Case File 85

Case File Name:

Messier.

♤Chapter Eighty-Five♤

I furrowed my brows as I stirred from my sleep, nuzzling deeper into the soft pillow, which carried Tazmin's scent perfectly.

And her scent alone was enough to lull me back to a deep sleep. 

Until my hand slid over the emptiness of the bed beside me.

Which immediately made my eyes snap open, recalling every detail of last night and nearly getting whiplash.

A deep sigh fell from my lips, I knew she wouldn't be here when I woke up.

I should've never gone to sleep.

Tears suddenly burned in my eyes—why did I go to sleep?

I should've fucking stayed awake. 

I suddenly glanced over when the bedroom door opened—my eyes immediately landing on Tazmin, who wore the same sweatshirt and sweatpants as last night. 

Her blonde hair was perfectly messy and tucked behind her ears, illuminating her sharp face that glowed under the dim lighting. 

I instinctively glanced down to the bed, hating that I was crying right now.

But even seeing her familiar presence and knowing she didn't leave me here seemed to make more tears burn in my eyes. 

I feel so relieved. 

I quickly wiped my tears away as Tazmin sat beside me in the bed—handing me a cup of steaming tea.

My favorite raspberry tea.

"Thank you," I whispered, processing her kind actions.

"No, thank you," Tazmin said, gently running her hand across mine as I took the warm mug from her, "Things could've gone differently last night without you there."

I forced a smile, "I'm just grateful I was there," I forced out, glancing up from the mug to meet her dark eyes.

That traced every inch of my face.

"How are you?" Tazmin asked, meeting my puffy eyes entirely.

I shook my head, "Fine—better I think," I whispered, lifting the mug to my lips for a sip of the warm tea.

"I don't get your therapy bills anymore," Tazmin pointed out, which made a warmth grow inside of me.

Because she did notice.

"I started paying myself—I figured it would be best," I explained, lowering my mug back down, "But I'm making real progress so."

Tazmin nodded once, "That's really good, Milena," she said, her tone nothing but genuine.

I nodded a few times, "Yeah so..." I trailed off, glancing back down when my eyes burned with tears.

And just like that, I was a fucking mess in front of her—hating that small talk was all we could do right now.

"I'm really sorry you know?" I forced out, clenching my jaw as tears escaped my eyes.

Tazmin gently ran her hand up my arm, "I know," she whispered, gently squeezing my shoulder.

I nodded a few times, quickly wiping my tears away with one hand.

"I get it if you hate me—I genuinely wouldn't blame you," I forced out in one long breath.

"I don't hate you," Tazmin said, which easily made my stare snap up to meet hers, "I could never hate you, Milena," she clarified. 

I blinked a few times, "Really?" I whispered, eyeing her beautiful face and wishing over and over again that I would've just told the truth when I had the chance to.

She didn't deserve to be lied to.

"Yeah," Tazmin said, sighing slightly as she glanced away from me, "I'm just really disappointed and so fucking hurt—and I keep analyzing every moment of the last few months, wondering what was all a lie," she explained, her voice nothing but calm and collected with me.

And I couldn't help the tears that burned in my eyes, hating that I had disappointed her or even hurt her like this.

"You told me you loved me—you made love to me the next day after whatever you did with her," Tazmin suddenly said, letting out a long deep sigh as she glanced up for a moment.

And it was at that moment that I realized she was on the verge of crying.

"Tazmin, I swear we didn't—"

"I can't do this again with you," Tazmin gently cut me short, "Because a part of me wants to believe you Milena, I swear—but this just all looks really fucking bad."

I nodded, "I know it does—I really do," I whispered, eyeing her perfect side profile.

Until she suddenly glanced back over to meet my stare, "So I just need some time baby," she whispered, pursing her lips tightly together as she eyed my face.

I forced a hum, even if tears burned in my eyes at the familiar pet name alone.

"I'm not sure if this is something I'll truly be able to move past—there's the trust side of things and then trying to come to terms with what did or didn't happen," Tazmin calmly explained, which earned a few nods from me.

Even if I physically felt stuck on mute—and so unbelievably sick to my stomach.

My uncontrollable tears also didn't help matters.

