Case File 96

Case File Name:
Full Fucking Force.

♤Chapter Ninety-Six♤

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One—

"Okay-okay, check," I whispered, nearly pacing back and forth anxiously, "Just rip the band-aid off and tell me okay—no holding back."

I drew in a deep breath when the air around me grew quiet, anticipating what she might say.

This is our third try, and after this, I'm not sure what our next plan is.

"It's negative baby," I suddenly heard her say.

Which naturally made my shoulders sink in defeat, nodding a few times as I tried to take the news better than last time.

But the truth is, hearing it gets worse every fucking time.

"Maybe I just can't get pregnant or something, maybe—"

"Milena," Tazmin gently cut me short, grabbing my waist to stop me from pacing our bathroom, "We'll figure this out—I'll set up another appointment baby," she assured me.

I shook my head, "But then that's at least four more weeks of waiting to start a new IVF cycle and I just..." I trailed off, suddenly burying my face in her chest, "Why can't I get pregnant?" I whispered to her, feeling tears burn in my eyes.

It had been a year since we had sat on the sandy beaches of Turks and discussed children.

And the past three months we had decided to privately try for a baby.

Everything has settled back to normal and our daily lives are perfectly consistent.

Yes, the Gia issue is still ongoing, but we haven't heard a peep from her since everything happened last year—and we can't keep holding off our lives in fear that she could come back.

But it seems like we don't have to hold off our lives.

The universe clearly doesn't want me to have a child.

"You can get pregnant," my wife assured me, gently caressing my back, "It could just take a few tries baby."

I nodded, trying to push away the urge to cry but I swear that's all I could do.

And the fact that my hormones are all over the fucking place isn't helping matters.

"You're doing so well though baby—I swear you're so strong," Tazmin said, her tone so soft and reassuring with me, "I understand how hard this can be for you, especially with all the medicine you're on."

I sniffled a few times, nodding at her words that seemed to soothe me back down.

Especially with her soft touch caressing my back and the gentle kisses she placed on top of my head.

"It's going to be okay baby," Tazmin told me as I held her even tighter to my body for a deeper hug.

"I just... I feel like I'm letting you down too because you want a baby and—"

"You could never let me down, Milena," Tazmin quickly assured me, gently kneading her fingers into my lower back, "You're trying so hard for us and I swear I see that baby."

I nodded a few times in a row, letting out a deep sigh, "I am trying really hard," I whispered brokenly, hating that even more tears burned in my eyes, "And I hate that I can't stop fucking crying Tazmin—it's so fucking annoying," I forced out, burying my face deeper in her chest.

"I know baby, but it's entirely normal to feel this way," Tazmin told me, gently playing with my dark hair, "How about I get you set up in bed and grab your favorite tea and snacks?" she offered.

Which I immediately loved the idea of.

"Will you lay with me too?" I whispered, my voice barely audible and softer than before, "I know you had that meeting—"

"It's canceled now," Tazmin immediately assured me.

I felt a weak smile grow on my lips, "Okay," I forced out, slowly leaning away from her chest.

And before I could begin to wipe my tears, Tazmin reached up to gently wipe them away for me.

"I love you," she whispered to me, gently caressing her thumb against my cheek.

I smiled slightly, "I love you too," I whispered back, letting out a deep breath as she guided us out of the bathroom.

And luckily I had already gotten off of work, so I didn't have to worry about the office at least until tomorrow.

Because I just want to lay in bed and contemplate where this all went wrong.

The doctor doesn't see anything wrong—everything appears to be normal and I'm healthy.

Yet after our third try, there still isn't any use.

Maybe we should just adopt.

But that's even more time-consuming too.

It's all just so never-ending.

"I know these have been your favorite recently," Tazmin told me, setting the bag of hot Cheetos down on the bed as she handed me the warm mug of raspberry tea.

"I don't think I'm very hungry," I whispered, taking a sip of the warm tea she had made me.

Tazmin immediately nodded as she slid into the large bed beside me, "Okay baby, maybe we could have a late dinner then," she suggested to me as I leaned into her side.

