11. The Escape

I did it. 

I stood up to Mother and made her flee, but at what cost? The darkness had swallowed me once more and I couldn’t start to imagine what I would wake up to. 

Will they whip me harder? Break my arms? Rip out my nails and hair?

As my mind slowly settled back into my body, the pain I experienced was excruciating. 

I felt as if my whole body was on fire. 

I had gotten used to that from the continuous beatings of the last few weeks, but now even my face, my throat and my chest felt like they had been beaten raw... 

And now something was pounding against my back… They didn’t even wait for me to wake up before starting to beat me again...

I opened my eyes, but, to my surprise, I was in Goldie’s arms, wrapped up in some kind of sheet. The rhythmic thumps were simply the movement of her arms. I looked up and saw tears streaming down her face.

[Goldie? What’s…?]

She looked down surprised and put a finger against my lips to tell me to be quiet.

My ears were still ringing and my face throbbed, so even the light touch of her finger on my lips made me wince—but I held it in. It hurt, but I felt safe in her arms.

She looked around the corner of the hallway furtively. 

Was she.. Sneaking me out?

She rounded the corner and quickly went down the stairs in the darkness. Instead of going down the next hallway, she took a servant door and headed into the courtyard. 

She stayed off the path, hugging the tree line.

When a light passed, Goldie pulled me behind a tree and covered my mouth. The pressure hurt, but I stayed quiet, tears welling in my eyes.

Once the light disappeared, she released her hand, and the cold stung my face.

Through the leaves, I finally spotted our destination, the servant building.

Instead of the main door, Goldie circled around and headed for a small wing. She spotted a low window, opened it with one hand and slipped in.

The room was dark, but I could tell it was a bedroom, Goldie’s most likely.

She sat me on a bed, took out a match and lit a candle by the bedside before shutting the window behind us.

She then faced me.

I could now see her more clearly now. Her tears had dried up, but her face looked gaunt. My vision was a bit blurry, but I could tell she looked tired and thin.

Gently, she pulled off my dress, ripping painful scabs that had fused with the fabric. I winced weakly, but this was nothing at this point. 

I saw my skin clearly for the first time in weeks. I was covered in bruises, scratches and wounds. My skin was no longer a soft peach. It was a patchwork of purple, yellow, and green stains dancing under the warm light of the candle.

Suddenly, I felt a cold sensation which almost made me let out a yelp.

Goldie was wiping my body with a wet cloth. It hurt, but it also felt good as the dried blood and dirt were wiped away.

It also made the things that happened to me so much more real. 

What my parents… No, what my whole family did to me wasn’t a nightmare. It was real.

By the time she was done, many of the blisters had reopened. She applied an ointment and wrapped them in bandages. It stung, but it was soothing in a way.

Once she was done covering my body in bandages, she took a brown dress from her closet and dressed me in it. 

I felt refreshed but also exhausted. The pain was still there, but it somehow felt… Cleaner.

I looked up at Goldie. As I had noticed before, she did look much thinner. A bit more on edge than before with large dark circles under her eyes, but she still smiled at me.

I had difficulty keeping my eyes open, I could see she was trying to hold herself together as well. Just as I could tell her smile was breaking, she hugged me.

It hurt, my whole body hurt, but it was comforting at the same time to be held again. She let go of me and said something. 

She stood up and went toward her closet. She grabbed a large cloak and something else. She placed the thing on my laps. 

I didn’t recognise it right away. It was soft and dark. Although my eyes were blurry and my mind hazy, I finally remembered. 

Darkie!

I hugged him strongly.

[I missed you so much…] I whispered

“I missed you too.” He whispered back

I looked up at Goldie, but before I could say anything, she placed a finger in front of her mouth. 

I nodded. I guess someone could hear us.

She made me lie down on the bed and tucked me under the blanket. She then put on the cloak and waved at me lightly as she headed out the window, leaving me alone in the room with the dancing candle.

