Case File 89

Case File Name:

Back And Forth.

♤Chapter Eighty-Nine♤

The next night after self-isolation, I was right back to getting ready for a club outing.

Which I would've normally skipped considering the circumstances, but since it's the twin's birthday, I refuse to miss it.

I also managed to get my fucking act together too.

At least on the outside.

I look really fucking good tonight—especially in my flowy teal top that exposed my stomach and the matching mini skirt that shined with diamonds.

My dark hair was pulled into a high ponytail and braided precisely which illuminated my face covered in my usual makeup look.

I also wore gold accessories to accentuate the teal I wore—pulling on gold heels to match as well.

Once I was finally done getting ready, I walked out to my Uber waiting.

Considering I'll be drinking tonight, I decided not to drive to the club. 

But I do know I won't be drinking too much considering Tazmin will be there—and I'm already a fucking mess sober.

So I didn't pre-game or anything.

I just headed over to the newest club—which I was immediately let in to past the line once they knew my name.

And as expected, the twins were already surrounded by numerous people.

Shots were being handed out and everyone seemed hyped up and ready to get lit with the twins.

Aside from one person who wasn't present tonight.

Tazmin.

"Lena," Vic greeted me first, pulling me into a hug.

Which naturally made my brows furrow at his weird kindness—but I inevitably smiled slightly, briefly hugging him back.

"Happy birthday Vicy," I said, giving him a small squeeze in the hug before pushing him back to deflect from our weird kindness.

Vic rolled his eyes, "The nickname has to go," he determined as Mav approached me and pulled me into a hug.

"Happy birthday to my other favorite twin," I told Mav as I briefly hugged him.

"We're the only twins," Mav pointed out with an amused smile as we pulled back from the hug.

I rolled my eyes, "Well you're still my favorites," I said, patting both of their arms.

"And what about me?" Marie asked, taking a step away from the crowd to reveal herself.

"You're my number one favorite of course," I said, immediately walking over to her and pulling her into a big hug.

"How are you feeling tonight babe?" Marie asked me.

I smiled slightly at her concern, "Much better," I assured her, gently squeezing her in the hug, "That might change when Tazmin gets her though," I admitted as we pulled back from the hug.

Marie tilted her head, "Taz is already here," she pointed out, which immediately made my brows furrow, "She's down in her office," she explained, noticing my confusion.

But I tried to play it off, nodding my head a few times, "Right," I mumbled, glancing back over to the shots, "We'll let's toast then," I determined, grabbing one of the shots.

"Fuck yeah," Mav said, passing Marie a shot as she went to stand by Vic.

"Thank you Mar," Vic said as soon as Marie handed him one of the shots.

Marie smiled slightly, "Of course," she told Vic as she raised her shot glass in the air, "Happy birthday the two most incredible fucking people!" she called out over the loud music, and instantly everyone crowded in our section raised their glasses higher, cheering loudly before we all collectively through the burning shots back.

Which left me feeling much looser than before.

I also began anticipating Tazmin's presence, not wanting to be caught off guard when she inevitably showed up.

But after almost forty minutes, I grew tired of making conversation with random people.

And I wasn't in the mood to dance.

So after at least ten minutes of trying to convince myself—I finally decided to find Tazmin.

After taking a second shot.

Which didn't really do much since my first one had slowly worn off.

Luckily, the club didn't have that many hallways—just some to the bathrooms and staff area.

And then another one led downstairs illuminated by the blue glow at the edges.

Which I assumed led down to her office.

So without further thought, I carefully descended the stairs and walked down the long hallway.

And the further I walked down the hall, the more echoey and far away the music got.

I honestly didn't know what I would say to her...

I just want to apologize for how I acted yesterday.

Yet when I made it to the tall intimidating double doors, I froze.

Until I suddenly shook my head at my own hesitation—I'm so fucking tired of being a victim to my thoughts and emotions.

So I knocked on the door.

Before unconsciously reaching for the door handle.

One of them was locked—but the other was luckily left unlocked.

I drew in a deep breath as I pushed the door open, immediately taking in the dim office.

