39. Spring in Oblon

It had been a long winter at the Oblon County Estate.

Despite summer having reached us, a chill still ran through the house. 

After Silika’s disappearance, there had been a lot of commotion in the household. 

At first, the Marquess had been dismissive of the entire affair, seeing it as one less problem to deal with, but despite his best attempts, it had been impossible to keep rumours from spreading like wildfire. 

Some rumours claimed Silika had been kidnapped or murdered by a rival house or by the church, while other rumours were closer to the truth, believing that her own family had killed her.

It was an awkward situation. 

On one hand, the household wished to find Silika to maintain their standing amongst their peers, but on the other, if her excommunication was made public, they would also lose their standing. 

The investigation was slow for that reason, but they eventually picked up the breadcrumbs I had laid. A fallen tree just before a bridge crossing the Alenia river, and tracks veering off. They found the wreckage of a coach and the corpses of horses and a driver.

The same coach that just happened to have been observed speeding by the estate the night of Silika’s disappearance. 

They never found her corpse, of course, but it was assumed that her body was swept by the current before the scene was discovered.

The investigation was called off under the guise of not wanting to incite political unrest over the ‘accidental death’ of one of the younger children of the household. After all, Silika would have been third in line to inherit the house; there was nothing tragic about her death from a dynastic point of view. The truth was, whoever might have committed the crime had actually rendered the Marquess a service.

Of course, the entirety of the setup had been planned. It had cost me quite a bit of coins to make the coach look like one of a rival noble house, along with finding a ‘willing’ corpse… 

Even more so, drivers willing to do the job. No one had actually died, save the two horses. The corpse had simply been an unclaimed body I had bought from a morgue on that night, which the morgue attendant had been more than willing to part with in exchange for a bit of lining in his pockets.

After the incident and Silika’s removal from the picture, one might have expected the situation to improve, but that was far from how things went. Something fundamentally changed that day.

It was as if the flame that had once kept the estate warm and lively had been extinguished. It wasn’t only the members of the household. The servants and staff also looked tired and weary.

I picked up a tray with a bottle of wine and cheese from the kitchen and started walking down the hallway.

At some point or another, my house arrest had been lifted, unfortunately, the events had brought unwarranted attention to me from the entire household. It was no longer possible for me to get away with doing minimal work, and therefore, I was often put on the evening service shift where I would bother the least amount of people.

I carried the tray through the cool marble hallways from the core wing toward the living quarters of the family. As I walked toward my destination, I stopped in the hallway. I looked at the wall and observed the strange creases in the wallpaper.

Once this had been her room.

Silika’s room.

After her disappearance, the lord wouldn't allow anyone to enter, and so, it was eventually decided that it should be sealed permanently. They removed the door handles and covered the entire section of the wall. 

Rumours amongst the staff claiming Silika had been a heretic had never run dry and was now referred to as the 'witch's room'...

But now, it was just an impression on the wall where the hastily applied wallpaper bumped and rolled.

I looked on the opposite side, at the window beyond which the garden stood. Spring had come and passed, and yet the garden had never flowered. As if some curse had fallen on the estate.

I still think about Silika every day. I had sent her away to a place I had only heard of in a passing letter. A quaint little orphanage in a quaint little district of Evergreen.

Somewhere, no one would ever think of looking for her… I prayed every night for her to be well. I had wished to join her right away, but I couldn’t. My disappearance would have been suspicious; someone might have caught on and come looking.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts and continued walking down the hallway. Eventually, I reached my destination.

I opened the door and entered the study. It was messy. Books and clothes were strewn across the floor, and the desk was stacked full with unopened invitation letters. On the balcony, sitting at a small table, was Merilia Everest. My sister.

I approached her and replaced the empty bottle at her side with the one I had just brought in, but she didn’t look at me. Her bright blue eyes stared at the long, wavy grasses of the far hills beyond the estate. The evening wind blew softly on her face, making her unkempt yet somehow dignified silvery-salmon hair bounce on her shoulders.

I poured her a glass and placed it by her side before bowing silently and excusing myself. 

Just as I was leaving the balcony, I heard a voice.

“Do you think I’m evil?”

I looked back at Merilia. Her head had not moved, but her lips were frozen on the last syllable of the word. Her expression was indecipherable.

“Mistress?” I asked her in a professional tone.

She shook her head. She took the glass of wine and gulped it down before serving herself another glass.

