6. Sinful nature

The next morning, Goldie woke me up at first light and dressed me in a white and blue dress. She had a somber expression as she did so and wouldn’t meet my eyes. It made me worried, but I complied. After yesterday, I got the idea that I was in serious trouble.

She picked me up and I tried to grab Darkie, but she stopped me and shook her head. It made me nervous to leave without my plush, but from Goldie’s expression, I could tell there was no room for argument. 

I felt a pit in my stomach as I let go of Darkie’s black and golden paw. 

As she carried me out of the room, I looked back one last time. Darkie’s small black shape became smaller and smaller as we rounded the corner of the doorframe.

[Don’t worry, I’ll be right back!] I whispered.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you!” He whispered back.

Goldie carried me through the estate on the same path we had yesterday, but instead of the diningroom, she brought me through the front doors to a horse-drawn carriage.

Inside sat my mother and father. 

They looked at me with a stern, distant expression as Goldie sat me on the seat opposite of them and draped a blanket over my knees. She stepped out and gave me a weak wave before closing the door behind her. 

I was alone with my parents.

Normally, that would have made me happy. But now, I felt like a small animal in a cage. My mother’s warm smiles were gone, replaced by a cold, spiteful looks. My father’s arms, once open to hold me, were folded tightly across his chest.

As I sat there under their judging gaze, the carriage departed. 

The trip felt like it took hours. I wish they had let me bring Darkie. It would have made the trip a little easier.

Maybe he was the reason they got mad at me last night? But why? He’s a good bunny… I’d never brought a toy to the table before; maybe that was against the rules?

The carriage stopped. The coach driver opened the door and daylight blinded me for a moment. Once he helped me out, my eyes adjusted. I recognised this place. We were at the Church of Meiriem. We usually came here to worship every few weeks or on holidays.

My parents started walking. I tried to grab my mother’s hand, but she pulled away with a sharp look. I looked to my father for help, but he had already walked ahead. 

I tried to follow on my unsteady legs, but no more than ten steps in, I lost my balance and fell onto the pavement. Leaving painful bruises across my knees and palms. 

My mother, annoyed, yanked me to my feet and reluctantly dragged me along by the hand. I struggled to keep up with her pace, and lost my balance several more times, earning glares from both my parents.

We crossed beneath the large stone arches of the church’s grand lobby, and into the main atrium. 

Facing the door was a large water basin with sculpted statues of a man and woman, representing the dual nature of Meiriem’s love. I was told that the water of this basin came from a miracle performed by Meiriem themselves and was blessed by Meiriem’s Kinsmanns every day. 

My father dipped his finger in the basin and traced a line down the centre of his face. He did the same to my mother, and finally to me. 

We moved toward the altar where two Kinsmanns were waiting. 

They exchanged quiet words with my father before escorting us down a hallway to a large oak door. 

My mother let go of my hand, and she and my father entered the room, but before I could follow, one of the Kinsmanns gently held me back.

Before I could see what was in the room, the door closed, and I was left with the stranger. 

I wasn’t familiar with him and didn’t want to hold onto him, but as I stood still, the world began to tilt. I held on for as long as I could, but after struggling to stay on my feet, I lost my balance and fell backwards. 

The man caught me, clearly startled. He then guided me by the hand to an alcove where I could sit. 

From there, I could see a window on the opposite wall.

An older Kinsmann came by and started talking about something with the one escorting me, and pulled him away some distance down the hallway.

Through the window, I could see the church gardens stretched before me. Fall had already arrived. Most of the flowers had faded or been trimmed, and the trees glowed with orange, yellow, and red. Birds rummaged through the leaves for seeds and worms.

A black bird with an orange beak landed on a ledge at the top of the window where a small venting trap had been left open. 

It looked around, then locked eyes with me. 

Slowly, it glided down to the floor without breaking its gaze. 

I stared at it, transfixed. 

Looking into its dark eyes, I imagined wind rushing past my cheeks. I could see the top of the trees and the houses far below as I soared high in the sky above.

As I tried to look deeper into this vision of freedom in the gleaming dark eyes of the bird, it let out a piercing caw. So loud I could hear it in my bones. In my soul. 

The first and only sound I had heard in months. 

My heart stopped. Not from fear, but from something else entirely. A feeling I couldn’t explain.

I opened my mouth to call out, but just then, the oak door opened and the bird flew away. 

The world returned to its usual silent self.

The young Kinsmann from earlier came back and helped me down the alcove. I then followed him into the room that my parents had entered a moment ago. 

At the far end was an altar depicting two intertwined foxes. Light streamed in through high windows, illuminating it in a soft glow.

My parents stood on either side of a man I recognised: the Bishop. He usually led the sermons in this church. His greying blue hair peeked out from beneath a small square hat perched atop his head. How it stayed in place was a mystery to me.

He smiled gently and motioned me forward. The Kinsmann let go of my hand and I walked closer until I stood only a few steps away from the bishop. 

I did my best to stand straight, but that proved more difficult by the second.

The bishop lifted my chin. It seemed to be something all Kinsmanns did.

He stared straight into my eyes. A chill ran down my spine as his piercing blue eyes scanned over me. 

He said something, but I couldn’t understand. Not wanting to say anything stupid, I stayed silent. 

He let go of my chin, but kept his gaze locked with mine. 

He spoke again, still watching me closely, but I remained silent.

My knees were beginning to buckle slightly from standing up and still for so long. I scratched an itch on my arm as he kept on staring at me. 

He crouched so we were eye level. His face was inches away from mine now and I had to resist the urge to pull away. He brought his hand to my side and he moved his lips again, but all I could feel was my balance failing me.

[I’m sorry but could I take a sea–]

He slapped me.

The strike knocked me off my feet.

I hit the floor hard. My cheek stung, and the pain immediately brought me to tears.

The Kinsmann who’d escorted me rushed forward, but the Bishop raised a hand and stopped him.

He turned to the others in the room and said something. Their faces darkened.

My parents looked at me with open disgust and disdain. 

He made a dismissive gesture toward me and gave an order. 

I was lifted and shoved under someone’s arm like luggage and unceremeneously carried out. 

The world became a blur. 

Before I could make sense of what had just happened, I was thrown down onto the front steps of the church.

I screamed in pain as I hit the ground.

The coach driver rushed to me and started picking me up, glaring at the Kinsmann that had just discarded me. 

The Kinsmann said something to him before spitting on the ground. 

The driver bit his lip and said nothing. He carried me to the carriage, and we left immediately, without waiting for my parents… 

I sat alone on the bench.

Crying. Confused. In pain.

What did I do wrong?

Did I offend the bishop?

Ela said the church punishes those who offend them...

Was this my punishment?