There was a long sleek desk, a wall of file cabinets, and then a black sectional.

Which Tazmin sat on.

She wore jeans and a matching denim jacket that exposed her sharpened ABs and cleavage so perfectly—wearing her light hair up in a sleek ponytail and leaving her sharp face bare.

I blinked a few times when Tazmin cleared her throat, forcing my eyes to immediately lock with hers.

"You seem busy," I awkwardly whispered, noticing the glass of bourbon in her hand.

Yet, Tazmin only motioned her head over, silently telling me to sit down beside her.

Which made me awkwardly step further into the room, shutting the door behind me before walking over to her.

And it wasn't hard to miss her dark eyes that openly trailed every inch of my partially exposed body—captivated by my every move until I sat down beside her.

Which left a deep silence between us.

Especially considering this room was soundproof.

I couldn't hear any signs of music.

"I just came to say that I'm sorry for last night," I whispered before I could think it through. 

But even after my words coated the air, Tazmin still remained quiet. 

Which somehow made my heart tick so fucking quickly in my chest, anticipating what she would possibly say next. 

"I know you didn't have sex with her," Tazmin suddenly said, taking a brief sip from her glass.

I felt my brows unconsciously raise, "Really?" I forced out, oddly feeling everything fade around me.

It was like the hugest fucking weight had lifted off of my chest.

And it was so relieving that it made tears burn in my eyes.

"I thought more about it in Italy," Tazmin said, lowering her glass from her lips, "Adriana wouldn't miss the opportunity to get more proof if you had gone further with her." 

I let out the biggest sigh of relief, nodding a few times as I blinked away my tears.

"But you know, that's not what gets me," Tazmin went to say, taking yet another sip from her glass.

I tilted my head, "What is it?" I whispered, eyeing her perfect side profile.

Until she suddenly turned her head, her dark eyes connecting with mine as she said—

"What if you didn't fall asleep?"

I blinked a few times at her words.

Until it suddenly clicked.

What if me and Gia never fell asleep?

What if it went further?

"Even being really fucking drunk, I knew it was wrong in the moment, Tazmin," I tried to explain, never glancing away from her dark eyes, "And I know deep inside that if we never fell asleep, I couldn't have actually gone there with her."

Tazmin briefly pursed her lips, "And that would be enough for me, Mil—this explanation would be all I could ever need," she said, her tone lowered and calm with me, "But then last night happened and I just don't know if I can fucking trust you."

I nodded almost a few times in a row, "I know last night was really bad—I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me," I whispered, glancing away from her dark eyes.

Which left a brief silence between us—one that felt like it lasted years.

Until Tazmin suddenly leaned forward, setting her glass down with a deep sigh.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Mil," she said, and I couldn't help my heart from racing as soon as she stood from the couch, "Maybe you just need more time with therapy—maybe we just aren't meant to fucking be together."

I instantly shook my head, "But I love you," I emphasized, standing from the couch before I could think it through, "You're all I want, Tazmin," I whispered, taking a closer step towards her.

Tazmin sighed as she eyed my face for a moment, "I love you too Milena," she murmured, now meeting my eyes entirely, "But this is just all too fucking much—all we do is go back and forth."

I nodded, "I know-I know, but—"

"Milena," Tazmin gently cut me short, her dark eyes not wavering once from me, "I think it's time to call this," she whispered.

"But I don't want to," I whispered, unconsciously running my hands up her toned arms, "Please Tazmin," I pleaded, willing to fucking beg for her again if that's what it took.

And before I could possibly think it through, I gently wrapped my hands around her neck.

And pressed my lips to hers.

Which instinctively made Tazmin pull back from me, leaving me entirely fucking embarrassed.

Especially with the tense silence between us and Tazmin looking entirely caught off guard.

Until she suddenly glanced down to my lips.

And pressed her lips back to mine.

Which immediately made my heart nearly burst out of my fucking chest—especially when she ran her hands past my waist, tugging me deeper into her.

Her lips were so soft against mine and her hand drawing up my partially exposed back only made me spiral further.