“No, I’m not asking you. I’m asking Jace Miller… Or maybe I should call you the name they never allowed you to use; Jace Fauger. My half-sister.”

She turned her head and looked at me.

“So I’m asking you. Sister to sister. Do you think I’m evil?”

I looked at her for a moment. 

Was she messing with me? What did she expect from me? Forgiveness? Sympathy? Don't make me laugh. 

I don't know if this was a provocation, but she would reap what she sowed.

I dropped the tray on the pile of letters on the desk and ripped off the bonnet they forced me to wear while doing evening service, and threw it on the floor.

Seeir knew how much I hated that bonnet.

I walked to the balcony, sat down on the chair opposite my 'sister’ and poured myself a glass of wine.  

I spun the scarlet liquid and gulped it down. A refreshing yet bitter taste trickled down my throat. The wine was good.  Too good. But drinking it in her presence made it taste like vinegar.

I didn’t look at her. Instead, I looked at the windswept fields far on the horizon.

“You’re disgusting.” I said after a moment of silence.

“You’re the most repulsive human being I’ve ever met.” 

I turned to her.

“So you come and ask me if you’re evil? I don’t think you even know what you and everyone in this godforsaken household have done if you’re still asking… Especially asking me, of all people.”

I looked away. I had done my best not to let my emotions leak into my voice, lest I accidentally start screaming at her. 

She simply nodded and looked at the same horizon as I did.

“Yes, I agree.” She said dully.

After a moment, she chuckled, but there was no happiness in her voice.

“It’s funny, you know? Even now, I think about her. I worry about her health.  I wonder where she might be. With whom she might live, or what she might be doing...”

“That’s none of your concern anymore.” I cut her off dryly.

I knew it was a dangerous way of speaking to her, but I couldn’t bear listening to these kinds of self-deprecating words. Especially coming from her. They begged for sympathy, for mercy. Something she didn’t deserve.

“You’re right.”

She cleared her throat. Something in her tone slipped a bit.

“It’s none of my concern anymore.”

I felt a tinge of satisfaction at the reaction. She looked defeated and in pain, and yet the emotions painted on her face brought only morbid amusement to my heart. She looked unwilling to fight back, ready to receive her due justice, and yet no one could deliver it to her, and so, I would be all too willing to oblige.

She didn't say anything more and simply stared on, biting her lips and sipping on the fragrant wine. I waited a long time for her to defend herself, make excuses... Anything, so I could chastise her for it again, make her feel horrible, but she remained quiet. 

Impatient, I bent forward and looked at her face.

“Why did you do it?” I asked her.

Her lips parted for a moment, but no sound left them. She looked at a loss for words. I could see a hundred excuses forming on her lips, yet none were good enough to even convince herself. She turned toward me. Her eyes were glossy, like an animal facing an incoming arrow.

“What else could I do?” She said, almost as if asking for guidance, but I wasn’t willing to do the talking for her.

She looked down at her feet.

“It’s not as easy as it looks. I have to care for all my children…”

“And yet you couldn’t help the one that actually needed your help?” I asked her angrily.

“Couldn’t you have visited her? Cared for her? Fed her? Spent time with her? Loved her for Meiriem’s sake! Isn’t that what you all believe in? So much for the gods of love… You’re all two-faced hypocrites hiding behind a mask of benefaction! You make me sick.”

I did feel sick… Sick of this place. Of these people. Maybe I should have just burnt this place down that night. It would have made just as good an excuse instead of the elaborate plot I had concocted… And maybe would have killed a few of these imbeciles as an added bonus.

“It’s not that simple… I tried… I tried to think. To find a way to… But…” She whimpered again.

“If… If I had done that. Then my other children would have paid the price for it! Do you know how difficult it was to hide? Hide the reason why Dalton’s hair is slightly too dark. Hide why Ela's eyes glimmer shades of gold when she stares into fires? They all have it in their blood, in their soul! All corrupted. The only chance for them to live a normal life is to abide by the rules.”

I gritted my teeth. Was this the best she could come up with? Blaming our Scorn blood?

She continued with her shameless excuses.

“How could I stop Alfred? He would have found out! He would have known I was hiding something! She had to be the scapegoat. The sacrificial lamb for our ancestors’ sins. To hide the tainted blood I brought to this family. Any day I could be discovered, and it will be OVER. And then what? I’m not just talking about me! Knox, Ela, Dalton… All of us, disowned and cast away because of this tiny little drop of Scorn blood! We’d be cast to the street, forced to starve! ”

“You could have returned to Father.”

