Wish Upon a Comet, Chapter 1

Only a couple of pages left of Chapter 5! I wrote this one ages ago and only decided to publish it now. This was my attempt to write a non-porn mainstream YA romance. I quickly realized that its premise wasn’t exactly mainstream. I still like the characters, so I might continue it if there’s a demand. Let me know what you think in your DMs or comments!

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I don’t get why they say “butterflies in my stomach.” Right now, it felt more like a thousand angry wasps.

I was going to do it. I can’t do it. I should do it. Oh, hell, what was I getting myself into?

“You okay?” Gravelly voice, vibrations in my ear, sweet, innocent concern in his voice—

I picked my head up and looked at Ryder, Ryder with open lips, the glimpse of teeth, the jut of his nose, the furrow of brows—I didn’t deserve to have him as my best friend.

He was perfect. The captain of the soccer team. With his long flowing brown hair. His tight, lean, muscular body. And he was the nicest guy I knew. We met on the first day of 1st grade, I was alone by myself at recess, I didn’t know anyone at the school, and I was so shy. Then this other kid, with shaggy brown hair and a big grin, came running over to me and asked ‘Hey, you look lonely, can I be your friend?’. That’s just Ryder.

Ryder’s stuck by me ever since, with everything. We were inseparable. When we started high school and he joined the soccer team, I figured that was the end of our friendship. But no, Ryder still made every effort to fit me into his hectic life, in between studying and practice. We had a standing Movie Night every Friday where we’d watch old horror and sci-fi movies. I know Ryder didn’t like the sci-fi stuff as much as me, but he never complained about my choices.

I still don’t really understand why he continued to hang out with me. He was a jock, I was a shy nerdy kid. The good kind of nerd, with the grades, but my unkempt hair made me look more like a skater and a bit of a slacker. He was all lean muscle, tan skin, shaggy brown hair, I was pale as a ghost, freckles, a wild mess of red curls, skinny as fuck. We made the weirdest pair.

“Hey, Earth to Jeremy!”

“Huh?” My eyes refocused. Oh God, I totally spaced out staring at his perfect jawline, perfect teeth, perfect nose… nope nope nope.

“I asked if you were okay. What’s up, Jer?”

I shook my head, trying to empty my mind of all no-go thoughts. I had to do this, I wasn’t going to give up. But not yet. Not quite yet.

“I’m okay, sorry, I’m excited for tonight is all!” We were on our way to the beach. Ryder was driving us in his car. The sun was getting close to setting. It was the summer after our senior year of high school, and Ryder said that it was going to be the “Summer of Ryder and Jeremy”. He had a bunch of things he wanted to check off his bucket list before he went off to play soccer at UVA and I went to UNC-Chapel Hill to study chemistry, and I was his designated partner in crime. First on the list? See Brogan’s Comet.

“Yeah, I’m so excited, man! I was reading an article about it earlier. You know how the comet only shows up every 500 years?” Ryder became more animated and excited as he talked, he started talking faster and drumming his fingers on the stearing wheel. “Well, they found this old illuminated manuscript with pictures and a record of the last time the comet showed up. Apparently, a bunch of freaky shit went down and there was some big uproar about witchcraft, and the comet being some kind of bad omen. Isn’t that wild? Sounds kinda like Suspiria. Or ooh, Color Out of Space!”

The one thing Ryder and I had in common was our love for horror movies, especially the old ones. Ryder was really into the occult. He was like a weird goth kid in the body of a tan soccer jock god.

“Yeah, wild.” I wanted to say more, but the hornets were back and I had to swallow down bile as it rose in my throat.

“Dude, you sure you’re okay? You don’t look so good…” Ryder slowed the car and put on his hazards then moved over into the breakdown lane, like he could read my mind. As soon as we were clear I burst out of the passenger seat, tackled through the door, and retched.