"I don't want to end things," I whispered against her lips, feeling tears unconsciously burn in my eyes.

"I don't want to either," Tazmin whispered back against my lips, pulling away from the kiss to nuzzle down into my neck.

And I didn't hesitate to hold her tighter to my body—hugging her like there was no fucking tomorrow.

Because I swear I missed this, I missed her, so fucking much. 

I couldn't possibly live without her. 

I furrowed my brows as soon as I felt the dampness of something warm against my neck.

Which I quickly realized was from Tazmin's tears.

She's... crying?

"Tazmin," I whispered, unconsciously nuzzling closer to her with hopes of soothing her.

"Don't let go of me," she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the crook of my neck.

And I didn't hesitate to nod immediately, "I got you baby," I assured her, slowly backing us towards the couch.

Where we got settled back on together—with Tazmin's head resting in my lap and nuzzled into my bare stomach, keeping her eyes closed as I gently wiped her tears away.

It was such a pure moment of vulnerability especially as I processed the fact that she was cuddled up into my body.

"I just need to know every detail about that night with her—I need to feel like you didn't lie to me," Tazmin emphasized, her voice so soft and weak.

I immediately nodded, "I'll start from Christmas Eve—nothing happened prior to that," I clarified, gently caressing my fingertips against her jawline.

"Okay," Tazmin whispered, nuzzling in closer to me as I began telling her the exact story and all the events I recalled even when I was drunk.

I didn't leave out a single detail—not even the snow angels part or the next morning when I suggested we never say anything about the kiss.

But I also got to explain why I suggest that.

Why I didn't want to tell Tazmin—along with every single time I recall about feeling so fucking bad for keeping it from her.

I even explained the club and how I never knew those were Gia's intentions when dancing with me—that Gia claimed to only see me as a sister-in-law.

And that's the only reason why I ever vouched for her.

I even told her every detail about that day I got coffee with Gia—and everything Gia had the nerve to say to me as Tazmin's sister.

Until eventually my story trailed off and we were left in silence.

A comfortable silence for once.

At least until I found the courage to say—

"I know about the stillbirth."

Which immediately made Tazmin shake her head as she nuzzled in closer to me, drawing in a visibly uneasy breath.

"I'm so sorry baby," I whispered, gently wiping more of her tears away from her cheeks.

Tazmin let out a deep sigh, "Don't be," she whispered, her voice so soft and open with me, "It had to be done—it would've fucking ruined her otherwise."

I shook my head, "But you don't deserve to go through this—Gia losing her baby wasn't your fault," I said, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to her temple, "You both suffered that loss."

Tazmin forced a hum, "Yeah," she forced out as I wiped more of her tears, "But I really wanted to be there for her and she was already upset—"

"You were both upset," I gently cut her short, correcting her words, "But she should've known the truth—she shouldn't be resenting you like this Tazmin," I whispered, gently caressing the back of my hand against her cheek.

And when the air only remained silent between us, I leaned back down, pressing another fleeting kiss to her temple.

"You do so much for other people, Taz," I murmured against her skin, "It's time to put yourself first—let me help you put yourself first baby."

Tazmin nodded a few times, "Okay," she whispered, sniffling slightly as I wiped more of her tears.

I let out a deep content sigh, gently playing with the end of her ponytail as she relaxed further in my lap.

And I swear it felt so good to hold her—it felt like we had broken down another wall. 

I just had one more left to go. 

"The woman from last night," I suddenly whispered, pursing my lips slightly as soon as the words left my lips.

And almost immediately, Tazmin's eyes fluttered open—staring up at me with her beautiful puffy eyes.

"I just... she..." I whispered, feeling tears burn in my eyes as I tried to gather my words, "She was my best friend in high school."

Tazmin hesitantly nodded, "Okay..." she trailed off, analyzing my face as I drew in a deeper breath.

And maybe this never was about it all being easier not telling Tazmin.

Maybe this was the fact that what I did to Sophie was fucking terrible.

And I hate even rehashing it all again.

Especially with the love of my fucking life.