I nodded a few times, "Yeah that sounds good to me," I said, taking another long sip of the tea.

But for some reason, I'm just not feeling it.

It tastes the same as usual but I think I'm not in the mood to drink it.

"What are you thinking for dinner?" Tazmin asked, gently caressing my side as her arm remained around my waist.

"Maybe we could grill something?" I suggested, racking my brain for what we could have.

"Grilled chicken?" my wife suggested, her dark eyes trailing my face, "Maybe the mashed potatoes that you like," she said, leaning down to press a soft kiss to my lips, "I could also make grilled squash and zucchini."

I hummed at her suggestion, feeling my mouth naturally water, "That sounds so good baby," I determined, handing her the half-empty mug to sit on the nightstand.

And as she did that, I laid my head in her lap, cuddling up even closer to her body.

"Thank you," I whispered as Tazmin gently played with my hair.

She has been so immensely supportive these past three months while I've been nothing but a mess.

"Bare minimum," Tazmin reminded me, her tone so soft with me as she gently grabbed my left hand resting in front of me.

And brought it to her lips, kissing my ring finger with the perfect diamond.

I let out a content sigh as I settled in her lap, allowing my eyes to slowly fall shut.

And as I rested my eyes, Tazmin continued playing with my hair—and later caressing her fingertips across my neck and jawline.

Which easily made resting my eyes turn into a short nap before we ended up making dinner together.

♤

Luckily, the next day Tazmin was able to get an appointment set up with our doctor.

I also felt a little better about the whole situation.

I just need to try and be a little more patient.

It will happen when it's the right time.

Hopefully.

"Not this again," I said, smiling as I walked into the kitchen.

Where Vic was seated at the breakfast bar eating Oreos.

It's currently my lunch break, and where better to spend it than at home with my wife?

And Vic I guess. 

But I grabbed Tazmin and I sushi from my favorite place—so we can sit on the couch and eat in each other's company. 

"I swear you eat Oreos in front of me on purpose," I told Vic as I set the takeout bags down, opening them to take the sushi containers out.

"Yeah, I purposely came here to eat them in front of you," Vic said, his tone sarcastic but the smile on his face proved he was being slightly truthful.

"At least share," I said, reaching over to grab one of the Oreos.

Vic raised a brow, "Now you like Oreos?" he asked almost in amusement.

I shrugged as I walked over to the fridge, "They aren't the worst—especially when you pair them with something," I said, opening the fridge and grabbing the dish of homemade cheesecake while eating the Oreo I grabbed.

"Oh that's fucking smart," Vic said as soon as I set the dish of cheesecake down.

I nodded happily, "And we can sprinkle the Oreos on top," I suggested, grabbing two plates for us, "I could also drizzle on some caramel."

Vic immediately nodded almost three times in a row, watching as I cut two slices of cheesecake for us and plated them.

"And now the Oreos," I said grabbing some of the Oreos and crushing them up in my hands over each plate of cheesecake.

And once I grabbed the caramel sauce to drizzle over it, Vic and I were seated at the kitchen counter eating the dessert.

"Genius," Vic said, chewing a few times as I ate more of the cheesecake.

Which I had basically almost finished in three bites.

But I felt really fucking hungry.

"I am a genius honestly," I sighed contently, standing up with my empty plate to put the cheesecake away in the fridge with the caramel sauce.

And almost as soon as it was all away—I was nearly tearing the sushi container open, impatiently opening the chopsticks.

"Damn Lena," Vic said, laughing slightly as he took another bite of his cheesecake that I made him.

I gave him a blank look, "Says the one who eats six meals a day," I pointed my chopsticks at him with a narrowed look.

Which immediately made Vic put his hands up in defense, "Do you I guess," he said, watching as I grabbed a piece of sushi with the chopsticks.

I hummed as I chewed the California roll dipped in soy sauce and wasabi.

Until I suddenly felt my mouth water—and not in a good way.

I furrowed my brows, setting the chopsticks down as soon as my stomach swirled with the most unbearable feeling.

"Lena?" I heard Vic's voice echo in my ears.

