43. Life Goes On

-... And eons passed without Farah Satyll’s prophecy coming to be. Until Matriarch Galivee, under the blessing of the Maiden, researched the benefit of ferrous glass to…-

Jade looked up from the leatherbound volume in my direction and frowned.

-Are you even listening?-

I blinked a few times. I was vaguely aware that she HAD been telling me about something, but the exact nature of the words she had been signing to me escaped me.

-Yeah, absolutely.- I signed back, but couldn't meet her eyes with a clear conscience.

-Alright, so tell me what I just said.- She replied with an eyebrow raised as she leaned back on her wooden chair.

I rubbed my chin pensively to stall for time, or for her to let it go, but she was having none of it. I tried to glance at the book's content in the hope that I could make out something, but she wouldn't have been doing this in the first place if I could have read it on my own.

Seeing my eyes wander about, she shook her head and visibly sighed.

-Come on, Silika. You have to focus!-

I felt my heart sink at her comment. I didn’t like Jade being mad at me…

-I'm sorry. It's just really difficult to understand. Why do I even have to learn all this? It's not even directly related to Scorn!- I complained.

She shook her head again at my words.

-Everyone has to learn at least this much. At your age, I had already memorised all the Patriarchs and Matriarchs of Diid… And I now had to memorise all of Scorn's for you! You’re already behind, so you have to work twice as hard.- She scolded me.

I grumbled. 

-You're older than me, it doesn't count…-

It annoys me when she uses her age to put herself above me, but it seems my words backfired as she raised an eyebrow.

-I really don't think saying that makes your situation any better. You have to focus, or at least get better at reading. Once we reach fall, I won't be able to tutor you as often, remember?- She said with a worried expression.

Of course, I remembered! It annoyed me to no end! If we're not going to be able to see each other as often, I wish we could at least spend the time we have outside in the sun or at least at the house, instead of this stuffy library…

Still waiting for an answer, Jade rested her head against her hand while staring at me expectantly, but before I could say anything, her eyes darted off to the side, and a polite smile appeared on her face as she stood up from her seat. 

I turned around and recognised the Bishop and followed Jade's example as she quickly walked up to him. 

He asked something of Jade, which I assumed must have been about whether I'd been listening carefully. I was a bit worried about her answer to him. I knew she was my friend and wouldn't purposely get me in trouble, but she sometimes had those 'big sister' moments that made her do otherwise. 

The Bishop's face remained as expressionless as ever while Jade reported things to him. 

Although it was nice to know he wouldn't get angry at me, I knew very well that if I misbehaved, I should expect a scolding from someone else... Although probably not from Lionheart.

We had barely spoken in the last week, so for him to even have time to scold me was nearly impossible. I almost wish he would, so at least I'd see him outside of meal times, but I knew he was a very busy person. I wanted to ask him to spend more time with me, but I didn’t know how to tell him. He might just think I’m being greedy.

After finishing their back and forths, the Bishop turned to me and kneeled at my height. He closed his eyes and tilted his head forward. It was the second time we were doing this, so I  knew what he expected of me. 

I tilted my head forward as well and let our foreheads meet. I felt the vibrations of his voice reverberate through my head. I knew it was a prayer of sorts, although I didn’t know its words. 

As the vibrations traversed through my head, I felt the muscles of my neck relax. Something about this process made me feel so much calmer.

We separated, and he looked at me for a moment before taking something out of his pocket. It was a black metal cube. Similar to the one he had given me on my baptism. Mine was still carefully displayed on my nightstand back home.

Knowing what he expected, I extended my hand and let him place the cube in my palm. Before I could even feel the shock come from it, I made it turn into a flower. 

This was all part of the training every Scornkin had to go through before their communion, according to Jade. 

It was a bit like a rite of passage. Not as big an event as a baptism, but a communion was just as important. 

Children and even adults sometimes worshipped more than one god, so although a person could only ever get baptised once, they could get as many communions as there were gods. For the church to recognise a person's dedication, a believer had to prove their knowledge of both the gods and their blessings.

The Bishop picked up the flower from my hand and observed it. After a few moments, the edges of the flower dulled, and in an instant, it went back to being a cube. The bishop nodded, satisfied, and put the cube back into his pocket.