I must have puked my brains out. Yup, there was breakfast and lunch. My heart was pounding and some tears rolled down my face. I couldn’t let it get to me like this. I had to be brave, like Ryder. I wasn’t going to chicken out. This was my chance.

I felt a hand on my back rubbing in small circles. I looked up, and Ryder’s face was fixed in concern.

“Are you sure you want to do this, buddy? We can turn back.”

No! Ryder had been talking about this for months, he was so excited. I wasn’t going to be the cause of him missing this, I couldn’t do that. Besides, I promised myself I was finally going to come clean to him tonight. Despite my stomach’s best efforts to sabotage me, I wasn’t going to give up.

“No, no. I want to see it. I’m fine, must have eaten something weird for lunch, c’mon let’s go!” I plastered on the best smile I could and tried to will the raging storm in my stomach calm.

We got back in the car and resumed our drive. As we got closer to the beach, the sun went down further, turning the sky different shades of purple, magenta, orange. I hoped we were going to make it in time. “We’ll make it in time, don’t worry.” Ryder said. How could he always know what I was thinking? That’s just Ryder.

Pretty soon, we pulled into the parking lot and Ryder grabbed the blanket and cooler out of his trunk before we trudged down to the beach. Ryder set down the blanket and started pulling out the sandwiches he (well, Georgia, his mom) had made.

“Hey, if your stomach is still weird, maybe you should hold off on eating anything?” Ryder furrowed his brow at me. He was always taking care of me, protecting me. I’m pretty sure the only reason I wasn’t bullied was because he was my best friend. Why did he have to be so nice to me all the damn time?

Spending an entire summer with Ryder sounded like heaven and hell rolled into one. That’s what happens when you fall in love with your straight best friend. On one hand, a summer with Ryder! He broke up with his girlfriend last month because he was going off to college, so I have him all to myself. On the other hand, it’s torture to spend time with him and not be able to rake my fingers through his long brown hair, get lost in his hazel eyes, kiss his pouty lips…

Ugh, I wish I could make my brain stop. It was awful keeping all these feelings buried, which is why I was going to finally say it tonight. It had the potential to be a double whammy of bad, but I knew Ryder enough to know that he wasn’t a homophobe, and probably his reaction would be something amazingly kind and understanding like “I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same way. But I still want to be friends.” Because that’s just Ryder.

“C’mon Jer, tell me what’s going on. Comet isn’t supposed to be visible for another 30 minutes.”

I sputtered a bit, trying to think of a plausible excuse for why I was so off. Something that wasn’t the truth: 'I’m gay. I’m gay for you, specifically. I’ve been in love with you for years and I never had the guts to say anything and now that we’re leaving for college a state apart I know I’ll regret it if I never let it all out.' Instead, I deflected. 

“I said I’m fine, Ry. Please, let’s just look at the stars.” That came out with more of an edge than I intended. Ryder gave me a small smile, looking a little hurt, but nodded and turned back to the sky. God, why was I being such a jerk? Ryder was just being an amazing, kind, considerate person, like he always is, and I was being a fucking brat. Because I’m a coward. I’m a spineless coward. I wish I was more like Ryder, who was always brave and said exactly what he felt.

We spent the next half hour pointing out constellations to each other. Ryder and I both laid down on the blanket he brought, him digging into his sandwich and me gingerly nibbling mine. His eyes sparkled in the moonlight as we searched the sky for stars. Ryder was talking, excitedly pointing out different stars he recognized like a little kid. The way his bushy eyebrows went up his forward when he was excited, the way his slightly crooked grin grew wider with each new discovery…

“What?” Ryder had turned his head and now was looking right back at me. Oh right, I had totally gotten lost staring at him again. Great.

“Nothing. Sorry.” What excuse could I offer for being such a monumental creep?

He chuckled and reached over and actually ruffled my hair. Like I was a little puppy or something. I bit my lip and tried to suppress the feeling in my stomach (and pants) of wanting him to grab my ginger curls and just-

NOPE. Not going to go there.