"I love you always and I hate seeing you like this," Tazmin said, letting out a deep sigh as she held my stare, "I hated seeing you so hurt the night I found out—or even in that strip club, but I was too blinded by my own anger to have this talk with you."

I let out a broken sigh, glancing up at the ceiling when more tears burned in my eyes.

"I'm going out of the country for a little while to handle some business," Tazmin suddenly said, which immediately made my eyes lock with hers, feeling entirely disappointed by the news, "Mav and Vic got you with whatever you need and you know you can always call me regardless of the circumstances."

I nodded almost reluctantly, "Okay," I whispered.

Tazmin gently grabbed the mug that I held in my lap, setting it off on the nightstand, "Come here," she whispered, opening her arms for me.

And the two words were enough to make even more tears grow in my eyes, pulling the covers off of me so I could bury myself in her arms where I belonged.

Tazmin let out a deep sigh as she nuzzled her face into my neck, running her hands under the sweatshirt I wore to hold me closer.

It felt so warm between us and I swear I never wanted to let her go.

Much less go out of the country and thousands of miles away from me.

"Can we stay like this for a while?" I whispered almost hesitantly.

"Of course," she murmured, gently drawing her hands up and down my bare back.

I let out a content sigh at her words, sliding my legs out from under me to wrap around her body with my arms.

And as I settled in her arms entirely, Tazmin's hold around me tightened in reassurance—holding me so presently in the moment.

Which is where we stayed for an unmeasured amount of time.

Until eventually, we slowly fell away from the hug—and Tazmin walked me downstairs and out to my car so I could leave.

♤

Later that day, I had evening plans with Nadia.

Who still didn't know about me and Tazmin's break up—but I've decided today is the perfect day to tell her the news, especially since it's truly all set in stone now.

I think Marie and the twins coming over will help make up for it after the fact too.

I'm weirdly happy to be able to hang out with the twins again even if they get on my fucking nerves sometimes. 

But I get that they were trying to be there for Tazmin—someone who they've been friends with for years now.

And they still checked in over text these past two weeks to ensure I was good.

It was just all from a distance.

Now after finally settling everything out with Tazmin, everything felt somewhat close to normal again.

"I know something's wrong with you and Tazi," Nadia said as soon as we got seated on my couch, "You don't pick me up weekly anymore and Tazi is quiet on FaceTime."

I pursed my lips as I stared down at her big brown eyes, "Yeah, we were trying to figure everything out before telling you," I whispered, trying my hardest to keep my voice strong for her.

"So you're really over?" Nadia asked with a subtle frown.

I nodded, "Yeah, we're really over," I said, playing with my hands in my lap, "And I hurt her... again," I forced out, knowing I at least had to be partially truthful with her.

I let out a deep sigh when it remained silent between us for a moment, staring out at downtown Brickell basking in the glowing sunset.

But after a few seconds, I unconsciously glanced over to Nadia—watching as she silently stared forward, blinking a few times to herself.

Until she suddenly turned to me and said—

"I wish you would be nicer to her bee."

I immediately nodded, feeling my chest burn with remorse, "Me too honey—I uh just don't think about it in the moment?" I whispered hesitantly, holding Nadia's dark eyes.

That did nothing but analyze my face.

"I'm sorry," I said before she could possibly say anything else, knowing this was all really hard for her.

Nadia forced a small smile, "It's okay, we all make mistakes," she whispered, glancing away from me, "Now I get why Tazi is going to Italy."

I furrowed my brows, not realizing that's what out of the country entailed.

But I'm happy if she's happy.

"Hopefully she enjoys it there," I said, feeling my chest burn so badly at the idea of her so far away from me.

I just really want her to be safe and I wish I could be there to take care of her.

But even I know I can't tend to the wounds I gave her.

I've hurt a lot of people in my past—leaving them in the morning with nothing to go off of.

I've also burned more friendships than I can count and led numerous people on.

But I never wanted Tazmin to get caught in my crossfire.

I never wanted to hurt her like this.

"Can we lay here for a second?" Nadia asked, and as soon as tears noticeably grew in her big brown eyes, I unconsciously felt my own eyes grow heavy with tears. 