Thinking about everything I did to her—and even to myself genuinely made my throat violently close up.

"My parents had died the night prior, and I went to school the next day—"

"Wait you went to school?" Tazmin asked with furrowed brows.

I nodded wordlessly, "Well yeah... I um," I whispered, glancing away from her when the heavy tears spilled from my eyes, "Morana was just really going through a lot," I forced out.

And as soon as I completely broke down—Tazmin laid up from my lap to sit beside me, now pulling me into her for a hug.

Which only made me fall apart even worse, naturally leaning into her touch as she guided my legs to rest on either side of her lap to straddle.

"That day at school Sophie was trying to talk about everything but I didn't want to because then I would cry and be sent home and Morana would know—"

"Oh Mil," Tazmin whispered, pressing a soft kiss to my temple as I nuzzled deeper into the crook of her neck.

"I distracted her in the bathroom that day," I forced out, clinging to Tazmin even tighter as she gently caressed my back, "I lost my virginity to her and then that night I ended up losing a different first to another girl and Sophie walked in and I just hate thinking about it so I didn't want to tell you."

Tazmin let out a deep sigh, "You're so strong baby," she whispered, nuzzling down into my neck as she held me tighter to her body.

"No I'm weak and fucking terrible," I forced out, meaning every word I chose to say, "Lying about my feelings to Morana and avoiding them is the exact reason why I'm like this and I just... now I'll never be okay," I said, my voice so weak and inaudible around me.

"You could never and will never be weak or terrible Milena," Tazmin whispered against my neck, "And yes maybe you need to heal, but you're already on the road to it baby—and this was a huge fucking step for you."

I scrunched my eyes shut when more tears burned in them, shaking my head as I buried my face deeper in her neck.

"Thank you for sharing that with me Mil," Tazmin said, her tone nothing but soft and genuine.

I sniffled a few times, "You really aren't judging me?" I mumbled weakly, knowing I was judging every fucking decision I had made up until this point.

"Judge you for being human?" Tazmin softly asked me, "For avoiding your feelings and trying to be strong for your sister?"

I shook my head, "But Sophie—"

"Took fucking advantage of you," Tazmin cut me short, placing a soft kiss on my head, "You weren't in a state to make that kind of decision and she could've walked away but she didn't and that shit truly bothers me."

I let out a deep sigh, "But I was really convincing I think," I whispered, recalling the details of what happened in that bathroom. 

"Everyone has a choice to say no, Milena," Tazmin said, her voice nothing but serious with me, "And as your best friend she should've recognized that you weren't in the state to have sex for the first time."

I felt tears burn in my eyes at her words, truly grasping what she was saying, "Yeah, it wasn't the best experience," I breathed out.

"I could imagine baby," Tazmin whispered, holding me even closer to her warm body. 

Which caused me to slowly relax, settling into her touch as she gently caressed my back. 

The silence was calm between us, especially after finally discussing everything. 

I felt so much lighter—like I could finally breathe again. 

I fluttered my eyes back open when Tazmin gently guided me away from her neck to meet my light eyes

Until she leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

"We both need to do better at putting ourselves first," she whispered against my lips, pressing another soft kiss to them, "And I think that might've been the problem all along."

I blinked my heavy eyes open as soon as she pulled back—realizing she had a point.

Tazmin had always put other people first—hence, Gia and Adriana which were the two main reasons for our recent issues.

Meanwhile, I always thought I was putting my sister first by pushing my feelings away and avoiding them which led to my issues now.

Even with Tazmin I always tried to keep it away from her.

I always thought it would be less complicated not to tell her.

And yes, I have my avoidance issues and my previous commitment issues that stemmed from them.

But the real issue between us is that we don't put ourselves first.

"I got you if you got me," I suddenly whispered, nuzzling my nose against hers.

Tazmin ran her hands down my back, "I always got you," she didn't hesitate to say, gently squeezing my waist.

I nodded a few times, feeling so warm when she pressed her lips to mine yet again.

But only for a much deeper kiss—one that held so much intention.

