Finished Chapter: Second Interlude (3/3)
Added 2023-11-24 14:02:02 +0000 UTCAs the second part of the Interlude is taking a
Comments
Hoping to have the redraft of the second part ready to share soon!
David Sanders
2023-11-27 14:15:30 +0000 UTCWhen I read the description of the prosthetic (17cm etc) I assumed that some sort of surgical intervention had been performed (anaesthetic and quick healing etc.). If you drop that part of the nurse's explanation then it could be something that David discovers for himself (or someone else discovers for him...) later on..... As ever, just an idea. I'm really enjoying seeing the story progress.
Asklepios
2023-11-27 11:40:40 +0000 UTCAll very good points! I'm looking forward to writing Julia's reaction to all this - as you note, torn between glee and anger. It should make for a good scene, I hope. As for the prosthetic - it's a tricky one! Obviously, I've put some time in trying to create a sense of... reality? around what is pure fantasy, ie David's transformation, using a word-salad of sci-fi and contemporary terms to make it plausible to the reader. The prosthetic sits at the very limit of that fantasy. I'm trimming a few centimeters to bring it down to 10cm - about 4in - so slightly below average male penis length (according to a quick Google search) and right in the middle of average female vagina depth (according to a little more quick Google research). This keeps open the possibility for a range of erotic scenes in the near future, I think. Is it plausible? It's definitely falling back on a fantastical suspension of disbelief in the reader which I admit may be a little jarring considering the effort at verisimilitude elsewhere. I suppose we need to imagine something that directs the male organ at an angle along the curve of the body, towards the anus--and assume the partner in that situation doesn't notice in the passion of the moment. Or something like that. It's a good point that if the prosthetic is as good as the real thing, it diminishes the need for a physical change (other than replacing the thing every few months) - I'll have a think about it.
David Sanders
2023-11-25 09:50:55 +0000 UTCAll the usual superlatives apply. It's great, well paced, well written. Engaging dialog, character development and the cliff hanger reintroduction of Sakura is full of intrigue. Very much looking forward to Julia finding out about the Prosthetic Vagina (which sounds like a Vogon spaceship captain) And wondering how far Dan will get now. I'm guessing Julia will be somewhere between angry about losing the cock she liked to fuck and laughing hilariously at David losing the cock he liked to fuck with. One thing though, and I hate to ask an author to consider the benefits of being shallow. Regarding the prosthetic, is seventeen cm a bit too deep for an external prosthetic? I just find the physicality of that a bit hard to envisage. Further more from a plotting stand point, that's effectively as good as a full vaginal cavity which will make any further surgery for a 'real' one redundant in the future. A shallower one with only clitoral stimulation that works as a disguise for closer scrutiny is good, while still edging David closer to full womanhood, but with a limit that he will find frustrating as hell. Maybe a much shallower entry allowing for fingers? This would make David need to find excuses with Dan in future, making him have to play up to his 'small town girl' heritage, saying hes waiting for marriage, or claiming Catholicness. This could probably lead to him 'regretfully' accepting anal to please his man as his alter ego of Cindy often does. Gives a further final stage for David to go and further plot devices that might make such a thing necessary. A need to pass a vigorous medical exam, a short stint in prison needing pass a deep cavity body search, perhaps even an unexpected reaction between the prosthetic and the 'juice' regressing/mutating his genitalia beneath. As always, mere suggestions to be discarded as you see fit, but thought I'd bring it up.
Julia
2023-11-25 09:05:30 +0000 UTC