For once, crying in front of my niece. 

But she didn't seem taken aback whatsoever. 

Instead, she leaned into my side—wrapping her small arms around me as we remained in a deep silence filled with our sniffles. 

And oddly enough, crying in Nadia's arms with my own wrapped around her was exactly what I needed. 

It wasn't Marie's presence or even my sister's, but my niece's instead, which I would've never guessed in a million fucking years.  

I've always been Nadia's bee—the hard worker who nearly buzzes around like a maniac just to keep our family connected and full of love. 

And right when I needed her most all those years ago, Nadia became my honey. 

She brought warmth and a different kind of sweetness into my life. 

All my unhealed inner child wounds slowly fade away each time I see her. 

And now she's healing a much deeper wound. 

A heavier wound from so many years ago—a time when I wouldn't even cry in Morana's arms. 

Yet here I am, full-on crying with Nadia who did nothing but hug me close to her. 

We only sat there like that for thirty minutes or so, but somehow after it all, I felt lighter. 

I felt like I could breathe again without my chest aching.

And for once in what felt like so long, my apartment was filled with laughter and random conversation—making dinner with Marie while the twins set up the canvases and paint for our paint night. 

Nadia ended up painting the flower from Tangled while I helped her with the details. 

Vic insisted on painting a 3D Oreo just to fuck with me while Mav painted a random dinosaur. 

Meanwhile, Marie decided to finish up with dinner and judge our paintings herself to see who won our unserious competition. 

"I'm done—now can you choose a winner?" Nadia impatiently asked, pushing her finished bowl of pasta across the kitchen island that she sat at with the twins. 

Marie smiled, shaking her head as she stood beside me, "It's not even a competition—the winner is pretty clear," she said, which made a smile grow on my lips. 

"Oh really?" I said, mixing the homemade cookie dough I had finished making. 

Marie firmly nodded, "This Tangled flower is really spot on," she determined, which immediately made Nadia's face light up with a grin. 

"You're too good at everything Nads," Vic dramatically sighed, lightly nudging her.

"She's the best for real," Mav said, stealing some of the cookie dough from the bowl, which earned a narrowed look from me. 

"Does this mean I get an extra cookie?" Nadia asked with a raised brow. 

I hummed in thought for a moment, purposely dragging the time out. 

Until I inevitably said—

"I was thinking two more instead." 

Which earned an excited gasp from my niece, who slid down from her chair to skip around the kitchen island to me. 

And I couldn't help but smile as soon as she hugged me—nearly knocking me down in the process as she cheered happily.

"Thank you, Mel," Nadia said as she squeezed her arms around me, "The only thing that would make this better is ice cream from that place Gi likes," she added. 

Which slowly made my face drop—along with everyone else's. 

And just like that, it was really fucking awkward between us all. 

Especially at the mention of Gia, which was a situation that Nadia hadn't been made aware of. 

And speaking of situations...

I suddenly glanced over to my phone on the counter, "I have to make a quick phone call really fast," I said without even thinking it through, "Marie can you put these in the oven?"

My best friend immediately nodded, "On it," she said as I wiped my hands off to grab my phone, "Is it eleven minutes in the oven?" 

I nodded as I unlocked my phone, "Yeah, eleven minutes," I clarified in a whisper, "Nadi, you should show Mav and Vic you're new favorite show," I said, backing away from my niece who was now trying to steal some of the cookie dough. 

Nadia immediately nodded with a growing smile—meanwhile, the twins looked visibly hesitant about what this show could be. 

"Can I use your laptop?" Nadia asked, motioning to my Macbook on the counter. 

I nodded as I made my way to the balcony door, "Knock yourself out honey," I said, opening the door so I could slip out into the warm Miami air. 

And as I navigated to my call log, I hesitated for a moment—glancing past the glass railing to admire the busy city below me. 

The dark sky seemed to illuminate every bright building, the moonlight reflecting perfectly against the bay of water nearby. 

A deep sigh fell from my lips as I glanced back down to my phone, hesitantly tapping my screen to dial the number. 

And as it rang, I pressed my phone to my ear—feeling my stomach physically twist with knots. 