“Jer, look, there it is!!” Ryder propped himself up on his elbow and used his free hand to point it out in the sky. Oh wow, it was amazing!! A big orb of white, almost kinda purple-y, trailing across the night sky, behind it a tail that was like a bunch of different shifting. Despite being so far away, it still looked so huge, so close, like I could reach it.

“Make a wish, buddy.” Ryder said, and I rolled my eyes. He was never afraid to say corny shit like that. It’s not like we were little kids anymore. But, I closed my eyes and humored him anyways.

I wish Ryder loved me the same way I loved him.

It was stupid, so fucking childish, but what harm was it? You wish for things that will never come true anyways. No sense in wishing for something that’s a sure bet.

When I opened my eyes and looked back at Ryder, his beautiful hazel eyes were staring right back at me. Only, something about the way he was looking at me was different. Rather than concern, his brow was furrowed in something else. He bit his lip, and my eyes couldn’t help but wander to his full lips, and my tongue swiped over my own lips. God, I wanted him to kiss me.

And then he did.

Ryder grabbed my red mop and pulled me into him as he crashed his lips against mine. I was too shocked and freaked out to do anything as Ryder gave me my first kiss. He was so passionate too, mashing his lips against mine, sucking a little on my bottom lip and pushing my mouth open a little bit so his tongue could join mine. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.

After a while I came back to reality. Ryder’s tongue was in my mouth. His lips were on mine, he was kissing me like a fish dying for water. He was kissing me like I had seen him kiss Ashleigh, his ex, a million times (a very special kind of torture, I can assure you.) Holy shit, I think I was going to pass out.

I clapped my hand on his shoulder to get him to stop and he pulled away, looking like a puppy who was getting chastised. God, he was so cute, and over me? Why was he kissing me? What was going on? A million questions raced through my brain, and of course that made it out of my mouth was the worst possible one.

“Ryder, WHAT THE FUCK!?”

Ryder looked down at his fidgeting hands. Oh, shit. He looked so nervous. He looked like a puppy that had just been kicked.

“Jer, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I just, I… I love you, Jeremy. And I just really wanted to kiss you.” His eyes went to my lips, and I suddenly felt self-conscious. They were full of both regret and… desire. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me, I wasn’t thinking, I just did it. Fuck, I can’t believe I did that. You must hate me now.”

What the actual fucking fuck??? Is this real life? Maybe I passed out earlier after emptying my stomach and this is some kind of fever dream. I pinched myself just to check. Nope, this is real. Somehow.

“Ryder, are you serious? You’re not messing with me, right?” Ryder wouldn’t do something like that, he didn’t prank people, and he always told his soccer teammates off when they said or did stupid shit. He’s been my best friend since we were 7, he wasn’t trying to trick me or anything like that. Right?

“Y-yeah, I am Jer. Fuck, I don’t know why I did that. Well, no, I do know. I want to kiss you so badly. Even now. Can I?”

“W-what, no! I mean, yes!! I mean, I don’t know! Ry, are you even gay? What’s going on?”

Ryder knitted his eyebrows together, thinking hard for a second. Then his face broke out in a goofy grin.

“I’m totally gay for you, Jeremy.”

It’s like every word coming out of Ryder’s mouth was a foreign language to me. I needed to lay down. No, wait, I already was laying down. Ryder looked at me expectedly. I needed to say something. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“Me, me too, Ry. Well, not gay for you specifically, just gay in general, but I mean, also you specifically because I’ve loved you for fucking years and I never said anything, and I never, ever, never thought you’d feel the same way, like what the actual fuck Ryder? I-”

Before I could continue babbling on like an idiot, Ryder grabbed my hair again (oh my god) and pulled me in for another kiss. As he kissed me harder and harder, tongue once again snaking into my mouth, I felt his strong hands caress my tight stomach and the other one go right on my ass, and he squeezed me, and OH MY GOD. How is this real life?

Everything I wished for came true.