41. The Choice Made

I stood in the middle of the orphanage’s dormitory, looking down at the bed I had slept in every night since my arrival in Evergreen. Wearing a dark green dress, everything around me looked just a bit smaller than when I first arrived. 

It's been almost half a year now. The blanket, which I would probably now find itchy, covered the small bedding, tucking over a thin pillow. 

It felt strange to be leaving this place behind. 

An older man, carrying a suitcase, walked to the end of the bed, where he opened the chest containing all my old belongings. 

He was Lionheart’s butler, or maybe I should now say 'our' butler…

I felt like the word ‘butler’ was hard to sign, so I called him ‘Stash’ for his green moustache.

Stash opened the chest and started going through my things.

My thoughts wandered back to the incident that happened during the Spring Bloom Festival. Being taken from the streets, getting locked up, the interrogation that followed… I don't think I'll ever be able to forget everything that happened that day…. 

And then, Lionheart, the man I had met at the church only the day before, had requested to adopt me… 

No, that's not quite right…  He had asked me for permission to become my father. 

And I said ‘Yes’.

 A decision which made me both thrilled and terrified, but I didn’t really get much time to dwell on it.

As it turns out, getting adopted was not simple at all. 

After Lionheart and Hare finished filling out the paperwork, it was sent to the church. I didn’t really understand all the details, but apparently, the Scorn Bishop who did my baptism eventually had to intervene to make things move forward. 

They had to make me a new ‘Certificate of Baptism’ since the one made last winter had ‘Child of Scorn’ written in my parents’ name. This new one was replacing it with Lionheart’s name: Ṃrsḥll ᐊshbȑk

There was also something written for my mother’s name, but I didn’t recognise the writing… 

From what I could tell, Lionheart wasn’t married. Maybe I’ll ask him about it when I get the chance?

Of course, getting adopted also meant that I got a new last name: ‘Ashbrook’. 

It took me some time to make sense of the letters, but Jade helped me understand them by breaking them down into words I was familiar with. 

While all of this was going on, I had already begun living with Lionheart in the new room they prepared for me, although we would still be returning to the orphanage almost every day. The main reason for this was for Jade to teach them the secret language. 

Lionheart couldn't always come with us since he was busy with 'paperwork'. I don’t know what all that paperwork was supposed to be, but he often had to come to the orphanage just to speak with Hare about different things, mostly about me…

Some of those things I hadn't known myself.

I looked for answers from the black bunny plush resting in the crook of my arm.

[Did you know about it, Darkie?] I asked.

“Sort of? I did warn you that you move a lot in your sleep.” He responded vaguely. 

I had learned that the time I spent sleeping here was not as uneventful as I thought. Although I don’t remember any of it, apparently, I had woken up screaming and crying every other night. 

I’m not really embarrassed about the crying part. It just made me worried. Worried that I wasn't actually in control… 

It also made me realise that I can't remember a single dream or nightmare, or even waking up in the middle of the night. 

It’s as if my head became a void as soon as I put my head on the pillow. I existed, but wasn’t aware of anything… I cried, but I didn`t know why. 

Why had I been crying? 

Why couldn’t I remember?

I looked down into Darkie’s yellow button eyes, his soft body now carefully stitched along his injury.

Not being in control… The thought scared me.

I shook my head to get rid of the disturbing thoughts. 

Looking up, I noticed Stash patiently waiting for me in front of the open chest. I glanced towards the bed one last time before joining him. 

There wasn’t much in the trunk. A few changes of clothes, some brushes and towels, and the book of Scorn.  

I dug through the clothes and found my baptism dress. I looked at it for a moment. When Jade had first shown it to me, its draping white fabric had looked like the prettiest thing in the entire world, but now that I compared it to the clothes I was wearing, it looked plain… And yet I still felt an attachment to it. 

It was the dress I had worn that day at the church. The day I met Scorn. The day I learned that sometimes, it's better to let go of things than to let them hurt you.

I held the white fabric in my hand for a moment before handing it to Stash, who gently folded it and placed it inside the suitcase.

The only other thing I took from the chest was my Scorn scripture.

Stash checked everything over once more before closing the luggage. As we got up to leave the dormitory, a tall blonde girl appeared at the entrance, out of breath. 

It was Jade…

As soon as she spotted me, her expression shifted as she ran up to me to sweep me off my feet in a tight embrace. 

