JBL S1 E49 | New Beginnings

Everyone is over the age of 18.

From Jay's POV

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My heart races as I pace my living room, still naked.

Call him. Call him now. He's not far away. Just call him. Don't wait. Just call him. It's only been half an hour. He's gotta still be here.

I grab my phone. It's not too late right? Oh my god it's too late.

I shakily find his contact and press dial.

I fucked it up. Oh my god I fucked it up. My dream boy came back to me to apologize and I fucked it up.

The dial tone continues to torture me as it drags on. Come on Blake...

"You have reached the voicemail of...."

"FUCK!" I press end call and pace around some more. I could chase him in my car. He's probably on the highway home.

I press dial again, leaving it on speaker phone as I find some clothes to put on.

The phone call connects

"Blake?!" I shout as I stumble over to the phone while putting on my socks "Blake you there?"

"Yeah" The sound of static was loud

"Where are you?"

Silence, except for more gusts of static

"Blake where are you?"  I grab my jacket

"At the pier" His voice gravelly. He's smoking again. A pang of hurt pierces my heart

But he didn't go home. Yet.

"Can I join you?" I ask

"You want to?" I hear him exhale out some smoke

"Do you want me to?"

I hear him inhale and exhale before responding

"Are you going to give me shit?" Another gust of static comes into my ear

"I'm going to try not to"

"The place where we kissed"

Yeah that narrows it down. But it's a yes. I grab my keys and drive over.

I see him leaning on the rails with his elbows on the far end of the pier as I get out of the car and start walking towards him. The wind was blowing his wavy blond hair back from his face.

I run the possibilities in my head as I walk. Well, first of all I have to clarify that Louis did NOT fuck me. Well, he kind of did. Am I supposed to believe that he did not fuck 15 girls after he left my house that night? I don't need any confirmation to know that that's exactly what happened.

The anger makes me almost turn away but I keep walking forward. Be an adult, Jay. Be a fucking adult.

Can we even still be together though after all this?

The wind blows fiercely at me as I get closer. He's looking straight forward, with no indication that he knows I'm coming. The wind is blowing my hair in every direction.

This is it. I zip up my jacket and keep walking straight towards him.

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Louis' POV

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We're in the yoga part of the fitness retreat - which is the part that I dreaded the most. My flexibility is alright, just nowhere near as good as some of the people here. Naturally, I found a spot at the back of the class

We get into the warrior 1 pose and I quickly check out the girl next to me. Shes been kind of flirty with me so far, and she's super hot. The way she's bent and has her tits pushed out right now...

Damn.

She looks over and I quickly avert my eyes with my heart jumping out of my chest.

"Not easy huh?" She smiles at me. I smile back at her, looking at her petite frame. Maybe she does want it after all.

"My boyfriend is a yoga instructor so he's always pushing me at home "

I didn't hear anything after boyfriend. I hide my disappointment and give her a forced smile with no teeth. I go back to working on my pose and looking straight forward.

"Oh hey baby you made it!"

"Of course, couldn't stay away from you" A lower voice responds. I hear a light slapping sound.

"Stop Brandon!" She giggles

"Can't help it" Brandon says and I turn my head quickly to see a blond man shorter than me that looks like he belongs in a toothpaste commercial grin widely and grab the girl by her waist

Of course she likes blond guys. They all do. I turn my head back and go into the next pose that the teacher is demonstrating

"Oh hey dude you need to have your arms further back like..."

I look over again to see Brandon demonstrating for me closer. He's obviously super flexible, with his arms stretching backwards and opening up his chest with ease. I try to imitate it

"Like ... this..." Brandon walks over and pushes on the center of my back, and his other hand is on my arm.

"Whoa hey!" I let go out of my stretch and take a step backwards

"Sorry. Force of habit. I'm a yoga instructor too"

I shake my head to let him know it's ok. I'm just being weird.

"You good man?"

He's not particularly built, but Brandon has a nice V shape to his lean upper body, which is nicely defined by his red shirt.

I try the pose again and Brandon gets closer, this time gently pushing my arms back.

"You've got a lot of muscle man" He says in an admiring tone "Might work against you here"

His other palm is on my chest.

"Think about opening up here"

His hand shifts down a little, down the middle of my chest to my abs.

"And your core has to be --" He pats my abs and chuckles. "Damn Julie would love for me to have these... core has to be tight"

His hand stays still on my abs as I stretch

"Nice!"