Two rings was all it took until the line clicked, which somehow left me more nervous than before. 

"Milena?" her familiar voice echoed in my ears. 

I briefly closed my eyes for a moment, basking in her perfect voice that I could listen to for literal fucking hours. 

"I um just forgot to tell you something earlier," I said, letting out a deep sigh as I continued to stare down at the busy city. 

"Okay—" 

"This is your captain speaking, we should be taking off in about five minutes, so please prepare for take-off," the man's voice cut Tazmin short. 

I blinked a few times, unconsciously drawing in a deep breath as I processed the fact that Tazmin's on a plane right now. 

That she won't be in the same city as me by tomorrow morning. 

And that physically fucking hurts me. 

"What's going on Mil?" Tazmin asked, easily snapping me out of my thoughts. 

I let out a long breath, rolling my tense shoulders back, "It's about Gia—I know she's the last person you want to discuss with me, but it's about the meet-up I had with her yesterday," I quickly rushed out. 

And nearly held my breath as I awaited Tazmin's answer, unsure of how she would react to the topic. 

"Go on," Tazmin said, her voice entirely calm and neutral with me. 

"Well, to start, she's the one who has been texting me the past three weeks insisting on meeting with me," I said, deciding to lay everything out for Tazmin, "And then during our meeting she asked me if I felt anything for her, and then was very serious about me deserving better than you," I added.

And I swear it felt so fucking good to tell her the truth about what happened yesterday.  

"I swear, I shut her down and reminded her that she's your sister," I said when the line remained silent for a moment, "I told her that I was only in love with you, Tazmin, I swear—" 

"You're good Milena," Tazmin gently cut me short in reassurance, "It's all good now."

I nodded a few times, feeling my body physically relax at her words, "Really? Because I can send screenshots of her texts right now," I said, knowing it was hard for her to trust my word with this. 

"You don't have to," Tazmin said, letting out a long deep sigh, "I'll handle her when I get back." 

I pursed my lips, wanting to know what she meant by handling her. 

But I also knew it was the last thing I should ask her right now. 

"Okay," I whispered, deciding to listen to my internal thoughts. 

"Okay," Tazmin repeated back to me in confirmation, "Just keep your distance from her—I don't fucking trust her around you safety-wise," she said. 

I furrowed my brows, "Safety-wise?" I clarified. 

 Tazmin sighed, "Yeah, this is just... messier than you realize, Milena that's all," she said, which did nothing to help soothe me. 

If anything it scared the fuck out of me. 

What does she mean messier? 

"Just live your life as usual and I'll handle this as soon as I'm back in Miami," Tazmin suddenly said, which earned a hesitant nod from me. 

"Okay?" I said almost in question. 

Because I had so many fucking things to ask her now. 

But with the plane intercom coming on again on her end of the line—I knew it was too fucking late for questions at this point. 

"Have a safe flight," I forced out, deciding to let her go, "And don't forget to drink water and eat properly, you get really fatigued after flights," I reminded her. 

I heard Tazmin hum, "Thank you, Mil," she said, her voice nothing but genuine with me. 

I nodded once to myself, "Of course I..." I quickly trailed off, realizing what I was about to say. 

Saying those three words is still a fucking instinct even after three weeks of being apart. 

"Goodbye," I forced out with a sigh. 

"Goodbye Milena," Tazmin said, and I nearly clung to every word she said, basking in her soft voice, "I love you too." 

I blinked a few times at her words—glancing down when tears burned in my eyes at finally hearing those words from her after so long. 

And as she ended our call, I quickly wiped my tears away—weirdly feeling a small smile grow on my lips as I let out one final sigh. 

I only stood out on the balcony for another minute, replaying the words she had left me with. 

Until eventually, I headed back inside, joining everyone in front of the Macbook that Nadia had pulled up Barbie Dreamhouse on. 

The freshly baked cookies were warm and oozing with the perfect amount of chocolate, which we all divided between us—eating the cookies as we watched a few more episodes with Nadia. 

And I swear, for once in what felt like so long—

I felt genuinely content. 

Even with how things ended between me and Tazmin. 

Or how my life is currently going. 

Oddly enough, this feels like the best possible outcome for everyone.