Merilia scoffed at my suggestion.

“Right! As if HE would EVER allow a disgrace like me to enter his household ever again! It wouldn’t be enough that I was born with my mother’s hair, but I’d also be a harlot carrying our line's tainted blood! Look at what he did to you! You’re...”

“Here.” I cut her short.

“I’m here because he tried to give me a place, despite my ‘tainted’ blood.”

She looked away.

“It’s different. I’m a mother, I have children. You wouldn’t understand what that’s like...”

That woman… She dares to call herself a mother!

“I think I can understand just fine.” I declared as I put down the glass on the table and stared straight into her eyes.

“Do you know how much time it was that you left Silika alone? I’m not speaking about after her excommunication or any absurd story you tell yourself. I’m talking about the time after the incident. It was months before her condition was ever discovered. MONTHS! And where were you during those times? Those times when your own daughter, flesh and blood, couldn’t stand on her own two legs? Couldn’t feed herself?  Or when she screamed for your name as she cried herself to sleep? Where were you, damn it!” I let out a scream, choking back tears. 

At some point or another, I had stood up and was now staring down right into her ‘oh so perfect’ blue eyes. 

“I’ll tell you where I was. I WAS RIGHT THERE WITH HER!”

She held my gaze as she tried to say something, but her lips failed to form any words as she finally broke eye contact.

“You’re right. I failed. As a mother. As a wife. As a creation of the gods…. A complete utter failure.” She said in despair as she placed her face in her hands.

“You don’t deserve to feel sad for yourself…” I spat, but somehow I felt as if I had said too much.

“I know. You’re right.”

She stood up from her seat and headed back inside and toward a cupboard. She took a bottle of liquor from it and poured herself a glass. She offered me one, but I declined. She sat on a drawer and sipped on her drink for a moment.

“You know, Jace. I wish we had met in different circumstances. Maybe we could have been sisters… Real sisters, I mean… We’re not that different in age. The two of us could have gone to balls together, gossip about the capital, shop for dresses, or even complain about our husbands and children …”

She looked at me with a sad smile.

“It would have been nice, wouldn’t it?”

I didn't have an answer for her. Would it have been nice?

It doesn’t matter anymore; the opportunity had long passed. Now we were nothing to each other. Just strangers with irreparable acts keeping them forever apart.

“Check the drawer.” She finally declared as she looked away.

I looked at her inquisitively, but her eyes were focused elsewhere, on the bottom of her glass, in which she was already pouring more of the amber liquor.

I approached the desk and opened the drawer. Inside was a large pouch and a sealed letter

“Take it.” She said again, her voice muddled by the copious amount of alcohol she had already ingested.

I reached for the pouch and the letter. Immediately, I could tell that the pouch was brimming with heavy platinum coins. Enough to buy several houses. The letter, on the other hand, was sealed with the Fauger family seal and remained a mystery.

“A deed.” She said between two large gulps before attempting to pour herself yet another glass.

“A title and a quaint piece of land in Norland. Far from here. Take it. It’s yours. Please just… Just…”

She stopped speaking for a moment as she focused her attention on the bottle in her hand.

She closed her eyes and let herself slid down from the top of the cupboard. Tearing the hem of her dress in the process. Now, seated like a child on the floor, glass still in hand. 

She looked at the looping liquid in her glass, deep in thought, before looking up at me once more.

“Please just make sure she’s happy. I know you can do it. Much better than I ever could.”

She poured one more glass from the bottle before stopping herself. Instead, she brought the bottle directly to her mouth.

I hesitated for a moment. Was this the right thing to do?

“Don’t... Don’t worry about Alfred… Or Father. They’ll never know. I’ll take care of everything… Just… Just leave. Put this life behind you. Be happy… With her.”

This was a hard gift to accept, especially coming from her, but she was right. 

There was nothing left for me here. For us here. 

I took the bag of coins and the letter and tucked them in the folds of my apron. I walked to the door and placed my hand on the handle, and looked back at Merilia.

The shell of a woman. Drinking her guilt away by the bottle. Her usually serene expression was replaced by a wrinkled, woeful look.

“Thank you… Merilia.” I said bitterly.

She stopped for a moment, hesitating, but didn’t respond and simply went back to drinking.

After looking at her for a moment, I left, shutting the door behind me.