JBL S1 E43 | I make my choice with my straight fuck buddy

All characters are over the age of 18.

Read from the [beginning from this mini story arc](https://www.reddit.com/r/gaystoriesgonewild/s/cNF0rQvyul)if you haven't yet or it won't make sense. You can also start from the [very beginning](https://www.reddit.com/r/gaystoriesgonewild/s/h3SsctUMFr)of the whole series. This takes place after the [last story](https://www.reddit.com/r/gaystoriesgonewild/s/cUgchcksmj).

From Jay's POV

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I turn my head to the left on the bed and flip over my phone. 3 am. Still no text back from Blake yet. I stopped texting and calling around midnight. Wherever he is...he doesn't want to be found.

My head keeps turning around the possibilities. He's probably fucking some girl right now. I can even imagine it. His hands in her hair with his eyes closed. His lips kissing down her stomach until his head goes between her legs. She spreads her legs happily and lets him in.

My heart hurts. I blink away the tears and get rid of those thoughts. I don't know if thats what happening and I don't have to torture myself with it. I check my phone again. 3:01.

I sigh and close my eyes. *Get some sleep Jay,* I tell myself.

I just want to be him with so badly. I have for so long. I know I should've spoken up sooner and maybe it wasn't not the best idea to blow up at him in public but the thought of us just continuing to fuck and being lovey-dovey with no future... it just kills me. I need more than that.

I think I do doze off in moments between my thoughts, because when I open my eyes and flip my phone over again, it's 5 am. Still no text or call. The sky is starting to lighten up.

I sit up and rub my face. I should call again. Apologize. Let him know that it's all my fault.

I flip through the messages that I sent him

"Come back please"

"I'm sorry"

"Can we talk please?"

He wasn't ready and I pushed him too far. Now I probably can never have him again. The tears well up in my eyes again. I feel so cold in this bed.

Where is he?!

He still has a bunch of stuff here. His clothes...his charger...his computer.... He couldn't have gone home.... Could he have?

How could he just abandon me like this with no explanation?

A surge of anger courses through my body.

I have been nothing but understanding to him! I never pushed him to do anything he didn't want to do. I let him have his way with me as many times as often as he wants. Don't I deserve a man that doesn't run away whenever there's a problem?

I start to type a text to him

"You are nothing but an immature little boy who can't accept the fact you have feelings for another man. And I deserve someone who can shout from the roof that they LOVE me. Not some a boy who wants to hide me like a dirty fucking secret in the closet"

I pause with my thumb hovering over the send button. I delete the swear word and the "nothing but". He is more than that.

He was there for me when Louis called me a slur.

He was there for me when I was stressing about my exams. He made me dinner and stayed up with me while I studied.

He doesn't fuck me like he's just doing it for himself.

He wouldn't hold me like that if he didn't ...love me... right? The way he caresses my waist when he's pushing inside me. The way he looks in my eyes to see if everything is ok and if I want him to keep going. Those hazel eyes full of concern for me.

My thumb hovers the send button

*Ping!*

"I'm outside"

My heart pounds as I jump out of my bed and pull on some sweats and a shirt. I ruffle my hair quickly in the mirror and run to the door to open the door. He's there in the same clothes as last night. His eyes have dark bags under them, and his baseball cap is low on his forehead. He makes eye contact with me and I hold back my tears.

"You've been crying?"

"No" I lie. I scan his face. He looks really tired, like he hasn't slept all night.

"Look." He says "I'm sorry ok?". He puts his hands in his pockets and looks down.The cold morning breeze blows past us and makes me shiver.

I reach out to hug him at the doorway and he hugs me back. He came back. He really came back for me. I'm so sleep deprived and my head in his chest feels so good. His arms around me give me a sense of safety and I hold back more tears. *Let's go to bed. Please.*

The strong smell of flowery perfume hits my nose. It goes deeply into my chest as I start squirming out of his grip

I push off his chest but he keeps his grip on me

"No...not yet babe" Blake says softly with his chin on top of my head but I manage to push off.

"What?" Blake says tiredly while adjusting his cap. He stretches his neck to the left and winces. His neck is sore from something.

"Did you hook up with a girl?" I ask with my voice wavering. I know the answer already. I'm suddenly wide awake and I notice a hickey on the right side of his neck

"No!" Blake says, rubbing the spot where the hickey is

"Then why do you smell like her? and that?" I point with my chin to the hickey. My eyes are watering up again. *Don't cry Jay, don't cry.* I can feel myself shaking. Maybe vibrating.

Ok. Definitely shaking.

"I went to a bar to blow off steam. This chick was all over me. That's all." He runs his right hand down his mouth and chin, which is covered in his morning stubble.

"And you let her?" My voice is giving away how upset I am.

"What do you mean I let her? I just told you SHE was all over ME"

"Yeah sure and you accidentally drove to the bar to find her right?"

"You're being unreasonable" He says shortly, narrowing his eyes at me "I didn't fuck her"

"Did you kiss her?" I stabilize my voice

Silence. Blake stares at me with his piercing hazel eyes.

My heart sinks. I swallow down my tears

"Don't make this something it doesn't have to be" He says quietly while looking at me "I didn't fuck her. I slept in my car after the bar."

In the moment I realize how much I've overestimated Blake. He's just a dude. He can barely keep his dick in his pants, he can't admit to himself or anyone we're in a relationship, and he's nowhere ready to change any of that. My thoughts run loose from me and I start to dissociate from the situation.

All this time a waste. There was never anything real here to grab on to. I'm just a fucking idiot that wasted my time with some guy who was experimenting. A fucking idiot

"Babe come on. Let's go inside" Blake reaches out and touches my hand lightly and I jerk it away.

"I think you should go" I say quietly

"What? Where?"

"I don't care. Go home" I look down at the ground

"Babe. Don't be like this. Let's start over ok?"

He gets closer to hug me but all I can smell is the perfume. I back up instinctively.

"No" I'm about a word from bawling, so I keep my gaze on the floor and my mouth shut.

I'm not looking at him but I can feel the anger emanating from him.

"Fine" His voice charged with anger. I step to the side and he comes in, almost stomping with his force. He agressively picks up his things off the counters and floor, yanking the phone charger from the wall and shoving it into his bag. I can see he forgot a black shirt by the couch but I don't remind him.

3 awkward minutes later, he storms out of the door and slams the door behind him.

The tears start to flow down my face.