"I love you, Milena," Tazmin whispered against my lips, "Flaws and all you're so fucking perfect to me."

I felt my lips tug up in a weak smile, "I love you too," I whispered back, feeling tears burn in my closed eyes, "I love every inch of you, Tazmin."

And as we fell deeper into the kiss, Tazmin hummed, holding me even tighter to her warm body.

"I missed you baby," Tazmin murmured, pressing a fleeting kiss to my lips before pulling back slightly.

"I missed you too," I said, leaning back in to press another fleeting kiss back to her lips.

Tazmin smiled slightly as she eyed my face, "Let's go make our appearance for their birthday so I can take you home," she said.

Which immediately made my brows raise, "Oh, home?" I emphasized, clearly messing with her.

"Yeah I want you moved back in tomorrow," Tazmin said, carefully helping me stand from her lap.

I smiled at the idea, "Tomorrow morning please," I said as she stood up from the couch in front of me.

"As long as we sleep in—I haven't slept good since the last time you were in my bed," Tazmin said, adjusting my skirt back down past its original length so it sat lower past my thighs.

I felt my smile grow, "Can we order pizza and watch our favorite movie too?" I asked in excitement, knowing I would love to rewatch What Happened To Monday.

"I'll order the pizza before we leave beautiful," Tazmin didn't hesitate to give in to my request.

Which immediately made me clap excitedly, happily following her out of the office.

Once she had the lights off and the door locked, we headed back to the main area where everyone was.

And almost as soon as the twins processed us both together, huge fucking grins were prominent on their faces.

"Happy fucking birthday to us," Vic said as he pulled Tazmin into a hug before Mav did the same.

"I deadass couldn't have asked for anything better," Mav said as he pulled back from the hug, leaving both me and Tazmin visibly amused.

"We have to cheers to this," Marie suddenly chimed in, reaching to pull Tazmin into a brief hug, "I'm so fucking happy for you guys," she said, now pulling back from Tazmin to hug me.

"Nah I'm happy for us," Vic emphasized, earning a laugh from me as he passed out the shots.

"You're being dramatic," Tazmin said, laughing slightly at Vic.

"I'm really not though," Vic said, handing me a shot.

Tazmin jokingly rolled her eyes, "I am pretty fucking happy to have my girl back," she said, pulling me back into her body by my waist.

"Me too," I said, leaning back into her warm body as she massaged her fingers into my waist.

"I'm driving us," Tazmin immediately said as soon as Vic offered her the shot, especially since she already had a little bit of bourbon beforehand, but it wasn't anything crazy and that was close to an hour ago.

If anything our talk definitely sobered us both up.

"To Lena and Taz—the best fucking birthday gift we could ask for!" Mav said, holding his glass up so we could toast to finally getting back together.

Or whatever we are.

We'll figure all the formalities out tomorrow.

"I love you baby," Tazmin murmured in my ear as I sat my shot glass back down, swallowing the burning liquid.

"I love you too," I said, briefly chasing the shot I took with juice.

Until I was officially ready to go.

"We'll catch you guys tomorrow," Tazmin said.

Which immediately made the twins and Marie smile knowingly.

"Right you should definitely go home," Marie said with a growing smile.

I jokingly rolled my eyes, knowing we would only be sleeping tonight.

Because even I haven't slept that great without Tazmin.

So you can imagine my excitement when we finally got to her house in Miami Beach—with a hot pizza that we picked up on the way.

And everything quite literally fell into place, from brushing our teeth together to washing our faces.

We even stripped out of our clothes to pull on something comfier—which left Tazmin in a t-shirt and sweatpants while I wore one of her baggy oversized t-shirts with nothing underneath.

"I fucking missed this," I said as I laid my legs across her lap, settling into the couch as I took the plate of pizza from her.

"Me too baby," Tazmin murmured, leaning over to place a soft kiss on my cheek.

Which inevitably made me smile as we focused on the movie What Happened To Monday as we ate our pizza.

I don't think I've ever felt so fucking good, especially now that everything was finally out in the air.

Everything feels okay now.

We're okay now and that's all that matters to me.