Constant in All Other Things 3, Chapter 1 (v2)
Added 2024-04-29 11:13:09 +0000 UTCSo, taking on board a little feedback, I went a
Comments
Thank you! I'm glad the editing version comes off as more plausible. I'm still not quite done with the earlier parts of the chapter--always the temptation to tweak here and there!--but for now I'm pushing on to the conclusion of the chapter.
David Sanders
2024-05-01 07:03:28 +0000 UTCA really good chapter. All the disparate parts come together wonderfully. I like the way you have finished up with Dan and introduced 'the girls' with the organic office drama scene, and the reworked introduction to The Boss I think works a lot better too. Julia's reaction to the stories give them a good deal of weight and the discrete reminder that the funeral is in large part a performance for Julia and the Clinic Gang give the more 'girly' revelations and behaviours more believability. You're able to have a 'visible' more accepting Cindy while still maintaining a 'secret' vehemently opposed David. While the narrative needs David to become Cindy in order to reach the final destination, the tropes and fan service still need that touch of deniability. A happy well adjusted TG protagonist genuinely comfortable in his/her new skin makes for a dull read. All in all a superb way to kick off the Book Three finale.
Julia
2024-05-01 06:43:32 +0000 UTCFixed! (Though not here on the patreon version. I'll get to that next.)
David Sanders
2024-04-29 20:27:34 +0000 UTCAh, man--thanks for catching that! I'll go fix it.
David Sanders
2024-04-29 15:46:44 +0000 UTCI noticed a small issue: Sometimes he’s called Mr. Connor and sometimes he’s called Mr. Collin.
Bob
2024-04-29 15:43:21 +0000 UTC