I protested in surprise, but she refused to let go. So I folded and hugged her back. 

I knew that my anger was really just me being sad that she was not going with me. After a few moments, she released me from her arms.

-Won’t you think about Lionheart’s offer again?- I pleaded yet again, but Jade shook her head.

After the adoption had been concluded, Lionheart had offered Jade to become my ‘playmate’. Basically, it would have meant that she could live with us and all she had to do was be my friend… But she declined the offer.

She had recently received the opportunity for an apprenticeship to become a scribe. She explained to me that it had always been her dream, and so she had accepted the offer. Even though the apprenticeship would only start in two years, when she turned 10, she would have to start attending preparation lessons this fall… 

She would have been too busy to do both, so she chose to pursue her dream.

I was happy for her, of course, but I still couldn't help feeling a sense of betrayal that she had chosen an apprenticeship over me, her best friend… But maybe it was a bit selfish of me to think that way.

I just felt lonely thinking about not being able to spend my days with her anymore.

Even now, it felt as if I was about to cry.

After a short moment of hesitation, I leapt forward and hugged her with all my strength. 

-We’ll still be best friends, right?- I asked her with one hand as I wiped my tears with the other. 

-Of course! I will come play whenever I’m free!- She answered, all smiles.

I nodded strongly as if to convince myself that her words couldn't be anything else but the absolute truth, trying my best to smile back despite the knot in my chest.

Stash smiled from the side, carrying the suitcase in his hand. 

-Is the lady ready to depart?- He asked in his surprisingly fluid hand movements.

It was incredible to think that just a week ago, he did not know of the secret language’s existence. He learned it incredibly fast, and now, he could string full sentences, and even follow conversations between Jade and I. Lionheart was slower at learning since he had been so busy; he could only sign a few basic sentences.

I tightened my grip around Jade’s hand and finally let go with a heavy heart.

Stash led the way and headed into the hallway as Jade and I followed behind. On our way, other kids were giving me curious looks with a mix of expressions. I couldn’t tell whether they were jealous that I was getting adopted or if they were just happy to see me leave. I even saw the familiar figure of the purple-haired boy, glancing at me while kicking the floor with his feet, his hands behind his back. He looked a bit sad, almost disappointed. 

Don't tell me he's actually sad to see me go?

As the heavy door of the orphanage entrance opened, the bright daylight and a warm breeze welcomed us into the front yard. I squinted my eyes, adjusting to the brightness, and saw Hare and Lionheart talking in front of a stationed carriage. As they noticed us coming out, they ended their discussion and turned towards us. 

Stash bowed politely to Lionheart before proceeding to the coach with the suitcase, while Hare knelt at my eye level.

-Are you all set? Didn’t forget anything?- He asked with a smile on his face, but I could see a twinkle of emotion in his eyes betraying a hint of sadness. 

I nodded confidently in response.

I took a long look at him, as if to keep the image of him with me forever. His long white hair pulled behind his back in a ponytail, his apron stained from years of manual work, and his scarlet eyes that had once seemed so intimidating to me… 

I wasn't even gone and I already missed him. 

I jumped forward and hugged him as hard as I could. Hare gently wrapped his own arms around me as my tears started dripping onto his shoulder. I felt a body press on my back as Jade joined in. 

Jade… 

Hare… 

I’ll miss you.

I’ll miss you both so much. I'll miss the orphanage. I think I'll even miss that stupid purple-haired boy! 

It wasn’t like the day at the estate when leaving would have been something to celebrate. It was difficult to leave a place I had grown so attached to. 

I held onto them so long that Hare had to pull me away. 

I looked tearfully at them both before turning to Lionheart and Stash, who were waiting for me by the carriage.

Lionheart had a kind, almost guilty, look in his eyes. I think he knew how much this place meant to me. 

As he picked me up to help me climb into the carriage, I turned again to wave at Hare and Jade. Stash waited by the door outside the carriage as Lionheart sat down beside me on the cushioned seat. Stash came in last and closed the door. He then opened the carriage windows to let the fresh air in. 

As I felt the carriage starting to move, I leaned towards the open window. 

[Thanks for everything! Thanks for being my friends!]

I don’t know if they understood what I said, but they screamed something back. 

My eyes stayed fixed on Hare, Jade, and the orphanage building became smaller and smaller in the distance. 

“I’m going to miss them.” Darkie said.

[Me too.]