I smile at him, and make eye contact with him. Blue eyes. Of course. Genetic lottery.

He smiles back at me.

And his hand moves a little further down to my lower abs, while maintaining eye contact with me

"Don't forget to breathe" He says and I feel the reaction start to happen in my pants. His fingers are pretty much at my pubes.

"Damn buddy you got serious abs" He looks downwards, as if he can see my abs through my tank. His fingers move around just a bit, just slightly downwards. The blood is rushing to my groin now.

I let go of the pose suddenly and start head out of the class.

"Hey!" Brandon calls out at me "You ok?"

"Just gotta go!" I call back while looking forward. I stick my hand in my pocket and flip my semi in a more comfortable position.

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From Jay's POV

I reach Blake and watch him silently for a second from an arms length difference. The wind was making his blue shirt billow backwards, and his hair was being blown off his face. I really do like him in this shirt

"Are you cold?"

"No." Blake replies shortly and butts out his cigarette before throwing it off the pier

"Blake you can't -" I start my environmentalist speech and stop myself. Not right now.

Blake turns to look at me, his hair blowing across his forehead. His hazel eyes meet mine and we look silently at each other for a moment before he turns back to the water

"I didn't fuck Louis" I say, the wind muffling my voice a bit.

Blake blows air out of his nose with a small smile and a shake of his head. He reaches down to his pocket to pull out his cigarettes

"Blake stop." I grab his forearm and he whips his head to look at me, hazel eyes now full of hurt.

"You are going to look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't fuck Louis?"

"I ...didn't..." I stammer under his intense stare. Another gust of wind blows at it "Blake, let's talk about it at home"

Blake shakes his head again and pulls out a lighter.

"We didnt fuck! I had him control my vibrator." I shout into the wind as Blake attempts to light his cigarette to no avail.

"Fuck!" Blake gives up and throws the cigarette over the ledge "Useless"

"Did you hear me?!"

"Sounds like that's still getting fucked by Louis"

"It wasn't ... it was a toy!"

"Controlled by Louis"

"It could've been anyone!" I shout, knowing where this is going

"But it wasn't. You chose Louis. You knew how that would make me feel"

"I didn't want to" I say, the wind drying out my tears as they come

"Don't lie!" He hits the railing with some force. The force catches me off guard and I let go of his forearm.

"I'm ..not..." I start to sob

Blake turns to look at me again and for a second I see sweet Blake come back. The one who cares about everything that I do and say.

Then he's gone. He shakes his head and brushes his hair back.

"This is all fucked up"

I nod, struggling to wipe my tears with my sleeves.

"Louis fucked me too"

"What?" I shout into another gust of wind. I must have heard wrong. When? Why?

"Louis fucked me" He turns his head to look at me. I can see he's telling the truth. Okay. Not a big deal. So we both went to Louis for some comfort. We can move past some rebound sex. I knew he was going to use sex as a way of coping. It doesn't matter. But.. Louis? Why? 

"It's too fucked up to fix" Blake looks away again.

"No" More tears come to my eyes as I shake my head. No. Not like this.

I'm engulfed in his warm body as he hugs me, and I sob into his chest. He holds my head as I drench his shirt. His arms block the cold wind cutting at my neck.

"But...I...love....you..." I sob out in gasps

"I love you too" He puts his chin on top of my head, and I cry more into his shirt.

After an eternity, he lets go and I look up to see him wipe his own tears.

"I can't be who you want me to be" He looks up, blinking a lot.

"Yes you can" I put my hand on his chest, pulling slightly on the fabric. I want to lean up and kiss his neck. "You can. I can wait."

"Not today"

"I can wait" I plead again, looking up at his handsome jawline. Please. This can't be it.

He kisses me on the forehead lightly, and his arms hug me closer.

Then his grip loosens. No! No!

"Blake..."

"We have to restart. Fresh page. This is too fucked up."

"Ok. Restart. Yes." I wipe more tears from my eyes. I snuggle into him, and he hug me again before letting go.

"Restart fully. Maybe see other people for a ..." His voice cracks

"I don't want to see other people" I plead again, grabbing his head with both hands and turning it to me

He pulls away.

"Start as friends again. And maybe friends shouldn't fuck. Or .." Blake runs his hands through his hair. "I have to go"

"Blake!"

"I'll be in touch ok?" I look at his handsome face again, wondering when I might see him next. The wind blows his hair sideways as he backs up. "Restart"

He turns and starts to walk away.