarah as to Eugene's cum in the closet. It's a betrayal but not telling is also a betrayal too. Dan's going to start getting twisted up more and more. Lester's smell permanenting his room could be another friction point. Sarah may shower but is she going to wash her hair? Dan, out of distaste for Lester make a hurtful comment as to her smelling like Lester. We need cracks in team D&S. Pregnancy is tricky at this point it would consolidate D&S and turn both against Lester as a deceiver. Sarah needs to be turned more emotionally to Lester and less so to Dan. D&S's relationship need to be subject to additional deterioration before this is a positive for Lester. Yes, they have had a number of unprotected sexual encounters but not that often. She is only fertile 5-6 days a cycle. It would be possible not to be pregnant yet.
RCH
2024-03-16 14:39:15 +0000 UTCVery good chapter Don. I think things have progressed nicely. I think you need to quicken the pace now even wrapping it all up and finishing.
Mrmanmr
2024-03-16 14:27:48 +0000 UTCNew thought: Do we now have a new character with the interim CEO, touching Sarah's arm and sharing an awkward stare in the elevator?
Sigma
2024-03-16 14:10:48 +0000 UTCPranav Muley, I don't think you said anything negative about Don's stories. I just sensed a low morale problem. Wanted to try and help you look at things from a different perspective. The Patreon/Discord puts us into the creative process. It possibly helps encourage stories to be written to completion that otherwise wouldn't make it past a few chapters. Unless you are a known successful writer, no publisher is going to hand you a stack of cash and let you go write a story. Erotica is not that profitable for writers because of its niche market. Romance is a huge market but has a lower threshold on sexual content. As a closing note don't ever hold back your thoughts and opinions. When you put out your thought you get feedback some negative some positive. But it can help us all when we are exposed to differing thoughts and opinions. Your feedback is part of the creative process for Don and the rest of us too. An idea from you may trigger a thought in another that then may trigger a scene in the story. Best!
RCH
2024-03-16 13:34:01 +0000 UTCWell done, you've moved the psychological needle further forward with all of them
neegan
2024-03-16 13:03:54 +0000 UTCI would love to see this happen. In front of all the nerds, he walks in locks the door, and fucks her again. They all stay to listen and Dan, desperate for release, jerks off into a tissue in his room - then the scene fades out
Robert Smith
2024-03-16 07:32:52 +0000 UTCI absolutely love this chapter! It provides an answer to the fans here who want to see Sarah passed around during a gang-bang. This is follows the previous exhibitionist scenes perfectly. Lester has said he wants Sarah all to himself - he doesn’t even want Dan inside her. He only wants to show off his conquest of a beautiful woman and his amazing sexual abilities while rubbing other men’s faces in it. A gang bang and actual sharing isn’t want Lester wants. Could we take a minute to acknowledge her eating Eugene’s cum of the wall thinking it was Dan’s?! Also, a little more closure to the chapter would be good. Dan still hasn’t finished. Would love a D/S scene where they finally address L’s cum inside her. Will D fuck her or does he refuse? Does she suck him off and then get horny enough to go back to Lester unless Dan “eats the pie?”…… Could be interesting to see her spend the night with Lester because the nerds don’t leave and they have to keep up the charade. Last thought: is Sarah pregnant? She keeps having unprotected sex with Lester so something is going to happen. an update on her status would help make it more realistic. Thanks, Don!!
Robert Smith
2024-03-16 06:42:29 +0000 UTCDon’t think he’ll tell Sara, giving Lester some ammunition to blackmail Dan into convincing Sara to go further with him.
Mel
2024-03-16 03:01:00 +0000 UTCOutstanding. Dont suppose Lester could join her in the shower.
John Lewis
2024-03-16 02:14:17 +0000 UTCHow is Sara going to react finding out Dan did not get to enjoy her show and let a complete stranger take his place and deposit her desert? Think she might be pissed and go back to Lester's room to spend the night and tape up the peephole? Hope you add the conversation between Sara and Dan after the event to help end this episode!
Fuzzy Shark
2024-03-16 02:11:52 +0000 UTCWow, Don! Just wow! Found the D&D game play fun, Sarah vs the nerds and wins! Lester gained some ground here. I liked the fact that he didn't have his room cleaned and tidy in preparation for her. Nope, Sarah had to get into his pig pen wallow around with Lester. She associates Lester's smell with sex pleasure! I agree with Alan and Kratos it's not long and monotonous. I think it's fact we aren't getting the whole story at once that makes it seem to drag. Pranav, if you were to come across this story for the first time say 1-2 years from now and you read it for the first time I think you wouldn't find it quit so monotonous. This is not a complaint is just an observation. I'm in Southern California We have a interstate I-5 that runs from Mexico to Canada. The section that runs through "The Central Valley" suffers from a traffic phenomenon called "The Wave" the traffic speeds up 70+mph then slows and stops then it speeds up again and then stops. over and over. It's an oscillation and it's frustrating to drive in it. It would be better if everyone drove at 40-45mph. This is what happens with all these episodic stories. A chapter is released and we speedup to 70+mph then stop and have to wait another month for a new chapter. Ever read Stephen King's "IT" it's a 1k plus pages. I read it over a weekend, took that long due to eye fatigue couldn't put it down. Toxic Attraction I believe would be the same if you had the whole story handed to you complete.
RCH
2024-03-16 01:26:23 +0000 UTCI liked it. I think there's plenty of progress and Sarah will probably be denying Dan soon. I'm waiting to see if anything comes to fruition about gearing her up for a gang bang or at least threesome with another guy. Feel like it's been teased for a while already. Maybe more exhibitionism from Sarah too. Seems she's getting more comfortable with that too.
JC Ramis
2024-03-16 00:44:33 +0000 UTCWonderful chapter. The developing feelings between Sarah and Lester is what keeps this story thrilling even after 16 chapters. Can't wait to see how it develops further! I hope they get their alone time
mia123
2024-03-16 00:31:13 +0000 UTCI also agree with Alan. I think in this chapter Sarah is slowly leaning towards Lester’s demands to exclude Dan from their sessions.
Kratos
2024-03-15 21:20:46 +0000 UTCI disagree!! I very much am enjoying the slower build, and I think its way easier to go too quick and do too much than the other way around.
Alan
2024-03-15 21:18:16 +0000 UTC
