Chapter 5-5: The Death of David Saunders
Added 2024-11-13 01:00:04 +0000 UTCThere's always some hesitation around posting n
Comments
Thank you for the kind words, and detailed feedback. It means a lot, and it's good to know that for at least one reader, the scene worked. After a few false starts, I think the way I found into the scene was by writing it from Julia's PoV. It's strains credibility--nobody really talks that way, in that kind of detail--but I wanted to maintain distance from what was happening. It also meant the scene's focus was on her revenge and her emotional reaction to it, rather than David's. (We'll explore his reaction a bit later, though for the time being he's in full repression mode.) Again, thanks for the comment, it's very encouraging. With the start of chapter 6 we're back onto the main plotline, but we'll be getting back to Tom, soon. After all, those wedding bells need ringing at some future point!
David Sanders
2024-11-13 07:16:07 +0000 UTCGreat work. I can see why it was a hard thing to write. It was brutal and a little sobering, but once again you're turning the tropes on their head turning what would be the 'pay off' into a pivotal defining point in David's metamorphosis and a tragic one at that. The way you have written the sex scene you've been able to very cleverly have your cake and eat it too. It serves as the central climactic forced fem/femdom scene these stories are usually built exclusively around. But you've also managed to go inside the scene with a critical and human way. Caleb's final stand and Julia's conflicted feelings really add a level of reality and genuine human drama you rarely if ever see. Julia's last minute way too late change of heart and the tragedy of her getting her wish after all was deftly done. She leaves with a finality that is not quite final and I think shes been almost as damaged by the whole affair as David. Tom's entry (pun shamefully intended) was so blunt and forthright it feels like David would want to never see him again and yet we know it ends (or gets to its final act(s)) so it's going to be fascinating to see how we get from here to there. Tom is likely to be a lot less sympathetic than Cindy or K have been as antagonists, but since we know where he finishes It's probably best if he's an unambiguous bastard. I hope we'll revisit the Tom meeting Cindy scene from David/Cindys POV in the following installment once the hidden behind the scenes are known. Would love to see his true intent and reactions. And David's final maniacal morning laugh like he just pulled the wool over her eyes was a sharp turn. Massive cliff hanger.
Julia
2024-11-13 06:12:33 +0000 UTC