But the mushy sushi in my mouth that I refused to swallow only made my nausea triple.

"You good?" Vic said, suddenly standing from his chair when I took off toward the nearest bathroom.

And I swear I nearly slammed the door open and fell to my knees by the toilet—spitting out the bite of sushi along with the bile that violently rose up my throat.

"Oh shit," I heard Vic say from behind me before I could feel my hair get pulled out of my face.

I scrunched my burning eyes shut as more bile climbed up my throat—nearly coughing up everything I had eaten today.

"Fuck," I choked out, coughing up more of the sour bile.

Until finally, I was left with nothing else to throw up.

Which easily earned a wavered sigh from me, relaxing against the cold toilet.

Something isn't right.

I suddenly glanced away from the toilet, hearing the loud garage door open along with the engine of her car.

"Don't tell Tazmin anything about this," I said to Vic, who naturally tilted his head.

But I wanted to make sure this wasn't a false alarm before getting both our hopes up.

Because we just tested negative yesterday.

So this must be a mistake.

Unless...

"Victor I'm serious," I said, reaching up to flush the toilet before standing to my feet with the help of Vic.

"Alright, I guess I got you," he said in confusion as I tucked my dark hair behind my ears.

"Okay good, just keep her occupied for a moment and tell her I'm um using the bathroom," I quickly rushed out as soon as I heard the door to the house open.

And before Vic could confirm anything, I rushed past him out of the bathroom to head upstairs.

Where I immediately ran through our room and toward the bathroom.

Where boxes of pregnancy tests sat neatly under the sink.

I quickly closed the door and locked it, heading over toward the toilet as I ripped the Clearblue box open.

And as I sat on the toilet, I awkwardly peed on the stick—which is still the most weird and humbling thing of my fucking life.

But as soon as I finished and sat the test over on the sink—I felt my nerves naturally grow, wiping myself and pulling my underwear back up.

And as I pulled my black work dress back down, I anxiously grabbed my phone and turned on a stopwatch.

I couldn't set a timer since it would go off and I didn't want to make any sounds.

Even if they are downstairs I still want to be cautious.

I let out a deep sigh as I washed my hands in the sink, unconsciously eyeing my stomach for a moment.

Until I reached for the hand towel and dried my hands off—deciding to brush my teeth while I was at it.

And once I finished, I hesitantly ran my hands across my stomach—turning to the side as I imagined the possibility of a smaller human growing inside of me.

I dropped my hands from my stomach with an annoyed sigh, knowing I would probably get another negative result again.

And then my mood would be ruined for the rest of the day.

But at least Tazmin's won't be so that's a plus.

I suddenly glanced over when the stopwatch on my phone hit three minutes.

And naturally, a sigh fell from my lips as I glanced over to the pregnancy test that I knew was negative.

Until I did a double-take.

I drew in a deep breath, picking the test up from the counter in shock.

"Oh my god," I whispered, feeling a grin spread onto my face as I read the one word I had prayed to see for months.

Pregnant.

"I'm pregnant," I whispered, shaking my head a few times when tears burned in my eyes.

Until I suddenly reached back under the sink, deciding to take two more tests to be safe.

Because clearly, one isn't enough.

Ironically, we normally take two but for some reason, we didn't yesterday.

And it was a false negative.

Especially when I tested positive on the next two tests.

I swear I was grinning so hard that my cheeks grew sore.

All I could do was do small excited twirls, running my hands over my stomach as I celebrated a huge victory.

It only sucks because Tazmin isn't here to celebrate with me.

But now that means I get to surprise her with the news.

I let out a deep excited breath, suddenly scooping all the pregnancy tests up and deciding to hide them somewhere.

The first spot I could think of was in one of my numerous Birkins in the closet.

At least until tomorrow since I want to tell her as soon as possible.

Mostly because I'm way too fucking excited to keep this in.

I let out a nervous sigh as I approached the kitchen where I knew Tazmin and Vic were, smoothing down my dress as I got closer.

And as soon as I emerged into the open living area, Tazmin's dark eyes were on me—a small smile growing on her face as I approached her.

