Sneak Peak: Nearly Complete (Interlude 2)
Added 2023-08-29 18:07:17 +0000 UTCWriting on holiday should be easier than during
Comments
Apologies for the delay in replying! Glad you enjoyed it - I'm still tinkering with how the scene plays out. I think I'm fairly commited to this part being from Crystal's PoV, but David's narration - and hopefully can convince that he's got a reason for sharing. Working on the Chad scene this week - writing is currently going pretty well, so looking good for completing the first full draft of the chapter(s) soon!
David Sanders
2023-09-13 18:41:05 +0000 UTCThis was really good. I do think that the description of the interactions with Dan seemed to start veering towards the first person non-Interlude narration, and it did feel like it was more information than I would have expected David/Cindy to reveal to Krystal. I do think readers want to know what happened with Dan and that the situation is well-written, though. Maybe a flashback could work better, where we see David/Cindy reveal some elements (maybe hiding some elements) where the reader finds out what happened by reading the flashback? You did employ some flashback-like sequences in the dates with Dan, where David remembers past lovers. Just some thoughts. Interested in seeing what’s going on with the Chad character, which also really intrigues me about how a third-person narration from Dan’s point of view would look like.
Bob
2023-09-01 23:55:59 +0000 UTCAbsolutely - and I think it's pretty significant, too (but I'm also a pendant). The timeline for this thing has gotten a bit messy since I've come back to it, for various reasons, and the timings don't really match up at the moment. David's age, for instance, when I first started writing had him in his twenties (I think), but this has been pushed back to mid-to-late thirties to leave room for more background stuff, and to also add a little more depth to the difference in experience of being Cindy. Also adds more emphasis to the whole sci-fi, regenerative medicine angle. I'm planning to tidy it all up on the final edit....
David Sanders
2023-08-31 12:25:57 +0000 UTCThe second is about timings, previously you've mentioned that the raid was on the same night as David witnessed the murder, with this you appear to have pushed it back to a couple of years ago... It's not significant but the pedant in me wanted to point it out. The knitting scene in particular works so much better than it did in isolation....
Asklepios
2023-08-30 16:53:34 +0000 UTC
