29. The call of the void (Part 1)

Nothing. 

The void. 

Death. 

The gift mann received from Solomon. 

In the tight embrace of the perhaps fictitious ruins of the immaterium, we return from whence we came and hopefully rejoin those that once were lost… But in the meantime, we remain forever split from them. Stuck in our material existence.

Only momentarily can we touch the membrane of the unknown in our dreams.

A light appeared. 

Sentience. 

The material plane called for me from the delusion of dreams. I bore witness as the darkness was ripped away from me, and a calm voice called out to me.

“Good morning, my lord.” The butler announced as he slid the curtain open in one swift movement, letting the light flood the room.

I groaned as the light painfully finished dragging me out of my sleep.

I could feel a sticky texture on my cheek as my face remained flat against the desk. I pried my eyes open only to witness the burnt-out remains of my candle from the night before. It had leaked all over the table and had somehow reached my face.

I lifted my head, and the harsh rays of the morning sun crossing the large window in front of my desk assaulted my eyes.

I grunted again as I picked away at the wax that had solidified on my face.

“May I humbly suggest a bath be brought to your quarters?” The estate butler  asked me while still facing the window. 

Either out of respect for my miserable appearance or as an attack on my authority.

Either way, I couldn’t care less.

“A pitcher of water and a hand towel will do.” I said as I took a sip from the cup of tea that had been placed in front of me.

The butler turned toward me with a sour expression on his face.

“With all due respect, my lord. If I may…”

“You may not.” I cut him short. 

I knew what he was going to say next, since I had heard the same thing every morning for weeks now… 

Perhaps months? 

Irrelevant. 

Time was simply a construct. A hurdle between me and the inevitable embrace of the void. 

The butler seemed to look for some kind of retort, but his shoulders slacked as he gave up on the notion and simply nodded.

“I will have that brought momentarily… Along with breakfast.”

“I don’t need a br–”

Before I could finish my sentence, the butler had already slammed the door behind him, leaving me, once again, alone within the confines of my office.

Having slept on my desk for yet another night, my body was completely stiff and my muscle sore. I rubbed my face and, aside from the stubble of my week-old beard and the raw skin from the wax, I could feel the imprint of the letter that remained sealed on my desk.

I picked it up and examined it. I knew the insignia. It was mine. Or perhaps I should say that it is my father’s…

I knew the content of the letter held within this envelope, I dreaded reading it, but was there truly a point to delaying the inevitable? This letter will be read... and eventually it will be answered. 

By myself, or another.

I had not seen my father in years, yet he still wrote to me almost every month. 

I gripped the letter opener and sliced the seal open. I unfolded the delicate piece of paper that bore my father's distinguished handwriting.

With a deep breath, I started reading its content.

‘To my son Marshall,

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you. My condition has taken its toll on my body, and I can feel the sweet embrace of Solomon coming for me. As my life is reaching its apogee, my thoughts lie on you, my only child and heir.

It was only seven short years ago when you left home for Evergreen, but to my now weakened mind, it feels like a lifetime ago. 

Your fiancée’s tragic demise weighs heavily on my soul. The guilt of never having blessed your union will be a shame I will carry to my grave. Yet I have no choice but to beg you to reconsider your decision. 

You are young and…’

I crumpled up the letter and tossed it aside. 

I had read enough.

It had only been five months since Lili’s… Since my fiancée Lilica died, how could he…?

I heard the door of the room open once again. The butler placed a tray with breakfast and a pitcher of water with a rag on my desk.

I washed my face and neck while the butler poured me another cup of warm tea.

The water still dripping down my face, I gulped down the tea. The taste lingered on my tongue and cleared my muddled mind.

I stared at the crumpled letter on the floor.

Despite my personal feelings on the matter, I knew my father was only saying what I refused to acknowledge.

After Lilica's death, I had sworn myself off marriage, but as my father's death was becoming increasingly imminent due to his age and long-standing illness, other nobles took advantage of the situation and used this to attack my legitimacy as an heir. 