"Hi baby," I said to her, immediately pulling her into a hug.

"Hi beautiful," Tazmin said, running her hands around my waist and pulling me closer to her, "How was work this morning?" she asked me as we naturally pulled away from the hug for a brief kiss.

"Good... just the typical cases," I said, ignoring the amused side eye that Vic gave me, "What about you? How's your day?" I asked her.

Tazmin only kissed my lips again, "Good," she murmured, kissing my lips yet again, "Better now that I'm here with you."

I smiled even wider as I stared up at her, "You're so sweet," I mumbled, eyeing her perfect face that I reached up to hold in my hands.

Tazmin only hummed as she eyed my appearance entirely, "I just missed you," she told me, reaching past me for the chopsticks.

"I missed you more," I whispered, immediately leaning away from the sushi she offered me.

Especially when my nausea suddenly came back in full fucking force.

Which immediately made Tazmin's brows furrow, noticing the visible inhale I took as I pulled away from her.

"Sorry, I just—I'm still full from the snack I had," I forced out, clenching my jaw to prevent an unsettled expression from growing on my face.

Tazmin nodded a few times as she chewed the bite she ended up taking for me, "That's okay, you could skip lunch and maybe we can eat dinner early tonight," she said, eyeing my face almost in concern.

Probably because of all the medicine I'm already on and then this weird behavior that I'm trying to hide until I can pull a surprise together for her.

"That sounds perfect—maybe we could do spaghetti or something," I suggested.

My wife laughed as she glanced over to Vic, "Or something doesn't ever mean anything—she just wants spaghetti," she told him, which made me jokingly roll my eyes.

"Learned that with Marie," Vic said as he drank his red Gatorade.

Tazmin only laughed again as she picked up another piece of sushi with her chopsticks, "How's Mav today? It seems like he and Mila are going strong," she said as I remained on the other end of the counter from her.

Which already looked unnatural, but I swear I couldn't be near her while she ate that sushi.

Vic nodded, "Yeah, five months without breaking up is a milestone for them," he joked, shaking his head.

"And Mila still hasn't heard from Gia?" I asked, even if I already knew the answer.

Like I actually knew the answer.

Mostly because Tazmin is working with the FBI to find Gia.

Everyone's phone is tapped—even mine just in case Gia decides to call me and we can track her location.

Apparently, those files she stole show evidence that she had been selling some of the organ donations on the black market.

But that's not my business I guess...

"Nah Mila was weirded out by what she did," Vic said as Tazmin continued eating her sushi.

Which is something I wish I could eat right now but physically can't.

It's actually upsetting that the baby doesn't like sushi.

Where will I take him or her for our little lunch dates?

"Mil?" I heard Tazmin suddenly say, cutting into my thoughts.

I blinked a few times, "Sorry, I was a little zoned out," I said, immediately forcing a smile.

Tazmin's dark eyes openly analyzed my face, "We were just thinking about grilling out tomorrow—maybe doing a pool day," she said, suddenly setting her chopsticks down, "Are you okay?" she asked, eyeing my face yet again.

I nodded before I could think it through, "I'm good—just really tired," I quickly said, nearly burning up at the lie.

I never lie to her and I hate even doing it—but I know it'll be worth it when I surprise her.

"How about you go lay down for a quick nap?" my wife suggested, gently sliding her arms around my waist, "You could skip therapy today and just head into the office when you wake up."

I smiled at the idea, "That sounds nice," I admitted, knowing I was at least tired.

So that wasn't a lie.

"Good, I'll get the bed set up for you too," Tazmin said as she let go of my waist to gently grab my hand and guide us both upstairs.

"Catch you tomorrow Vic," I called over my shoulder, which easily earned a hum of acknowledgment from him as he scrolled on TikTok.

And pretty soon we were upstairs together—where Tazmin unmade the bed for me and set up the pillows how I liked them.

She also set an alarm for me and practically tucked me in which naturally made me smile.

And while I was beyond tired and ready to go to sleep—I was also really excited.

Naturally, I began imagining what our baby would look like as I closed my eyes to fall asleep.

I can't believe we're going to be parents.