From my study session with Jade, I had learned that this dark metal cube was called 'Unimaterium Ferrous Glass'. I didn't quite understand how it worked since there were so many big words involved, but it seemed that it was made from something that reacted to Scorn's blessing and allowed us to change its shape with ease. The downside was that in its unchanged shape, it had the annoying habit of shocking the person holding it.

The Bishop said a few more words to Jade behind me before standing up once more.

Jade walked to my side and smiled.

They discussed for a few more moments.

At the sight of his expression, I let out a sigh of relief. It seemed that, although I got distracted, the Bishop was still satisfied with my work today.

As the conversation came to an end, and the Bishop bowed and took his leave, Jade signed to me.

-Come on, let's go pack our things-

I nodded and we walked back to the table. I tried to hop back on the chair, but the skirt of my dress got caught in a gap in the seat’s wood.

Since I had become a Baron’s daughter, they had made me start dressing the part and that unfortunately involved a needless amount of fabric. It did look pretty, though and compared to the past, I could actually pick the colour of my clothes.

Jade, seeing me struggle, came to help me, and we were able to get the dress loose without tearing it. Slightly exhausted, I sat on the chair and let my body lie on the cool wood of the table.

-Still not used to it?-

She asked, but I wasn’t sure what to answer.

It wasn’t a matter of ‘being used to it’. The actual question I asked myself every day was: Can I get used to it? Is it something that can be learnt?

Unsure, I simply shrugged at her question.

-Give it time. You got used to the orphanage, didn’t you? You can do it again.-

She said with a kind smile… but it wasn’t what worried me.

I looked up from her hand and stared at her green eyes for a moment. Eternally loving, eternally patient. Would I have gotten used to the orphanage without them? Without Jade?

-It’s just… hard to accept.-

I began explaining.

The right words wouldn’t come to me, so I simply signed away.

-I know this is real, of course it is, how could it be any other way? But there’s something in my head. Like a voice… Or maybe it's more of a feeling. Something that tells me that I don’t belong here. That I don't deserve to ever feel happy. It whispers in my mind constantly that everything can all be taken away from me at any time and that my happiness is only temporary...-

Jade started to move her fingers to reply, but she stopped in her tracks as her lips tightened. 

She didn't know what to say. I could tell. She wants to reassure me, tell me everything will be fine, but she knows just as much as anyone that things don’t always go the way we want them to.

I looked down at the table in front of us.

I used to think I was safe with my family, but then it came crumbling down with one mistake. I thought I was safe with Goldie, but she couldn’t do anything against my parents. I finally thought I was safe at the orphanage, but as soon as I was alone in the streets, danger crept up on me; even Jade was not enough to stand against it.

I felt so… Powerless. At the mercy of the world.

Jade put her hands on mine and squeezed tightly before signing to me.

-I know it's scary, but I think you can trust Sir Lionheart. If you had seen him that day… Well, I don't think he would let anything bad happen to you.- 

I smiled weakly. I wanted to trust Lionheart, but could I really? It felt like he was always so so distant… Almost as if he’s avoiding me.

-There's… Something else bothering me… It's really not important, but…-

I said hesitantly.

Jade tilted her head, but before I could finish my sentence, I felt the table shake slightly, and Jade tensed up. I looked to the side and noticed something new on the wood surface.

-What's that?!- Jade signed with a shocked expression.

-Sparrow!-

It was my seeking bird looking up at us with its wooden body. If he were here, then that meant…

I quickly started packing my bag to the surprise of a flustered Jade, who was still curiously looking at the bird. 

-Wait a moment, Silika! What is this?-

I stood up in a hurry, almost knocking my chair over as I did, and grabbed the wooden bird.

-Lionheart’s here!-

I quickly signed. I slung my bag over my shoulder, sent Sparrow ahead and grabbed Darkie as I began running down the halls, Jade hot on my trail.

I came through the threshold of the church, the sunlight blinding me momentarily. When my eyes finally adjusted, I was greeted with a familiar green and grey moustache.

-Greetings, my lady. Ready to depart?- Stash asked with an eternal smile on his lips as he stood in front of the carriage…

But Lionheart was nowhere to be seen after all...