Being unwilling to produce a child was tantamount to being a eunuch in their eyes. If the king's court, the Green Palace as it was called, ruled in their favour, our dynasty would be considered dead and I would be stripped of my current rights as a baron, as well as my father's inheritance…

I knew what had to be done, but the idea of marrying a woman other than Lilica made me sick to my stomach. It was unreasonable to ask this of me now of all times, and they knew it. Yet, it was only logical that they would exploit my weakness. 

They saw in it an opportunity to claim my family's land, and they were taking it.

Most frustratingly, Lilica's own family also participated in this campaign against me. I guess they blamed me for her untimely death, especially since her father had been opposed to our union from the start.

To make matters more complicated, my family was vassal to hers, although only in name. 

Since the time of my grandfather, the ducal family had tried to claim our territory by any means necessary, as it stood at the very centre of trade in the northern duchy.

Unfortunately for them, though, my Lilica, their heir apparent, and I fell in love.

We met seven years ago.

Being from a military dynasty and of Steinhnner descent, my family had always produced exceptional soldiers.

As fate would have it, the Heillhs Empire had invaded the territory of Lowland just as I had become of age to take up arms. 

I spent the best of three years repelling the invaders. I led my father’s retinue as he was already too weak to once more take to battle. I learned how to lead men and the weight of holding their lives in my hands.

War is always and always will be war, but the empire, as far as enemies go, was an honourable opponent.

A good death to them meant either by being bested by a fellow duellist or as an old man at home. They did not partake in mindless slaughter, and many of our defeated men were simply taken as prisoners once defeated.

After the siege of Khaln Fortress made the outcome of the war obvious, they surrendered without hesitation, returned our imprisoned men and withdrew their troops.

When we returned victorious to the capital, a great ball took place, and it was there that I met her.

It only took a look for us to become taken with each other.

We got engaged almost immediately, but due to her father’s reluctance, the wedding never took place… For seven years, we sought his approval, and for seven years, we hid that we had already held a ceremony in secret. 

Her father's title had never been something she or I coveted; in fact, she had made it a point that she would take my name and not the other way around, but that did nothing to convince him, especially since he himself was fixated on making Lilica a Duchess.

We were happy, despite everything and a year ago, she became pregnant. We had planned to force the Duke’s hand to approve our union once the baby was born, but seven months after the pregnancy began, there was… Something.

I still remember that night as if it was yesterday… The way she screamed. The bloody sheets. I screamed for help, but by the time anyone arrived, it was too late. She had lost too much blood. 

And her face… She had looked at me as she had grown colder… And by the time the morning came, her soul had departed. 

That day, I lost my wife and my unborn child. 

Lilica's screams of pain and desolation still haunts my every waking and sleeping moments… A reminder that all warmth I'd once been blessed with was now forever gone.

“Master Ashbrook?” The butler, Alzan, called out once again, taking me out of my day dreaming… If one could call it that.

“About today’s Agenda…”

“I’m not going anywhere today.” I tried to interrupt him, but he ignored me.

“You have a commitment at the Septenary church.”

I turned to him and narrowed my eyes, and crossed my arms.

“I don’t remember any such commitments. I'm in no mood for charity either.” I retorted, looking at him dubiously. 

It was probably just another one of his tricks.

The Septenary Church he referred to was an ancient cathedral in the lower district where nobles were often convened to partake in celebrations enjoyed by commoners. Although it held a lot of historical and symbolic significance, attendance was mostly an affair of appearance, not duty.

“You didn’t?” He said with an exaggerated tone of surprise. “Ah, yes! That’s right, it was Lady Lilica who arranged it! You must remember that the lady was particularly fond of the Fey church and their Spring Bloom Festivals? Truly, I remember her speaking of it with so much enthusiasm. Wasn’t there a lot of children tending to the event?”

Ah... I remember.

Lili loved those types of events. Lots of activities and children. She always loved children…

Now that I dwelled on it, was it not on this very day a year ago, going to this very festival, that she announced to me that she was with child?

One of the happiest days of my life.

For her sake… Or perhaps just in her memory…?

I felt a cloud over my mind, but I relented. Alzan, the butler, was truly a shrouded man.

“Alright. You’ve convinced me. I’ll go.” I muttered, still deep in thought.

The butler clasped his hands with exaggerated excitement as a smile lifted his long, green and grey moustaches.

“Splendid! I will have someone come up and make you presentable!”