I held Darkie tightly as I waited for Goldie to come back.

But that proved impossible. Under the comforting weight of the blanket, my eyes closed on their own.

It had been too long since I'd been covered by anything other than that stiff, scratchy blue dress. The weight of the blanket felt warm. Gentle. 

Like something out of a dream.

Blue and pink… Images of my mother and father surfaced in my mind. 

I suddenly felt short of breath and cold sweat ran down my back.

Please don’t find me... Please, please, please… Just leave me alone.

“Silika? What’s wrong?” Darkie asked as I squeezed him harder.

[It’s nothing. I’m ok now.]

I think I’ve seen enough of those colours for a lifetime.

The warmth of the blanket calmed my mind, and I closed my eyes again.

I suddenly felt the ground shake. I opened my eyes, and I was back on the cold marble floor of my room. I saw the shadow of feet filter through the seam of the door. I tried to run away, but they caught me. I tried to scream but they covered my mouth. I struggled and struggled until I noticed the light of the candle.

I was back in Goldie’s room. 

She was holding her hand over my mouth while signalling me to be quiet as she looked at the door in panic. I stopped struggling and stared at the door too.  She said something toward it and then waited for a moment. She turned back to me and insisted on the finger in front of her lips. I nodded.

She released my mouth and made me stand up.

The candle had barely shrunk since she left. Only minutes had passed, but it had felt like hours. I was still trembling when she dressed me in a matching cloak and picked me up once more. We left the servants building through the window.

We walked through the gardens until we reached the wall of the estate. There was a ladder already propped there.

She climbed it while cradling me.

There was no ladder on the other side and so she dropped down roughly, still holding on to me.

This was the road around the estate. There, a coach waited in the shadow of a tree. A man was leaning on its side wearing all black with a hat covering his eyes. When he spotted us he waved us over.

Goldie jogged across as the man opened the door to the carriage. She sat me on the bench of the and handed the driver a bag that had been hanging from her side all this time.

She looked back at me, hugged me tightly, and kissed my forehead tenderly.

She looked at me one more time before closing the door of the coach.

Without leaving me time to say anything, the horses took off at full speed, throwing me against the back of the bench. I stood on my knees and looked back through the rear window at the dark shape of Goldie under the moonlight. 

Her golden eyes shone in the darkness. 

I wanted to call out to her, ask her why she wasn’t coming with me. But I couldn’t. I just watched her disappear under the moonlight.

We sped down the road and as I was staring out of the window we passed the front gate of the estate where two men stood guard.

I reflexively dropped in my seat.

Did they see me? Oh gods... Were they coming after us?

I didn’t breathe. Not until the gates were far behind us.

The coach driver kept going into the night.

After a while, we jolted to a stop at the edge of a dark forest. 

The driver came to my door and picked me up from the bench as I held on to Darkie. Outside, I saw a fallen tree blocking the road, and, on the other side, another coach and a driver waiting.

He carried me to this other man, who was dressed much less suspiciously, and passed me over to him. He also handed him the bag Goldie had given him. 

They nodded at each other and went their separate way.

The new driver smiled at me warmly and sat me at the back of his carriage. It was much smaller, with only enough space for two passengers at the back and a driver’s bench.

We departed again just as the sun began to rise ahead of us between the ears of the horses.

I didn’t know where we were going. But for the first time, in what felt like a lifetime, I began to hope.

As I looked at the sky, I saw tiny glitters reflected in the waking sun’s light.

I poked my head outside the window just in time for something cold to land on my nose.

[Snow…]

“It’s so pretty!”

[Yes. Very pretty.]

I closed my eyes as I felt the cold speck slowly melt into water on my skin.

It’s so quiet now. The fear and pain subsided for a moment, leaving only the comfortable silence of the cool wind rubbing away the tears rolling down my cheeks.

I could feel it, now. 

My life. 

My quiet life will be okay.